Erection Problem at 19

[toxicboy]

Ok this has kind of always been an issue, but now it's seriously worrying me.
I haven't been with many guys, but when I have (and bottomed), I've been able to be hard and then would get soft in the middle of sex without ejaculation. And then I can't get hard again.

And in more recent times, I've been to parties and met a bunch of guys. But for example, I was dancing up on this one guy and he was basically riding against my dick, but I could not get hard. I can get hard daydreaming in class about a hot guy or just a random comment my friend makes, but not when this hot ass guy is grinding on me. And it sucks because I'm totally a grower and being hard makes a big difference for me, no pun intended.

And also, I really dislike bottoming. I've only had sex with guys a few times, but I really want to be a top. But I'm afraid of doing that and not being able to keep it up.

Is this normal for a 19 year old??? Do I seriously need Viagra this young?

 

[CudDULL]

Maybe you are just nervous and are under the pressure a lot that it distracts you from staying hard.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Toxic,

Mate I'm going to shift your thread to Health and Wellbeing... its a far better place to get helpful advice and theres already a heap of threads about this very subject...link below

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=272138

I think Cuddull has hit it on the head... somehow you are letting your head get in the road... either by being consciously concerned about it or just over thinking the whole experience of being with a guy... and its way more common than you think... even for experienced lovers.

Getting and maintaining an erection is one of those conscious/subconscious responses that your body has... its something will happen all by itself if you just relax and let the situation take you. Alternatively you can get one or kill one by thinking about it.

The biggest issue is not letting get past this stage where you are so concerned about it its an issue every time. Try and find some info out of these threads listed and dont rule out seeing a sex therapist.... better to do that then letting it ruin your sex life.

Perhaps the best advice I can give you is this... find a partner you trust with your life. Be open and honest with him... and tell him its something you need to get past. With time, patience and understanding its something that you'll easily get over when you are with a guy who shows you that its alright to be human from time to time.

So to answer your question mate... no... you dont need Viagra!!

 

[toxicboy]

Thanks you guys, I really appreciate that. And thanks for the advice, tallguy, that really makes me feel relieved. I think I just may try a sex therapist if it continues, but I'm just so glad I don't need Viagra! I was getting worried I had some kind of sexual dysfunction or something..

 

[fetaby]

Two cents coming...

If you don't like bottoming then don't do it. You don't have to give up da booty if you don't wanna. And if the guy your fucking with can't understand that you don't want to be fucking around with him in the first.

And where are you at that you can't find a bottom to top? Can't leave the house without tripping over 'em round here.

It takes a while to ease into the joys of sex. Your brain is the biggest sexual organ, use it to help you out of sticky situations. If your rod's not hard, it could very easily be the case that you aren't enjoying yourself. Great sex is bringing your all to the bed, pleasing your partner and your self. Find the balance, and have some fun in the process.

Great Nights.

 

[Yooper]

And now for two cents from the Creepy Old Fart.

I've been Out for way more than 19 years. I've been with my Partner for longer.

SOME of us are just not into it. Getting Fucked, that is. Every once in a great while, I'll go for it. And it is still not really my cup of tea. But getting hard? I can and have gotten embarassing erections (in my old age!) just wandering through the grocery store and seeing a Hot Guy there. So I'm not dead. I just would rather go fuck him!

So you are not really happy with being a bottom. BFD.

It is OK, and 100% normal.

End of my two cents.

(And, if you find, like me, you are far more likely to be an aggressive Top, you will have no trouble. Trust me. )

 

[KaraBulut]

This is a fairly common issue on this forum.

There's a lot of reasons for it- shyness, feelings of inadequacy, body image issues. Some guys just need to find an intellectual or emotional connection before they can get excited by another guy.

Your post doesn't really provide any hints about why you might be having problems getting/staying hard. Why do you think that you're able to get/stay hard when you're alone but not when you're with another person?


There's a sticky in the top of this forum that talks about staying hard when bottoming. There are some guys who are big ole bottoms and love having a dick up their ass, but who nevertheless don't have to be hard to enjoy a good fucking. So, it's not a requirement- it's only a requirement that you enjoy it and you let your partner know that you're enjoying it.

Which brings us to the next question- you dislike bottoming but you don't really talk about why you dislike it?

Have you tried topping another guy yet?

 

[toxicboy]

Why do you think that you're able to get/stay hard when you're alone but not when you're with another person?

You have alot of interesting questions. Well firstly, I think alot of you here are right that its an issue with nervousness. But that sucks because I'm always kind of nervous with guys. And I never do "relationships" so it's usually new guys. This is the main reason why I can't afford to keep going soft when I'm messing around with new guys :/

Which brings us to the next question- you dislike bottoming but you don't really talk about why you dislike it?

I do dislike bottoming because .. and I know a lot of you will disagree or maybe even be offended ... it really doesn't feel good for me. I tried it a few times and I was just hoping it'd be over the entire time. I've always just wanted to top, but I have NEVER stayed hard through sex as a bottom and am terrified of putting my dick inside another guy and going soft. It'd just be awful.

