Educate me in human relations

[Paws]

There's something about social/human relations that I haven't figured out yet in all those years:

Some persons that I've met (be it at school or at work), talked to for a while and seemed likeable tend to ignore me once they don't have anything to do with me anymore or haven't seen me in a while. I couldn't consider them friends back then yet, but at least good contacts and would have liked to know them better. Whenever I see them on the streets, I look at them and try to smile, showing I remember and like them, hoping for a smile back so I can at least say "hi", but the other person just has a quick look at me then averts his eyes and acts like he never knew me.

Sure, also I tend to ignore former classmates or other persons that I dislike because they weren't friendly to me or we just didn't have any common interests at all. Same goes for persons I've met and spoke to for one day (like courses) but didn't get to know at all. But I can't remember saying anything bad to the persons I like and who ignore me now.

For example:

One of them was an older gay guy that I met at the gym. He was friendly, he was the one that approached me and started to greet me. We exchanged a few words through e-mail and private messages on a dating site. He always said we could go for a drink one day, though this never happened because we never could settle for a "date". After a while I stopped going to the gym and didn't see him anymore. By then, I noticed that it was always me that sporadically wrote him mails and he was the one replying with "oh hey, I was just thinking of you..." (sure...). 3 years went by now and just recently, I drove past him with my bike and he did the turn-eyes-away-and-be-clueless trick. I definitely put him off my sympathy-list now, although I don't know what's going on with him. He seemed friendly, is he too nice to tell me that he's not interested in me?

Another case would be former teachers that live near me and I still see on the streets. One tended to ignore me right away after I was off the school, but another one seemed friendly (and gay) and we used to greet each other a few times afterwards, now he ignores me too.

Is there some kind of rule that if you don't happen to become close friends in a certain amount of time, you ignore each other up to the point of not even greeting and acting like you've never knew the person?

 

[benlemieux2003]

Well I've noticed the same thing too. This may sound rude but...

Most people you'll meet are assholes and won't give a crap about you once you're no longer a regular character in their lives. It bothered me for a while, thinking it was unfair, then I decided these guys weren't worth it.

I've got true friends I focus on instead. Makes me helluva lot happier.

Point is, don't worry.

 

[G-Lexington]

I'm guilty of doing this. If I do it, I have two different reasons for doing it.

1. I feel guilty. I think "Geez, I never did get back to him, and if I acknowledge him, I'll have to talk to him, I'm going to have to explain why the hell I haven't contacted him. I should just pretend I didn't see him, and then I won't have to explain." Obviously, this doesn't solve the problem - it magnifies it. But, if you've seen me around here, you know I can be pretty insensitive at times. To be totally honest, though, this is the rarer of the two.

2. I can't place a person. I'm AWFUL at this. I'll see somebody waving, and I'll think "Who is that? Why do I know him? Do I go over and bluff my way through, or do I just not acknowledge it?" Again, probably the wrong choice.

And I'm not kidding about "not placing a person". A couple years ago, someone came in to see me at work. "Hey," she said. "Hi," I said back, wondering how I knew her. "It's me," she said. I nodded slowly, still not gettnig it. "YOUR SISTER?" she added.

She DID have a ski hat on, but still, I should've recognized her.

Sometimes this extends further. A couple nights ago, we went out to dinner. Pubert suddenly said, "Hey!" to the person next to us. "Fancy meeting you here!" I looked him over, and nothing clicked. Must be a work colleage of his, I thought. Pubert then turned to me and said, "I didn't think this was the sort of place Michael would go." Then it clicked. He was our next-door neighbor. The one we've lived next to for over two years. Nothing.

I'm a real clueless son of a bitch sometimes.

So sometimes when people wave at me, I assume they're NOT waving at me. I don'trecognize them, so they must be waving at somebody else.

Is this what's happening to you? Possibly. I don't know if they're being assholes, per se, but whatever it is, whenever this happens, I'd just say "No more acknowledging them unless they acknowledge me first".

Lex

 

[Yeehaw]

interesting thread, very relatable.

I dont know, its hard to understand ppl lol... for example, this guy I met on facebook (he poked me), blew me off twice, and apologized profusely afterwards, saying how "his life got crazy and its all his fault" and made up lies like calling me a few times in a week but when I asked him what my number is he was like "I don't remember?". LOL thats pretty fucked up. Must be some good drugs hes on or hes mentally impaired.

the old gay guy story you told sounds familiar and it happens a lot in various scenarios. What I do now is I stick with ppl I meet in real life, if someone I meet online (or in real life for that matter) keeps cancelling on me then I move on as fast as possible.

