Ever been hit by your partner?

[iamthesean]

Hey, I was wondering if anyone's ever been hit/beaten by their partner?

My longest/most serious relationship lasted about 3 years. Started out nice enough, he was interested in me, and I wasn't really looking for a relationship at that point (I had just gone through 3 relationships in the span of a year or 2, back to back...and wanted some 'time off')...so the first 6 months were spent wooing me, after i finally gave in, it was as if i 'owed' him...and he held me to it.

Well, whenever he would get upset/mad with me, instead of dealing with it, talking it out, or even yelling at eachother, he'd just shut me out...not talk to me, ignore me, treat me like dirt.

By year 2, it started to get worse, and I got depressed, and he began putting me down as well...

Well, within that time, I eventually couldn't take it anymore, and said "you know what, how about from now on, if you're pissed at me for whatever stupid reason you just hit me instead?" thinking....hey, i'm tough, and at that point, physical abuse was a lot easier to heal from the amount of emotional and mental abuse....and he was all too happy to oblige...

he was taller/bigger than me, but a total puss, I know I could have taken him if I ever wanted to...but being the sentimental type, i don't think i could ever raise a hand to someone I'm supposed to love....wasn't the same for him though.

It started with him just punching me in the arms or chest, and like i said...i'm pretty tough, i don't bruise, and heal incredibly fast...physically. One time he was playing with like a shish ka bob skewer (those wooden ones, that are pointy at the end), and talking on the phone, while i was reading a book and he threw it at me!....it was sticking out of my chest...it only went in a few millimeters (like a quarter inch for you americans ), and i was like "WHAT THE HELL!?" and he was like "oh whatever, not like it hurt you"...i was still angry, it could have taken out my eye, or what not.

Well, the worst of it was one time, he got pissed off at me...i'm not even sure why, and he sucker punched me in the face....it hurt like hell, and after a week or 2 when the swelling in my nose wouldn't go down, i had to go to the hospital and got it checked out...turned out he broke it, i had a deviated septum, and it was infected. I needed to have surgery to correct it...a nose job.

For the record....everyone else loved my bf...and us together, thought he was the nice one, etc...i even made excuses for him...i told everyone we were just play fighting, and he hit me in the face accidentally.

I made him come with me to the hospital for my operation. i made him wait with my parents as they operated on me. I made him see me, covered in bandages and blood, and hopped up on the morphine. I made him be there for every moment of that....and told him that he cannot hit me anymore. well, a month or 2 go by, swelling goes down a bit, black eyes clear up, i'm still depressed...put on some weight because of it, feel HIDEOUS because of my new nose/face, and they took cartilage from my right ear to keep my nasal passage open...so also self conscious about my gimpy ear.

We're supposed to go out to the symphony, with a friend or 2, and he jokingly hits me, and i'm like "WHAT THE FUCK!? I said no more fucking hitting...what is wrong with you!? You already put me in the hospital, and with all the accidents i've had, and injuries i've incurred, YOU are responsible for my first and only broken bone, and first surgery....and yet you STILL insist on hitting me!?" he smiles...and punches me again.

I LOST IT. Like i said, he's taller than me (6'4" to my 5'10"), he went to hit me, i knocked his arm up, and punched him in the ribs, and then 2 more in the stomach, and was going in for more, but my friend chris stepped in between us, and begged me to stop....i wanted my bf dead...but I could never hit chris....so i did. i yelled at my bf, and told him i hate him, and that i didn't wanna go out with them, so i just stayed home and everyone else went out.

we FINALLY broke up sometime after all of that...but it took me a year of counselling to even admit to myself that i was in an abusive relationship, that i didn't deserve it, and that it was NOT ok. My friends and family still ask about him...tell me how much they liked him, and i told my aunt/godmother why i don't talk to im anymore etc...and how he broke my nose....he punched me on purpose and was abusive...and she actually said "You probably deserved it."

has anyone else gone through anything like this??? I would love to hear other people's stories, and more than willing to share more of mine.

i apparently need to talk about it.

