Elworth - Archived Blog Posts

[Elworth]

So, this is my first blog entry. It feels kind of weird to sit and write about the daily ins and outs of my life where potentially anybody can access it. But at the same time, maybe someone is going through the same things I am, and now they can give me tips. Before I start into the actual daily content of my life, you should probably get to know me a little. I don't know how to describe myself, but I am unique. Really, that is the only word to truly summarize me.
In my world right now many a thing is happening. Firstly, I had an emotional breakdown yesterday. I was driving my Mother to the Emergency Room for medical reasons, and she thought it was all right to tell me that if she were gone I wouldn't have to put up with getting nagged all the time. I hardly find that trade fair. I am a complete Momma's boy. I love her to pieces, and I know if she were gone, a piece of my heart would die with her.
I still live with my parents and right now it is very stressful. I don't know if they are going to be able to make their house payment in January because my Mother went out for surgery last week for about 2 months, and my Dad is going to be out for a few weeks too. I take him in for surgery in a matter of hours.
I have worked at Costco since July of 2002. They are laying off 25 people other than the seasonal people at my store because of how badly the economy in Utah is going. Maybe its not just here, but I am starting to feel it hit closer and closer to home. I have never worried about my job, but I almost did for a few minutes when I heard what was happening. Oh, and just so you're not fretting if you're actually interested, I still have a job. I've been there long enough it's not an issue.
I don't really have much of a love life, and I can still count all the people I have kissed, or had sex with on one hand. That being said, I think I'm a prude. I have a guy I'm interested in right now, but I don't know if I even have a chance. I want to be with him incredibly badly, but I don't think the feeling is mutual. I have an incredible amount of love to give, but I still have not had the chance. It sometimes makes me sad.
So, on to daily life today. Nothing happened. Fancy that. Really, the extent of my day was that the boy that I am setting my hopes on ditched me for his old boyfriend, whom he's not supposed to have contact with by dictate of his parents. We had made plans to watch a movie together and He never called. Eventually I called him, and he was helping his ex pick up prescriptions.
If anyone would like to know something specific, just let me know. I hope to hear from someone!
Nate

 

[Elworth]

WARNING: If you are the type that lacks sympathy, please don't bother reading. I need to look at reality and realize I'm going to have to tough it out, but I really just need a shoulder right now.

This morning I woke up at 6 A.M. To take my dad to the hospital to have a bone spur removed. The drive is 20 miles one way. I dropped him off at quarter after 7 and called my friend who lives right by that particular hospital to find that he had been called in to work and I would not be able to stay at his apartment while the operation was taking place. Not too unfortunate, but nonetheless an annoyance on a day that had started with a much smaller amount of sleep than I am particularly used to. I decided to drive home and when I arrived went to bed after a matter of a few minutes. I slept fitfully for I knew that my Dad would be done with surgery in a matter of hours, and So from the time of 8:30 to 11:30 was in bed. When I got up again I drove to the hospital again arriving at about 12:30 to find that he still was not ready to be picked up, although they told me he would be ready by the time I got there. I waited 45 minutes and was finally able to drive him home. We got home and then I had to haul him to the pharmacy to pick up his prescriptions. I had plans for that afternoon and was particularly annoyed at the prospect of being at my parent's disposal any longer than I had to be.

After I was done with the pharmacy I called the boy I liked to see if he was stilling going to lunch with myself and a friend of mine, as well as his new prospect. When I had called him earlier he had said that he had wanted to go. Now he declined. I was a bit miffed, to say the least.

I arrived at my friend Bruce's apartment and we drove to a local deli for sandwiches. So good! If you're ever in Salt Lake there is a little place called Grove's Market on Main and about 19th south. I highly recommend it!!!

We took the sandwiches back to Bruce's apartment and ate there. We got there at like 4 and by 5 Aaron (his prospect) was cuddling into him. This was rather unexpected as Aaron is highly Catholic and had told Bruce that he was going to remain celibate for the remainder of his mortal days. Bruce decided that was a challenge and he would have to lead another good Catholic to hell! (I really don't mean this; it's just what a Catholic might think according to their behavior!) Within a few minutes Aaron was rubbing Bruce's leg and eventually his crotch.