 

[crzyrazn]

And I'm not kidding about "not placing a person". A couple years ago, someone came in to see me at work. "Hey," she said. "Hi," I said back, wondering how I knew her. "It's me," she said. I nodded slowly, still not gettnig it. "YOUR SISTER?" she added.

That's hilarious. How do you not place your own sister? LOL.

However, I understand what you mean, Paws. I guess there is a time limit from when you first meet someone to forming a lasting relationship with someone. If you think about it, it does make sense. After awhile of just being acquaintances, people think there is nothing in common between you and decide to move on. You just have to find people who you really click with in the beginning. Those are the ones that remain friends.

 

[Paws]

Most people you'll meet are assholes

Things are:

1) He was the one who had the courage to come up to me and I was the one that decided he's worth it.

2) I can't remember if he had seen me naked in the gym shower before he came up to me. Maybe it was only afterwards he saw my body and expected something better.

3) When I brought up the topic of bodybuilding, he told me he prefers the average body type and seemed serious about this opinion. I'm rather insecure about my body and don't know how attractive I am to others, so I once wanted to go one step further and wondered if he would like to have sex with me. I asked him in a mail if he "would have sex with a guy of my figure". He never replied to it and next time we saw each other, right before he had to go, he just said he would give me an answer to this later on. I guess I'm below his average body type?

4) When I once was frustrated and had to vent my anger about mankind to him, he was the first one who told me the same line you said, that "most people are assholes"...

5) He has a partner by now, but I don't mind just being friends (or fuck buddies, whatever).

6) In the last mail I sent him, I asked him if he was on drugs the first time he saw me. You know, like alcohol makes others appear more attractive. If he had replied with "yes", his behaviour would make more sense to me and I would know what he was about.

I'll see somebody waving, and I'll think "Who is that? Why do I know him?

This happened to me lately, but it was a 40 year old woman who probably mistook me for her grandchild. I'm bad at remembering women, but not bearded men that I've talked to for a while and I expect the same from other bearded men that are willing to engage in conversation with me.

You just have to find people who you really click with in the beginning. Those are the ones that remain friends.

It did click right away for me. Even though I was just blinded by his look and at least expected to give him a blowjob if we didn't have anything in common otherwise

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>That's hilarious. How do you not place your own sister

Because I'm just not visually attuned. She's got strawberry blonde hair, which is fairly easy to pick out in a crowd. Apparently, that became my "tuning" bit - "strawberry blonde hair in this style" = sister. She showed up with a ski hat on, which removed that piece of information. And I was utterly and truly lost. Didn't recognize her at all. Sad, but there it is.

And she wasn't pissed - just rolled her eyes so loudly you could've heard it across the room. She's used to me by now.

>>>He has a partner by now, but I don't mind just being friends (or fuck buddies, whatever)

This may be telling.

Lex

 

[backpacker]

This happened to me lately, but it was a 40 year old woman who probably mistook me for her grandchild.

I sure don't know too many 40 year old women who have grandchildren that are 26! I just couldn't resist pointing that out. Please forgive me.

I'm pretty good at remembering faces, but I'm really bad with names. That sometimes makes it a little awkward when I run across people, but I always still acknowledge them. Some people may just ignore you because they can't remember your name and don't want to be embarrassed. Try not to take it too personal.

 

[Jory]

I'm guilty of doing this. If I do it, I have two different reasons for doing it.

1. I feel guilty. I think "Geez, I never did get back to him, and if I acknowledge him, I'll have to talk to him, I'm going to have to explain why the hell I haven't contacted him. I should just pretend I didn't see him, and then I won't have to explain." Obviously, this doesn't solve the problem - it magnifies it. But, if you've seen me around here, you know I can be pretty insensitive at times. To be totally honest, though, this is the rarer of the two.
* Be honest you it will kind of shock you how most people will understand and if they dont they're an ass
2. I can't place a person. I'm AWFUL at this. I'll see somebody waving, and I'll think "Who is that? Why do I know him? Do I go over and bluff my way through, or do I just not acknowledge it?" Again, probably the wrong choice.

And I'm not kidding about "not placing a person". A couple years ago, someone came in to see me at work. "Hey," she said. "Hi," I said back, wondering how I knew her. "It's me," she said. I nodded slowly, still not gettnig it. "YOUR SISTER?" she added.

She DID have a ski hat on, but still, I should've recognized her.
* That is why you let get them to bring up where you meet it can be done I have and as for your sister you didn't even recognize her voice your own flesh and blood you do have problems