Effective casual "rebound" strategy

[Devois]

Perhaps isn't "rebound" isn't the right term. We weren't an item: I met a fellow who was very good in bed and conversation thrice over a year. In a lot of cases, I've been able to sleep crushes off, but not him. I've been looking for someone else like that since a few months after the first time, but he's still my clear favourite. Dating him was never an option (he's taken), we don't live that nearby and I suspect that I've alienated him anyway, through a combination of my antics during our last night together and a text message that I sent him after another few months.

Now my plan to keep lurking on Grindr and the London cruise bars failed to deliver so far, but what if it does? I find a new chap to obsess over and carry on the whole process to divert my attention from him? That doesn't strike me as the most sensible of ideas. But I haven't rejected it, because I still want more. Does anyone have better suggestions?

 

[Seasoned]

At some point, for peace of mind, fantasy has to give way to realism. Hopefully, the take away here is that you realize you’re not a no strings guy and to stay away from a guy who is taken. The fact that he’s taken might also be some of the appeal. It could be an ego boost to get someone to question their relationship.

 

[Devois]

Hello, Seasoned, thanks for your response. That guy wasn't keeping the sex outside his relationship a secret. He talks about having sex with other men openly on social media. I know that I was another man, not the other man.

My aim was to divide whatever feelings I have between a few men. My guess is that this could diminish each crush to a point that they become individually dispensable rather than obsessing over one of them. What are the alternatives? Perhaps I'm a not a no strings guy, but I'm not an abstinence guy and my primitive social skills and interest range and the instability of my career make relationships look like a distant prospect that might not even be right for me anyway.

 

[TX-Beau]

You get better at social skills by practicing. Can you for instance, walk up to a stranger in a public venue and introduce yourself?

I've never been a fan of the "rebound" guy thing. I always went for the rebound slutty debauchery.

 

[TX-Beau]

Nothing says single like 12 men in a bed, and an industrial size box of rubbers.

 

[Seasoned]

Hello, Seasoned, thanks for your response. That guy wasn't keeping the sex outside his relationship a secret. He talks about having sex with other men openly on social media. I know that I was another man, not the other man.

My aim was to divide whatever feelings I have between a few men. My guess is that this could diminish each crush to a point that they become individually dispensable rather than obsessing over one of them. What are the alternatives? Perhaps I'm a not a no strings guy, but I'm not an abstinence guy and my primitive social skills and interest range and the instability of my career make relationships look like a distant prospect that might not even be right for me anyway.

I guess I'm confused, not sure what your issue is. Are you lacking a regular fuck buddy that excites you and are you afraid that when you do you'll crush and be torn between wanting and not wanting a relationship?

 

[Devois]

You get better at social skills by practicing. Can you for instance, walk up to a stranger in a public venue and introduce yourself?

I've never been a fan of the "rebound" guy thing. I always went for the rebound slutty debauchery.

I don't tend to approach strangers like that. Conveniently, sex bars are more friendly than most venues, which makes it easier to wait for someone else to do it.

I guess I'm confused, not sure what your issue is. Are you lacking a regular fuck buddy that excites you and are you afraid that when you do you'll crush and be torn between wanting and not wanting a relationship?

Yes. I suppose that I'm hoping to borrow the perks of being in a physical relationship without putting the work into building real ones. I don't really know how people make and stay friends. Plus unsuitable prospective boyfriends can make perfectly good fuck buddies if the boundaries are understood and accepted.

It's trying to have my cake and eat it too and it's occurred to me how greedy that is now. Intimacy is addictive, but I must admit that this craving is a first world problem when I consider what I already have access to.

 

[TX-Beau]

Well, if your'e going to sex clubs then yeah, you can point your pert back 40 at the sky and someone is going to bite.

Looking for a friend, a relationship, or a hot bossy bottom are not mutually exclusive things, you can have all of them at the same time.

People make friends by mutual interests. It's why straight guys pretend they all love football so much, it's a common denominator, and safe subject, they use women for this purpose as well.

Gay men generally have different interests than football and women, so what do you like to do, and where are the guys who are doing it? They don't have to be gay, you keep friends by being one. You listen, you hang out, you be a stand up guy, and you do your best to be a fun time - and I don't mean handing out blowjobs.

You should practice introducing yourself to strangers - the goal is not to get every one of them as a life long bosom buddy. I never used to, but then at some point I just started doing it. Why, who knows what changed in my head, maybe as I got older I just lost a bunch of social anxiety. I don't go up to everyone I come across of course, but I do speak up if it looks like I can be considerate or helpful. You'd be surprised at the return you get for just being polite to a stranger.