 

[EvilForce]

For the most part every "couple" I've seen, met, or counseled with abuse issues has been dysfunctional. There are no innocent partners in these relationships IMHO. Co-dependancy is so bizarre, but very real.

No one in a relationship should be physically assaulted. However that works both ways. When your partner/spouse is mad to the point of physical violence, sticking your face nose to nose with them and screaming at them, will only beget one thing usually.

But two healthy adults will also realize when the other is enraged. You can bite your tongue, remove yourself, or do a multitude of other things to avoid such a confrontation until cooler heads prevail. If you poke, prod, and pick at a tiger will you be surprised when he responds?

In all my years of relationships I have only been hit once. Correspondingly I hit back even harder. LOL. But, I can forgive once. Never twice for something like that as I have never, ever hit a loved one except that one time in retaliation. In that odd instance we were both drunk, and angry which was a recipe for disaster. Take can of gasoline, add match, run. And sometimes you run across a sociopath. In which case, you need to leave him.

 

[iamthesean]

yeah....needless to say, my opinion of her is not quite as shining as it otherwise would have been.

But then again, that's how relations in my family are...and a big part as to why i don't generally have much to do with them...closer to my inner circle of friends....most of which when i told them what really happened now kinda wanna kill him for what he did to me.

 

[drake43212]

Hey, I was wondering if anyone's ever been hit/beaten by their partner?

My longest/most serious relationship lasted about 3 years. Started out nice enough, he was interested in me, and I wasn't really looking for a relationship at that point (I had just gone through 3 relationships in the span of a year or 2, back to back...and wanted some 'time off')...so the first 6 months were spent wooing me, after i finally gave in, it was as if i 'owed' him...and he held me to it.

Well, whenever he would get upset/mad with me, instead of dealing with it, talking it out, or even yelling at eachother, he'd just shut me out...not talk to me, ignore me, treat me like dirt.

By year 2, it started to get worse, and I got depressed, and he began putting me down as well...


Well, within that time, I eventually couldn't take it anymore, and said "you know what, how about from now on, if you're pissed at me for whatever stupid reason you just hit me instead?" thinking....hey, i'm tough, and at that point, physical abuse was a lot easier to heal from the amount of emotional and mental abuse....and he was all too happy to oblige...

he was taller/bigger than me, but a total puss, I know I could have taken him if I ever wanted to...but being the sentimental type, i don't think i could ever raise a hand to someone I'm supposed to love....wasn't the same for him though.

It started with him just punching me in the arms or chest, and like i said...i'm pretty tough, i don't bruise, and heal incredibly fast...physically. One time he was playing with like a shish ka bob skewer (those wooden ones, that are pointy at the end), and talking on the phone, while i was reading a book and he threw it at me!....it was sticking out of my chest...it only went in a few millimeters (like a quarter inch for you americans ), and i was like "WHAT THE HELL!?" and he was like "oh whatever, not like it hurt you"...i was still angry, it could have taken out my eye, or what not.

Well, the worst of it was one time, he got pissed off at me...i'm not even sure why, and he sucker punched me in the face....it hurt like hell, and after a week or 2 when the swelling in my nose wouldn't go down, i had to go to the hospital and got it checked out...turned out he broke it, i had a deviated septum, and it was infected. I needed to have surgery to correct it...a nose job.

For the record....everyone else loved my bf...and us together, thought he was the nice one, etc...i even made excuses for him...i told everyone we were just play fighting, and he hit me in the face accidentally.

I made him come with me to the hospital for my operation. i made him wait with my parents as they operated on me. I made him see me, covered in bandages and blood, and hopped up on the morphine. I made him be there for every moment of that....and told him that he cannot hit me anymore. well, a month or 2 go by, swelling goes down a bit, black eyes clear up, i'm still depressed...put on some weight because of it, feel HIDEOUS because of my new nose/face, and they took cartilage from my right ear to keep my nasal passage open...so also self conscious about my gimpy ear.

We're supposed to go out to the symphony, with a friend or 2, and he jokingly hits me, and i'm like "WHAT THE FUCK!? I said no more fucking hitting...what is wrong with you!? You already put me in the hospital, and with all the accidents i've had, and injuries i've incurred, YOU are responsible for my first and only broken bone, and first surgery....and yet you STILL insist on hitting me!?" he smiles...and punches me again.

