Ended up being the weirdo again

[dominikowa]

It´s funny how years before i come out i thought the straight world was not for me and that there was something wrong with me and all those blablabla that actually everyone passing trought a coming out process have.
After i came out i had a boyfriend straight away for nearly 7 years, after we broke up i started actually knowing other gay people and the gay world as a whole...and i couldnt be feeling more as a weirdo.
First is that i´m impressed how much people care about each others looks, and how much they care about bodies... i´m not unatractive and have a quite nice body but i couldnt care less if someone is a gym freak or a god-model from a magazine. also everyone i know keep up to this all the time hook ups and one night stands... and i did it before and felt horrible.. really, felt so empty to not even know that person in bed with me.
I´m posting this thread just to see if there´s actually people who can relate to it, i´m pretty close to retire from this and give up on dating someone. I came out cuz i pictured myself getting married, adopting children, having nice interesting friends.. but seems like as much as i get to know the gay world more i end up meeting futile, sex-only-driven people with nothing actually special or interesting about them... i´m starting to believe i´m indeed a lost cause.

 

[Aymotin]

Perhaps you are one of these guys who join a golfclub to complain that everyone is about hitting little balls in stead of discussing books?

In other words: Wrong scene? There are different layers to the gay world and a lot of men enjoy having sex without being commited to a relationship. Both gay and straight. If you don´t like it find a place where people look for more.

This world is big and if you have the luck of being born in the first world you can find a place for pretty much everything there is. So if you don´t want fun-sex but a deep relationship, don´t go to "hey lets have fun-sex without commitment"-places.

 

[dominikowa]

yeah, i totally thought about that before. not sure wich kind of place is not like that. also in my country there isn´t a big gay scene and the one that is available is mainly targeted in sex. i tried once searching for gay associations and groups but there´s just none around.
thought i could meet nice people to talk to in bars, but dont seem to be the case...lol.
don´t get me wrong, i dont judge people for that, most of my close friends do it(actually about respect they have less for me than i have for them), it´s just not for me, and it feel hopeless sometimes...seems like in a bunch of places you can find everykind of people but not here(for example nobody that i know can name a long-lasting gay couple around here).

 

[8tomtoms8]

I've seen on this forum many young guys who are shocked that so many gays are only about "free" sex. When they begin to discover their sexuality, many want to build a relationship w/ one guy and fall in love. So many are disappointed to find only guys who want to hook up and disappear. This mentality causes many decent, caring, young men to just give up and " do what all the others do" or become bitter and insensitive, or even become very depressed and possibly suicidal. So sad!!! The gay "community" is a joke for the most part. It's no community I want to live in. I'm so glad I'm out of it.

 

[Seasoned]

Whether gay or straight the "scene" is mostly about like-minded people hooking up. There must be some open-mindedness in your country if you had thought about adoption. I'd suggest joining groups or participating in activities that might attract other gay people. You'd have a better chance meeting like-minded people. I hope that's a possibility for you. Don't give up because even in that bar scene there's someone who is looking for what you are looking for.

 

[Rolyo85]

I live in the middle of one of the biggest gay neighborhoods in America and I STILL don't see "the scene" as just shallow guys wanting to hook up. It's full of committed couples doing committed couply things shoulder to shoulder with the party boys. One sees what one wants. Maybe it's because I don't mind casual sex, so I don't get offended by seeing it and don't make broad insulting generalizations to entire "communities"...

 

[bananagoof]

It seems like this poster has had exposure to a limited number of gay people, or to a gay area of town where everything feels like a meat market. Also, women tend to want to have relationships more than hook-ups, but men are often just happy with sex. So coming across someone who you like who is also interested in a relationship might be harder.

 

[Str8Top14701]

You were in "couple world" where couples tend to hang out with couples and the behavior is different. Being single is a different world, where people have different agendas, and there's competition and expectations on different levels. You sound like someone that enjoys people that have more of the values you had in your relationship, not the "swingin' single" life. I don't think age have anything to do with it, you like what you like. It's going to take some patience and observation to find a like minded person if you're hanging with a crowd that have different relationship priorities.

Try finding a new crowd, or hanging with couples that might know a nice single guy in your boat.

 

[bankside]

The behaviour of all the gays, except the one you fall in love with, doesn't really matter. That's the great part about needing only one person in your life.

Knowing that made it easy to wait, and easy to see people who just weren't right for me.