Ever Been Molested........

[2243]

I simply can't express how deeply sorry and sad I feel when reading these horrible experiences. I really wish the best outcome for you guys who have shared. I was never raped or molested as a child, I have been sexually harrased as an adult, but I understand that is completely different.

With that said, I now have to admit that I agree with Bayern20 and I think he is being misundertood (if you read his posts carefully, most of the arguments made against him here are not... valid). I offered my sympathy and instead of moving on I feel we owe it to ourselves to try and understand the human condition being or not being dealt with here.

Who knows how long it has been happening/will continue to happen or how common/uncommon it is. I think those are important questions, but I believe we should concern ourselves with learning from individual cases more. Rape/molestation, like sexual orientation, deals with the very complex subject of sex and people will try to generalize and create lables to make it easier to understand; Though it may help, it will most surely spark conflicts like the ones sparked here. So, when it comes to anything that deals with the subject of sex, I just think its wiser to be open to anything, since it is so complex and unique to every one.

Again, for the guys who shared thier experiences, my condolonces to you all.

 

[2243]

I thought I would post this. This song always makes me feel better when I think about all this stuff:

I listened to this song a-lot when I was going through a bad break up. :'(
I'm sorry you had to go through what you went through. I can't imagine what it must feel like having to go through something like that. I don't really see how this song helps you feel better when you think about all the terrible things you described, but the important thing is that it did,you survived and you're a stronger person because of it.

 

[bayern20]

What Oprah said was that what many people dont realize is that much of the GUILT is from the sex feeling like regular sex..sex feels like sex. I was surprised to hear that at first, but upon thinking about it, I thought, "well, I guess that could make sense if someone is not raping you, being violent". It does not mean that you would remember the experience as a good one, you would still be scarred, but that many times that was part of what made someone guilty and confused.

Anyways, clearly too many people have issues with my posts, therefore, thats enough about this.

 

[bayern20]

With that said, I now have to admit that I agree with Bayern20 and I think he is being misundertood (if you read his posts carefully, most of the arguments made against him here are not... valid). I offered my sympathy and instead of moving on I feel we owe it to ourselves to try and understand the human condition being or not being dealt with here.

Thanks, Lolito

 

[reiz_90]

At the beginning of the sleep over we were watching this program on HBO about penises,

i remember seeing a documentary like that on HBO. it was suppose to be like "male pride" and like a random discussion about why penises are seen as disgusting or something. personally i think they're beautiful....but i digress....

when i was younger i always messed around with older kids. to some that may be viewed as molestation, but i think everyone likes to assume that kids aren't sexual and curious. some people are genuinely molested and i'm not trying to take that away, but in this particular case....i consented to it. so i don't see anything wrong with it.

 

[chillyboi]

Let me put it to you this way since I want to be honest here:

The experience I had with my stepfather was DISGUSTING. It was never enjoyed. He put his dick inside the mouth of an 8 year old. Do you think it was enjoyable to me? He forced me to touch his dick and jerk him off. He tried to fuck me. He came on my stomach. Now, think about that and tell me that it is something that was enjoyable for a kid. Try imaging a grown man trying to frenchkiss you when you are 8 and tell me that it would be enjoyable.

Think about that and tell me that any sane person would want to do that to other kids.

What is it that you are trying to learn here?

he was sick Elvin

 

[-Lance-]

I'm sorry to all who have had traumatic sexual encounters in the past.



I'm very lucky to never have been raped/molested/abused.

 

[Golliwog]

I was in grade 8, when an uncle, single at the time, went to bed with me at my grandpartents home, awakened me by jerking me off, not at all gently. I lay perfectly inert, afraid if I responded in any way, the uncle would tell my dad, and in my limited experience, I supposed it was my fault because I must have been hard, and...well, perhaps you remember how illogical a thirteener's thinking is. Actually, I was afraid Dad would not believe me if I told him, and I just bore the most unpleasant memory for years, telling no one.

 

[AlinCanada]

I keep seeing this thread, but I can't bring myself to read any of it.

Bad memories, sick fucks and lots of anger.

LOTS of anger. Restless wants to rage.

I couldn't decide if I ever wanted to add a comment to this. For the longest time I felt like my friend above. I myself was a victim. A school principle in New Brunswick, his wife was my 5th grade teacher. And it is soley why two things have remained anight mare in my life, one my inability to spell. *He used to tell her he was giving spelling lessons). and my weight issues. Then about 15 years ago I started work in social work and youth justice. On of the first programs I worked for housed and treated juvinile sexual offenders in BC. And I had to see these young perpetrators for what they where, mostly victims. I had startling experiences with them. And after working with them in group working through their journals I realized that there but for the grace of God go I. Many of these youths under their first charge did not return to the justice system after they completed the program. But there was always those 2 or so out of every group that you saw back before their bed was even cold. It was them that I eventually Knew I had to leave this job over. Because I did begin to see them as being people that should be locked up forever.

