Don't know what to do or think...

[sparkylb24]

So a few months ago I started talking with this guy online (craigslist) and we met up. It was supposed to just be a hook up but turned into so much more. He came to my hotel room (i was traveling for work). We sat on the couch and talked for 4 hours. We really have a ton in common and really were hitting it off. We are both very straight acting, bi-sexual, and not 'out' in any way.

We eventually fooled around that night. I found myself kissing him non-stop, which is something that I normally don't do. Kissing for some reason is something I reserve for those that I feel a real connection with.

He eventually left around 5AM because we both had work that morning. I emailed him that evening telling him what a great time I had and he wrote back immediately and said we need to keep in touch. A week later, we booked a trip to Vegas for 4 nights for a couple of months later.

We wrote each other about every other week and sent the occasional text message to say hi. Then Vegas came. We met at the hotel there. From the first minute we were hitting it off great again. We went out, gambled, drank, and had a blast our first night. Then returned to the room. It was the first time I had ever bottomed for anyone, but I wanted him to be the first. It was great, we then fell asleep in each others arms. The next night, we were out and about 10PM (way earlier than the night before) he said let's call it an early night and go back to the room.

We did and had the most incredible night of my life. I was really falling for him. He played the most romantic, sappy song ever as we were making out and then we talked for an hour or so about how he has a lot of love to give and didn't really know what to do because we were feeling something we never had with another man. The word love wasn't used, but we were both basically saying that we were falling in love and already dreading going home.

We had another couple of incredible nights and eventually headed home from what was the best weekend of my life.

I wrote him an email the 2nd day after we were home saying how I couldn't stop thinking about him. All day, all night, and how I listen to the sappy song all the time, and that I meant everything I said in Vegas And to keep in touch and that I couldn't wait to do it again. I didn't hear from him.

A few days later, I text him saying hi, and he responded saying hi and thanks for the email the other day, it absolutely made his day and he was glad I had the balls to say it. We texted for a bit and then way later that night we texted back and forth for an hour or so about how much we enjoyed vegas and how he thought I was an awesome chill guy, he loves having sex with me, how we missed each other, etc. Then we chatted on the phone for an hour or so, then online with web cams. This went on for about 4 hours. Finally at 7AM we went offline!

We talked about doing a cruise this spring as our next get together and were looking at some dates.

That was 2 1/2 weeks ago. I have emailed him a couple of times about the cruise, dates, and just to say hi. I haven't heard from him. I also text him on Valentine's day saying happy VD and if he was bored later to hit me up since I was on the road for work again and would be bored in my hotel room. Never heard back, not even a hi.

Now I don't know what to do. I don't know if I did something or what my next step should be. Should I just wait to hear from him?

I am asking you guys for help, because I am not out, so I can't talk to my friends or family about this, but it is tearing me apart. It has been wierd because I have never felt this way for another guy, and really not for many girls either.

I think about him non-stop. Literally. I listen to songs that remind me of him all the time, and just cannot get this out of my head. It has me way stressed out. I have lost weight, sleep, and most of my appetite lately.

Thanks for any advice in advance and sorry for such a long post.

 

[sparkylb24]

75 views and no one has anything to say?!?!?!

Basically, I want to write him again or call him and ask if I did something wrong, or why I seem to be getting the silent treatment, but I also don't want to come across as needy. I just need to do something, because it is killing me, but have no clue what to do, or how long I should wait before asking

 

[TrdMrk]

I had a similar weekend last year @ a LGBT conference; that person and I kept in touch, visited each other, talked all the time, etc. Then we realized that we rushed into something that was bigger than both of us and it was odd (we were two completely different people)...so it sucks, but sometimes you have to chalk things up in the "fantasy weekend" category and not think too much of them...no matter how much was said, thought, or felt.

Although I offered a sucky story and advice...here is a consolation gift

 

[G-Lexington]

Send one more message. "Haven't heard from you - everything OK?" If you don't hear back from him, it presumably means he's decided not to continue on with you, for whatever reason. Then you're free to move on.

Lex

 

[sparkylb24]

Thanks for the advice. It isn't what I wanted to hear, but probably what I needed to.

As of right now, I am just waiting. I am going to give it a couple more days I think and then I think I will ask if everything's ok and see what happens.

I think I am waiting because I am afraid if I ask, what the answer might be.

We had plans to meet up again next month and I just don't want this to end.

 

[KaraBulut]

One of the reasons that you may not have gotten a large number of responses is because of the uncertainty in the situation.

Is this "Cruise Ship Syndrome"? That's where you meet someone on a vacation from everyday life when there's no stress, no worries and you have plenty of time? But then when you return to real life, it's hard to get back to the magic of what you were feeling with the other person.

Or does this guy have a wife and kids that he hasn't told you about?

Or maybe he's getting cold feet and isn't emotionally ready to handle a relationship with a guy?

Whatever it is, there's not much you can do at the moment but give him time and space until he's ready to talk.

 

[sparkylb24]

I am fairly positive there isn't a wife and kids, lol. He is 24 and in college. I do think however that he likes being bi-sexual, but struggles with having real feelings for a guy. We kind of talked about that. I am the same way. I have always enjoyed a good time, no matter what sex the person was, but I have never felt real emotional feelings for another man until now, and I don't think he had either. I think maybe it is scaring him a bit.

 

[sparkylb24]

so still haven't heard from him. Sent him a text last night and no response. I guess it's over. With no warning or anything. I am pretty angry right now that he doesn't have the balls to say anything. I am also heartbroken.

Anyone else in a tough 'not out' relationship situation - listen to Damien Rice: Delicate

 

[MisterMajestic]

"This seems to be a common refrain these days though from closeted men."

