Drama with friends, rumors, and does he like me? This is all confusing....

[Seasoned]

Short answer: clear the air with your friend regarding a sexual relationship, and stop drinking and driving.

 

[KaraBulut]

Just some clarification:

• Guys who are interested in you don't get you drunk and then have you call someone else that you're interested in.
• Friends don't leave the bar when you're shitfaced and getting into a slutty situation with a semi-stranger. They make sure you have a way home.
• Guys who are your friends don't talk shit behind your back and they don't tell come around later and repeat the shit to you in person.

When you're young and hanging out in the bars, there's all sorts of drama that seems to linger on you like bad cologne. That's why so many people get tired of the bars and why so many people who are in relationships stop going to the bars.

Alcohol + close friends + 2AM last call = regrets in the morning.

You can do one of two things-

1. Have a talk with your friend about whether you want to be just friends or whether you want to try dating.
2. Continue drinking, playing cat and mouse and then have that 2AM last call -> regrets in the morning.

But at some point, you need to think about whether this bar-alcohol-drama-rumors-games is really what you want. If you're happy, then enjoy it while you're young. If you're not happy, then change it all.

 

[KaraBulut]

I'm actually getting tired of the clubs myself. Oz and the Bourbon Pub bleed drama.

BTW in New Orleans there is no last call

I know those clubs. I didn't realize we were talking NOLA. I didn't notice the Metairie location before.

For such a big city, NO does have a close-knit gay community. That's a good thing socially but it's a bad thing in that people are always in each other's business.

I didn't expect anyone to talk shit about me ever, let alone tell people i'm crazy. I didn't expect my friends ex to tell me that he was doing it. What i expected was, from someone who is an actual friend to say something like "i'd never say something like that" or "who said what?" something to let me know he had nothing to do with it or at least try to cover it up. To go flat out in my face and say whatever that its my problem just confirms that it was all true. needless to say i've cut him out of my life.

I've told this to about 3 other people close to me, they all say there is something up with him. I guess i'm just scared to ask because if i'm wrong i don't want to scare him away and lose a friend or just make him feel awkward. I was just going to let it come from him when he's ready, if i'm right. As for us getting drunk and having sex i seriously doubt that would ever happen. normally i don't drink more than 3-4 drinks a night. he's the one who takes down about 6-7. He gets quiet when he's drunk, and i get sloppy so i'm normally very conscience of what and how much i drink.

The point that I'm trying to get across to you in both of these instances is that there's a certain passivity or laissez-faire undertone to all of this. That's not so uncommon in the south where there's a certain genteel code of non-confrontation.

I agree with your friends. There's something up with your friend. It may be jealousy. It may be casual interest. It may be that he's a horndog and just wants to get in your pants one time. It may be that he wants to take your friendship in a romantic direction.

The only way to find out is to ask him. And to come clean with what you want.

I'm encouraging you to sit down with your friend and make a decision together about what you want to be instead of just taking the "come what may" attitude that can ruin a good friendship.

Friends owe it to each other to set things straight.

 

[texpatriot]

Hey Biz! You've gotten some really good responses here!

My Grandpa use to tell me, "If everyone knows your business, then it won't be long before you don't have any business."

Sounds like you've inadvertently put yourself between a rock and hard place.

To many characters, with to many conflicting interests.

Bars = Drama. Especially Gay Bars! OMG!

And in the Quarter no less!

There's not a Gay Bar in the French Quarter that I haven't been in, and been in, if you catch my drift.

Bars, of any kind, should be a place to visit with friends, and to let down your hair and to be yourself. Not to socialize!

So let's talk about the one "friend" that seems to have you so weirded out.

If YOU are really this guys friend, and you really like him, and feel comfortable with him, and the way things are, and have been between you two, then you should share with him what you're feeling so anxious about.

I contacted a guy on a Gay dating website several years ago because I thought that he was cute and interesting.

He's now one of my closest friends, and he calls me his "best-friend."

We've never had sex, we've never even really made out.

Well there was one night when we both got sloppy drunk.

But my point is, whenever we felt like the other might have feelings of wanting more, we talked it out.

Considering the fact that his ex had been cheating on him for the last three years of their relationship, and the fact that my ex had dumped me in the worse possible way, we discovered that we had more in common on an emotional level, than anything that we might have on a physical level.

Lovers come and go, but friends are forever.

You're the only one who can decide what your definition of a friend is, and from what you've shared, and the responses that you've gotten here, you should have a pretty good idea of what a friend isn't.

Talk to your friend.

Don't confront him, just ask him what he's thinking, and allow him to share with you his perspective on things.

Then you share your perspective about some of the signals that you've been getting (which could be wrong), and you might just find that you really do have a friend in this guy.

Best of luck to you! And the next time that I'm headed to NOLA, I'll have to give you a heads up.

 

[terps420]

Your friend sounds like a pretty good catch.
Sweet, caring, has his shit straight, AND is attractive?
Like, really? The car battery and the lighting in his apartment? Almost all of my close friends are college educated heterosexual men and I'm positive none of them know how to do either of those things. I sure as hell don't.
And the little fact you've based your friendship with him on his stance on monogamy/adultery or whatever... oh my god dude, really? The fact that he probably does like you despite that you cheated is totally a positive. He's able to look past your flaws/forgive others.
If I were you, I would forget all the other bullshit and start reeling him in. ASAP.

 

[texpatriot]

My friends have told me as well that one of my problems that has me second guessing everything is a self confidence issue. I don't feel confident in myself and my appearance so I'm not thinking someone of his caliber could actually like me. Its something I know i have to work on for myself. I put on a brave face and fake it when I go out but its different when people get close. I end up thinking about everything that is wrong with me that they wouldn't like or every issue i've ever had with myself.

I used to do that too, but in the end I found it to be pretty self-defeating. From what you've shared, it sounds like you're beginning to realize that too.

I turn it into a reason they wouldn't like me and then it just amplifies in my head. I've really got to stop doing that.

I sometimes do that too, but a really good friend of mine reminds me from time to time that "Your life goes where your head goes."

If you realize that your prone to tear yourself down, and to assume the worse in a situation, then don't let your head go there.

I try to put myself into the other person's shoes, and try to imagine the way that they see me, instead of the way that I see myself with all of my perceived flaws.

When I realize just how many friends I really do have, I must be doing something right.

I don't even know what you look like, and you sound like someone that I would gladly welcome into my circle of friends.

It sounds like you have a good plan for action here. Just go with it, leave the self-doubting for others, and open your heart to the possibilities.

 

[spencer]

My friends have told me as well that one of my problems that has me second guessing everything is a self confidence issue. I don't feel confident in myself and my appearance so I'm not thinking someone of his caliber could actually like me.

From looking at your picture you are very attractive and it wouldn't suprise anyone if any guy you think is a higher caliber would be attracted to you. Have more confidence in yourself. And this isn't like when you tell your coworker that their baby pictures of their kid is cute, when it's a troll kid. You are good lookin

 

[rareboy]

Phew.

Glad that all worked out.

Drama over.

Now you can move on.