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Drunk with "straight" best friend, something happened!

Your paranoia is eating you alive. If you can just keep in mind that he's as uncomfortable as you are. The quicker you stop considering your actions and reconsidering your actions, the quicker this will return to normal.

Also, make no mistake, I can tell that when you two boys get drunk this shit is going to come out. I keep hearing, "I need to control my actions", but I also get a sense that if you both get drunk again, pants will be flying. You need to be HONEST with yourself about this because your true intentions will come out on this eventually.

Be prepared or you will be contemplating "losing your best friend" again because of another incident.

After things return to normal and you guys can have a beer or two (not shit-faced), you might try to have a conversation about this and be willing to be honest and risk a little of yourself into the conversation (telling him that your friendship is important and that if something does happen again, you want to work through it - if you mean it). Remember, if he let you fuck him in the ass, he's got more to lose than you do - so you should put yourself out there some for him.

Good luck and don't be so afraid of the unknown - cuz it's unknown to everyone, not just you!
 
hmm idk if i ever do choose to experiment again then it wont be with the same kid. of course it would have to be with someone i trust. plus, i thought about it long and hard and hey i experimented. big deal. maybe not the best choice of person to try it with, but it happened. it doesn't make me gay and it doesn't make me bi and im not 100% straight if i was curious. if i try and label myself then it will drive me insane. its better to just leave it as it is and move on. i hate labels and there are many different people in this world to meet so why try and label myself when i haven't even really gone out to see the world and meet all the different types of ppl in it. and it also goes back to the fact that i need to control my drinking habits. its a bad habit to get that drunk and it brings nothing good. ive learned that now. from now on i need to set limits on my alcohol intake. oh and thanks for all the great advise everyone ! :)

p.s.
it's funny. because he has a brother and im good friends with him too. everyone thinks the brother is the gay one and he isn't. ha or so i think. we've had drunken times and nothing happened. so its pretty funny that not everyone is what they seem. that's a trip...
 
Love yourself for who you are. You're gay or bi--so what? It's not the end of the world. And your friend and his brother might both be gay. There are plenty of families with 2 gay brothers.
 
and it also goes back to the fact that i need to control my drinking habits. its a bad habit to get that drunk and it brings nothing good. ive learned that now.
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I love a good epiphany.
 
alright so not much to update on its been a while since ive posted. i just wanted to bring something to attention and see if i handled this the right way. lately me and my friend have been cool i mean its not nearly the same as old times but things change as we all know and as time passes the friendship is coming back together.

However, i ran into one of his really good friends and they asked me something that kind of caught me off guard. they asked "hey i think so and so is gay what do you think?" all i said was "yo idk i dont think so i never really thought about it" he replied "no really i really do think he is blah blah blah" then he had the nerve to ask two people around him to see what they would think. i told him "dont be asking people all crazy like that why dont you just ask him yourself if you really care. what youre doing right now is basically how rumours are started. a good friend doesn't do that"
i pretty much just said that i dont think so and so is gay and that he should ask the guy instead of asking other people if it's that important. i know the answer i had in my head was different, but i was just trying to be considerate of my friend. im not trippin right now, i just thought i would ask people on here because i came here the last time with questions related to the original situation.
 
Your answer was good. Probably the only thing I would have added is, "...and if you're really a friend, then it doesn't matter, does it?".
 
wow. update. i think i am already for sure on how things really are now. me and my friend finally got back on the same terms as before. it is no longer awkward. but last night when he and a friend crashed at my place after a long night of partying, things started happening again. when one of my friends fell asleep, he kept trying to make moves on me. now, we weren't even buzzing at all ! we were a little high of marijuana (please no bashing on that part i know what i am doing) and i know for a FACT that he remembers this all. first, he kept trying to get me to grab a hold of his boner. i said nah im good. basically, i was rejecting him kindly but not awkwardly, you know? then he decided to go take a shower. (in the middle of the night weird i know) while he was in there he told me that he needed help making the water hotter. i went in the restroom and checked the shower head and temperature and there he was naked with a boner and everything. i ignored it and went back to my bed and he called me back in AGAIN saying something about how the water keeps going hot and cold. I know my shower doesn't do that at all. I know what he was trying to do. Since we didn't mess around yet I know that's EXACTLY what he wanted, where do I go from here? I feel like he wants me in that way...

The next morning we acted like nothing happened and he wants to hang out again and I mean I missed our friendship I really did but does this mean he's bi for sure and not just "experimenting" like the 1st time? this is all too confusing. I don't want to confront the situation and make things awkward so maybe I shouldn't let him crash at my place anymore? Idk...last time i learned that it wasn't the greatest idea to choose him to experiment with and I
 
You need to talk to your friend one-on-one and talk about what happened. If you don't, he's just going to think you don't mind. Mind you, he might get awkward again.
 
maybe he wants the friends with benefits thing.
surely wouldn't you wouldn't deny him the comfort of a friend who also comes with benefits would you?
 
