Empty Sex vs. Friends Sex

[gdude30]

So I have just been thinking about this alot lately.

I've had lots of NSA sex. It got to a point where 2 dates I'd be like "LOL LETS MEET IN A STREET"

Then I'd just get in the guy's car and go to eat with him and then sex. Although never much anal.

Anyways these dates start out with a meet and then a "LET'S GET INTO BED"

They always seem so empty. Even during it something doesn't feel right. And same as the kissing. I sort of feel that kissing is reserved for true love thanks to my ex who first kissed me. But I am not completly sure. I've kissed some guys and loved it. And with some guys it felt like nothing and there was no passion. And some guys during the sex it was so hot and loved every minute after it. But afterwards I would feel used. But in a way during sex both parties are used.

And sometimes I would love being with the guy besides just sex but he would have no interest after sex. And from what I hear some guys are like that after sex. And some guys I have grown to like but are bi or partnered. So I know that wouldn't get me anywhere. But nothing wrong against wishful thinking.

But there are sometimes when guys need to get off so I don't hold anything a guy who wants a quick sex hook up because guys are horny creatures. And I get benefit out of it too. It's just I hate it when the kissing is empty, the sucking is empty, there is no romance or passion, and I hate it when there is passion but a goodbye thanks for the sex hope to see you again even though I never will.

I have some gay friends now though. Some my age and some a bit older. I love how I can talk them about things and hang out with them. And for none of them there is no sexual tension. I hate meeting a guy and having sexual tension because you can't get anywhere until you get over that.

But with these friends I have no desire to have sex with them. I just like to be their friends and enjoy their company. But with one of them I am starting to like them a bit. But if it grows into something I know it won't be a goodbye afterwards and I think with friendship starting out first there would be more than just empty sex.

I think friendship is the best base for sex. But I could be wrong since it hasn't happen yet.

I also hate how some guys kinda bite at the cheek or just really go violent with kissing when you barely know them. That's a turn off for me. I love passionate kissing and occasionally with my ex we would get a burst of lust for each other and just kiss each other wildly and not stop. But it started out slow and passionate that not just intense and wild kissing.

Maybe I am asking for too much with all of this. Maybe most guys just want sex and that's it.

I just want more than sex. And I'm tired of reading all the fake profiles like "DOwn to earth guy, loves spending time with another guy and being passionate and romantic" and the guy being a total fake and than leaving.

But that's the reality of internet dating. It's not like I can go to many places and meet guys being 18 either. I really do search though. Sometimes just walking I will wish that a guy would approach me and be friendly to me and maybe we'd talk and grow to like each other.

Maybe I'm just an idealist.

Also another conflict I see is that I have found a guy who I really do like and he seems to really like me more than just sex. I am sort of afraid of it growing into a relationship so I sort of blew him off and was an asshole to him which I apologized deeply for even though it wasn't enough and he really shouldn't have forgiven me but for some reason he did. I also afraid to ask my ex for advice because I know he really loves me and I still love him. But I am just not ready for the kind of commitment he is ready for. Even though we both want the same thing. I just always wonder if there is another guy out there for me that is better. But I might be never satisfied in which case I might never find anyone.

I also wonder how well a younger and older relationship works. But from what I have seen and heard of there are a few younger and older guys who can make it work and seem to love each other. I just wish I wasn't full of so much lust because I think even if I am with someone I'd be tempted to cheat on them if another good looking guy wanted me. And until I am over this lust I shouldn't be after an LTR. Maybe I am too young for dating too since I can't even get into a fucking bar. But I still am a man even though by cultural standards I'm still a boy or a kid. By the law I am a man. I have needs. And I want love. And I don't want to ever settle or pretend to like a guy.

Maybe my biggest flaw is that I have pride. If I didn't have so much pride and standards than it would be easier to find someone.

I am just really tired of being alone. And I am tired of empty sex. Maybe I am ready have a boy friend at least and not a quick meet.

Fuck. Maybe if I had a boyfriend than I could actually get some sleep at night instead of staying up all night wishing, wanting, and wondering.

But yeah enough of this rant and this dramatic shit.

Anyways what is your view of sex with a guy that feels and seems empty versus sex with a friend whom you've known for a long time and does the friendship change after sex?

 

[gdude30]

Sort of a problem at my age. If I go sexless for a while then if a guy wanted to have sex with me it would be easier for him to pursuade me because my dick would do the thinking and I'd end up fucked. In a good and possibly bad way.

I almost wish I could do abstinence.

 

[NineOfClubs]

I've had lots of "empty sex" and some of it was enjoyable.

But on two occasions I had sex with guys I'd known for a long time, whom I'd thought of as friends. Both times were great, I'd have to say. It can feel very special to finally be with someone you've known for a long time, someone you've liked and felt comfortable with. It's hard to describe, but you'll understand if it ever happens to you.

 

[gdude30]

That is the answer I was looking for.

Are you still friends with them now and has anything changed after the sex?

 

[NineOfClubs]

^Well, one moved half way across the world and the other moved far away too.

With one, I'd say that we're still friends, and with the other I don't think we are, but the sex had little to do with it..... Just time.

 

[gdude30]

Oh. That's the one thing I fear with sex with a friend. But of course I need to first make a lifelong friend

 

[landers]

Maybe I am asking for too much with all of this. Maybe most guys just want sex and that's it.

Most guys want sex but, there are some of us who want more. You just have to look in the right places. Unfortunately I have no idea where those right places are since I've always been set up by friends.

