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Ending a friendship with the worst person on earth

  • Thread starter Thread starter J_Nite
  • Start date Start date
Depending on where you live, he could be admitted involuntarily to a psychiatric unit if his mental state presents a danger to others. Might be something for his family to look into...
 
J_Nite,

I believe you when you say you're going to try to stay away from him. I also believe, from what you say about him sympathetically, that there is a part of you that wants to go back to him so badly it's killing you.

But just try to always remember:

He is a user.
He cheats.
He lies.
He is violent.
He kills animals.
He has molested a child.

This man is psychotic. One of the telling signs of someone who is a potential killer of humans is how they treat animals. He feels nothing for anyone but himself. If you were hitchhiking and picked up by someone who wanted to kill you, you would thank God if you got away and you would never hitchhike again. This guy should be no different.

Stay away from him, stay away from his family, and tell your family not to mention him anymore--if you have to, let them know what he is like. You also need to tell him not to contact you anymore, and never talk badly about him with anyone he knows again. You have no idea what him might do to you if you really start affecting how other people see him. If he perceives you as a real threat, he may hurt you far more than he already has.

And then watch out for him again in other men--the fact that you let him get away with mistreating you for as long as you did might be a sign that you're going to be drawn to similar men in the future.
 
WTF?! You need to turn him in to that girls parents! He could still be doing it! And if he killed a dog he could really hurt her. Forget about yourself and save the girl!!!!!!!!! This guy is fucking sick and something really bad is coming down the road. Be careful.
 
J_Nite said:
yeah, about the control thing. he always did try to tell his friends and his family and me what to do. it would be scary sometimes because you would be having a conversation about where to go and he would be charming, but a split second later he would shout that he wants to go someplace else and would guilt the group into conforming to his side. even now, he is trying to guilt me into being back with him, i got 4 emails from him this morning saying that he changed his ways. but i know he is a sociopath, im not quite sure if he is a psychopath. though abusing young children and killing animals is a tell-tale sign. and in a way he is at fault for overly suggesting to his old boyfriend to kill himself. i feel bad for him because his family and i tried to get him help, but he kept refusing. now his mom called me this morning saying that he lashed out at her and threw a plate at his younger sister. he is out of control and i dont want him in my life anymore. i fear that the only way his family can keep him and themselves safe is to forcibly get him some mental treatment. she also told me that she may have to call the police on him to keep them all safe. crazy...
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In the time I posted my response, you posted this.

Maybe you should stop taking calls from them--just not be available when you call. While someone could indeed be mentally ill due to biology, these kinds of people don't usually just spring out of a vacuum. They are most often a product of their family. The fact that his family keeps trying to manipulate you into "saving" their son probably shows where he gets a lot of his manipulative behavior.
 
i have stopped talking to his friends, because they are also begging me to get back with him. i told them to just call the police if he bothers them again and to leave me out of it. i will admit that a part of me does want to believe that in the future, he will change, but the logical part of me knows that he wont. i mean, i just got an email from one of his friend who said he just tried to get a 12 year old boy to go out with him (really young guys are his type, he once gave alcohol to his friend santiago (who was 13 at the time) and gave him a blow-job). most of his friends and family are trying to get me to go back with him because they say that only i can calm him down. i try to rationalize that he isnt my problem anymore, but i feel for the people who cant escape him like his family. i know he isnt physically threatening (he isnt very strong) and that i know that i could hold my own with him in a fight, but its just that i wish it never comes to that. he only acts out against people who are weaker than him, but he once pushed me and i fell halfway down the stairs. yes, a part of me really wants him to change and be a better person, but a bigger part of me is telling me that he will just really try to hurt me worse.
 
bluedragon4 said:
WTF?! You need to turn him in to that girls parents! He could still be doing it! And if he killed a dog he could really hurt her. Forget about yourself and save the girl!!!!!!!!! This guy is fucking sick and something really bad is coming down the road. Be careful.
Click to expand...

Bluedragon is right about this. I didn't pursue this angle because you didn't tell us any details other than he fingered a four year old. Did he tell you when this happened? Was this a recent event? Did it happen years ago? Is this a child he still has access to today? Did he even tell you which cousin it was? Do you have enough information to report him to someone?

If so, you should consider how to proceed. You can find online an abuse hotline number for your state/area and report him, perhaps even anonymously. You might ask how you should handle this--would his family believe you? Could you contact the parents anonymously and warn them about him?

If he has done this to this child and then told someone about it, chances are he'll do it again--to the same child or to another one. You are in a position to try to stop that. Ultimately it is the right thing to do. But know this--as I warned you in the past post, you had better be able to handle the consequences of him seeing you as a threat.
 
his family knows about everything. they know that he molested his boy cousin. they know he drugged one of his underage friends and gave him oral sex. they know about the dog and the cat. they know about him cheating and lying. i was with him in a therapy session when he confessed the whole thing to his parents. his father then contacted his brother to make sure that the child was alright.
but i dont know why they count on me to save him. i told him that i cant help him unless he tries to help himself. i beleived his lies before about trying to change, which he pretended to do for a little while.
its just been too much drama for me. i have my own stress. i have my own family to take care of. granted his family was very sweet to me (despite their outward hatred of gays). i am 19 years old and already have heart problems, i just cant take this stress from him. i feel strong for leaving him, but like a coward for not sticking around to help his family.
 
