Elwood - Archived Blog Posts

[Elwood]

I just went for a long walk and it really did me good. Money is very tight right now and I have been forced to go off my Effexor, it is a medication for depression and anxiety. At the same time I have decided to stop smoking pot. It has been a week and a half since I last took my effexor and seeing as I am not working right now I have been just staying in the house and doing nothing really.

My head was spinning and not feeling really good due to the lack of meds. prescribed and not prescribed LOL. It is a nice sunny but cold day today and I spent the morning playing Starcraft on the computer when I said fuck it!! I jumped in the shower got dressed and grabbed my sons Ishuffle and hit the streets, I went for a walk for about an hour and a half and I must admit I feel so much better right now, I think I will go on another walkabout tonight maybe even stroll down to the village and see whats going on.

 

[Elwood]

Well let's see whats been going on. It has been about three weeks since I stopped taking my meds and I actually feel a lot better. So much so that I plan on staying off them. Spoke to the DR this morning she was mad at me for the way I did it(see previous blog entry) and said never do that again. She is in agreement that I could stay off them, I really do feel so much better a lot more happier and optimistic.

The pot. it has been roughly 3 weeks since I stopped smoking the whacky tabacee and again I am feeling much better. So I will be staying off that as well, I hope LOL. Cigarettes are next on my list, but I got to go one thing at a time.

Work, can't really complain I have been getting contracts on commercials which in general pay really well. I did a commercial last week and one days pays is more then enough to get me financially through the week. More commercials on the horizon and possibly a video project for LALALA Human Steps, that should be very interesting. No feature projects on the horizon but I am keeping a positive outlook!

The roommate, god where do I start here?? Ok he is slowly becoming a pain in the ass. Does nothing around the house except dirty dishes and leave them in the sink for me to wash. He has been sick and off work this week, so he has been home and driving me crazy, and believe me I don't have far to go! He is 18 very soon to be 19 and just doesn't get it. He goes on a drug induced 48 hour party binge two weeks ago and wonders why he is sick now??? Overall he is a nice kid but he needs guidance, and I am not sure if I am up to the task. Then again it will be good practice for when my kids are teenagers.

My kids, they are doing well i really want to come out to them and I having problems finding any research on the subject of coming out to your kids. Funny that???? Usually it is the other way around LOL

The ex-wife, she is and constantly will be a pain in my ass!! Can't say I am surprised. She really is a bitch though.

Lovelife, pfft whats that???? LOL

Other things, I have started chatting with an ex-Jub member who lives in Montreal, he is 21 and I must say I am very impressed with his outlook on things, seems very mature for his age. I am really enjoying our chats, last night we chatted for about 3 hours, we do have a lot in common.

So that sums up my life right now. I am just amazed at how much better I feel since I stopped the meds that were supposed to make me feel better. I am very upbeat these last two weeks and I hope it stays that way!!

Love ya
Kevin

 

[Elwood]

Hey everybody, I have not posted in a while , I know that I do not have a huge following of my blog, but I do enjoy going back and reading my entry's it is like a diary.

Life in general is good I am working and have another contract lined up right after this one finish's. I am working for a new boss he is a super nice guy however, I do not really enjoy working with him . He is a total control freak and does not delegate and then when things go wrong he says things like "I can't do everything myself". I will have to tolerate it for now and hopefully things will change.

It has been about 3 months since I stopped taking Effexor for my mood and I am really not sure if stopping was the best thing to do?? I just feel kind of blah lately and I am wondering how much of it is due to me not taking the meds anymore? On the one hand, I don't really want to be taking a pill everyday, but I think I did feel better when I was taking them. I have to schedule a doctors appointment in June so I will see how I am feeling then and talk to my doctor about it and se what he/she thinks? The funny thing is that (it really isn't funny) my sex drive has really gone down since I stopped taking effexor.

I hooked up with a guy last week but there was just no spark, I am still trying to decide wether I want to see him again. He is a really nice guy but there was just no umpff.

