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Don't get why guys do what they do

G-Lexington

G-Lexington

Lex. Icon. Devil.
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An age old question, and not one with any one answer.

It's common to believe that other people are completely static. You see them drinking coffee three times running, so they're coffee drinkers, and they will always be thus. Then you see them drinking tea, and it boggles the mind. :) The fact is, people are extremely dynamic. They can and do change over time. Not only over the years, but within weeks, days, hours. And this is especially true when it comes to new relationships. People aren't exactly sure what they feel, or where they may be heading. They might think "I really love this guy - he may be the one!", and then, after a night's sleep, think "You know what? Maybe not."

And yeah, sometimes we think it'd be great if they'd keep us informed of these changes of heart. But there's two things working against that. First off, these things can be really fleeting. If he called you every hour to say "Yep, having doubts again", you'd probably develop a complex. So he puts it off to see if it goes away...and after a while, if the feeling doesn't change, it gets uncomfortable. Do you finally own up and say "You know? I'm just not feeling it"? Or do you give it one more day to see if you change your mind? Or do you just hope he gets the message if you don't respond, since you've been doing that the last several days?

Sadly, a lot of guys go with option three.

What can you do? Not much. Feel free to send one more message saying "I've send you several messages over the past few days, but haven't heard back from you. I'm going to assume you just don't want to pursue this, so I'm going to move on." And then, move on.

Lex
 
Or...don't send him anything and to fuck with all that. Guys like him are immature morons. 'Nuff said. Now, good-luck finding a decent guy who isn't a child that has only gotten taller.
 
Lex, excellent advice. You should write a book. I find the guy's reasoning for not letting you into his apartment suspect. If he's a rent paying adult, he should be able to tell his roommate to butt out if he has a trick/date/friend over. I smell a double life...

Unfortunately, this is one of the top hazards of dating men and it's doubtful this will be the last time you go through this.

That said, this guy just left room for someone to come into your life who actually does want to be with you. Dust off those shoulders and soldier on.
 
Lex is right on the money but yeah it is pretty suspicious about not bringing you up to his apartment.
 
Hatter said:
And thank you all for your replies, means a lot to have people to talk to since I've really only got one real life gay friend and he's honestly never around to talk to.
Click to expand...


So wait, i'm going to have to ask then:


How "out" are you, and how "out" is he?


If he isn't out to family yet. . .or they don't approve of him being gay, for example, then maybe he has to avoid contact with guys he's dating when he's doing "family stuff". It sounds like he was hiding you by not letting you go up to his apartment, so maybe he doesn't want word to get around that he's dating? \(o_O)/
 
Why can't you stand gay social networking sites? I really don't get that.

Gay men are so varied and different that I don't see how you can judge them based on their gayness.
 
I don't really like them either.

You just sound angry and negative and upset. I'm really sorry. On the upside: Welcome to the human race. Hehe.
 
I don't believe the pushy roommate story at all.

He's hiding something, or he's using it to keep you at arm's length.
 
josher said:
I don't believe the pushy roommate story at all.

He's hiding something, or he's using it to keep you at arm's length.
Click to expand...

I do have to agree with that. I know what it's like to hide something, and that's a classic right there.
 
>>>I just see no point to them (the networking sites). My younger cousin has a facebook page, and is always putting up pictures she took out at clubs and whatnot. I just really don't get the need for it.

No "need". It's a bit like having a continually updated "catch up" page. It's especially helpful for people I don't see often. I can see that they've found a new job, or are now into model trains. Of course, I also get a lot of information on how many cupcakes they've baked in CupcakeMaker.

Lex
 
slnattak said:
Why can't you stand gay social networking sites? I really don't get that.

Gay men are so varied and different that I don't see how you can judge them based on their gayness.
Click to expand...


I think you need to re-read what he said. He's obviously traumatized by past experiences, I doubt it's about him judging people based on their perceived gay-ocity. I don't like social networking sites period (yet, I'm on so many) so I can understand that. I wish people would stop acting wounded when someone is critical of the community. It is not without its flaws.
 
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