I tried to avert my eyes, and I was able to for the most part, but it was mighty uncomfortable. And boy was I jealous. Here they don't even know each other for a month and I had known Jon (my prospect) for over 3 months. I promptly told Bruce that he was a bitch once Jon left. We both knew I didn't mean it, but I was so green around the gills.

We hung out for a while at a local mall and then went and saw a movie.

When I came home The house was a mess. The dishes were piling up and my sister was contentedly playing my Nintendo 64, not really caring that the house was a mess. Normally my parents would clean, but both of my parents are lain up right at the moment.

My sister just returned from an LDS mission on November 4th and has since occupied herself with being a useless pathetic bitch. She has a job helping a family in my area with their son who has cerebral palsy making 10 bucks an hour, but she still doesn't know what responsibility is. To her, Responsibility is trying to save Zelda from Gannondorf.

Right now I am just incredibly frustrated because there are 6 people in my parent's house. My parents, my 3 siblings and myself. I am the only one currently working due to both of my parents having had surgeries in the last week and a half, and the two younger siblings not being of eligible age. My older sister has a job, but it is the afore mentioned one, that can hardly be called a full-time occupation.

I also am the only one of 5 driving age people in my household. My parents are both out due to surgery, my sister doesn't have insurance due to it's expense, and my little brother hasn't yet received his license.

That being said, I don't feel like anyone else in my house knows what responsibility is. I have taken both of my parents to the hospital in the last 3 days, and I hate hospitals with a Passion. What's even worse is that my Mom joked that there wouldn't be anyone nagging me once she was dead on our way to the Emergency Room. Not exactly enjoyable as I was sobbing for most of the drive.

So, that is whats going on in my world. I think I'm going to lose my Mom within 2 years, my Dad will probably either lose or sell the house upon her death, and bankruptcy for him could be imminent. I worry too much!!! I hate it. Please God, give me a companion.

Thanks for listening to my bitching!

Nate

 

[Elworth]

So, today was a fascinating day. I found out my new car insurance was going to cost me 25 more a month than I thought, And my life is just generally kind of falling down around my ankles. In spite of this, I can't help but be cheerful.

I went and took care of the insurance this morning and then called my Mom to tell her it was all right for her to take me off the insurance. She then notified me that I was overdrawn on my checking account about $15. Needless to say, I was a little frustrated.

I got to work and they sent me out to push carts. I thought to myself that the day was just going shitty. About halfway through my time out there I saw one of the regular customers I see. She asked me how I was doing and I told her that I had been to the hospital twice in the last four days for my parents. She asked me if there was anything she could do, but I told her no. She then gave me a hug and left.

For some reason, just that made my whole day, if not the whole of my Christmas season. That simple act of caring elevated me to the point that I knew everything would be OK, and that nothing was more than I could take care of. I kind of hated the fact that I knew this, because today was one of those days I wanted to wallow in the pain, but I couldn't. I know that I am bigger than that, and that I can take whatever life hands me.

May life give you what you need to become a better person! All my love, and Merry Christmas!

Nate

 

[Elworth]

This year has certainly had its ups and downs. I don't think I have ever experienced a more interesting year. The first few months were a financial battle as I just bought a car last December and proceeded to dig a hole with Credit cards.

Summer was uneventful until September when I went and tried out for American Idol, and was on vacation for 10 days.

I found out I was going to become a godparent next year, I have had innumerable experiences with my adorable niece and how cute she is, and have somehow found a peace within myself that I never knew existed.

This year seems to have been one of the hardest in my life, but also one of the most rewarding! I now feel more empowered than ever before, and feel that I can achieve a lot more than I thought I could!

Peace and love to all!

Nate

 

[Elworth]

So, I actually have a few people reading what I've been saying. That is awesome. Someone actually asked me where my new entries are. Thank you for the interest.

Tonight I got home from spending time with friends. We had such a blast. I don't know how you feel, but I believe in life, that though it's not perfect, There are moments in it that are. We all know and remember them. How could we not?

Tonight was one of those. I got off of work and went to a friends birthday dinner at a restaurant here. The dinner was great, and I even managed to silence all 13 of us at the same time with the comment, "You know its thick when you have to chew before you swallow." We laughed, but I think it was a bit much for them. After that we went to coffee and had a great time just sitting around and talking.

