Who knew this coming out thing would be so emotionally draining? I've now told three people---my very good former co-worker friend last Thursday evening, a lady friend who helps with AV at my church and a guy who helps with AV at my church. Coming out to the lady went great! She said I was and will always be a good friend. I teared up like I am now--it's so good to have friends who are willing to accept me as me. The piece of information I found extremely intriguing was she first felt two years ago I was gay and she was taking a wait and see approach. I found that quite fascinating--maybe it was that pink leotard I wore to church that one Sunday 
. . . She said it wasn't anything specific, just her intuition. hmmm, interesting. Telling the guy went good. It was obvious he was taken by surprise. I mean, really, how do you prepare someone for that news. Again, he asked questions and told me I was his friend--which was good to hear.
And yet I feel exhausted. Part of me is extremely happy and touched by my friends' reactions. The other part of me is emotionally drained and it's only Tuesday. I'm getting drained emotionally and today will be even more draining. You see, I've co-lead the Audio-Visual ("AV") Ministry at my church for the past 11 years. I'm not paid staff or even staff at the church--it's a volunteer position. My church has had its share of scandals over the years. While I am comfortable with me, I completely understand others at church not being comfortable with the news if they were to find out. We are, after all, an amalgamation of our life experiences and life teachings. I understand that. I get it. And I certainly know what the people at my church have been told to think and believe. I decided last week that I do not want to be the cause of another church scandal. Since I was now coming out to friends and eventually family (I haven't gotten that brave yet), it might get out and I don't want to put our church leaders in an awkward position. As a result, I decided to un-volunteer effective January 1st but am sending my resignation letter today. Oh, the phone calls, conversations and questions. Yes, I realize I could stay on and continue like normal, but I've never done the path of least resistance--not that there's anything wrong with that path, it's just not the one I usually take--I'm unique (some might use alternate words such as idiotic, silly, crazy or downright stupid)
The letter basically says I've reached a point in my life where all interests would be best served by me not co-leading the AV Ministry. For virtually everyone, the answer will be a truth---that I've done it for 11 years and am ready to move on to other interests. There are a select few--those to whom I want to come out---that will get THE truth. My main circle of friends for the last many years has been the three other core people who help with AV and the spouses of two of them. We are very close and I would like to come out to all five of them. Unfortunately, the guy with whom I co-lead the AV Ministry is 63 or so and not currently at a place in life, IMO, where he would be able to handle me coming out. It saddens me. I really don't look at it as "then he wasn't your friend" because I know his background and upbringing. It just makes me sad. I think his wife could handle it, but she wouldn't be able to not tell him. And so, when I met with them Sunday evening, I told them I was un-volunteering, neither one believed the story line--they know me too well--and so I told them that it was personal and they would have to accept that--that at some point in time I would probably tell them, but not now. I hated doing it, but it would cause a crisis of faith in my friend as well as a social crisis. I just don't think it's fair for me to do that to him. Same thing with the wife of the guy I told this evening. She grew up very small town at a very conservative church. She could probably come around, but would be very difficult. I think I'll give it until June or July--enough time for the questions of why to subside and will probably at least tell her, if not the guy I co-lead with and his wife. Perhaps it's not the best thing to do, but it's the path I chose. . .
9:11, it approaches. That's when I'm sending the email with the letter as a pdf. Why 9:11? I've always hated doing anything on a 0 or a 5--I've always set my alarm to something other than a 0 or a 5. We're playing a little game of how long it will take someone to call me and how long they'll try to talk me back in. The most difficult person so far I've decided I'm telling this week is the preacher at my church--I, again, think--perhaps rightly or wrongly--that I should be completely open with my reasons to our minister. I think it will go well (I'm not partnered--any of those issues will be dealt with much later), but we'll see.
. . . She said it wasn't anything specific, just her intuition. hmmm, interesting. Telling the guy went good. It was obvious he was taken by surprise. I mean, really, how do you prepare someone for that news. Again, he asked questions and told me I was his friend--which was good to hear. And yet I feel exhausted. Part of me is extremely happy and touched by my friends' reactions. The other part of me is emotionally drained and it's only Tuesday. I'm getting drained emotionally and today will be even more draining. You see, I've co-lead the Audio-Visual ("AV") Ministry at my church for the past 11 years. I'm not paid staff or even staff at the church--it's a volunteer position. My church has had its share of scandals over the years. While I am comfortable with me, I completely understand others at church not being comfortable with the news if they were to find out. We are, after all, an amalgamation of our life experiences and life teachings. I understand that. I get it. And I certainly know what the people at my church have been told to think and believe. I decided last week that I do not want to be the cause of another church scandal. Since I was now coming out to friends and eventually family (I haven't gotten that brave yet), it might get out and I don't want to put our church leaders in an awkward position. As a result, I decided to un-volunteer effective January 1st but am sending my resignation letter today. Oh, the phone calls, conversations and questions. Yes, I realize I could stay on and continue like normal, but I've never done the path of least resistance--not that there's anything wrong with that path, it's just not the one I usually take--I'm unique (some might use alternate words such as idiotic, silly, crazy or downright stupid)
The letter basically says I've reached a point in my life where all interests would be best served by me not co-leading the AV Ministry. For virtually everyone, the answer will be a truth---that I've done it for 11 years and am ready to move on to other interests. There are a select few--those to whom I want to come out---that will get THE truth. My main circle of friends for the last many years has been the three other core people who help with AV and the spouses of two of them. We are very close and I would like to come out to all five of them. Unfortunately, the guy with whom I co-lead the AV Ministry is 63 or so and not currently at a place in life, IMO, where he would be able to handle me coming out. It saddens me. I really don't look at it as "then he wasn't your friend" because I know his background and upbringing. It just makes me sad. I think his wife could handle it, but she wouldn't be able to not tell him. And so, when I met with them Sunday evening, I told them I was un-volunteering, neither one believed the story line--they know me too well--and so I told them that it was personal and they would have to accept that--that at some point in time I would probably tell them, but not now. I hated doing it, but it would cause a crisis of faith in my friend as well as a social crisis. I just don't think it's fair for me to do that to him. Same thing with the wife of the guy I told this evening. She grew up very small town at a very conservative church. She could probably come around, but would be very difficult. I think I'll give it until June or July--enough time for the questions of why to subside and will probably at least tell her, if not the guy I co-lead with and his wife. Perhaps it's not the best thing to do, but it's the path I chose. . .
9:11, it approaches. That's when I'm sending the email with the letter as a pdf. Why 9:11? I've always hated doing anything on a 0 or a 5--I've always set my alarm to something other than a 0 or a 5. We're playing a little game of how long it will take someone to call me and how long they'll try to talk me back in. The most difficult person so far I've decided I'm telling this week is the preacher at my church--I, again, think--perhaps rightly or wrongly--that I should be completely open with my reasons to our minister. I think it will go well (I'm not partnered--any of those issues will be dealt with much later), but we'll see.