Gemini_Valley
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"A Drunk Man's Words Is a Sober's Man's Thoughts"
Anyone believe in this saying?
I had once mentioned here about a crush I have been harboring. Yes, same old story: falling in love with a straight friend. Just a little back history, I have fallen rather hard for a friend that I have known for two years next month. (We met at our current job, a rather high upscale restaurant. He's a cook, I'm a server.) However based on everything that we have been through, not to mention all that I have done for him, you'd think we had known each other a lot longer. I have exercised a lot of myself financially & emotionally to him. As lame as it sounds I get a lot of joy helping others, especially those I care about and do not expect anything in return. The difference with him, I go above & beyond.
I know that I have put myself in a predicament that is just dumb. I do not want a relationship with him, I thoroughly enjoy my friendship and do not want anything to jeopardize this. Over the course of two years our friendship has grown leaps and bounds. We have confided in each other about a lot of things and he basically tells me everything going on in his life. I enjoy our rapport, we are almost like brothers we're so close. I know/met his sister, father, and his mom calls me her "adopted son." But like another saying goes: "You can't help who you fall in love with" -- a saying he fully believes in -- and have tried to curb my feelings for him in various ways. Yet I continue to hold this guy near and dear to my heart. Ugh, luv.
Greg and I have gone out various times, but it is only when we are in a group of others where alcohol and getting drunk is the main agenda. He, along with our group of friends like to drink, prides himself on having a high tolerance for alcohol. There have been two incidents where his true feelings for me came out after heavily drinking.
About three months ago I was planning on moving away to another city for a job, where I have two best friends that live in the same city. The plan was for me to roommate with one of them until I make enough money to get my own apartment. When I had told him this his reaction was that I should keep in touch and then tells me he would like to move with me for a "fresh start." (Days later my plan to move fall through.) Couple of days later, a group of about six of us go out for drinks, we then continue the drinking at a park in the wee hours of the morning. Greg gets really drunk, to the point where he can barely keep his balance. I have been out with him drinking before but never seen him in this state.
One by one everyone begins leaving due to it getting really late, and at one point it was just he and I in the park. (Our designated driver was dropping off various people.) Greg asks me, after a series of questions, "Who is moving?" I did not respond. He asks me to repeat after him. I do so. He then tearfully asks me the same question. I reassure him that things would not change between us just because I'll be in a different city and that he can call on me when he needs me. The next day we talk about what happened and he claims to not remember a thing of what happened. No crying, nothing. He "blacked out."
Recently four of us go out to a club and again drink heavily. A mutual friend of ours and Greg get into an argument after Greg calls himself trying to play match maker. As we're all getting ready to leave Greg takes off across the street and I chase after him. He once again becomes emotional and tells me to go and that he'll find his own way home. I tell him that's not going to happened so let's go. He refuses, I then ask he's going to act this way with me after everything we've done and been through. I proceed to tell him that I care about him, he says he does too and that I know in my heart that I do. I then tell him no I don't because whenever he contacts me it's only when he needs something (e.g. a ride, or money) and that I feel more like an ATM than an actual friend. Getting emotional again, he tells me there are two people in his heart: his girlfriend of just under a year and me. He ranks me as his #1 friend.
Later on that night/early morning, he text me as I'm on my way home to call him once I get there. I do, and we talk for about 40 minutes on the phone and he again reassures me that values me immensely. He even brought up him crying in the park, citing that as an example, of how much I mean to him. As we hung up the phone he told me "I appreciate you."
The next day I ask if he remembers anyting, he says no, but knows he acted a fool. He blacked out. The was the extent of the converstation about that night.
There's a lot more that I have left out, but that's the gist of it. How should I feel about this? Am I wrong for loving this guy the way I do? Is there something between us? It's no longer just one sided, right? Before these incidents I started to hate myself (and Greg) for falling for him. I really felt as though I was being used. Had he not been heavily drunk I never would have known he felt this way...
Anyone believe in this saying?
I had once mentioned here about a crush I have been harboring. Yes, same old story: falling in love with a straight friend. Just a little back history, I have fallen rather hard for a friend that I have known for two years next month. (We met at our current job, a rather high upscale restaurant. He's a cook, I'm a server.) However based on everything that we have been through, not to mention all that I have done for him, you'd think we had known each other a lot longer. I have exercised a lot of myself financially & emotionally to him. As lame as it sounds I get a lot of joy helping others, especially those I care about and do not expect anything in return. The difference with him, I go above & beyond.
I know that I have put myself in a predicament that is just dumb. I do not want a relationship with him, I thoroughly enjoy my friendship and do not want anything to jeopardize this. Over the course of two years our friendship has grown leaps and bounds. We have confided in each other about a lot of things and he basically tells me everything going on in his life. I enjoy our rapport, we are almost like brothers we're so close. I know/met his sister, father, and his mom calls me her "adopted son." But like another saying goes: "You can't help who you fall in love with" -- a saying he fully believes in -- and have tried to curb my feelings for him in various ways. Yet I continue to hold this guy near and dear to my heart. Ugh, luv.
Greg and I have gone out various times, but it is only when we are in a group of others where alcohol and getting drunk is the main agenda. He, along with our group of friends like to drink, prides himself on having a high tolerance for alcohol. There have been two incidents where his true feelings for me came out after heavily drinking.
About three months ago I was planning on moving away to another city for a job, where I have two best friends that live in the same city. The plan was for me to roommate with one of them until I make enough money to get my own apartment. When I had told him this his reaction was that I should keep in touch and then tells me he would like to move with me for a "fresh start." (Days later my plan to move fall through.) Couple of days later, a group of about six of us go out for drinks, we then continue the drinking at a park in the wee hours of the morning. Greg gets really drunk, to the point where he can barely keep his balance. I have been out with him drinking before but never seen him in this state.
One by one everyone begins leaving due to it getting really late, and at one point it was just he and I in the park. (Our designated driver was dropping off various people.) Greg asks me, after a series of questions, "Who is moving?" I did not respond. He asks me to repeat after him. I do so. He then tearfully asks me the same question. I reassure him that things would not change between us just because I'll be in a different city and that he can call on me when he needs me. The next day we talk about what happened and he claims to not remember a thing of what happened. No crying, nothing. He "blacked out."
Recently four of us go out to a club and again drink heavily. A mutual friend of ours and Greg get into an argument after Greg calls himself trying to play match maker. As we're all getting ready to leave Greg takes off across the street and I chase after him. He once again becomes emotional and tells me to go and that he'll find his own way home. I tell him that's not going to happened so let's go. He refuses, I then ask he's going to act this way with me after everything we've done and been through. I proceed to tell him that I care about him, he says he does too and that I know in my heart that I do. I then tell him no I don't because whenever he contacts me it's only when he needs something (e.g. a ride, or money) and that I feel more like an ATM than an actual friend. Getting emotional again, he tells me there are two people in his heart: his girlfriend of just under a year and me. He ranks me as his #1 friend.
Later on that night/early morning, he text me as I'm on my way home to call him once I get there. I do, and we talk for about 40 minutes on the phone and he again reassures me that values me immensely. He even brought up him crying in the park, citing that as an example, of how much I mean to him. As we hung up the phone he told me "I appreciate you."
The next day I ask if he remembers anyting, he says no, but knows he acted a fool. He blacked out. The was the extent of the converstation about that night.
There's a lot more that I have left out, but that's the gist of it. How should I feel about this? Am I wrong for loving this guy the way I do? Is there something between us? It's no longer just one sided, right? Before these incidents I started to hate myself (and Greg) for falling for him. I really felt as though I was being used. Had he not been heavily drunk I never would have known he felt this way...
