Emotional Attachments to a Straight Guy

[Raistanelf]

Hey all,

So lately, I've found myself feeling kinda attracted to one of my straight friends...
It's not an attraction in the sorta 'Omg, I wanna rip your clothes off' kind of way, but in a 'I really wish you could hold me ' kind of way.
I'm kinda going through some personal stuff, and I guess I'm craving the comfort and strength of a guy to hold me and tell me everythings gonna be ok...

Just wondering if any guys out there had experienced something similar - feelings that weren't sexual, but really emotional.

Also to clarify, I'm not envisioning going on dates etc, I just kinda wanna throw my hands in the air and burst out crying on his shoulder.

 

[Surgeon General]

Yeah, it happens.
My best friend is a straight guy and we're pretty affectionate with each other. It's an extremely non-sexual relationship, even though people give us shit about it. We sleep in the same bed and there's lots of wrestling and hugs and so on. I don't have a brother so I'm not sure if we're like that.

 

[KTheLibra]

I've been in the same situation. It sucks. It started off as purely sexual attraction, then much to my dismay, blossomed into something more. It's hard, because all you can really do is deal with the feelings and try to rein them in or get over them.

 

[Raistanelf]

I'm confused because, well , he's kind of been the only person who I can talk too about this stuff, and he's been so good to me that now I kind of just ... yeah, just wanna let him hold me up for a bit - He makes me feel like, I don't need to be strong , like I can just...relax when I'm with him...

Anyone else experienced something like this ?

He knows I'm bi,and this isnt a sexual thing - I mean he's cute and all, but like...i just really really want him to hold me close and tell me everythis gonna be ok... Sex isn't even on my mind.
Could I even tell him how I feel, haha...
Should I keep my distance and not tempt myself further...

(p.s. I'm so glad I've found this forum)

 

[Raistanelf]

You have to think of it from his perspective though.

OK- let's say he's really emotionally open and in touch with you.

Let's say he didn't mind "holding" you.

How does he know YOU won't expect more? Why would he want to send the wrong message to you? Holding can very easily lead to kissing, to sucking, to fucking...

As much as you say you don't want that...let's be honest, your emotions could VERY VERY easily tip over into the sexual realm if he were to hold you. Seriously.

Besides which, that embrace would make you more emotionally attached to him. It would make your unrealistic feelings even stronger.

So even if he was really cool about it and didn't go HEY MAN I TOLD YOU I AINT GAY!, even if he doesn't have a bunch of gay paranoia...he would be thinking about these types of things.

Sorry, I wouldn't expect anymore than a good old heterosexual bro-hug. The kind where he grips you firmly while standing up, pats you on the back and is like "We're bros for life, bro."

And it probably SHOULD stay that way.

Thanks man - that makes sense

 

[neditesjamais]

Sounds to me as though you want a hug--strong physical embrace that people who care about each other are known to share. If so, why not ask he could spare one. (If your closest blood relative died and he was there when you got the news, would he give you a hug? That's the kind it sounds like you need/want.)

There's also the kind of hug that's more like needing to share skin contact and the amazing subtleties of touch--exploring the way his shoulder muscles ripple under his clothes and the unbelievable curve of his butt. Well, that way madness lies. So, if that's the one you think is going to happen, don't go there.

I spent too many years of my life not asking for or giving hugs. It's an important means of communication that's very misunderstood.

 

[MarkMySpoT]

Sounds to me as though you want a hug--strong physical embrace that people who care about each other are known to share. If so, why not ask he could spare one. (If your closest blood relative died and he was there when you got the news, would he give you a hug? That's the kind it sounds like you need/want.)

^
Your OP reads like that is what you need. He is your close friend ask him. I know that when I am down and blue and I need a long hug or that 'everything will be okay' or pep talk or whatever, that my close friends guys or girls irrelevant of the i had feelings for them at certain times, that they will be there and give me that hug or whatever.

 

[HornyHenry]

I stopped having any attachment to straights back when I was still in my senior year in high school when I realized I'd be gay. I have no more attachment to straight men than I do to women, they're one and the same to me.

 

[Surgeon General]

Wow, a cyborg!

