I have been prescribed Adderall by my psychiatrist. It has been a big help in dealing with my depression and the almost catatonic condition it puts me in. But, I have noticed sexual changes, especially a fascination with homosexuality. Now, I have noticed since adolescence that I sometimes have homoerotic thoughts, sometimes quite strong, when masturbating or sometimes out of the blue. I learned that this was actually quite common, and it doesn't bother me anymore. I believe everybody has bisexual capabilities to some extent.
But this medication makes me fantasize about gay sex for extended periods of time. I have found some gay porn, some of which is excellent, some less so. Off the medication, I find it hard to believe what was turning me on and it has caused some confusion. I have erased all gay porn on my computer several times, only to find it again. Sometimes, I even feel like reaching out to find a gay buddy.
However, I keep coming back to the fact that I am straight. I think if I were to gve in to spur-of-the-moment impulsive behaviors with strangers on the internet, might lead to negative consequences for myself and others. But what I do in the privacy of my house is my business. So, now I think I will have straight and gay porn both on my computer. When I feel like watching one or the other, I will. I just need to work on overcoming maladaptive feelings like shame and self-abasement. I respect gay people to a large extent for their courage. I think straight men could have a lot to learn from the gay community. Take care!
But this medication makes me fantasize about gay sex for extended periods of time. I have found some gay porn, some of which is excellent, some less so. Off the medication, I find it hard to believe what was turning me on and it has caused some confusion. I have erased all gay porn on my computer several times, only to find it again. Sometimes, I even feel like reaching out to find a gay buddy.
However, I keep coming back to the fact that I am straight. I think if I were to gve in to spur-of-the-moment impulsive behaviors with strangers on the internet, might lead to negative consequences for myself and others. But what I do in the privacy of my house is my business. So, now I think I will have straight and gay porn both on my computer. When I feel like watching one or the other, I will. I just need to work on overcoming maladaptive feelings like shame and self-abasement. I respect gay people to a large extent for their courage. I think straight men could have a lot to learn from the gay community. Take care!