I am slowly coming out at work, just yesterday I told a girl who works with me and her reaction was pretty funny. I was going out last night with 2 other gay guys from work, and at lunch I was sitting at a table with the girl I told and 1 of the guys I went out with. The guy I went out with said where are we going tonight and at what time? So the girl said you guys are going out and I said yes we are going to the gay village. She looked at me and said you go out in the village ?? To which I replied yes I am gay. Her face was priceless and we all had a good laugh. People are always really surprised when I tell them but I guess with being a divorced dad, they just never really expect it.

After 3 years of being out of the closet and going out to gay bars you would think that my cruising techniques would have gotten better. But no I am just so shy and I tend to clam up when I am around a guy I find attractive. Oh well I am sure I eventually find someone.

A guy I hooked up with about 6 months ago contacted me again and he is supposed to come over tonight I hope he does, he is really cute and a great kisser. And in all honesty I am due for an oil change....

Well thats is it for now hope my ramblings are not to confusing LOL

Love ya
Kevin

 

[Elwood]

Well after consulting with my Dr this morning I have decided to go back on the Effexor. Now I guess time will tell.

On another medical note (the reason I was at the Dr.'s it seems I now have gout, Yippee one more thing to worry about and it hurts like hell!! I really think it is time to start doing something more then just thinking about a lifestyle change? What do you think LOL.


Love ya
Kevin

 

[Elwood]

Well things have been going really well. On the work front it has been an amazing year. I am currently off for about a month before I start my next contract, a well deserved rest. My next contract takes me out of town for 6 weeks in January and February. I will be in Chicoutimi which is about a 5 hour drive from Montreal. I checked at least there is one gay bar, not that I will have much time we will be shooting on a six day schedule for 6 weeks.

Still no luck on the love front but I refuse to give up lol. I am tired of chasing after the young ones I always get hurt in the end. Time to start looking for someone my age. I just can't help it though the young ones are just sooo damn cute. I know I know old ones are cute to and it is time to accept the fact that it just aint going to happen with a younger one.

Well that is my little update for now I am always lurking on JUB just don't seem to be posting that much anymore.
Take care!!
Kevin

 

[Elwood]

Not Christmas, ba humbug. My adventure. I am going to work on a film in Chicoutimi and St Rose du Nord. Although I have not read it yet, the script is supposedly pretty good. It is a Quebecois comedy.

It will take me 5 hours out of Montreal for at least 7 weeks in the middle of winter. The region where we are shooting is supposed to be breathtaking. I leave next Thursday I am flying there this time, should be interesting it is on a small plane. This time around I will only be going for a week and then back for the holidays. I should be going back the first week of January for 6 to 7 weeks. I have so much to think about and a ton of things to do before I leave.

I thought about it today and I am really excited about this project and I think it is going to be a lot of fun. I have decided (well we will see if I keep it up?) to keep a journal of my adventure. So feel free to follow me on my adventure I will maybe even have some photo's.

Take care
Kevin

 

[Elwood]

I leave on my little adventure tomorrow morning, we fly out at 6:00 A.M. God I have to get up at like 4:00 A.M. I am looking forward to the flight as it is the first time I will be on a small plane (9 Pass). I start work as soon as I get there, and I am staying for 1 week this time to start the prep work, we don't actually start shooting until Jan, 07. I will get the script tomorrow and read it soon, it is supposed to be real funny.

Anyways I have to go do the dishes and do some final packing and then to bed.

Take care
Kevin

 

[Elwood]

Well I arrived last Thursday morning and the flight was amazing. We were in a ten seater prop plane, we took off and it was still dark and we watched the sunrise from the air. We landed an hour later and it was -30 Celsius in Chicoutimi. We then boarded a school bus which brought us to our hotel where we had breakfast. The Hotel is very nice it has a swimming pool and everything. After Breakfast we boarded the school bus again that brought us to the village where we will be shooting. I cannot even begin to describe how beautiful the village is. The village is called St. Rose du Nord, it is located on the Saguenay river. The region is very mountainous and the river has fjords can you say that in english? The village is located on a bay on the Saguenay river. The village is built on mountains that lead down to the river, I will eventually post pictures because it is so beautiful you just have to see it. The amount of snow here is amazing there is at least 6 feet of snow here all ready. We had a huge storm yesterday that dumped about a foot of snow. This should be interesting because the hotel is about 45 minutes by car from St. Rose so it could make for some fun commutes to work everymorning. I am here for 2 more days and then it is a 6 hour car ride back to Montreal for the holidays and I will drive back again for almost 2 months in the first week of January. I have started reading the script and it is really good so far. I will write a little bit more about it over the holidays. Thats it for now. Take Care Kevin

 

[Elwood]

I leave for Chicoutimi on Saturday. I am a little stressed out right now. I always get a little stressed before going away. This time I am going for almost two months, there are tons of things to think of and I just hope I don't forget anything. I will miss my kids I will not see them again until the end of February.