Everyone left, so my 2 really good friends, Jon and Chris, and I went back to Chris's house to watch "Little Black Book." I must say, that is such an awesome movie, I have to own it now. The 2 of them like each other, and I am somewhat of a 3rd wheel. They were cuddling like mad, and Jon could tell I was a little jealous near the end of the movie. I was, but not that jealous. So, I was sitting in a bean bag next to the bed they were on, and he decided to fall on top of me. Then he pulled Chris on top of us, and it was a big pile of guys. Watching the rest of that movie with them gave me so much hope. WE all ended up leaning on each other, and it's funny because our lives really seem to have brought us together. I am the one who has it the easiest out of all of us. Jon thinks otherwise, but I am so blessed!!!

We all had the thought after Jon and I left that we should move in together, the 3 of us. All 3 of us had the same thought! It was crazy.

Jon is on the verge of getting kicked out of his house because his parents are Nazi assholes, Chris's Mom is in the hospital and they think she has cancer, and my life is just a general mess, but yet, in sharing that moment together tonight, we bonded, in a way that some friends are never able to do.

I'll continue the story of January in my next Blog, because I don't want to make them too long.

Nate

 

[Elworth]

So, today was one of those days, that I just wish I could have skipped. Nothing happened; I just had way too much time to think about all of the bad things that are happening in life.

This morning Chris was told that his Mom does have cancer. I think it's in her pancreas. I'm not sure. I'm also apprehensive that I"m going out of town next weekend and Jon and Chris will probably spend the whole weekend together. I am incredibly green around the gills. I don't even dislike Chris, but it seems that he never wants to hang out with me, only with Jon. The reason why this bothers me is because I introduced them to one another maybe last month, and already they seem to be on the verge of coupling. I really need to cry tonight.

The funny thing is all of these guys keep telling me that I deserve someone, and someone who is awesome. The funny thing is, it seems that they all ignore me at one time or another.

I put in for a promotion at my work last week and I should find out on Thursday. I'll let you know when I find out.

What am I doing so wrong in my life?

 

[Elworth]

So, I realized today that life goes on. I told Chris and Jon how I felt about what happened and how I had way too much time to think last night. My life will go on....

Chris is such an awesome guy, and he feels horrid that he might have hurt me, but the only one doing anything to hurt me is myself. People tend to make themselves doormats. No one makes them into one.

I gave in and turned Bruce's phone back on. Jon didn't take it very well. No big surprise there.

So, the whole point of this post was to tell you what happened when Chris and I went to Village Inn. OMG, how random is this. I was discussing my sex life with Chris and we were talking about my fetishes. The woman in the booth sitting right behind Chris turns around and says, "Shame on you. You should know better." I had been telling Chris about the 2 times that I've bottomed I've done it bareback. It's been a long time since it happened (4 months), and its not something I practice on a regular basis. Well, it just so happens that the woman knew a guy in Salt Lake named Drew thats a red-head and 22. She said she would have loved to give him my number, but then she was like, "No Glove, No Love." As we were leaving I asked her if she wanted my number. She told me no. I was kinda hurt, and I'm not even remotely a slut, it's just how things have happened.

January has been good. I actually gave a friend of mine a BJ back about 3 Sundays ago. He's huge. OMG

Ummmm....yeah. Tonight was definitely a positive thing. I'm feeling mostly better, I just want to be able to love someone. If you understand what I mean. I have a lot of love to give...

So, January was cool; I went to coffee with my friend Angie that I haven't seen in forever. Hopefully I'll talk to her again soon. And, that wraps it up for tonight. If you have a question or anything, PM me, or leave a comment.

Nate

 

[Elworth]

Not really much of anything happened today. It's all mainly background stuff. I was in a rather jovial mood today. Very nice.

So, I went and talked to my friend Bruce. He hopefully should be able to start paying me back soon. He's racked up quite the bill. He doesn't really have any money though because his sister is a complete bitch.

I need to get my finances in order. I want to move out with my friends Jon and Kellen, but it ain't gonna happen because my ass doesn't have any money. Sucks!!! So, Really nothing is going on. Life is good.

I leave on Friday for Jamie's wedding in Vegas, so I won't be writing again till Sunday night. Just to let you know. Ummm, yeah....

Nate

 

[Elworth]

So, much has happened... It's been like 5 days since I've written.