J_Nite said:
i have stopped talking to his friends, because they are also begging me to get back with him. i told them to just call the police if he bothers them again and to leave me out of it. i will admit that a part of me does want to believe that in the future, he will change, but the logical part of me knows that he wont. i mean, i just got an email from one of his friend who said he just tried to get a 12 year old boy to go out with him (really young guys are his type, he once gave alcohol to his friend santiago (who was 13 at the time) and gave him a blow-job). most of his friends and family are trying to get me to go back with him because they say that only i can calm him down. i try to rationalize that he isnt my problem anymore, but i feel for the people who cant escape him like his family. i know he isnt physically threatening (he isnt very strong) and that i know that i could hold my own with him in a fight, but its just that i wish it never comes to that. he only acts out against people who are weaker than him, but he once pushed me and i fell halfway down the stairs. yes, a part of me really wants him to change and be a better person, but a bigger part of me is telling me that he will just really try to hurt me worse.
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Will his friend come forward with you to report him? He's molested several children and contributed to the delinquency of a minor with the alcohol.

This is very warped that people around him know he's doing this shit and they're more concerned about him than they are the kids he's hurting.
 
he doesnt see me as a threat, because i have stopped talking to him. for all he knows i have been ignoring him and telling his family and friends to leave me alone. the incident with his young cousin was years ago, when he was 16, and he confessed that to his parents, who reported it to the child's parents. for whatever reason the child and his family (francisco's extended family) moved a few years ago, so i dont think this is a repeated incident. his family decided to not press charges once they found out, but Francisco decided not to come to the counceling sessions afterwards.
 
So his family knows and has done nothing? The therapist knows and did nothing? Um, a licensed therapist could not sit and hear that he's molested children and then not do anything about that, I don't think. There's always the police--would the friend go with you to report what he knows? Do you guys have any proof that any of this happened? What about the parents of the other kids--do you know them?

The whole family is nuts. Get away from them now.
 
it is at his family's request that i dont report him to the authorities. they said that they would handle this matter on their own. after his druken friend santiago found out he gave him a blow-job, (santiago is straight), santiago agreed to let Francisco come over and give him oral any time and they have been doing this for years. again, i only found this stuff out after i ended the relationship and was just friends with him. and his parents did call the abuse hotline, but all they did was try to get more counceling, which he didnt show up for.
 
i dont think it was a licensed therapist, some friend of the family who had a psyocholy degree or something. the thing is that everyone's family knows, but no one sees it as wrong except me. it really is a crazy dynamic going on. as for proof, we only have francisco's confession and santiago bragging about getting a bj whenever he wants. i wasnt there when he did the other things, but some of his family was. its all very convoluted.
 
J_Nite said:
i dont think it was a licensed therapist, some friend of the family who had a psyocholy degree or something. the thing is that everyone's family knows, but no one sees it as wrong except me. it really is a crazy dynamic going on. as for proof, we only have francisco's confession and santiago bragging about getting a bj whenever he wants. i wasnt there when he did the other things, but some of his family was. its all very convoluted.
Click to expand...

You're right. It is convoluted. He's crazy, and his family is crazy.

You're not. Write them all off out of your life. Stand firm on that. Be proud of yourself for learning your lesson at 19. Be thankful you're out of it. Then stop talking about it and thinking about it, and go find some really nice, thoughtful, cute gay guy to put your time and energy into from now on. (*8*)
 
no, his best friend wouldnt go with me. francisco had made him believe that i was lying to him. the best friend is one of those really needy types of people, and francisco treats him like a lacky. his best friend hates me because i told him that francisco wished hiv upon him, and then francisco lied about ever saying that. i dont know, this whole thing is way to Degrassi for me. he is his family's problem now and if they dont want to help him, thats their choice. i have washed my hands of francisco, i just vent here because i still have so much pent up anger and hurt.
 
thats the thing, i wish that there were nice guys out there. thats a big problem for me is that the only gay guys i know just arent my type. they are nice and everything, but just not for me. right now i just want friends. i dont want to rush into another relationship and end up with another francisco. i need to have some time to heal. im still young, so im sure that there is someone out there for me. i believe i have a lot to offer, but i want to make really sure that i find myself a nice guy. i guess im more traditional because i'm not into hookups and casual sex. i want something with substance. but whenever i talk to guys it just seems like everyone is only interested in sex. i get that, im a man, i have needs, but i also have a responsibility to myself. so, are there any good guys in the las vegas area? :)
 
Ok, an update. Francisco's family just told me that they admitted him into some kind of counceling program. But he says that he will only do it if I go with him. I feel like i have already visited this issue with him, of him pretending to change just to get back on my good side. I dont feel like this time will be any different. I have not picked up his phone calls, i have blocked him on messenger, and i dont reply to his emails. I dont feel like there is anything more for me to do.
PS: If any of you out there have stories like this, or similar situations, please send them. I know i cant be the only one in such a strange situation, so it would help to know that there were others like me. It would be very much appreciated.
Thanks.
 
It is apparent that he has severe mental health / personality disorders (I would say likely to be borderline personality disorder comorbid with antisocial personality disorder). He is unlikely to change without considerable and prolonged psychiatric help.

Do not go to therapy with him. You have done well by not communicating with him. Give his family all the support you can to get him into treatment and good luck.
 
If he does have antisocial personality disorder (and I agree with Jasboi, it does sound like it) then i'm not sure it can be treated. I mean you can't teach someone to feel remorse right? Lack of remorse is what allows him to hurt people over and over again. I suggest you continue to stay away from him; hopefully he won't go all serial killer on you.
 
I would get a restraining order, Because he is after you boy!
 
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