 

[Royal Heart]

God yes. I've been having feelings about an acquaintance of mine, and I know it could never happen so I'm trying to work through this on my own. We have a good rapport and I don't want to sour that because he's a cool guy and I respect him. I know these feelings will pass in time, I just gotta tough it out.

 

[Raistanelf]

Sounds to me as though you want a hug--strong physical embrace that people who care about each other are known to share. If so, why not ask he could spare one. (If your closest blood relative died and he was there when you got the news, would he give you a hug? That's the kind it sounds like you need/want.)

There's also the kind of hug that's more like needing to share skin contact and the amazing subtleties of touch--exploring the way his shoulder muscles ripple under his clothes and the unbelievable curve of his butt. Well, that way madness lies. So, if that's the one you think is going to happen, don't go there.

I spent too many years of my life not asking for or giving hugs. It's an important means of communication that's very misunderstood.

Haha , no, it's not the second kind of hug at all - if it was, believe me, I'd be a lot less confused .

The way things are right now I'm feeling really alone - my family's not here, my other friends are busy and don't really know me that well and basically anything I could have turned to for support before, is just ... not there.

This guy feels like the only good strong point in my life at the moment...and part of me just wants to hold on to him like a drowning man holds on to life buoy.
I know I have the strength to let go and swim to shore, I just...wish I could hold on to that buoy until I get my strength back, before I let go. But I'm scared that if I put too much weight on the buoy, I'll sink it, or break it, and I'd rather have some support than no support ya know...

Talking it out here makes me feel better - slightly less alone

 

[texan_slant]

UM well if he was a good enough friend, and if he felt like you needed a hug or a shoulder to cry on (i.e. a listening supportive friend), he'd probably give it to you.

There is nothing wrong with wanting affection from friends! Granted, you have an added dimension to having a slight crush on him, but feelings or not, it's human nature.

All of my guy friends are straight, and we hug each other all the time.

For goodness sakes, just say that you need a hug and give each other one. Tell him that you need a friend. There is nothing wrong or specifically gay about it.

Life is too short.

 

[blackbeltninja]

Haha , no, it's not the second kind of hug at all - if it was, believe me, I'd be a lot less confused .

The way things are right now I'm feeling really alone - my family's not here, my other friends are busy and don't really know me that well and basically anything I could have turned to for support before, is just ... not there.

This guy feels like the only good strong point in my life at the moment...and part of me just wants to hold on to him like a drowning man holds on to life buoy.
I know I have the strength to let go and swim to shore, I just...wish I could hold on to that buoy until I get my strength back, before I let go. But I'm scared that if I put too much weight on the buoy, I'll sink it, or break it, and I'd rather have some support than no support ya know...

Talking it out here makes me feel better - slightly less alone

Heavy stuff - good luck, man. I haven't had these sort of feelings for a guy, friend or otherwise, yet.

And for what it's worth, here - have one of these .

-d-

 

[neditesjamais]

Haha , no, it's not the second kind of hug at all - if it was, believe me, I'd be a lot less confused .

That's what I sensed, but that's why I checked. If you can't tell the difference, best to steer clear. But your response suggests you're definitely looking for the first kind. Sooo, . . .

The way things are right now I'm feeling really alone - my family's not here, my other friends are busy and don't really know me that well and basically anything I could have turned to for support before, is just ... not there.

This guy feels like the only good strong point in my life at the moment...and part of me just wants to hold on to him like a drowning man holds on to life buoy.
I know I have the strength to let go and swim to shore, I just...wish I could hold on to that buoy until I get my strength back, before I let go. But I'm scared that if I put too much weight on the buoy, I'll sink it, or break it, and I'd rather have some support than no support ya know...

Talking it out here makes me feel better - slightly less alone

What would happen if you said this to HIM just as you've said it to US? Any friend (regardless of sexual identification) is likely to feel flattered to hear this. Even if he's not a bearhug type, you'll probably at least get a squeeze. It's probably worth the risk to ask

Does anyone else remember the "hugs not drugs" campaign? Wonder why it fizzled. I'm all for bringing it back.

 

[Raistanelf]

That's what I sensed, but that's why I checked. If you can't tell the difference, best to steer clear. But your response suggests you're definitely looking for the first kind. Sooo, . . .



