European Touch

[huhu123]

So, this is a kinda long post, stick with me please!


To start, I live in a non-governamental organization (ONG in portuguese) here in Brazil, and this year we started accepting german youngsters to spend one year in replacement for their military work.

So in the middle of the year these 2 guys arrived, just my age (one is 20 and the other 21 while I'm 19), very nice guys, not especially handsome looking but good people.
As time goes by I became really good friends with one of them, and eventually fell in love with him (forgot to say, I'm fully closeted). It was great, just spending time with him made me so happy and as I have recently read lots of topics here on JUB about falling in love with straight guys and everything I just tried to enjoy while this huge infatuation would last and then let it go.
But here comes my doubt, sometimes he does some weird stuff, nothing so sexual as K-Smooth's friend, but still....weird. Maybe I'll mention exactly which ones later, because many might even be wishful thinking, but it's just a totally different style of friendship that I've ever had other brazilian men, much more...body close.
I just want to clear if it's common in Europe, as I believe there are some europeans here, to have this kind of friendship, more touching in a weird way and or is it just me...
The image we have of europeans, here in Brazil, is that they tend to be more cold (in the lack of a better word) and discreet, but still sometimes he say some things to me that are very...embarassing...

(Well, I guess in a way I just wanted to tell my history, for I have no one to speak to
)

Thanks in advance o/

 

[pausanias_usa]

If a European is drunk, all bets are off. They go crazy because it seems to be socially acceptable that "oh, I was just drunk."

You made some good new friends, enjoy them as such. Falling for straight guys is a bad habit -- note the word "habit" -- don't fall into that trap.

Find someone local who is available and in whom you can more safely invest your emotions.

 

[huhu123]

Thing is, drinking (in the alcoholic meaning) is not even allowed where we live...

 

[SilverRRCloud]

So, this is a kinda long post, stick with me please!


To start, I live in a non-governamental organization (ONG in portuguese) here in Brazil, and this year we started accepting german youngsters to spend one year in replacement for their military work.

So in the middle of the year these 2 guys arrived, just my age (one is 20 and the other 21 while I'm 19), very nice guys, not especially handsome looking but good people.
As time goes by I became really good friends with one of them, and eventually fell in love with him (forgot to say, I'm fully closeted). It was great, just spending time with him made me so happy and as I have recently read lots of topics here on JUB about falling in love with straight guys and everything I just tried to enjoy while this huge infatuation would last and then let it go.
But here comes my doubt, sometimes he does some weird stuff, nothing so sexual as K-Smooth's friend, but still....weird. Maybe I'll mention exactly which ones later, because many might even be wishful thinking, but it's just a totally different style of friendship that I've ever had other brazilian men, much more...body close.
I just want to clear if it's common in Europe, as I believe there are some europeans here, to have this kind of friendship, more touching in a weird way and or is it just me...
The image we have of europeans, here in Brazil, is that they tend to be more cold (in the lack of a better word) and discreet, but still sometimes he say some things to me that are very...embarassing...(Well, I guess in a way I just wanted to tell my history, for I have no one to speak to
)

Thanks in advance o/

Much as both the world and Europe may want to see Europe as an entity, (preferably with a phone number on its business card for Mr. H.Kissinger to call, if he needs to) Europe is a most amazing and complex concoction of very different and often completely contradictory cultural traits, habits, values and customs. If you want to speak about very useless stereotypes, try stereotyping Europe and the Europeans...that'll get you there in no time.

Germans are a bit of micro-Europe, too. There are vast differences between the cultures of the South, South-West and the North as well as the East. Again, this turns into a mission impossible, if you will.

I would leave the cultural archetypes alone for the moment, and look into the situation at hand.

So, there are those two very young German dudes 20 and 21 working for an NGO (instead of their compulsory military service at home) thousands of miles away from their homes in a perfectly foreign country: Brasil.

First off, it is quite possible that being at that age, those guys are not entirely sure of their sexual orientation at all. They might be str8 but rather curious, quietly bi or even closeted gay.

To most foreigners, Europeans and especially the Germans may come across as 'cold' and that is more often than not, their initial attitude. Over the time, if you made friends with them, they would tend to warm up considerably and yeah, some of them would even get to be more of the touchy-feely kind than you would expect them to be, based on the common cliches and stereotypes; or even based on their initial attitude, if you will?

Second, a bad cliche as it may be, most people who live in a relatively very stratified societies (Germany is a prime example) tend to relish in a break from it all, where they can be different and behave in a way that would be usually frowned down upon at home. In other words, the Germans like everyone else love to hit a place, where the rules are lax and where 'what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas' fully applies. Besides doing something daring in Brasil will more likely than not, stay in Brasil, too. So, that's kinda, OK, too.

Last but not least. Many young Germans tend to be rather liberal and pretty pro-LGTB in general. If you came out to an average German dude in his early 20's, he'd most likely say, 'yeah, dude, whatever? More power to you. Whatever floats your boat'. It would be rather atypical, if entirely possible, to experience a negative reaction, too.

My advice: lighten up and go with the flow. If he keeps on being touchy-feely with you, AND you seem to like that, return the favor in full. More likely than not, one thing will lead to another, as the saying goes. If you'd rather stay with the concept of platonic friendship, make it a clear point that you are always trying to evade his touchy-feely advances and, most likely, the dude will get it loud and clear and that'll stop him dead in his tracks.

SC

 

[lmarr101]

I'm a European und half-german.Maybe it is right.When i go to other countries except in europe as i saw the people handshaking when they met with somebody.In europe we usually kiss from each others cheeks with only with my friends.

 

[huhu123]

Thank you so much SilveRRCloud!

I didn't mean to stereotype nor to put all the european cultures in the "same bucket", sorry about that, it's just that I tryed to make it more wide to see if more people could help me! Once again, sorry!

It might sound rude, but even though the differences are SO strong in the culture, sometimes in the treat there is a strong resemblance between europeans - especially when comparing to us, from this side of the world. Anyway, didn't mean to offend or anything.

About the rest, I think you not only got the situation perfectly but also gave me perfect advice, once again I thank you. I said before I fell in love, but it didn't made me go trought any tipe of existencial drama, I just enjoyed the moment as the friendship was(and is), as I said, diferent.

I do belive in this theory of 'what's done here, stays here' so it's one more factor for me to think about when trying to know if he does mean anything at all.

And I sure do like the way it is going

<3

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Huhu:

I was never offended or anything, not by any stretch of imagination. And, I am more than happy, if I was able to offer any useful bit of advice.

Good to hear, the whole thing is pretty much going your way

SC