Thursday I went to work, yada yada, then went and packed, and then my friends and I all went out and looked at houses. After that we went to Village Inn, and I swear to God I'm amazed Kellen didn't get bitch-slapped by the waitress. He was totally dogging on women. I also got to meet Kellen's friend Bentley, who I think is a cutie. I laughed so hard, I think at one point I cried. "Can I have a Scipio Beaver?"

Friday I woke up and Jamie and I went and picked up her bouquet and headed to Vegas. We made pretty good time. We left at like 11, and got there in about 6 1/2 hours. Around 2:30, while we were still driving, I got a call from Jon. He had gotten off work and was going to go hang out with Chris because Chris's Mom had just gotten out of the hospital but then she had to go back in because she started puking when she got home. I felt really bad for Chris.

We wandered around Vegas trying to find the Mardi Gras hotel, but then we found out that they weren't even staying there. They were staying at some place called the Golden Palms and her fiance hadn't gotten to sleep until noon. It was crazy. They had all gotten totally trashed the night before. BJ had a rug burn on her forehead, and she couldn't remember how she got it. It was great. BTW, Golden Palms is totally Ghetto. Totally Ghetto...

We went to the Rainforest Cafe at the MGM and had a blast there. I got a good reaction with one of my jokes..."What do Gay men call a used condom?".... "Sack Lunch"... Everybody loved the joke, even James's parents.

At this point I went and dropped James and Jamie off at their hotel and right as we get up to the hotel room I got a call from Chris. He was freaking out because Jon's Dad just told his Mother to pick one of them to stay in the house. His Mother was bawling, and Jon was incredibly upset. I freaked out and the first thing that went through my mind was that I needed to immediately drive home. I finally talked to Jon, and he was ok with it. He was so angry, he actually was laughing. It scared me. I then decided to try and have some fun in Vegas anyways.

Don't ever eat at the Boardwalk's buffet.... You'll regret it...

The next day we went to the Forum Shops. OMG, they're huge, and oh so pretty. I wish I had money.

Saturday night was Jamie's wedding. She got married at the top of the Stratosphere on the 103rd floor. It was awesome. I met her dad, and he seemed cool. Then we all went up to the observation deck and looked out over all of Vegas. It's a huge city, and its growing very quickly. So many buildings going up...

When I was leaving the Stratosphere, B's little brother (he has down syndrome, so I completely understand), came up and asked me to do him a favor. I was like, "What is it?" He said,"Nate, stop being gay. I'm sure there you'll find the right girl someday." "It's not that easy, Brett." "It is for me." I laughed. Oh, the innocence.

I then wasted a whole bunch of time that night and when I found out that I wouldn't be able to leave until Sunday afternoon I decided to get plastered. It was great fun. I chugged the vodka 3 times, taking 4 or 5 gulps each time. I was shitfaced in no time.

Then I woke up and I think I was still drunk. I'm a lightweight so its not hard for me to get plastered. Sean drove me to the Stratosphere where we met Jamie and James for breakfast. Then Sean and Thompson left and it was just Jamie, James, and I. We went to 2 porn stores and we all bought something. Then we went back to the Stratosphere and They picked out which Wedding pictures they wanted to keep.

The drive home took forever...

We got back at 8:30 and I immediately went and hung out with Chris and Jon. I had missed them tons. I really wish they could have gone with me. Oh well...

It's good to be back. Now I just need to find a way to make more money... Peace out Folks!

Nate

 

[Elworth]

So, I went and hung out with Chris this afternoon. Nothing really happened; we just had to run some errands. Then I did laundry; just the usual day.

At 8:30 we all met for coffee to go over what we could afford, and different things about getting a house together. My friends Angie, Melissa and Tiffany surprised me and showed up today. It was great.

I'm really lonely right now. I talked to Kellen, and he's ok with me asking his friend that he's interested in out. So, we'll see how that goes... Other than that, I'm just starting to feel a little shut out by Jon and Chris, and I'm not liking how that feels. More so Chris than Jon, but I think Chris has issues with trusting me. I don't know. So, now that I've totally wasted your time, I've decided and changing where my blog is going to be written. I think I could get more reads on MySpace, so I'm going to start writing it on there. I feel a lack of attention, which is understandable, but I don't want to waste my time...

Peace out folks....