What would happen if you said this to HIM just as you've said it to US? Any friend (regardless of sexual identification) is likely to feel flattered to hear this. Even if he's not a bearhug type, you'll probably at least get a squeeze. It's probably worth the risk to ask

Does anyone else remember the "hugs not drugs" campaign? Wonder why it fizzled. I'm all for bringing it back.

I would ask...but like I said, what if he balks and runs and I'm left completely stranded again...sigh...
I just...dont have the strength to take another rejection...
i've been kicked out the house for bringing up sensitive issues, I've pushed away a love interest because I have trust issues, my school life is hanging by a thread, and Bob and Sally's problem ( see post about Staying Friends) have severed my friend circle.
Ya know what I'd love...I just wish my friend would sorta...just spontaneously come up, do this : , then do this , then do this again , and whilst he's doing that *8*), he'd say' Don't worry - everythings going to be ok' .

Apologies on the emoticon overdose...they're so cute though.

 

[diamondstar]

I never had any desire to be held by a man who clearly has zero feelings for me "Nor did I ever have a male friend I gave a damn enough to consider that". When I am in a similar situation TC, I usual just listen to sad songs and sleep. Works every time.

 

[bicollegestud0319]

I totally know how you feel....I'm going through the same exact thing, except the guy is my boss, which makes it even worse since I see him daily. We'll hang out from time to time, get drinks etc and it makes it even harder to keep my feelings to myself.

 

[Romalotti]

I fell in love with a straight friend who was my roommate. We were best friends for years, and he knew I was bisexual and was completely cool with it. Every once in a while, he'd get almost flirty with me, like he knew I wanted him or something. And BOY, DID I WANT HIM! He was intelligent, creative, cultured, as well as being a cute, cocky twink with a thin, yet muscular body (and he was also rumored to have a big dick).

For years, I lusted after him. One drunken night, we finally ended up getting physical. We had amazing sex, he fucked me missionary position with his huge, hairy cock (and the rumors were dead-on -- this boy had a thick, uncut 10-inch cock!). We kissed and fucked like animals, and I told him I loved him while he was fucking me. I knew he had a girlfriend, but I know that what we shares was different & special.

Strangely, he died a week later in a car accident and we never got to explore what might have been. But I still think of him everyday, and I still think of him as the love of my life.

 

[diamondstar]

I fell in love with a straight friend who was my roommate. We were best friends for years, and he knew I was bisexual and was completely cool with it. Every once in a while, he'd get almost flirty with me, like he knew I wanted him or something. And BOY, DID I WANT HIM! He was intelligent, creative, cultured, as well as being a cute, cocky twink with a thin, yet muscular body (and he was also rumored to have a big dick).

For years, I lusted after him. One drunken night, we finally ended up getting physical. We had amazing sex, he fucked me missionary position with his huge, hairy cock (and the rumors were dead-on -- this boy had a thick, uncut 10-inch cock!). We kissed and fucked like animals, and I told him I loved him while he was fucking me. I knew he had a girlfriend, but I know that what we shares was different & special.

Strangely, he died a week later in a car accident and we never got to explore what might have been. But I still think of him everyday, and I still think of him as the love of my life.

Just...wow Sorry to hear that and U two actually had something going on "Even though, he had a girlfriend". Still, that must had crushed U. My late condolences.

 

[heyjaymike99]

a friend is someone who will be there no matter what, so if this guy is really ur friend, just tell him everything. are u openly bi? do others no? if they do and people know then people are probably thiunkin this guy and u have something going anyways, and im sure he probably knows. in my experience, ive had straight guys go from being a great friend to being merely an acquaintence just because rumors that they were gay started up and they couldnt deal with people thinkin that about them. and ive got a great friend now who is 100,percent straight and doesnt care about the rumors. when my dad died it nearly crushed me and he was theree to hug and hold me and tell me it would be okay in the end. he came to the funeral with me and even laughed at the fact that some of my family thought we were together. he even endured a sermon aimed at me and him about "homosexuality is a sin." he even shared a bed with me and held me as i cried and i didnt even have to ask. so if this guy really cares, just tell him and ull know if hes a real friend or not, cuz he will either stay and be there or he will run.