Speaking of my kids, my evil ex-wife just called. Now she has known about this contract since the beginning of December, she knew I would be out of town for work for two months. So she calls tonight, and says "we never discussed you going away?" I was like you call me two days before I leave and say we have not discussed it?? She obviously has a problem with me going because I will not be here for the times I am supposed to have my kids, every 2cnd week. However she has had since the beginning of December to discuss all she wants and has not said a word about it. I told her sorry I am not getting into it now I have just to many things to do. I swear to god she does it on purpose just to piss me off.

As I promised earlier I plan on keeping a journal of this project on my blog, the film company also will have a website with daily updates from the set. I will post the address of this site later for anyone who is interested.

Take care and talk to you soon
Kevin

 

[Elwood]

It has been a while since my last post. I have been her for a month now, and so far it has been pretty good. I like it here, the scenery is just amazing and the people are sooo warm and friendly. A big plus is that I have moved out of the hotel and moved into a fully furnished two bedroom apt. Every day starts and finishes with a 35 minute drive that I have affectionately named "The white knuckle drive". The first part of the drive follows the Sageunay river and the road twist and turns. It has been so cold that the river steams in the morning and has created some spectacular images with the rising sun shimmering through the fog. The drive then heads for the mountains the first hill is awesome as the river disappears behind the mountains. On a nice day it is a beautiful drive, The white knuckle part comes in on snowy days, it becomes quite a scary drive.


The film is going quite well, we are two days ahead of schedule which has allowed for two day weekends, no one is complaining. This week we were scheduled to shoot a stunt but the day of the stunt was a beautiful day, when the other scenes in the stunt were shot on grey snowy days so we scrambled and shot other stuff. This week has been incredibly cold somewhere between -25 to - 30C. Yesterday we shot an ice fishing scene on the Saguenay river, we hired ski-doos with trailers and brought all the equipment and about 70 crew and actors out on to the river. There is an actual ice fishing village, they have these cabins that are like mini homes and spend their weekends on the river. The cabins have everything, kitchen with a stove, fireplace, dining table, and some even have couches. Then you pull down the stairs like in an attic and the bedroom is on the second level. Did I mention the view? You are on the Saguenay river in the middle of a fjord. The river has a tide and the ice falls and rises about 12 feet everyday absolutely spectacular!!!

We have sort of taken over Ste-Rose du Nord which is the village we are using as a film set. The residents love it, as we are employing a lot of them to work with us as extra's, all the extras in the movie are residents of the village. We have been renting ski-doos and trailers and are paying them to drive them. Every department has been hiring locals to work with them as well. My department has at least 10 locals with us everyday. As I mentioned before the people here are wonderful. They are very kind hearted and so friendly it is a pleasure to work with them. The mayor of the village who we deal with on a daily basis is quite a character. He makes sure we have everything we need and more, we are even using the village snow plough in the movie, and if a street is to slippery we have the snow plough operators number we call him and he is there in 15 minutes spreading sand. Thank god we have these people, we would not be able to pull it off without them.

My office which is usually in a trailer, is in the basement of a bed and breakfast that we have taken over and converted into wardrobe, hair and make-up and in the basement is the production office. We step outside and have a beautiful view of the river and the village. This week the daily temperature of our office has been 10C because of all the people coming in and out and the frigid temperatures outside. We have hired a local couple who own a cafe as our craft, which is basically providing breakfast and snacks to the crew. Every morning people arrive and go to craft and Linda has been cooking up amazing breakfasts. It is the first time I see people show up half an hour early for work so they can have breakfast first. We also have a catered lunch, which a local restaurant has been providing and it has been typical Quebecois cuisine which is perfect for the conditions we are in. I came here hoping to loose a little weight But with the excellent food we have been having, it is tough to resist.

