Don't Understand.....

[GayBoi86]

I came home from work tonight and babe was watching TV. I knew something was wrong, but didn't know what to say to him our anything. So I just gave him the food I brought home and came into the spare room to check my checking account out to see how much was needed deposited to make the 500.00 Rent Payment for January 1, 2007. I went back into the living after I got done and Babe asked me if I could get he bag with the rest of the food in it. I got it and then got my clothes picked out and took a shower. I couldn't hold it inside any longer so I just told him to pause the Satellite and that I wanted to talk to him.

Note: I'm paraphrasing, because I can't remember the exact words Babe or I used.
I said, "What's wrong?"
He said, "Nothing"
I said, "Oh okay, I thought you was mad or something"
He said, "No, just wanted you to grab the other food so you could eat."
I said, "Sorry for bugging you about writing the check to me to deposit into my checking account so make up the rest of the Rent"
He said, "I didn't get mad, it's just that every night we come in from work you go straight to the spare room and your on the computer hours at a time."
I said, "I just use it to Check my checking account, E-mail, and I'm registered at a board I also check and I got subscriptions to some of the threads."
He said, "All it has is porn"
I said, "No it has other topics also."
He said, "Oh, okay"

The other day he made the remark, "You and that board". So that made me think that I'm spending too much time on here and not enough with him. But hell we are always either working or sleeping. We NEVER have time to ourself hardly. But to make things shorter now. Babe and I ended up having a talk and this is the points that he and I made out to each other.

His points

• I'm Not The Stereotypical Gay
• Only Time I Download Porn Is When We Are Planning On Having Sex

My Points

• I'm Not Trying To Hook Up With Other Men
• I Love You The Way You Are And Don't Expect For You To Change

So I ended up deleting all the Porn off of my computer and then deleting all my subscriptions to the threads I had on here, but of course I couldn't sleep and so I added those subscriptions back to my account on here. I can't help it, but after 3 days of not having sex I have to find something to get me hard to Jackoff and I feel bad Jacking off to because I know I could get it from him, but if he won't give it then what do I do?

A week ago, I was hard and horny and I've never asked for a blowjob the whole 10 months we've been together and so I decided to ask him.
I said, "Do you care to give me a blowjob?"
He said, "Yeah, do you need it that bad?"

Well I didn't get the blowjob that night. He says he dosen't understand the whole deal about me saving porn to my computer. I told him I only saved the pictures that I liked. I feel as if I've let him down, but I'm at the same time afraid to tell him that I'm addicted to porn..........So I'm not having try to be someone or try to change the way of how I do things I guess,.......I need ya's opinions. Am I the only one who's felt this way?

Babe likes watching TV, I'm not big on watching TV. He likes to watch Educational stuff mostly, I'm not into National Geographic or the Discovery Channel or any type of Educational stuff at all hardly. He dosen't want to make friends with any other Gays or even wants to have friends hardly.

I love babe and I wouldn't do anything intentionally to hurt him. He says his Ex would download porn constantly and he said that's what messed up his last relationship along with the fact that he tried to hook up with other men. I'm not trying to mess up our relationship, if anything I want to make it better. I just like to be on the Internet alot, that's all..... I'm through ranting about things now....sorry for bugging everyone.....just tell me what ya think.

 

[DicDude]

I would only say that if you were making him truly happy in the ways he likes and makes him feel secure ,he may not mind your internet activity as much.

you might spend time watching discovery channel with him and he might spend time on the internet with you.By making these efforts will help each to understand the other and who knows,iy may turn into something special!!

 

[rareboy]

He has a point about the time you spend on the computer. Look how long your post was and how much unecessary exposition and detail you added. It clearly looks like you're escaping to the boards to avoid spending time with him.

Sounds like he's dumping his problems with past relationships on this one.... Not healthy or fair. If he wants to be an educated couch potato and you want to spend your time online with porn, so what.... as long as the rest of your lives together make up for it.

But it isn't that way, is it?

Actually sounds like you two may not be compatible life partners since your out of bed interests appear to be so divergent and you seem to be troubled by this. You need to both re-assess whether you want another 5 years of this or not and then move on.

 

[Eagle653]

Hi, I moved this to the Coming Out & Relationships forum.

I'm glad you confronted the underlying tension between you two. He's telling you that he wants more time with you and is feeling insecure with your participation on the Internet (gasp--this board?!). That happens, and as was said above, could fade once he feels more secure in the relationship.

You two do seem to value different things, though. Is there a way for a meeting of the minds on this? Or, do you need someone who's more in step with you?

Either way, good luck.