As you can see I remain conflicted regarding offenders. But I feel and quite rightly I believe that an adult offender is beyond hope, help, or treatment. The programs only work when there is something left to work with. And by that stage it is just to late.

 

[Neji]

As far as I can recall, never

 

[Pushyourluck]

There's been a few close calls on crowded trains/planes/buses/bus stops but nothing to write home about.

 

[-Lance-]

I have a question to anyone who has ever been molested:

What was more difficult, the molestation itself, or telling a loved one what happened to you?

 

[herenthere]

In my experience, I think the fact that I had to find the courage to tell a loved one about it (my mother) was tough. The experience (molestation) was tough but telling a loved one was gut wrenching especially for me for the molester was married to my mother and he was the father of two of her kids (my half brother and sister). That meant that I needed to tell her that the man she was married to, the father of her children, the one she loved and slept with was a pedophile and was sick. It also meant that my brother and sister would also have to deal with this fact. There was no escaping it and it hurt.

What an inspiration you and other posters in this thread are.
God Bless all of you.
I'm glad this thread is allowing some of you to open doors just a crack...and share and deal slowly...very slowly..with your pain and anger..

Hugs
Shaun

Best of luck to all of you as your healing continues!!

 

[TygreBryte]

Wow. I just read this entire thread this afternoon, and it was difficult.

I appreciate everyone who has been willing to share their stories, and my heart goes out to everyone who is working their issues.

I have had a fair amount of exposure to research and professional literature on this topic, and I have to say that it's frustrating to see so many questions that have been answered with some significant degree of completeness treated as if they are still open. I was very impressed with how Kulindhar responded to Bayern20 back in April (Kuhlindhar has clearly made himself acquainted with both logic and the end conclusions of research and professional information about the topic), and I did not think that Elvin was at all inappropriate in his responses to B20. I'm glad to see that Elvin is now happy with the fact that his posts were not deleted, because I think they're really valuable resources for anyone personally dealing with sexual trauma issues. Same goes for all the others who posted very difficult stuff from their own experience.

~tygrebryte

 

[danerain]

I have a question to anyone who has ever been molested:

What was more difficult, the molestation itself, or telling a loved one what happened to you?

I've only been sexually assaulted/ molested by women/girls. All I really had to do was lie there until they got bored.

Tell people can be difficult because they tend to freak out and treat you like you're dirty or diseased.

 

[buttons]

That hasn't been my experience. Telling friends lifted a great burden from my shoulders and helped them understand why I reacted in certain ways to certain situations and more imprtantly helped me understand these things.

They didn't feel pity for me, sorry yes, but they listened patiently, asking questions to help me tell my story when I faltered and were there when I needed them.

I still mourn the loss of innocence and joy in life I had as a child and there have been times I got depressed about it, but less so since I shared.
It took me a while to come to terms with the abuse but I was lucky enough to have great friends and to be following a course that allowed me to use my negative emotions and face the demons. I created some of my best work during that time.
Some years later I was in a similar situation but having recognized past experiences and behaviour I was able to remove myself from that particular abusive affair and cut off all contact.

As much as I hate what happened and the pain it caused it has become part of who I am. I found I had nothing to be ashamed about and that I could love and accept myself, both good and bad.

 

[idancegagaly]

When I was about 9 or 10 my 14 year old cousin and I went to see Home Alone 3 in theaters and we sat in the front row and he made me suck him off.

 

[Saybrooke]

I have this really weird memory of my uncle getting high off some drug, and making me watch a porno with him while he rubbed his crotch...

I don't think he touched me but I'm not 100% on that...

But I feel like if he had I would remember it wouldn't I?

 

[Just_Believe18]

I was recently molested by a friend, in public, in front of his partner and our friends without them knowing. I'm still coming to terms with it.

 

[hotatlboi]

Wow this is a sad thread.

I do understand how people wonder if being molested makes you gay since it has happened to so many people, however there are some problems with this theory:

1. I was never molested, so for the many people like me who are nonetheless gay, that is obviously not the reason.

2. Child abuse is unfortunately quite common (more so than many realize) and many straight people were abused in their past as well, yet turned out straight.