I love my apartment, I have a fireplace and a lazy boy sometimes a dangerous mix lol. Last weekend I went out and bought some wood it was freezing outside came home and got the fireplace going and jumped into the lazy boy. Within an hour the apartment was toasty warm and I was snoring in the lazyboy. That scenario has been repeated a few times since. It is convenient to have an apartment I have a washer and dryer and do my own laundry. Besides coffee every morning I have not used the kitchen much. I am rarely here always at work. Chicoutimi is a really nice little city that I am falling in love with. I am definitely going to have to try and come here in the summer. Over all it has been a great experience that I am happy to be living. Hopefully now that I have my computer back I will be checking in a little more often


Ciao for now
Kevin

 

[Elwood]

Well I am in the middle of another film shoot. I just got back from 3 weeks up north in the Laurentians working on L'Amour Aller Retour, it will play on T.V in France.

It was tough as hell the first week, I was calling it "Vietnam Baby Vietnam". We were in the middle of the woods for two hot and muggy BUG infested days. We had night shots with cars , so we had to have P.A's block this logging road in the pitch black about 1.5 KM from the set or any other human. I am sure there was lots of wild life. So we decided to send (we did not really have a choice) our 16 year old staggaire from France out into the middle of the Quebec wilderness in the dark. I could just Imagine what was going through his head every time he heard something rustle in the woods. At least he got to see the stars.

So we were filming on a little lake in the Laurentians where we built the set on the lake, they literally built a cabin right on the edge of the lake. It was very difficult because the sound man heard every little noise that would echo across the lake we were constantly running looking for the noise. I will never forget my encounter of a very proud and boisterous 84 year old woman. We were shooting at the cottage next to hers and she started cutting her grass. Well the sound man flipped big time and every body was off to find the offensive noise. after about 10 minutes no one could find it, so I set out to find the lawnmower culprit. I had to cross a stream and push my way through some pretty dense forest. When I popped out on the other side I found an 84 year old Irish lady pushing her faithful lawnmower with a rather large sun hat. I didn't want to scare her so I was screaming at the top of my lungs Hello Excuse Me. When I finally got her attention she shut off her lawnmower and said hello?
So I was like hi we are shooting next door would you mind cutting your grass another time? No I came here specifically today to cut my grass. Ok what if I offer to cut it during our lunch break. No you will break my lawn mower and like my lawnmower. O:K if we break your lawnmower we will buy you a new one. I like this one!! How long are you shooting for? Well we just started and we will be shooting for about another 9 hours. I will give you an hour and then I am starting my lawn mower again. So I walked away o:k I have an hour to come up with plan C think, think, think.....

Got it!! I will cut your grass with another lawnmower? She ponders and says o:k, excellent I will have someone here at 6:00 to cut your grass. So Alain goes over with a lawnmower at 6:00 to cut her grass. It is not long before she comes out and starts yelling at him you are not doing it right!!!! I am going to call my lawyer!! Meanwhile I quickly eat my lunch and figure I will go see how Alain is doing? I get there and I have never ever seen a face soooo angry before and he is putting the lawnmower in his truck. I got out of my car and asked him what was the matter??? He said Kevin I have to get out of here before I loose control. Then from out of the house comes my dear old lawnmower lady. She starts going on he wasn't doing it right! What's a matter with him??? To make matters worse she cut her arm while trying to put her lawnmower back in her car so she was fit to be tied. Alain left and I managed to calm her down. What a spitfire though!!

The crew stayed in cottages on site, my accommodations were known as the "Maison Jaune" (the Yellow house). We were 7 in the Maison Jaune the was two girls from my department Anne and Joelle, the 16 year old stagaire from France Hugo, Lynda and Alain her husband, and Mathilde from the Camera dept. The maison Jaune was just amazing, I was concerned as I have never had a room mate before, never mind 7.
It was sooo much fun!! We had parties all the time in the maison Jaune, we had some amazing meals that we all worked on. We all just got along really well, it was a great chemistry. There were also the other parties!! The camp fire where Garou was the entertainment, he is really good and a super nice guy. The late night skinny dipping in the lake being lit by a full moon! A first for me LOL.