 

[VICTORIADON]

The internet has broken up more than one couple. It happens. HOWEVER, there seems to be bigger problems here:

[ A week ago, I was hard and horny and I've never asked for a blowjob the whole 10 months we've been together and so I decided to ask him.
I said, "Do you care to give me a blowjob?"
He said, "Yeah, do you need it that bad?" ]

You like the internet, he doesn't, you like porn, he doesn't, he likes educational tv, you don't, he isn't pleasing you in bed anymore.
HELLO?
Am I reading this all correctly?
You are 20 years old?

You are young, take a good look at what you have and what you are seeking in a relationship. You are only young once, you should be happy.

 

[hermanding]

you are saying you don't want to change him, right?, so you are happy with him the way he is. incompatibility does come to mind. good luck
ding

 

[teh_nathan]

I can't really say anything new other than what already has been posted..

I would suggest, just talk to him and have a discussion of what you want from/expect from the relationship and what you want from each other.

No, it's not fair to take one's past history of relationships and dump it on you..maybe talk to him about this? Tell him how you feel about it.

 

[Just_Believe18]

My guy had a problem with JUB at first. He's over it now.

Even though he doesn't like porn, you might want to introduce him to the community. See how he likes it and realizes its not about hooking up but just being around other gay guys online. Of course, before you do that, have the moderator delete this thread

 

[Theyoungman]

Heres the thing... You are risking your "Babe".

You need to stop coming here so much and for so long. He needs you there with him more than you are here.

Do it or good luck.

 

[gewhite3]

Juno106 is right on......

Why don't you ask him to give up some of his TV time, you give up some of your PC time and the both of you spend it together. It doesn't have to be the whole evening, just some time to discuss each other's day. Talk about concerns you may have with each other, basically just spend some quality time together.

It seems that you are drifting apart to me and that is only the beginning of an eventual crash IMO.

Whatever happens, I wish you both nothing but the best.

 

[GayBoi86]

Well think about it...

You have a problem with him and you come here to post on a forum instead of talking to him about it

We did talk, I posted all that stuff after we talked, in fact I layed in bed for 3 hours after we talked BEFORE I CAME ONLINE TO THE BOARD.

 

[antdak]

My guy had a problem with JUB at first. He's over it now.

Even though he doesn't like porn, you might want to introduce him to the community. See how he likes it and realizes its not about hooking up but just being around other gay guys online. Of course, before you do that, have the moderator delete this thread

I like this idea! Show JUB to him, that it is just not for porn! Hope you two can work things out.

 

[RicanDAB]

I spend a lot of time here, and I know it's addicting! Fortunately I also work from home on the computer sometimes and that allows me to be on here too during downtimes. You have received fine advice above from the guys.

Definitely make an effort to give more time of yourself if you want this to work. Do you remember what made you guys fall in love in the first place? You're 20 - my God you're way too young to fall into the rut you're in (hell, I'M too young to fall into that rut) - don't let your sexual peaks pass you by! When a couple starts living together it is easy to forget about romance. Rekindle it. Make the effort to go out on dates like you used to and do more stuff together. My best friend and his partner have been together close to 10 years and I know they still go out at least once a week.

I know it's hard, but you do need to tear yourself away from here sometimes, like when you have to WORK. Establish this rule too when you are doing something with your BF. I have subscriptions on here too and sure I miss major developments on certain ongoing dramas while I am away, but that is what subscriptions are for ... we're not going anywhere - enjoy life, man!!

 

[mpdan]

I haven't owned a television in years -never felt the need to watch the crap that is on there- I know the last time I made a payment to a cable TV service was in the late 1980's. When I was single I spent time on these boards - at least every evening. Now that I'm part of a couple, he plans on purchasing a $1500 flat screen TV- and I chuckle - I know my kids will laugh out loud when they see that thing hanging on the wall. - since I subjected them to the childhood cruelty of no TV for so many years.

My point is I told him I can't sit still to watch TV. His reply was "We'll, your always on that JUB board"..... So I had him start a thread on a subject he was interested in, and as I write this he is sitting in the chair next to me on his laptop. I do now make it a point to set time limits if we are together. - and I promised to watch movies when the new TV gets delivered - or a least force myself to stay awake for at least an hour.....

 

[M4P]

I probably spend far too much time on JUB in the evening and on weekends but, so far, my partner doesn't gripe at me. As a Mod, there is so much going on behind the curtain for me to stay on top of as well as what's going on in this forum. I'm trying to find a balance between what I need to know and what I want to know

 

[GayBoi86]

Well we talked and things are better, things seem to be back to normal.... I decided to spend more time with him when we get home and not go straight to the computer and get off when we're going to bed,.....So I was at fault for that. He agreed to let me show him this site so that he can see that their is not just porn, on here. He thought that this site was just porn because truthfully that's all I would show him is the porn stuff. So I would say 99.9% of all this was my fault, but 0.01% was his for not wanting to talk to me about it until I made him talk to me last night, when I KNEW something was wrong.

 

[teh_nathan]

Excellent. Communication is important