I guess I need to find a way to get over this mental block and find out for sure if I can keep it up with another guy...

 

[toxicboy]

Thanks for all of your help guys, I appreciate all of your comments. And thanks for not making fun of me lol

 

[fetaby]

You have alot of interesting questions. Well firstly, I think alot of you here are right that its an issue with nervousness. But that sucks because I'm always kind of nervous with guys. And I never do "relationships" so it's usually new guys. This is the main reason why I can't afford to keep going soft when I'm messing around with new guys :/And how long do you know these guys before sexing them down? They could be anybody, which is effectively fucking with nobody. It's just mental masturbation, and more to the point you aren't enjoying it. You say you can't afford to lose the stiffy with da new guys. Does that mean you want to have sex with them again in da future? Is it sex you want, or to be with them?




I do dislike bottoming because .. and I know a lot of you will disagree or maybe even be offended ... it really doesn't feel good for me. I tried it a few times and I was just hoping it'd be over the entire time. I've always just wanted to top, but I have NEVER stayed hard through sex as a bottom and am terrified of putting my dick inside another guy and going soft. It'd just be awful. I'm more offended that you are doing things you don't want to do. If you don't stay hard bottoming, do you stay hard when you have more vanilla type sex, jacking off and oral? For most gay men, anal is the holy grail of sex. But for you it doesn't have to be. Do what makes you feel good, do whatever you like.

I guess I need to find a way to get over this mental block and find out for sure if I can keep it up with another guy...

There's only one way to know if you can keep it up with another guy. Give topping a try if you get the opportunity. Many gay men like to get the top/bottom question out early to establish if a sexual meeting is gonna be possible. Two bottoms bumping booties and two tops sword fighting just doesn't hold the same give and take that oral and anal do. Have fun exploring, you never know what will turn up.

 

[KaraBulut]

You have alot of interesting questions. Well firstly, I think alot of you here are right that its an issue with nervousness. But that sucks because I'm always kind of nervous with guys. And I never do "relationships" so it's usually new guys. This is the main reason why I can't afford to keep going soft when I'm messing around with new guys :/

Well, it's good news/bad news time....

The good news is that this is really common. Over at our sister site, Empty Closets, we have a lot of young guys who are having their first experience with a guy. And the most common complaint is that they can whack off to porn but when they get naked with another guy in the flesh, they wilt like a limp noodle.

Having sex by yourself ("nobody does it better") is not the same as being with another person. There are sorts of insecurities and things running around in your head that can get in the way. Some people find the uncertainty of sex with a stranger to be exciting but there are a lot of guys who just can't relax and let go completely when they are with a stranger.

The bad news is that you might be one of those guys who really needs to have a level of comfort and security with a guy before you have sex with him. This could be dating. This could be a fuckbuddy. There's something to be said for having sex with someone who you are comfortable with and who knows your body.

There are worse things that have a playmate whose company you enjoy in bed or out of bed.

I do dislike bottoming because .. and I know a lot of you will disagree or maybe even be offended ... it really doesn't feel good for me. I tried it a few times and I was just hoping it'd be over the entire time. I've always just wanted to top, but I have NEVER stayed hard through sex as a bottom and am terrified of putting my dick inside another guy and going soft. It'd just be awful.

Again, a common complaint. The problem with younger guys and casual encounters is that they aren't the most patient lovers when it comes to anal.

There are some guys who are natural bottoms. They can sit on a half liter coke bottle and not drop their nail file. The rest of us have to work at it.

If you don't enjoy it then don't do it with your casual encounters. If you do get a fuckbuddy or a boyfriend that you develop a level of comfort with then by all means, experiment and make friends with your prostate. Once you develop trust, learn to relax and you are able to enjoy getting fucked, you'll look back and wonder why you didn't enjoy it before.

 

[apt-39]

Your ED problems may be poor nutrition. Give your body the nutrients it neets, and you sill be amazed at what it can do. Poor nutrition leave our bodies vulnerable to illness. You will be amazed at what your body can so with the nutrients it needs.

 

[toxicboy]

Well thanks guys, I really really appreciate all of the support and all of the advice - I really didn't expect that at all. Recently, I got with a new guy and asked if we could take it slower (as in no anal) and I didn't have as hard of a time keeping it up ... though having an orgasm did take alot more work.
I think those of you who wrote that I should be with guys I'm more comfortable with are right and maybe I should look for something serious ... oy. So many things to think about, but I do appreciate all of the support here. I love you guys

 

[KaraBulut]

... though having an orgasm did take alot more work...

That's not unusual- especially when you're with a new person.

You may have to make yourself come the first few times. Try this- when you're ready, have your partner lie back and then you lie back (between his legs) and put his arms around you. This enables you both to watch. In time as your relax, he'll be able to do it for you using his hand in place of yours.

