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Don't know if my friend is str8 or gay!
- Thread starter hopnung
- Start date
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
Then come out to him first
Lex
Lex
and what makes you think that he can just come out to you then?
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Another case where someone just has to know if their very best friend is gay without risking anything themselves.
He sounds totally straight from where I'm sitting.
If it is important to you, you'll find a way to tell him you're gay. Then let him do what he wants with that info.
Maybe it will take a year away at college for him to be comfortable with it.
In any event, it is quite likely that he doesn't see you as the one to relieve him of his 'virginity', so you might just want to let that one go.
He sounds totally straight from where I'm sitting.
If it is important to you, you'll find a way to tell him you're gay. Then let him do what he wants with that info.
Maybe it will take a year away at college for him to be comfortable with it.
In any event, it is quite likely that he doesn't see you as the one to relieve him of his 'virginity', so you might just want to let that one go.
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pk1986 said:
Oh, horseshit.
The definition of a friend is someone to whom you can tell your secrets because they are... your friend.
And real friends keep their mouth shut when you tell them a secret.
rareboy said:
Or, in other words, you want him to trust you but you don't trust him enough to be honest.
It almost sounds like you are tricking your mind into thinking that he's gay by picking apart every little detail that could maybe amount to him being gay. And trust me, you wouldn't be the first gay guy to do this. I, myself, am guilty of at one time doing this. I found out by coming out to him and he told me that it would never happen, but we're still really good friends and now it is just one big joke between our friends and us about how he's my "boyfriend" even though he has a girlfriend that he has sex with every night. Either way, it didn't bother him and if anything it inflated his ego a bit.
Hmm, thoughts...... I've had this happened.... or should I say HAPPENING.... to me too.
But anyway, how close are you to him? I mean, in terms of friends? You say you've known him since pre-school, but are you still good friends with him? Do you talk to him often? In MY case, the answer to both of that was yes.
And if your answer is the same.... I'd suggest probably its best you come out to him. You don't have to tell him you like him or anything if you're not ready (or probably HE's not ready) for it. Just tell him you somehow figured you're gay.
That's all you can do for now I think..... and what comes later would have to depend on how things go from here..... if he's a friend, he'll still be a friend (I'm still very friend's with mine, although I feel he's still a bit evasive of me, we never talk about girls to each other... or guys, duh.... he's still a lil uncomfortable at the 'gay' idea, but he'll get used to it, I hope), if he freaks out.... you could try to talk to him, if you have the guts, or if you think its still hopeful, if not..... I guess you probably met the wrong guy....
That's all I can suggest, for now.
p/s: Oh...... forget what you think about him probably being gay or anything that you think might show that he's gay.... 1st of all, he sounds pretty straight from what you've described. 2ndly, people go blind when they fall for someone.... I know that feeling, though I think I'm still blind right now. But trust me, assuming he's straight for the meantime is best.
But anyway, how close are you to him? I mean, in terms of friends? You say you've known him since pre-school, but are you still good friends with him? Do you talk to him often? In MY case, the answer to both of that was yes.
And if your answer is the same.... I'd suggest probably its best you come out to him. You don't have to tell him you like him or anything if you're not ready (or probably HE's not ready) for it. Just tell him you somehow figured you're gay.
That's all you can do for now I think..... and what comes later would have to depend on how things go from here..... if he's a friend, he'll still be a friend (I'm still very friend's with mine, although I feel he's still a bit evasive of me, we never talk about girls to each other... or guys, duh.... he's still a lil uncomfortable at the 'gay' idea, but he'll get used to it, I hope), if he freaks out.... you could try to talk to him, if you have the guts, or if you think its still hopeful, if not..... I guess you probably met the wrong guy....
That's all I can suggest, for now.
p/s: Oh...... forget what you think about him probably being gay or anything that you think might show that he's gay.... 1st of all, he sounds pretty straight from what you've described. 2ndly, people go blind when they fall for someone.... I know that feeling, though I think I'm still blind right now. But trust me, assuming he's straight for the meantime is best.
billybob109
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you have nothing to lose just come out to him! You have known him this long so i say no matter what this friendship can not be ruined if anything it will bring you guys closer or it could even bring you a b/f
Come out to him. If he's a friend worth keeping, he'll have no problem with that. If he's really gay, he might feel more comfortable to come out to you as well.
Don't tell him you're in love with him though, that might be unncessary and just ruin your friendship if he's straight.
Don't tell him you're in love with him though, that might be unncessary and just ruin your friendship if he's straight.
You cannot assume that your friend is gay because of any "vibes" that you may or may not be getting. When we so desire something we often over read into things; I'm not saying this is what you are doing, but it could very well be. Like the others have said come out to your friend - if he is gay then he may be willing to come out to you also. If this so called friend starts to act differently or childish because you come out then he is not really a friend after all.
A few tips.
Most guys know whether they want to have sex with a guy or a girl within minutes of meeting them. They don't generally sit around wating for the other person to make the move, at least not without sending out some unambigious signals.
Although it happens, it's hard for guys to transition from friends to lovers. Something to do with sexual intimacy being chemical and, in part, aggressive and fantasy based that makes it difficult to develop from a reality based friendship. The movement is typically from lovers to friends.
Many guys like to come on to people they have absolutely no interest in making out with. They're flattered by the attention.
There are many available gay guys out there. With hindsight, you'll wish you'd focused more in their direction.
If, despite all that, you still want to test the waters and you won't get beaten up for trying, the best and most unambiguous way forward probably isn't talk, but action. Try going to the movies and "accidentally" touching and holding his hand or leg or even stealing a good night kiss. That'll tell you immediately what you're dealing with. If things don't go the way you want, you might be able to spin things as an accident or a misunderstanding.
Obviously, don't do anything if you want to play safe, focus elsewhere and let him take the initiative in the friendship or not.
Most guys know whether they want to have sex with a guy or a girl within minutes of meeting them. They don't generally sit around wating for the other person to make the move, at least not without sending out some unambigious signals.
Although it happens, it's hard for guys to transition from friends to lovers. Something to do with sexual intimacy being chemical and, in part, aggressive and fantasy based that makes it difficult to develop from a reality based friendship. The movement is typically from lovers to friends.
Many guys like to come on to people they have absolutely no interest in making out with. They're flattered by the attention.
There are many available gay guys out there. With hindsight, you'll wish you'd focused more in their direction.
If, despite all that, you still want to test the waters and you won't get beaten up for trying, the best and most unambiguous way forward probably isn't talk, but action. Try going to the movies and "accidentally" touching and holding his hand or leg or even stealing a good night kiss. That'll tell you immediately what you're dealing with. If things don't go the way you want, you might be able to spin things as an accident or a misunderstanding.
Obviously, don't do anything if you want to play safe, focus elsewhere and let him take the initiative in the friendship or not.