Embarrassing admission

[Soilwork]

well, sounds to me like you need to stop hanging out in parks and maybe make a few gay friends.

Vancouver has a great gay community, and I bet if you have th guts to blow a total stranger, you have the guts to strike up a conversation with a new potential friend.

 

[RyanKilter]

giving a blowjob's making sexual contact, you can still catch something from a dick, what you get and chances of getting it may vary, but it's still risky.

 

[star-warrior]

^ Ryan welcome, and yes, you're right. Be safe!!

You're addicted to the thrill, but you need something more stable. Try asking one of these guys if they're interested in becoming sex buddies, for raw physical sex without emotion. When you've figured yourself out, then maybe you can find real love.

 

[drhladnjak]

Sorry, but oral sex is still sex that's why it's called...oral sex.

Either way, when you suppress your sexuality, it's likely to come out in less healthy and less emotionally fulfilling ways like looking for anonymous sex in cruising parks. The fact of the matter is that in this day and age in a city like Vancouver, BC it's not necessary to resort to such outlets for sex. Moreover, in such situations you are at risk for being arrested and being charged with a crime--definitely not a good thing.

I know a guy who was seriously addicted to anonymous for many years while staying in the closet. There was a cycle of sex followed by guilt, self-loathing, being 'normal' again and then back to the park/toilet/etc. for more sex. A few years ago he came out and began to turn his life around because the whole anonymous sex addiction thing ultimately made him unhappy.

 

[RyanKilter]

not to de-rail but...
ty for the welcome Star, I should prolly make my way to the Freshmen Orientation to make a proper howdy.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Stay safe. Do not forget that.

Stop worrying too much about it. You obviously enjoy it, otherwise you would not be doing it over and over again.

Consider the legal ramifications of you actions. You want to have fun alright. Make sure this does not end in a serious trouble.

Your actions clearly show that you are into men. For all the practical purposes, you are as gay as we get to be.

Do you have to live a gay lifestyle, wave the flag, hang out in bars, have a m2m LTR or whatever? Do you have to come out to some or to everybody?

All of that is only up to you and only for you to decide about. You know thyself and you know your situation, you are in charge and any you must make your own decisions.

SC

 

[Swellegant]

When I get home from the park I change back into my 'normal' self and can't imagine doing anything so public.

People don't "change back"... you're you, twenty-four/seven. Retreating to a false persona is a comforting little lie that we tell ourselves when we do something that doesn't fit into the conformist life-pattern we've invested so much time and effort into; but it's the behavior that shows us our true selves, not the lies we tell ourselves to maintain our facades.

"I can't believe I did that last night!"

"What's not to believe? Belief is for when you don't know something for sure; but you know what you did! You were there!"

Vancouver is not exactly a jerkwater town... it's a metropolis, with skyscrapers and suburbs and everything! There are plenty of places to get to know gay men in real life (anonymous sex in the park is not real life, BTW, it's just sex), to take another little baby-step out of the closet. That same internet from which you found these sex-parks will lead you to support groups or community groups that might help you dismantle your false facade and start living real life.

Being a conservative kind of guy and being gay are not mutually exclusive concepts anymore, and that you might find some conservative gay groups! And of course, you found JUB, too! I'm told this place is quite a coming-out resource. There's a whole forum about it!

Welcome, van1977! We look forward to getting to know you better!

 

[CountryJohn]

Welcome van1977. Your discussion of your park activities reminds me alot of when I was younger around 25 years ago. Coming from a small town to a big city (Vancouver) was somewhat intimidating and I also met people in parks for sex early on. I know the feeling you describe scared, excited, horny all at the same time. Very hot. I can say now, probably not a good thing to have done back then and probably more so now. Too dangerous. I wouldnt take all the heat here everyone has given you about your acitivities too seriously. Everyone is different and handles things in there own way. Just be careful. There has been some great advice given here tho about finding other safer ways to find the thrill ie internet, telephone, personals etc. Just so you know Robert~Marlene gives the best advice around here so maybe go back into his archives and have a read. Just my opinion.