For variety, you can change to facials or whatever blows your skirt up.

 

[giftart]

I have this issue too. I think too much about it and I have issues with my own body image even though my ex told me he didnt mind.

Well, he left be because of this because I couldnt provide the sex that he needed and I couldnt get pass this issue with myself.

 

[fetaby]

Well thanks guys, I really really appreciate all of the support and all of the advice - I really didn't expect that at all. Recently, I got with a new guy and asked if we could take it slower (as in no anal) and I didn't have as hard of a time keeping it up ... though having an orgasm did take alot more work.
I think those of you who wrote that I should be with guys I'm more comfortable with are right and maybe I should look for something serious ... oy. So many things to think about, but I do appreciate all of the support here. I love you guys

And hello again. It's comforting to see the amount of time between updates in a thread such as this. I can only hope you are out living it up as big as you effin can.


Now, given the circumstances. It is easy advice to say be comfortable with who you are with. We are talking about your level of inimacy evloutions after all. But.. and plese read this. Do not let anyone tell you what to do, or how to feel. The biggest proponent of sexual maturity is confidence.. The more you got the better it gets.

YOu'se a good guy. If you don't want a bf. Then you don't have to have one. What you need is to fully understand what you do want. And then have the cajones to jump in da pool and go get that.

Have fun! And remember the three C's. Condoms, Common sense,,, and more condoms!

 

[Maccabee]

What a coincidence! Today I really wanted to open a topic asking the same question!!

In general I have difficulties maintaining an erection. And that's with or without guys. When I'm jerking off I definitely can get a full erection, but if I would stand up for a second, walk or whatever and return to the original business I was undertaking, I'm pretty much soft again.
I really doubt if it's just anxiety. I could well also be a physiological reason.

And then for me there's another dimension to it. I am still very much in doubt whether I do am gay (or bi). Having troubles remaining hard is probably one of the reasons of the doubting.

I think I'm going to the doctor and ask for a prescription for Viagra or something like that. I'm really curious to see what the effects will be.

 

[KaraBulut]

...When I'm jerking off I definitely can get a full erection, but if I would stand up for a second, walk or whatever and return to the original business I was undertaking, I'm pretty much soft again.

That's not uncommon. There are some guys who are very sensitive to changes in position when erect. They find it difficult to have sex standing or kneeling. They also find that when they go from laying flat to standing, the blood shifts to their legs and feet and they loose their erection.

And then for me there's another dimension to it. I am still very much in doubt whether I do am gay (or bi). Having troubles remaining hard is probably one of the reasons of the doubting.

I think I'm going to the doctor and ask for a prescription for Viagra or something like that. I'm really curious to see what the effects will be.

Erection difficulty isn't a good indicator of sexual orientation. There are plenty of straight guys who can get off to a blowjob from a guy. Arousal and attraction are different from erection.

Viagra or another ED drug might help in this case. However, you should still consider other physiological and psychological causes.

 

[Maccabee]

That's not uncommon. There are some guys who are very sensitive to changes in position when erect. They find it difficult to have sex standing or kneeling. They also find that when they go from laying flat to standing, the blood shifts to their legs and feet and they loose their erection.

Glad to hear that it's not uncommon. But, all the guys that I have been with seem to have unlimited erections and that really makes me wonder. They can walk around the room without loosing one. Or if I don't touch their penis, they won't loose their erection. Whereas mine needs a lot of attention to remain erect.

And if it is not uncommon, would that make it less of a dysfunction?
I have a very unscientific quote from Wikipedia:

Obtaining erections which are either not rigid or full (lazy erection), or are lost more rapidly than would be expected (often before or during penetration), can be a sign of a failure of the mechanism which keeps blood held in the penis, and may signify an underlying clinical condition, often cardiovascular in origin.

So it could also well be a physical problem. The mechanism to keep the blood held in the penis is just not working properly. The mechanism to get erect is, though

Erection difficulty isn't a good indicator of sexual orientation. There are plenty of straight guys who can get off to a blowjob from a guy. Arousal and attraction are different from erection.

Viagra or another ED drug might help in this case. However, you should still consider other physiological and psychological causes.

And I do really consider other causes. I really do like being with a guy, but when it comes to sex it rarely is really satisfying. And I came to realise that it might have a lot to do with maintaining an erection in stead of doubting my sexuality. The erection problem is making me doubt.


But thanks for your comments. And if you have other useful insights, don't hesitate

 

[giftart]

And I do really consider other causes. I really do like being with a guy, but when it comes to sex it rarely is really satisfying. And I came to realise that it might have a lot to do with maintaining an erection in stead of doubting my sexuality. The erection problem is making me doubt.


But thanks for your comments. And if you have other useful insights, don't hesitate

This is happening to me. Maintaining an erection when IM with another guy is hard for me due my anxiety. One sec im hard the next, I'm down.

Its kinda depressing for me and after that I just not interested in it anymore.