I LOST IT. Like i said, he's taller than me (6'4" to my 5'10"), he went to hit me, i knocked his arm up, and punched him in the ribs, and then 2 more in the stomach, and was going in for more, but my friend chris stepped in between us, and begged me to stop....i wanted my bf dead...but I could never hit chris....so i did. i yelled at my bf, and told him i hate him, and that i didn't wanna go out with them, so i just stayed home and everyone else went out.

we FINALLY broke up sometime after all of that...but it took me a year of counselling to even admit to myself that i was in an abusive relationship, that i didn't deserve it, and that it was NOT ok. My friends and family still ask about him...tell me how much they liked him, and i told my aunt/godmother why i don't talk to im anymore etc...and how he broke my nose....he punched me on purpose and was abusive...and she actually said "You probably deserved it."

has anyone else gone through anything like this??? I would love to hear other people's stories, and more than willing to share more of mine.

i apparently need to talk about it.

Hey,

I know how you feel. I starting going out with this dude who was a wrestler, jock. Strong great looking Dude. We had great times together, then we started to wrestle. I liked it at first, having him dominate me in every way. Slowly but surely if he wanted me to do something and I did not want to do it he would wrestle me to the grownd and force me. As things progress, he starting punching me. It was ok to punch back, but I am not athletic, or a strong jock. One day I came home from work and he wanted to wrestle. I said no, I had a splitting migraine. He proceede to box me, then wrestled me down to the floor and pinned me. He starting stripping me down, we had sex, he thought it was funny, I had enough, and packed my things the next day and walked out the door. I was tired of having bruises on my body, and worrying about broken bones. When I go to the pool everybody would ask me where the bruises came from. I am better by myself then with that jerk. I do miss him though, and the sex was great, but it was always on his terms. drake

 

[G-Lexington]

I would say you weren't normal for ASKING him to hit you. I understand your frustration, but you - in this very rare case - actually DID ask for it. It obviously then spiraled out of control.

I've hit my partner a few times, but never in anger, or even in jest. I'm just that friggin' clumsy. I'll go to hug him, raise my hands up...and smack him the face. D'oh.

Lex

 

[iamthesean]

thanks for your reply Drake, it sounds like it was a hard time I do kinda miss my ex in some ways...afterall, it was the longest, and deepest relationship i've ever had...but in the long run, and from what i've seen/heard of him lately, I'm better off without him, and think that you probably are too.

 

[Giovanni]

I never been in any relationships as of yet. But one thing I can say. There is a definite upside to being in a gay relationship.

If your woman starts to beat the hell outta you, you can't do a damn thing.

If your man starts to beat the hell outta you, you can kick his ass for putting his hands on you.

Any man who puts their hands on me is getting a foot in their ass. As I am a martial artist.


I had too many people put their hands on me in my life.

 

[G-Lexington]

A true martial artist wouldn't need to put a foot in anyone's ass.

Lex

 

[Giovanni]

A true martial artist wouldn't need to put a foot in anyone's ass.

Lex

I just don't like bullies and people who love to put their hands on people.

 

[iamthesean]

I would say you weren't normal for ASKING him to hit you. I understand your frustration, but you - in this very rare case - actually DID ask for it. It obviously then spiraled out of control.

I've hit my partner a few times, but never in anger, or even in jest. I'm just that friggin' clumsy. I'll go to hug him, raise my hands up...and smack him the face. D'oh.

Lex

yeah, i did. my counsellor put it this way. "at that point, you were so beat down by all the emotional and mental abuse, that you asked him to switch to physical...as to you, that type of pain is easier to heal from."

regardless though. it wasn't right.

 

[EvilForce]

yeah, i did. my counsellor put it this way. "at that point, you were so beat down by all the emotional and mental abuse, that you asked him to switch to physical...as to you, that type of pain is easier to heal from."

regardless though. it wasn't right.

Nope it wasn't right. Now, make sure you break the cycle as well. Figure out what part of that whole relationship went wrong, so that you don't just repeat the same mistakes, and get together with another abuser.