It was fun but the work was gruelling but we did it. I know this is long but I am more writing about it to keep the good memories alive. I will have more stories from my last 3 weeks but I just got home late last night and I think it is time for a nap.

 

[Elwood]

Yup I did. The production moved back to Montreal for 6 days of shoot in the city. Now it becomes a whole different ballgame in the city. You have to get city permits for parking spaces for the trucks and everything has to be very very organised. Well after the first day of shoot where we shot in a rather pricey condo building and shot a scene in the only elevator in the building. Needless to say a lot of the other condo dwellers were not happy that they could not use the elevator. And once again I found myself taking the brunt of their frustrations.

Monday I started at 3:15 A.M and I finished at 8:30 P.M and I started Tuesday at 4:15. So We had moved the basecamp (mobile trailers for make-up, hair, and wardrobe and offices) and were ready to head off to the location where we were shooting at that morning. I get to the location and parked all my trucks and production vehicles in the spots that I have reserved from the city and everything is o:k. once the trucks were parked they were not supposed to move because they were not seeing out the front door of the location and they would be out of the camera's eye. Well the 1st A.D comes out and says we have to back up the camera truck because it is in the shot. So I said well the camera was never supposed to look that way, my spots are all full and I don't have any where to put it. I was a little angry because since the beginning they have been making tons of last minute decisions that really have huge implications on me and my department.

The previous 3 weeks we have been shooting in the country were it was a lot easier to make changes at the last minute. However as I mentioned before in the city it is a whole different story.

So I was rather grumpy and let my feeling be known. Well the director wasn't very happy with that and said to me "shut up or get off the set" "This is the worst unit department that I have ever worked with". Well after everything I have been through in the last 3 weeks to keep up with his last minute demands and doing other peoples jobs because the production hired an incompetent location manager and I am stuck doing his job as well and getting yelled at by people, enough was enough. I said "the worst unit department you ever worked with? he said "Yes the worst" I grabbed my walkie-talkie and threw it at his feet and said Bye-Bye and I walked off the set. I got in my car I drove to see my immediate boss and I told him I am sorry but I am no longer on this project.

I brought all my personal stuff home drove to the office closed my petty cash handed in my cell phone then drove to see my boss again and left my production vehicle and took the subway home. I start work on two other projects August 11 that will keep me busy until December. I really didn't need the aggravation from some un appreciative twat like him. I would rather spend time with my kids.

 

[Elwood]

So if you follow my blog you know that I have been off since last Tuesday. I had my kids since Wednesday and they went back to their mothers house on Sunday night. The weather has been pretty crap and raining most of the time. I managed to take the boys to see The Dark Night, the new Batman movie. I thought it was way to long I was waiting with anticipation for it to end. The kids liked it. The next day we went swimming at Jarry park at a public pool. It was a rare sunny beautiful day and we had a good time.

Saturday and Sunday were a complete wash out because of the rain, and the kids were getting ape shit from being shut-ins. They start day camp this week so I find myself with free time. How ever I am bored and can't figure out what I want to do? It is a nice day today so I want to get out while I can. I spoke to my best friend Stef he is at his country house with his family and said take the bus up and he is coming back to Montreal on Thursday, and he can bring me back. Hmm a few day's in the country could be interesting??? Check the weather for there, rain for the next 3 days I think I will stay in the city. Thanks anyways.

My big brother is coming to my other big brothers house in Montreal I have not seen him or spoke to him in at least 2 years if not 3. I sort of pushed the family away when I came out almost 5 years ago now. Wow time flies when you are having fun. So I feel like I should see him while he is here, I am trying to make an effort to bring the family back in. He may be the only one of my siblings who is not aware of the new me. Unless he has figured it out, or another of the siblings told him. He is a bit of a jerk so I figure it is best not to tell him, as well as my eldest brother agreed with me that it would not be wise to tell him. He can be quite an obnoxious drunk and I can just imagine him spewing completely tasteless jokes out about me in front of my kids and my parents who are not aware of the new me yet.

