Don't know what to do

[dontaskwhy]

So something happened a few weeks ago that I'm feeling conflicted about...

My stepdad is a truck driver who goes back and forth through a few states in the area. He sometimes will stay at my place when he is passing through and its late. He has been my stepdad since I was 5 so we have a pretty good relationship.

But a few weeks ago he came up and stayed and we had been out at a bar watching UFC. We got a taxi to go home because we were both pretty drunk. Well while at home we started joking around. He and my mother have both suspected that I was gay for a while (never having a girlfriend, living with my ex for a long period of time, etc) and the subject came up. In the course of him giving me a hard time about it, I joked that if he wanted to find out he'd just have to test his theory. One thing led to another and I sucked his cock and then bent over my couch and let him fuck me. We then went to sleep in seperate rooms and nothing was mentioned the next day.

During this time, my conscience started to make me feel really guilty about what we did. I decided to forget it, blame it on the booze and if he didn't remember or at least acted like he didn't remember then I would just let it be in the past and try to move on. However, he came up again to stay.

This time he initiated the contact by coming into my room while I was sleeping and kissing me on the mouth (no kissing had happened in our first encounter). We made out for a while before I stopped it when I started to feel guilty. He explained to me that he and my mother haven't had a relationship for a while now and hadn't had sex in 5 years. He said that the main reason they were still together was that they were waiting for my half brothers to go college. Somehow I let myself think it was okay and we had sex and he slept with me that night holding me. We had sex again that morning before he left.

Since then I have been avoiding him. I haven't accepted his calls and am always "out" when he is passing through town. I am feeling very conflicted and know I shouldn't do this anymore due to the pain that this could cause my family. He is very attractive and the sex was some of the best I've had which is why I have been trying to avoid him because I don't want to do something I'd regret. However, the time is going to come when family get togethers are going to come around and I know I won't be able to avoid him.

I know this isn't a conventional situation, but what should I do? I feel like if I am alone with him again I will be talked into something that I'll enjoy at the time but regret later. I also feel like he takes advantage of the fact that he is someone who I always tried to impress due to his status in my family. I just am feeling very torn up about this and can't tell anyone so this seemed like the next best outlet.

 

[Seasoned]

If this is true you need to move to another country. There is no way out of this. I can see him telling your mom and saying you blew him in the middle of the night. She will believe him.

 

[slipknot]

why did u even bother to reply to this sorekness !? you should of just shut up! and move on to the next thread

Dude the best thing is u should meet up and talk about it and get on the same page, u dont want you guys next encounter to be at a family u dont want anyone suspicious @ why u guys acting strange! cuz he was in your life from an early age ... right ?
Dont want ppl poking around

 

[chillyboi]

Wow...

Yes maybe meet at a public place & talk, if that don't work, i just don't know

 

[Eagle653]

Hello dontaskwhy and welcome to JUB.

I've moved your post to the Coming Out and Relationships forum where we discuss all facets of relationships.

 

[Seasoned]

why did u even bother to reply to this sorekness !? you should of just shut up! and move on to the next thread

Dude the best thing is u should meet up and talk about it and get on the same page, u dont want you guys next encounter to be at a family u dont want anyone suspicious @ why u guys acting strange! cuz he was in your life from an early age ... right ?
Dont want ppl poking around

I bothered because it sounds like fiction. Two grown men love the same woman and allow this to happen? Give me a break! There is such a thing as self-control, for chrissake.

 

[goodbyemountainman]

I bothered because it sounds like fiction. Two grown men love the same woman and allow this to happen? Give me a break! There is such a thing as self-control, for chrissake.

Funny you said it because ironically, a lot of fictions are based on real-life situation. What will be fiction is "the stepfather runs away with him and have a happy life ever after". The real thing should be our guy moves out of the family and find a normal relationship with someone who is not a family's member. There I said it.

 

[Dennistle]

I think huntneo was on the right track. The best thing you can do is talk to him. Explain how you are feeling and try to come to some sort of resolution. You can't erase what happened, but you two may be able to come to terms with it and not let it destroy the family dynamic. But don't keep avoiding him—that will just make it worse. Remember he probably has some conflicted feelings as well. I wish you the best of luck!