Best of luck.

 

[M4P]

i'm not surprised that it happens, twice the testosterone in a relationship probably leads to tons of physical altercations, some serious, some more just a case of boys being boys.

I disagree

My partner and I have been together 11+ years and believe me there is plenty of testosterone in this house

There is no justification for hitting and I'm not saying that is what you're implying. One who takes out his agression on another by hitting has a sickness and needs help

 

[landers]

If your woman starts to beat the hell outta you, you can't do a damn thing.

Respectfully I disagree. If anyone starts hitting me I am perfectly within my right to defend myself.

 

[xi3100]

yea i know it aint right... one time i pushed my bf because he wouldnt let me go... when i was moving out from skool we had a big argument that escalated to a discussion out in the streets. It was so loud people were looking then he touch my face that made my glasses fall and then i was so pissed i was calling the taxi to drop me off to the airport... he stop and said no i pushed him against the trunk and told him you touched me and i left it like that... after a couple of hours we talked and admitted he thinks about hitting me when we argue... i straight up told him ill hit you back... when we got to his house we got horny and yea you know how it ends up... but i never had some1 touch me like that... we still go out but we working on our actions...

 

[Cedric]

Here's a resource on relationship abuse for anyone who needs it: http://www.gmdvp.org/

Also, concerning testosterone and aggression, there is evidence that when FTM's start hormone therapy, they actually become more mellow (see http://www.forge-forward.org/socialsupport/hormones-april2005.html). I don't know if this would true for non-trans guys, but this piece of information suggests that popular notions of testosterone = aggression may be overblown, in any case.

 

[drhladnjak]

I never been in any relationships as of yet. But one thing I can say. There is a definite upside to being in a gay relationship.

If your woman starts to beat the hell outta you, you can't do a damn thing.

If your man starts to beat the hell outta you, you can kick his ass for putting his hands on you.

Any man who puts their hands on me is getting a foot in their ass. As I am a martial artist.


I had too many people put their hands on me in my life.

It's really not all you're making it out to be.

My dad worked his whole career as a firefighter in a city with a large gay population (Long Beach, CA). He had some pretty grizzly stories about boyfriends who had just totally beaten the shit out of each other so badly that the paramedics (which are part of the fire dept in that city) had to be called. For better or for worse, usually in a straight domestic violence incident, it's the man beating up a woman who doesn't fight back. Many gay domestic violence incidents turn into a full out fight between two guys who generally have no problem fighting dirty (hair pulling, nails, etc.). Not a pretty sight.

If a guy ever hits me, I won't be hitting back--I'll be running out of there as fast as I can.

 

[Giovanni]

It's really not all you're making it out to be.

My dad worked his whole career as a firefighter in a city with a large gay population (Long Beach, CA). He had some pretty grizzly stories about boyfriends who had just totally beaten the shit out of each other so badly that the paramedics (which are part of the fire dept in that city) had to be called. For better or for worse, usually in a straight domestic violence incident, it's the man beating up a woman who doesn't fight back. Many gay domestic violence incidents turn into a full out fight between two guys who generally have no problem fighting dirty (hair pulling, nails, etc.). Not a pretty sight.

If a guy ever hits me, I won't be hitting back--I'll be running out of there as fast as I can.

No one wants to get in a violent situation. And domestic violence is always a messy situation to get into.

I spent my life fighting off people who wanted to do me bodily harm, including family.

Just saying if a guy puts his hands on me, he's gonna regret it.

 

[Jory]

Respectfully I disagree. If anyone starts hitting me I am perfectly within my right to defend myself.

With a male I would agree, but a female you risk being the one handcuffed sitting in back of Police car


Oh and I've never had a partner and the prospects each year are not looking good.

 

[iamthesean]

honestly. i could take my ex bf any day of the week with 1 hand tied behind my back...we used to play fight/wrestle around a little every so often, and if it ever got out of hand, i'd put him in an arm-bar choke hold...where if he didn't give up i could either choke him out or break his arm...never would, but i definitely made it clear to give up.