So I would like to know what I should do about this or just some kind of advice. My boyfriend that I have been with for a year and 7 months hinted to one of his aunts that he wanted to buy an engagement ring I over heard them talking oops lol So we were outside talking and I told him don't surprise me with a ring on Christmas cuz he would do something like that. He was like why and I told him because we only been together 2years and we are two young and I'm planning on going to dental school so I really don't need that now,He said that I wasn't wiling to commit and that things have to be done my way and that he wasn't going to wait and I told him no if he planned it on Christmas or in may which is our anniversary month so I might be handing him his papers because if your in a rush to marry me then no I have to go. Like should I leave or have another talk about this but he made it clear that he wasn't going to wait for me to say yes HELP any advice
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Engagement
- Thread starter DeNiceOne
- Start date
thephoenix
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Ok....soooo....what I get from all that is the following:
1. Your boyfriend wants to buy you an engagement ring
2. You overheard his discussion and then picked a fight with him about it
And 3. You gave him an ultimatum
Now, you make no mention of the type of boyfriend he is so I'll assume a good one because he wants to commit to you and surprise you on Christmas or some other day that is important to you both.
Going on the assumption that this guy is truly a good guy...I will say with as much kindness as possible: You are a moron. Insensitive. Selfish. ETC. and he should give you YOUR papers.
Do you know that most guys would kill to be in your position and you treat it like a burden? Is he going to need you to babysit him while you're in "dental school" or are you just wanting the option to play around?
I think you should let him go because you are obviously too immature to handle any kind of committment. And you should tell him it's because you're too immature. Not because he won't wait. You sound like a bad boyfriend and not the package you think you are. But to be fair I don't know that much about you, however you said volumes in your short post.
Look, if it isn't right, it isn't right and if he isn't willing to be in anything but a solid committed relationship then it won't work because that is something you can't give him. But I think you were a jerk in how you broached the subject and insensitive to his feelings and it does sound like "everything has to be your way."
So, take your way and sleep alone. Let this guy go so he can be good to someone who deserves it. You got some growing up to do before you get off in these kinds of deep feelings.
1. Your boyfriend wants to buy you an engagement ring
2. You overheard his discussion and then picked a fight with him about it
And 3. You gave him an ultimatum
Now, you make no mention of the type of boyfriend he is so I'll assume a good one because he wants to commit to you and surprise you on Christmas or some other day that is important to you both.
Going on the assumption that this guy is truly a good guy...I will say with as much kindness as possible: You are a moron. Insensitive. Selfish. ETC. and he should give you YOUR papers.
Do you know that most guys would kill to be in your position and you treat it like a burden? Is he going to need you to babysit him while you're in "dental school" or are you just wanting the option to play around?
I think you should let him go because you are obviously too immature to handle any kind of committment. And you should tell him it's because you're too immature. Not because he won't wait. You sound like a bad boyfriend and not the package you think you are. But to be fair I don't know that much about you, however you said volumes in your short post.
Look, if it isn't right, it isn't right and if he isn't willing to be in anything but a solid committed relationship then it won't work because that is something you can't give him. But I think you were a jerk in how you broached the subject and insensitive to his feelings and it does sound like "everything has to be your way."
So, take your way and sleep alone. Let this guy go so he can be good to someone who deserves it. You got some growing up to do before you get off in these kinds of deep feelings.
S
Soilwork
Guest
"Because a ring isn't my idea of a gift for a man. Do I look like some blonde debutante from Atlanta?
For a man, an engagement ring isn't a gift, it's a chain around my neck. Give me socks, golf balls, a tie, cuff links. Gifts you give a guy.
If we want to spend our lives together we'll do that but I'm fucking 23 years old and I feel like my life is only just starting. I'm not interested in settling down and nesting even if your aunt thinks it's time.
WE have a HUGE amount of life to live before we need to think about the rest of our lives together. Can't we just enjoy the ride and stay together because we WANT to and not because you paid too much for a transparent rock?"
For a man, an engagement ring isn't a gift, it's a chain around my neck. Give me socks, golf balls, a tie, cuff links. Gifts you give a guy.
If we want to spend our lives together we'll do that but I'm fucking 23 years old and I feel like my life is only just starting. I'm not interested in settling down and nesting even if your aunt thinks it's time.
WE have a HUGE amount of life to live before we need to think about the rest of our lives together. Can't we just enjoy the ride and stay together because we WANT to and not because you paid too much for a transparent rock?"
S
Soilwork
Guest
For the record, I think Phoenix is being too hard on you.
Now that half of JUB just died of a hear attack from reading that, I'll continue.