 

[G-Lexington]

Your brain is stronger than your dick. You just have to want it to be.

Lex

 

[Centexfarmer]

So something happened a few weeks ago that I'm feeling conflicted about...

My stepdad is a truck driver who goes back and forth through a few states in the area. He sometimes will stay at my place when he is passing through and its late. He has been my stepdad since I was 5 so we have a pretty good relationship.

But a few weeks ago he came up and stayed and we had been out at a bar watching UFC. We got a taxi to go home because we were both pretty drunk. Well while at home we started joking around. He and my mother have both suspected that I was gay for a while (never having a girlfriend, living with my ex for a long period of time, etc) and the subject came up. In the course of him giving me a hard time about it, I joked that if he wanted to find out he'd just have to test his theory. One thing led to another and I sucked his cock and then bent over my couch and let him fuck me. We then went to sleep in seperate rooms and nothing was mentioned the next day.

During this time, my conscience started to make me feel really guilty about what we did. I decided to forget it, blame it on the booze and if he didn't remember or at least acted like he didn't remember then I would just let it be in the past and try to move on. However, he came up again to stay.

This time he initiated the contact by coming into my room while I was sleeping and kissing me on the mouth (no kissing had happened in our first encounter). We made out for a while before I stopped it when I started to feel guilty. He explained to me that he and my mother haven't had a relationship for a while now and hadn't had sex in 5 years. He said that the main reason they were still together was that they were waiting for my half brothers to go college. Somehow I let myself think it was okay and we had sex and he slept with me that night holding me. We had sex again that morning before he left.

Since then I have been avoiding him. I haven't accepted his calls and am always "out" when he is passing through town. I am feeling very conflicted and know I shouldn't do this anymore due to the pain that this could cause my family. He is very attractive and the sex was some of the best I've had which is why I have been trying to avoid him because I don't want to do something I'd regret. However, the time is going to come when family get togethers are going to come around and I know I won't be able to avoid him.

I know this isn't a conventional situation, but what should I do? I feel like if I am alone with him again I will be talked into something that I'll enjoy at the time but regret later. I also feel like he takes advantage of the fact that he is someone who I always tried to impress due to his status in my family. I just am feeling very torn up about this and can't tell anyone so this seemed like the next best outlet.

This is just all kinds of wrong, and you already know this, otherwise you wouldn't have made this your first post.

Maybe you were taken advantage of, and maybe you allowed it, but if your Mother ever found out about it, I'd question where her loyalties might lay.

Chances are she might beat the shit out of your Stepdad, and/or feel just as "conflicted" or betrayed as perhaps you might be feeling.

This is just all kinds of messed up.

Obviously there's something missing in your life that you're trying to fulfill, while at the same time there's something that your "Stepdad" is trying get out of this, or work through.

Either way, he is supposed to be the ADULT about his, and instead he had sex with someone that was a child, and that he agreed to accept in raising when he married your mother.

In my opinion he took advantage of you, and a situation that he could have controlled.

He is very attractive and the sex was some of the best I've had which is why I have been trying to avoid him because I don't want to do something I'd regret.

Reads to me like you already have.

Either way, your Mom is the one who get's hurt through this.

Her "Husband" has sex with her "Son."

I'm not making any judgements other than to say this can't end well.

At this point in the game, I'd suggest that YOU make yourself "unavailable" for any "family get togethers," until you find some positive way to resolve this issue.

 

[rareboy]

Well.

Technically, he is not related to you at all and since you do not live at home, it isn't as though he is using his authority to beat you.

You are the one who essentially initiated the first experience and let it go as far as it did, so I have to assume that you'd been fantasizing about this at some point in time.

Be careful what you wish for.

Does he just want good sex? Or does he want an emotional relationship as well?

I agree that you need to talk, but I don't think it has to be at a public place.

If you want this to end, you have to explain it to him without being a prick, especially if you have any feelings for him at all.

I know of one step-dad and adult step-son who fell into this type of relationship and happily carried it on over a number of years as fuck buddies an d nothing more. If anything, it made the parents relationship more stable.

Who ever really knows how the world works, eh?