I just always wonder if there is another guy out there for me that is better. But I might be never satisfied in which case I might never find anyone.

There are two thoughts on this:

1. There will always be someone better than the person you are seeing. This doesn't mean you can't be happy with the person you're with but there could be someone out there that is just like the guy you're seeing only has more money/hair/whatever else. You can either accept this fact and be happy or spend eternity searching for that better guy and be miserable.

2. The guy you are seeing is perfect in every way and you couldn't be happier. There is no one better.

 

[954dude]

Friend sex is better than empty sex. All the sex I've had was passionate, with loads of kissing, and a little empty. I just want to have sex with someone I have some affection for. Someone I'm attracted to. Not these guys I meet a few times, become acquainted with and then have sex. It's not worth it, they just use you to cum.

 

[fjancsi80]

I had lots of empty sex with hookups, probably it is part of the gay lifestyle. Some dates were passionate and good, some were not memorable and a few were quite unpleasant. But I think you are right that you are not content with empty sex. There is a great danger of burning out, at least I feel this in myself. Of course I always go after my dick and have sex not later than the second date. But do not follow the bad example

 

[godson112]

I've never had unenjoyable sex. And I've had hook-ups and friend sex.
I had a fuck buddy for nearly 3 years, and we ended that recently becausehe got a girlfriend, but we're still really good friends.

And I've got a friend now I'm dying to have sex with, and he said he wants to as well but we haven't yet, and now we're not talking so...

But then I've also been to parties and had sex with complete strangers and they were all still really good.

Maybe it's because I'm easy to please or they were just good in bed, I don't really know.

But I'd have to say sex with a friend is better because obviously you know them, you can talk about it, do it more than once, you already have a connection and it's just generally better.

 

[fjancsi80]

I remember one hook-up which went really wrong. He was a nice, sexy guy and he insisted having sex as soon as possible. It was considered a one night stand from the outset so this was not a problem. But in the middle of the action he realized that this is not what he was looking for, he still loves his boyfriend etc... He went into the dead fish mode. I asked whether he would like to go instead, because I won't take it as an offence. He said no but remained totally cold and unmoved. I didn't know what to do with him, laying naked on my bed, not leaving, not doing anything and not speaking. Hopefully no friend does something like that...

 

[Shepherd 2]

Thanks for the segwey Pianist. Six without relationship and caring for the other person is just that sex, and it can be exciting for a few moment, but then the inevitable emptiness. Fall in love and make love, and you will have fireworks and fulfillment.

Shep+

 

[valis23]

Fall in love and make love, and you will have fireworks and fulfillment.[/COLOR][/B]

Gee. You make it sound so easy.

 

[Kulindahr]

NSA sex is utterly depressing to me any more -- it's just a reminder that I don't have any gay friends to even just chill with.

That "Fall in love and make love" sounds nice, but it's kind of like saying "draw a royal flush in five-card stud, and you'll clean up" -- first you gotta have a deck of cards, and get a seat at the table.

 

[Kulindahr]

Takes two on the same page for that to happen Shep.

I still maintain I'm getting a little long in the tooth and round in the abdomen for that to be practical. And given my opinion and experience of and with gay men since coming out, I think it an exercise in futility.

I'll second that!

 

[gdude30]

I was talking to a few people and I actually know some people now who love each other to death but won't have sex with each other. One couple doesn't like it with each other. And another couple they don't find each other attractive.

So they make an open relationship.

But I think to myself. It's amazing that that one couple can be together even though they don't find each other attractive. It's a little deeper than that too. And some who have lost interest in sex.

I'd rather have a guy who I enjoy talking to, being with, whom I love, and someone who I'd love to have sex with.

I wouldn't want to have a guy for just sex and another guy for love. I want a guy as a whole to be like that. But maybe that's hard and I might have to settle. Eh I don't think I'll ever settle. It's not my style.

But I am starting to make more gay friends. Who knows maybe one day I'll have sex with them. Maybe I'll even have sex with guys my own age. That would be a shocker.

 

[hawkia]

Sort of a problem at my age. If I go sexless for a while then if a guy wanted to have sex with me it would be easier for him to pursuade me because my dick would do the thinking and I'd end up fucked. In a good and possibly bad way.

I almost wish I could do abstinence.

well you could

 

[socalistud3]

lets see....very good question..i have experienced both in my small frame here on earth....hook ups suck and i dont' do them anymore...there has to be a connection of something...there isn't a way you ca meet and have a bond i 15-20 min ad have good sex with that...it just does't work....unless your a whore and its what you do...

now sex with a friend i have found to be very enjoyable...not only is there no strings attached you ca talk about it freely, the bond is already there...you trust and know each other...and then there is of course always room for more...the best part

I love friends sex...

 

[gdude30]

Abstinence at 18?

Why don't you just cut off my dick...

Or why don't I go put on a headband and summon all of my life force and do a kamikaze on *censored*

 

[cocktales]

I had a LOT of meaningless sex, doing what you described for a long time before I met the love of my life.

I know that empty-sex feeling, when you have a hook-up and they leave or you leave and most of the time never see one another again!

Now, as far as friend sex, I would NEVER do it!

I think the best way to lose your best friend is to have sex with them! For me, you are crossing the line when you do that; but that's just MY opinion, and I know a lot of others on here will disagree; but........

I think if you keep looking and don't be a total slut and be selective, one day that "special" person will come along and you will find that Mr. Right and you will go to bed with him at night and wake up with him in the morning and you just canNOT realize how endearing that is to have it happen that way.

Good luck!