So here I sit typing this trying to figure out what to do today?? I know tonight I would like to go for a few drinks in the village, and definitely go to Taboo. I have not been in a while and need to see some sexy naked flesh!!!
Take care
Kevin

 

[Elwood]

I am not even sure if the title makes sense?? Well it has been a while and a lot has happened. I have been basically working non stop for 4 months now, I shouldn't complain there are a lot of people from the film business desperately seeking work. I on the other hand have had a tremendous year work wise. I am currently doing my 5th movie this year. I am doing two movies back to back. I had no time off between the two. I am very very tired.


I lost my Dad in October, that was a tough thing to live through. He died of lung cancer. I tried to spend as much time with him as possible, we spend some nice moments at the end. There was one time my brother sister and I were in the room with him and he said "Ya know life is funny, here I am dieing and the three of you are watching me die, it is sort of like a corn roast. Well the three of us just burst out laughing which in turn made my Dad laugh.


Still no luck on the "LOVE" front. I have been going out because I have been working so much and my time off I try and be with my kids, who have started high school this year. I am looking forward to spending more time with my boys in December.

My god have I travelled this year!! I am leaving town on Sunday for two weeks. We will be shooting up north, we are staying in cottages I will be sharing mine with 5 people from my department and we all get along really well. This is the fourth movie that I go away for an extended period of time this year. We call it location vacation.

We just lived through the toughest week of the movie. We had two locations per day for the first 3 days, and the locations were not close together. It was all about transport, which is my dept so I have been rather busy. We moved into a location for two days and prepped moving everything 1 and a half hours out of town on Sunday. We are basically takeing over someones country home and using it as a movie set.


So that is what I have been up to. I shall report back and tell you how the Location Vacation went.





You got to laugh or else you cry.

 

[Elwood]

Wow it has been a while... Things are going pretty good right now, for the moment I am happy. After having two attacks of gout in less then a month I said that is it!! I started eating healthier about 4-5 weeks ago and what a difference. The first thing I noticed was that I no longer felt groggy and tired all the time and I had energy. Then the weight loss came woot woot!! I do not know how much I lost because I did not weigh myself yet, but I am guessing somewhere between 20-30 pounds. Also,I have been helping a friend with some construction and lets just say I have been getting a daily work out.


I am not on a diet!!! I am changing the way I eat. I still have junk food every once in a while but way less often than I used to. I am eating so many fruits and vegetables now. Like tonight I had A bacon cheeseburger on the BBQ but instead of fries I had cherry tomatoes and lebanese cucumbers and green beans, for dessert I had fresh strawberries and a banana in yogurt.

I am very happy about this, because when my weight goes down my self-esteem comes way up, and it is just a win win situation.


I have not got 1 call for work in film this year. I am currently looking into a new career at 43 should be interesting. I am being tested to see what line of work I should be looking into. With my film background I have many skills that are unique in a way to the film business, and I am trying to figure out where else they would apply. There are things I will miss about the film business,but I need something a little more stable and I am tired of working 60-70 hrs a week.

The testing is run through a Govt. program and I was skeptical at first but after my second meeting with them I am feeling positive about it. We shall see what comes.....
Another thing I am not sure of, even though it is stable I really do not know if I am ready to go back to 5 days a week, 50 weeks a year with statutory holidays?? That is the one aspect I liked about film it is contract work so every movie is with a new team in new locations. So last year I did five movies I worked for four different company's and it was not the same people on every film. So I am currently doing a lot of humming and hawing and we will see what comes of the testing.


Beside that, not much. I am hoping to get up to my trailer in the country this summer and just enjoy the peace and quiet. But without a car this may be difficult, damn!

Well thats it for now.

Ciao Kevin

 

[Elwood]

So I put an add on Craiglist tonight not really expecting any thing to come of it. I wanted me a beautiful twink just to relax with and smoke up and have fun and admire a beautiful body. Well I never dreamed I would get what I did. I just had the most passionate sex in a long long time with a gorgeous twenty three year old who happened to like older guys. Well it was awesome and I can not remember the last time I had someone so beautiful and passionate in my bed!! We had a great time we laughed we kissed, oh my he is a good kisser. I would have to say he was one of the best looking guys I have ever been with, what a body, those eyes, that smile.