"Anyone else in a tough 'not out' relationship situation"

Well guy..."Craigs List" will always be "Craigs List"...It seems you met a good apple because you both met up again after your initial visit..

The only issue I have with your situation is that you're allowing yourself to get close to guys you meet off Craigs-List when you're traveling..The BEST thing for you to do would be to find a guy that you share the same interests with in your town..."Craigs List" is what it is. You might want to rethink starting a long-distance romance with someone that has one night stands on "craigs list"......

Just from my personal experience with "Craigs list", most of the Guys and Women want one or two flings then they're done...

 

[thewiz]

I, too, wonder if there weren't a lot of feelings that were stirred in your weekend together. I know I tried for years to say I was straight and hoped that at least I was "bi." It was only when I finally accepted myself as gay that I was truly happy. But I wrestled with the fact for 19 years before I could say those three words: "I am gay."

He may have a girlfriend or a more "straight" life where he is.

Too, he may have just wanted a weekend fling and is off to something else. It is one thing that does bother me in the gay world since coming out -- if you want to end it, let's just agree and move on. It is not saying and leaving the hanging that angers me.

I hope you find someone that truly can appreciate you for who you are. I know I travel a great deal and was looking for love "in all the wrong places" as well. I did meet a lot of great friends along the way with whom I stay in touch. I also had some great sex. But the ltr just never came about until I found it where I live in DC....

 

[G-Lexington]

Move on - no regrets. You had a killer weekend, and many people don't ever get one of those. For whatever reason, he's not available now, so start back at ground zero, and start looking for a guy you can spend more than a weekend with. Hint - not craigslist.

Lex

 

[accorn]

Move on - no regrets. You had a killer weekend, and many people don't ever get one of those. For whatever reason, he's not available now, so start back at ground zero, and start looking for a guy you can spend more than a weekend with. Hint - not craigslist.

Lex

Couldn't have been said any better.

Closeted guys are so unpredictable (myself included) and are almost impossible to have a relationship with simply because we have to live such duplicitous lives. At times that just translates to not being trustworthy (again this is not all inclusive).

 

[Shadowclad86]

Everyone else has given you great advice, now all you have to do is take it in a learn from this experience...
It seems your starting to from what you're writing. Sounds like you understand yourself more.

 

[sparkylb24]

Just a quick update...

He emailed me the other day. It was short and sweet, but just said he was really sorry he hadn't been able to get back to me, but that he was really slammed with school right now. He said he was expecting it to slow down next week and that he would write me then...

So it opened a crack in the door, but I hope I am not just being drug along. If there isn't a real interest, I just want to know that, so I don't get any hopes going again.

I am going to be near his town in 2 weeks and he was supposed to drive up to meet me, so I am not sure what to think at this point.

 

[KaraBulut]

So it opened a crack in the door, but I hope I am not just being drug along. If there isn't a real interest, I just want to know that, so I don't get any hopes going again.

Don't get your hopes up.

At best, this guy has problems juggling the priorities in his life.

At worst, you're way at the bottom of that list of priorities.

The advice you've been given is to move on and that's probably the wisest thing for you to do to avoid more disappointment and heartache.

 

[G-Lexington]

^ QFT. It sounds like you may be able to fit into his life when he's got nothing else going on, or when he's horny enough to hook up with a guy again. That's fine if you're only looking for someone to get off with once in a while. But that's not how you were describing him in your original post.

Lex

 

[MisterMajestic]

I learned a long time ago..In the beginning of a friendship/relationship if all you've got is Cellphone calls &/or texting and you still don't hear from the person, then let it go...

Unless you're willing to just be that occasional "Weekend Get-Away-Booty Call"...If you're both cool with that then so be it...But don't pack a box of "Strings" when you settle for that type of friendship...It is what it is until the next time you go away with each other..

Now you see why some married men HATE themselves when they leave their wives and kids only to get Dumped months later by a Gay Lover that lost interest...

 

[sparkylb24]

well... I think it's officially over.

We had a good chat. There has been a death in the family and recently a girlfriend. He is such a great guy, I knew it wouldn't be long before some bitch snatched him up.

It is my birthday today so that sucks, because I have never been so sad in my life. I don't know why it always has to be so hard. I think it is so much harder not being out. I just want to tell my friends and my family how awesome this guy was and how it can never be so they understand why I am upset. Instead, all you can do is try to deal with it internally and through freakin' message boards. It tears me apart. I have lost 23 pounds in a little over a month.

I have thought about going to a counselor, but I really don't know if I could be completely honest and tell the counselor that I am bisexual. Without being able to do that, what good would that counseling even be?

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I have thought about going to a counselor, but I really don't know if I could be completely honest and tell the counselor that I am bisexual. Without being able to do that, what good would that counseling even be?

Good call. But if you can tell us random freaks on a "freakin' message board", why can't you tell a therapist? You won't know him/her from Adam.

Perhaps it's time to give some thought to actually coming out? Because I can only speak for myself, but life kicks ass over here.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

Or does this guy have a wife and kids that he hasn't told you about?

Or maybe he's getting cold feet and isn't emotionally ready to handle a relationship with a guy?

I am fairly positive there isn't a wife and kids, lol. He is 24 and in college.

There has been a death in the family and recently a girlfriend.

Not too far from my suspicions.

It tears me apart. I have lost 23 pounds in a little over a month.

I have thought about going to a counselor, but I really don't know if I could be completely honest and tell the counselor that I am bisexual. Without being able to do that, what good would that counseling even be?

Well, it depends on whether you really want to get better.

Therapists have heard it all. Honestly, gayness or bisexuality won't even earn you a yawn from a reputable therapist.

The issues here are to a degree that a therapist would really be a good idea.

Please take that step and get help.