You're young. You have a lot of life left to live and you just want a boyfriend, not a husband. I think it was right of you to head him off at the pass so he didn't
a) ruin your Christmas by pressuring you into doing something that you don't want to do
b) ruin his Christmas because he's rushing you.
How is an engagement ring a present anyway? It's not like it's a thing FOR you. The real gift isn't the ring, it's what it represents and you don't want that.
Now that half of JUB just died of a hear attack from reading that, I'll continue.
You're young. You have a lot of life left to live and you just want a boyfriend, not a husband. I think it was right of you to head him off at the pass so he didn't
a) ruin your Christmas by pressuring you into doing something that you don't want to do
b) ruin his Christmas because he's rushing you.
How is an engagement ring a present anyway? It's not like it's a thing FOR you. The real gift isn't the ring, it's what it represents and you don't want that.
thephoenix
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I could see how I might have been hard on him; maybe he's not a moron, but I still think it could have been handled better. I agree it is something that should have been brought up, but not like it was.
He doesn't need to be in that type of relationship; he's not ready. And if the boyfriend has already refused to continue without the classification of commited and engaged then that's it. At the end they are two people wanting two different things. Neither one is wrong per se, I just think DeNiceOne could have had a better "discussion" with his boyfriend.
He doesn't need to be in that type of relationship; he's not ready. And if the boyfriend has already refused to continue without the classification of commited and engaged then that's it. At the end they are two people wanting two different things. Neither one is wrong per se, I just think DeNiceOne could have had a better "discussion" with his boyfriend.
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
He's right. You're not willing to commit. And what the hell is wrong with that? If you're not ready, you're not ready - simple as that.
Gifts are supposed to be about getting something for somebody that they really WANT - something they'd love to have, and be happy they got. He wants to give you this ring not for any of those reasons, but to lay claim to you. He apparently wants to stick his flag in your chest a la Marvin the Martian - "I claim this homo in the name of Mars."
"Things have to be done your way". You better as hell believe it. Nobody should get engaged just because ONE of the couple thinks is a good idea. You get engaged because BOTH of you want to. If either party is uncertain, it doesn't happen.
"He won't wait for you." Meaning what? You've got a timetable to follow as far as your relationship goes. You don't feel you're ready to be his "forever man". Good for you. Tell him that. And if he's more interested in giving out the ring than to who he gives it to, wish him well.
>>>Because a ring isn't my idea of a gift for a man. Do I look like some blonde debutante from Atlanta? For a man, an engagement ring isn't a gift, it's a chain around my neck. Give me socks, golf balls, a tie, cuff links. Gifts you give a guy.
Oh, don't go getting all g0y on us, Jasun. The problem with the ring isn't that it's "girl-y". There's nothing wrong with non-masculine gifts - even jewelry - as long as it's something the recipient might like. The problem with the ring is that it doesn't say "I'd like you to have this - I hope you like it". It says "If you accept this, you're bound to me."
Lex
Gifts are supposed to be about getting something for somebody that they really WANT - something they'd love to have, and be happy they got. He wants to give you this ring not for any of those reasons, but to lay claim to you. He apparently wants to stick his flag in your chest a la Marvin the Martian - "I claim this homo in the name of Mars."
"Things have to be done your way". You better as hell believe it. Nobody should get engaged just because ONE of the couple thinks is a good idea. You get engaged because BOTH of you want to. If either party is uncertain, it doesn't happen.
"He won't wait for you." Meaning what? You've got a timetable to follow as far as your relationship goes. You don't feel you're ready to be his "forever man". Good for you. Tell him that. And if he's more interested in giving out the ring than to who he gives it to, wish him well.
>>>Because a ring isn't my idea of a gift for a man. Do I look like some blonde debutante from Atlanta? For a man, an engagement ring isn't a gift, it's a chain around my neck. Give me socks, golf balls, a tie, cuff links. Gifts you give a guy.
Oh, don't go getting all g0y on us, Jasun. The problem with the ring isn't that it's "girl-y". There's nothing wrong with non-masculine gifts - even jewelry - as long as it's something the recipient might like. The problem with the ring is that it doesn't say "I'd like you to have this - I hope you like it". It says "If you accept this, you're bound to me."
Lex
SilverRRCloud
I'd rather be a Sexgod:)
I'll agree with Lex here.
Dude, you are not ready. And you clearly said so.
OK, you might need couple of years at a major diplomatic academy to improve on your delivery techniques, but yeah, you still did the right thing.
If a dude is not willing to wait, good for him. He'll have to do it one way or the other. With you or without you.
SC
Dude, you are not ready. And you clearly said so.
OK, you might need couple of years at a major diplomatic academy to improve on your delivery techniques, but yeah, you still did the right thing.
If a dude is not willing to wait, good for him. He'll have to do it one way or the other. With you or without you.
SC