I think he enjoyed himself he was hard the whole time he was here he even came twice and was still hard
I am hoping he liked it so much he will be back but I am not going to chase him I made it very clear that he could come back any time he wanted just call!!!!! And please do!!!!!!


I am not one to broadcast my sexual happenings if you will, and that is why I put it here I do not think to many people read my blog. I write it more for myself to reflect on the different times in my life, and this evening is definitely worth a lot of reflecting.

And not a night I want to forget!!!

Ciao!!
Kevin

 

[Elwood]

Well after 5 years of agonizing over coming out two my twin 13 yeard old boys, I finally did it. We were in the car yesterday coming home from our trailer in the country and I told them I was gay. They said we know and went back to what they were doing.

So after agonizing over coming out to them for the last 5 years it turned out to be a total non-event phew!!! Pretty much everyone knows about the new me now and what a weight lifted off my shoulders it really does feel great. And now that my kids know I really do not care who else knows now.

So at 43 going on 44 I can finally live my life as an out gay man!!

 

[Elwood]

Well it has almost been 6 years since I got divorced and came out of the closet, at first I thought to myself pfft this should be easy and I will have a boyfriend in no time. Well nothing could be further from the truth. I find myself now very lonely. Do not get me wrong I still have my friends from my youth, but I do not see them as often (usually see them a lot more in the summer) and I just have this feeling of loneliness.

I know I really do not help myself by liking younger guys, but I can not help it, to me there is soooo much beauty in youth. Do not get me wrong there is beauty in every age but I just have a preference for younger.

I have done the whole hook-up thing and it is all right, but I am growing tired of it. I want someone in my life, and it is starting to feel like it is never going to happen.

I have a few gay friends but I feel we are drifting apart probably due to myself and my ever changing mood. I want more gay friends but I find it very hard to find them. My sister in law has a gay friend on her facebook and he has added me as a friend I know he plays badminton in a gay league, now I have always loved badminton and I want to e-mail him and gets some info about joining. Hopefully some friendship will evolve through that.


Sorry I know I am sort of rambling but I really can't figure how to put in words the way I am feeling! I just know I feel sort of blah.....

 

[Elwood]

As I sit here preparing to go to my trailer in the country for at least a week, (Not sure when I am coming back?) I am reflecting on what a great summer it has been so far. Now after putting in a very laborious 4 months I am getting away to my trailer which I have lovingly named " My little piece of paradise" to just relax, I won't have a car so I aint going no where!!! I'll post some pics if I can figure it out.

I have been to my trailer quite often this summer. My two best friends from my childhood have places within 10 minutes from my campground, we call it the Bermuda Triangle lol. So we always get together every weekend and do like a huge supper we are 12 with all the kids. The kids range in age from 14-4 and they all get along pretty well. I am going up with my boys either tomorrow or Monday for at least a week. I told my friend Jeremy to bring his boys over for the week and I will set up a tent for them. That way I get the trailer to myself and the 4 boys have a blast outside.

So I finally came out to my boys, they know now and are very cool about it. I tried to talk to them about it again and I got the impression they do not want to talk about it, but they have not acted any differently around me so I will leave it at that for now.

Weight loss baby, let's talk weight loss. So I finally stepped on a scale and it is very good, I have lost aprox. 40 lbs since April woot woot!!!!!! I am 220 lbs I can honestly not remember the last time I was this thin. I plan on swimming a lot while I am away. The campground has a huge spring fed pond that we swim in, there is a sandy beach as well. So I can do laps of the pond the have like a fountain in the middle and I do laps around it.


With the weight loss there comes confidence I feel very good about myself right now and it shows. I feel sexy again!! I have had some very pleasurable encounters the last few months. But I wont bore you with the details lol.


So ya it has been a pretty good summer so far, even though the weather kind of sucked but we had a lot of fun and now I am off to my little piece of paradise, total relaxation. My nickname is " Stoopie ", because I like to sit on my stoop and drink my morning coffee staring off into the woods.


Ciao for now
Kevin


P.S I tried to post pics I can't figure it out, they are in my gallery under "Little piece of paradise"