Engaged but still attracted to other men

[Pickwick]

My question might seem stupid. But I wanted to know if it's normal to be attracted to other people when you're in a comited relationship ?

 

[kallipolis]

Yes.

One doesn't cease being a sexual creature with eyes to see, and appreciate those who attract our attention because we are in a committed relationship with another human being.

 

[TX-Beau]

In my experience there are three general categories that screw up relationships, money, sex, and unrealistic expectations.

Hollywood has sold you a bill of goods, namely that there is one super-special person in the world just waiting for you and you'll never ever ever want anyone else once you find each other, and love, sweet love will conquer all!!

This is a fantasy, in reality you're still going to get boners over that hot guy you were perving on at the gym, one or both of you is probably going to cheat, you will argue, you will get pissed off about the petty shit, you will have moments when you wish he'd just fucking run off with that hot guy you were getting boners over at the gym.

What gets you through these is not love, it's commitment, that love you feel now is going to fade, and hopefully what replaces it will be something different, more mature and more binding, because real love always starts out as just infatuation, and even after you grow together, your cock is still going to get stiff over that hot guy at the gym, ask your partner, maybe he's up for a party?

 

[eastofeden]

Long ago....I had to make sure my BF knew it was OK to be attracted to strangers...to want to fuck them...to lust after them...because that bill of goods TX-Beau told you about is true...and don't forget romance novelists and The Bible who have also shaped your shame and guilt and tried to define love for you.....

They are all lying.....and it may not even be your fantasy but then again ..they all assume so much...

So to answer your question..you are absolutely normal....just keep it real....

 

[Seasoned]

Yes. Committing to someone does not mean normal functions cease working. There'll also be times when you might be bored or even lonely even while in a relationship. The "magic" part got you together and from now on it takes some work to stay lovingly connected.

 

[sixthson]

Are you talking about just finding someone else attractive or something more?

 

[Pickwick]

Thanks guys for your answer. I feel better with myself. The truth is that it's the first time I'm in a comited relationship with another man and I kinda assmued he had the same look towards other men. So one day I subtilly brought the subject up and he told that he doesn't feel any kind of attraction towards any body else. So is he deenying or not, I just thing he genuinely feels comited to me and therefor doesn't feel anything else. So I started thinking that it was due to my past (I used to be a "slut") and that I had a problem because of all the men I had and specially because I always had to separate love from sex as until last year the men I would have sex with were not men I loved. All that to say that I feel better now. And yes I'm only talking about attraction. Like yesterday I was in a cafe and the waiter were really sexy and I could help myself but watching his ass. I don't think that if this said waiter would have talked to me and started hitting on me that I would have run with it, I the opposit I think that I would have made myself clear. But I was fantasying at the same time. And speaking off threesome, he never had this experience and doesn't seem to want it. He really didn't have the same sexual experiences as me, so I also think that makes a difference between our concerns towards sex and relationship.

 

[Pickwick]

Sorry for the mistakes btw

 

[Seasoned]

I always think it best to be honest with oneself, which is what you have shown. If you wish to stay in the relationship and if you wish to stay monogamous, I think you ought to give the following some thought. You described a certain situation with a waiter. It seemed normal to me that you noticed his cute/hot ass. What I think you need to be careful with is the thought that you THINK you would have turned him down.

Using myself as an example, I believe there will be times you could be frustrated, resentful, or pissed towards your boyfriend. It's at those times that thoughts of cheating can take over and it can be easy to do if you have this mental catalogue of hot guys.

What I'm suggesting when you notice someone hot is acknowledge it and move on without thoughts of fantasy, the same way you'd notice a pretty flower without having to pick it, or an object d'art without having to buy it. Have the thought and let it go.

Anyway, this is one way my husband and I, two sluts from the 70s and 80s, have managed to stay together since 1983.

Best wishes to you!

 

[jayzeenc]

Without getting overly involved in mechanics, first you seem genuinely concerned that your're being honest with yourself, that's a plus. Biologically, and look at other species too, males like to be engaged sexually, we're simply not "programmed" for monogamy. Committing oneself to being sexually exclusive is a choice, and one that can take some effort; albeit not invaluable effort.

While some folks might poo-poo the choices my husband and I have made, we're much more fluid about sex. Where we aren't fluid is in our commitment of our lives and hearts to one another. If he wants to suck a dick on his lunch hour, he can have at it. Reciprocally, if I want to get sucked, or pound some willing fella's hole, as long as we're responsible and safe, no problems. Sometimes we play together with a third, fourth, or more. What we have discovered is that in exploring our sexuality and our honest attractions this way has actually led to our having even more amazing sex with each other. We always had a great sex life, but didn't try to fool ourselves that there were still other sexually attractive men in the world.

We discussed it over time, and came to agreeable terms. For us, home comes first, no spending hours on a hook up app when we could be having fun ourselves, be it sexually, or going for a hike, walking the greenway, challenging each other in video games, bowling, roadtrips, and dancing. We're not off boinking daily or even weekly, but we're more concerned with the concept of intentional denial in order to meet that aforementioned bill of goods.

I hope you and yours have an amazingly love filled relationship. May it be filled with honesty, and lots of good fucking, however that works.

 

[Pickwick]

Thanks jayzeenc, the thing is that my partner is not as opened sexually and I don't think, for what I've tried to opened the subhead, that he would understand.