This isn't about what he wants. What he wants doesn't matter.

It's about what you want. Do you want to be the backup plan for when he's horny and wants someone to blow him or fuck him? Or do you want someone who is interested in you and not just your dick?
 
Yeah I think I will need to bring it up. I don't know how to bring it up while we are just hanging out because we don't hang out that much just the two of us you know? I mean we do but I don't want to set up something just the two of us so I can bring it up. I think the best way to confront this situation is while he is trying to make it happen again. That way I can stop him in his tracks and ask him what is up...
 
i think you should experiment with him who else is better? lol i know things went wrong with me and my friend but i wouldn't take it back for the world i still love him as a friend and lover and if u reject him it might push him away just enjoy wat u have while u have it
 
but thats the thing. i dont want him to see me as someone to just go to whenever he's horny. im his friend u know. i know things happened before but that was totally spontaneous and i never saw that one coming. i thought that it wouldn't happen again because of how awkward it was for a while. i was okay with it not happening again but now the 2nd time is different. nobody was wasted and he knew what he was doing. and i feel like we need to talk about this before i would even think about letting it go any further. what i really want is to know what he really thinks of me. so i know where the friendship stands. a big part of me just doesn't want him like THAT...if i wanted him then i would have gone for it.
nothing in me really wants a relationship with a guy. maybe in the long run but i hardly think about it. friends with benefits, i doubt it. i just don't like not knowing i guess. and i just wanted to know if i should talk about it with him and not let things "just happen" again in the future.
 
fff1234 said:
...and i just wanted to know if i should talk about it with him and not let things "just happen" again in the future.
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It's a tough call. It's going to depend on the relationship you have with him (and whether the two of you can be honest) and upon whether he's willing to stop playing games and come clean about what happened.

That conversation may be is: "Look. I like you as a friend. If I have sex wtih someone, I want a two-way relationship with them, not just friends with benefits. I don't like feeling like I'm putting our friendship in jeopardy."

If you can be that honest with him, then talk to him and tell him that you don't want it to happen again unless it is going to be something more than just two horny guys messing around just because they're drunk and available.

The big obstacle is going to be whether he's able to be honest with you and with himself. That means he has to admit that he gets a boner for guys and he wants to get tucked in the ass. And that's a hard admission (no pun intended) for any "straight" guy.
 
Oh man, I know exactyl what your friend feels like. I wish anyone of my straight friends would act the way your friend does. I'm not that brave. It's too bad you're straight.

You definitely can't avoid talking to this guy. You really need to tell him you're not interested but you still want to be friends because the friendship means a lot to you. I think it would be worse if you wait for him to make another move. I would feel so horrible and rejected then. I think its best to do it when you guys are both sober and nothing's going on. Just when you're hanging out and he's not horny.
 
I think it's all about balancing how much you want to be treated like a 'human' versus how much you just want to be treated like a slut.

Of course, we all want our cake and eat it too. We all want the guy to act straight and macho in the sheets but also can be a disney fag supportive guy when we need a heart. We sort of want these things to be balanced perfectly when we want them, and put a pretty bow on that.

You're going to have to make some important choices here. Do I want just lust, and male worship, or do I want something more. If you're just happy with the sex- fine, but don't idealize it into something more than it really is. I think we all choose 'love' or 'lust' decisions pretty much every day. Immediate gratification versus something that's better for us in the long-haul, but not much of a turn on as the 'sleeping with a str8 guy' appeal.
 
i have NO idea where to go from here. :/
i seriously don't have the guts to bring it up on a sober occasion. i know i need to get the courage but it's hard. in some ways i regret the first experience. that night i realized everything wasn't what i thought it was. but then again I'm glad it happened because now I know the truth. No matter what, I know what happened. I know what he wants to happen.I KNOW THE TRUTH OF THE SITUATION. So if I ever do bring it up, sober or not, I will stand my ground and say "I know YOU wanted it to happen and you've tried to make it happen again. I didn't object either so I will be real with you if you are real with me...so please just be honest with me because I honestly will not judge you and ruin our friendship. I'd rather be your friend who you can trust than just someone you think will be there for when you are horny. Be honest and tell me how you HONESTLY feel about me." Hopefully I can say all of that one day soon..
 
fff1234 said:
Be honest and tell me how you HONESTLY feel about me." Hopefully I can say all of that one day soon..
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And what if he's says, "Gurl, I'm queer as a 3 dollar bill and I want cock. Now let's go shopping and get our nails done."

Then what?

Look- the problem here is that you're wanting something from him. You'd be better off moving on and finding someone who isn't causing all this confusion and uncertainty in your life.

He's a 3 beer queer. There's no mystery. The world is full of them. Don't get in the habit of wasting time with them- little good ever comes from playing cat and mouse with confused little "straight" boys.
 
^ Eloquently put.

Unless this is really about keeping us all on the hook with this drama in your life, I'd

just

move

on.

And find someone that really matters and is willing to share themselves physically and emotionally.
 
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