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Drunk with "straight" best friend, something happened!

Hmm well two things in my opinion here may be happening. Saying neither one of you knew about each others curios states, he may be in ""shock"" or what ever you want to call it about the fact he found out you were down to do it with a guy, whether good or bad. Which kinda goes off of the second one take into consideration just as you have your curiousness, maybe this might have been his first time as well idk about everyone else but the first time i "messed around and bottomed with a dude" i did nothing but dwell on it for a while, and so he may be discovering more about his sexuality which for some people is a little nerve wrecking with thinking about how they will bw viewed by others, and one of those others might be you. You kno since its more demeaning to "homophobic society" to take the dick rather dish out (hince the "dont drop the soap joke", the guy who gets it in prison is usually the one ridiculed) even tho thats not what happen...well i feel like im ranting now but would like to know if you feel where im coming from?
 
i got in a similar situation in college. I was the one freaking out the next day about whether he would think I was gay (I know, I know, oy). after a few weeks of awkwardly not discussing it even though we would see each other around a lot, he cornered me and said, "look. that was really intense the other night. i'm glad it happened, but don't really think anything of it." then he said something like, "if you can't mess around with your friends, who CAN you mess around with." and he totally let me off the hook, much to my relief, and we stayed pretty good friends. me lurching in and out of the closet for a few more years, but that's a different story.
 
i get where youre coming from des...and it makes sense. when i saw him today at school...my stomach just turned and i just saw him differently. not in a bad way, but just different you know? i was nervous as soon as i saw him but i worked up the courage to give a friendly hand shake like i do with all the bros. but still, i understand now..
 
i'll just take it one day at a time. hopefully after some time passes he will feel more comfortable around me again and so will i. im a good friend to all my friends and to him as well and he knows it. he even told me that i was a true friend. i can tell he is too so i believe that this whole thing will blow over soon and if we end up talking about it one day then hopefully it will be fully resolved. i dont like leaving things unsaid or undone but this time i think it's for the best for now. a part of me wants to let it all out and just straighten it out but when i put myself in his shoes i understand that this is all nerve racking.
 
;) glad to hear that i hope all does go well with it, sometimes putting things on the back burner is a good idea, (just don't leave it on there too long it might burn lol) but yeah in situations like this try to put yourself in there shoes and think about how they might be feeling it can save some unwanted drama and your friendship
 
>>>i dont like leaving things unsaid or undone but this time i think it's for the best for now. a part of me wants to let it all out and just straighten it out but when i put myself in his shoes i understand that this is all nerve racking.

Good call. I think it's best that he set the pace for when (or even if) this ever gets discussed. Just act like it never happened, and I think he'll be grateful for that.

Lex
 
i can act like it never happened but i just hope that after i do so, we go back to hanging out like we used to. i know better now and when we are both ready to address what happened then it will go from there. i want to know what he thinks and feels about the situation but when i turn it around, i dont even think i am comfortable saying what i think and feel. maybe that discussion will come up when we are drunk. haha jk hopefully sober more than anything.
 
Perhaps you can reach out to him and do something that you both enjoy doing together that could restore the fun you had in your friendship.
 
the problem at the moment is actually talking to each other. its still a fresh situation its only been a week. we used to talk every day so you can see why it is awkward/uncomfortable for him and a little for me too. the fact that my stomach sunk the first time i saw him since that night is proof to me that even I am not fully ready to take on and handle the situation. but i do know the first step and that is to give it time and just think positive.
 
ericwhitney said:
i got in a similar situation in college. I was the one freaking out the next day about whether he would think I was gay (I know, I know, oy). after a few weeks of awkwardly not discussing it even though we would see each other around a lot, he cornered me and said, "look. that was really intense the other night. i'm glad it happened, but don't really think anything of it." then he said something like, "if you can't mess around with your friends, who CAN you mess around with." and he totally let me off the hook, much to my relief, and we stayed pretty good friends. me lurching in and out of the closet for a few more years, but that's a different story.
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I think this is what you should do, fff1234. Letting it fester in silence is not a good long term plan. Even if he seems like he doesn't want to talk about it, he needs reassurance from you that it's your secret and you're ok with him being curious.

Btw, I guess you weren't so good at hiding your interest in men. ;)
 
haha idk maybe he suspected that i was curious cuz i never really reacted badly to him acting gay when he would play around. but a lot of guys do that and it doesn't make them gay or curious. but i honestly dont think i ever gave him a reason to suspect it until that night. ha if we end up partying together again ill make sure i crash somewhere by myself. haha
 
haha yea. oh and after i got out of work tonight he texted me. it was just a normal text like how we used to text eachother. we had a short conversation but thats a good step right? i don't wanna get my hopes up that all will be normal again but im just asking. im just glad that its apparent that i still have a friend in the kid.
 
Getting things back to normal is getting engage in conversation. The quickest way to get over the awkwardness is just to get together like you used to.

How old are you guys?

Also - you might be ready with an answer of some sort if things come up or he wants to talk about things....even as unlikely as that may seem. Something like "you are always going to be a good friend of mine no matter what" can go a long way in securing his friendship and giving him the comfort of knowing that you are not freaking out on him. Even if you add something like "I am not really ready to talk about it - I just want us to be friends no matter what.".
 
yea i will be ready if the conversation ever comes up. today his brother asked for a ride and he came along too. it was the three of us so that helped break the awkwardness. we talked for a little while but i didnt stay with them. i dont get that nervous feeling anymore and i know that soon i wont feel uncomfortable around him. so its true that time does make everything better and i know for a fact that soon we will be bros like before.
 
i have to say i am jealous of u lol i was in a similar situation and me and my best friend are now worse enemies.......and it sucks because now in the back of my mind i now what we did and if he ever got really mad at me he could out me whenever he wants
 
wow. so i see i am lucky to have my friend still and i just hope that nothing like this ever happens again with him or any of my close friends. even my close girl friends because it is still basically along the lines of the same situation. lesson learned: control my alcohol and my actions under the influence.
 
latinheat said:
i have to say i am jealous of u lol i was in a similar situation and me and my best friend are now worse enemies.......and it sucks because now in the back of my mind i now what we did and if he ever got really mad at me he could out me whenever he wants
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But he won't because then he'd be outing himself.
fff1234 said:
wow. so i see i am lucky to have my friend still and i just hope that nothing like this ever happens again with him or any of my close friends. even my close girl friends because it is still basically along the lines of the same situation. lesson learned: control my alcohol and my actions under the influence.
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That's a good lesson for you.

Hopefully your friend will get over his fears and come out to himself, if not the world.
 
alright so its already going on 3 weeks since the incident, and we're back to talking in a way. We haven't hung out one on one like old times though. I went to school yesterday and my friends were sitting down and he was there with them. we all began to joke around and laugh as usual. then, me and my friend and another friend left the school to go eat. it wasn't really awkward and it seemed like nothing happened 3 weeks ago. i was the only one with money and my 2nd friend didnt eat so i offered to pay for the other one. he just looked at me and smiled and i knew that was a "hell yea please pay" haha so i bought the guy food. it wouldnt be the first time ive paid but yea. was that ok or did i do something that he might trip on? and i invited him to go party with me and some friends sometime soon. was that good or bad? idk i just wanted to know if i was giving off any wrong signals. im trying to make this friendship like it used to be WITHOUT any incidents happening like the last one ever again. i just don't want any mixed signals.
 
i think your handling it well just don't over think everything u do around him lol other than that good job and good luck
 
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