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Ever come out to your wife??

  • Thread starter Thread starter mike6677
  • Start date Start date
Sorry ejb, that question was meant for mike who started the thread.
I told my wife-to-be too, but didn't have the balls to tell her as early as you. She was cool about it which made me love her more! BUT playing away is definately not OK in our relationship... so I let off steam in here. Still feels a bit like cheating tho!
 
Aww,I at least get Boys night out. Hit the gay bars and clubs,Go to the baths afterwards. I guess I'm a very lucky bastard.
 
Gang, I need to remind you this is a NO FLAME ZONE. It's perfectly fine to disagree with someone; it is not fine to flame them when doing so. Let's keep it all on a civil and respective level.

Thanks.

offtopic:
 
Some very moving posts here, and very a very interesting thread all around. Thanks to all of you for sharing such personal thoughts.

I have not told my wife, and have been faithful to her for our entire 10 year marriage (not including porn and online chat with guys while jacking off sometimes). Recently I have thought about telling her, but then I reason (or rationalize) away the need to tell her. I don't know what good it would do, since I have come to the conclusion that my commitment to her is strong. I do miss being close to a guy (man do I miss it), but for me that doesn't mean that I have a right to cheat on her, tempting though it is at times. I mean, I won't cheat with a woman, so why is cheating with a man any different? It would ruin her, and therefore would ruin me too.

I'm not saying any of this to be judgmental. Each couple has to decide for themselves what is "right" and "wrong" in the relationship. I'm just sharing some of my own recent thoughts, without intending to tell others what is right for them.
 
z4wf11 said:
Some very moving posts here, and very a very interesting thread all around. Thanks to all of you for sharing such personal thoughts.

I have not told my wife, and have been faithful to her for our entire 10 year marriage (not including porn and online chat with guys while jacking off sometimes). Recently I have thought about telling her, but then I reason (or rationalize) away the need to tell her. I don't know what good it would do, since I have come to the conclusion that my commitment to her is strong. I do miss being close to a guy (man do I miss it), but for me that doesn't mean that I have a right to cheat on her, tempting though it is at times. I mean, I won't cheat with a woman, so why is cheating with a man any different? It would ruin her, and therefore would ruin me too.

I'm not saying any of this to be judgmental. Each couple has to decide for themselves what is "right" and "wrong" in the relationship. I'm just sharing some of my own recent thoughts, without intending to tell others what is right for them.
Click to expand...

That's Cool. It's what works for you...|:cool:
 
Going to see Brokeback Mountain with my wife provoked a fairly interesting discussion.... and some tears.... on both sides! But our relationship is the better for it now I think. Mike, you know your wife better than anyone else, so you'll know what's best in the long run. Just hope our shared experiences help. It sure helps me to realise that other guys have the same torment/guilt/temptation at times!
 
I didn't have to tell my girl, everybody already knew! I was, um, 'prominently' out in our town. Even if that wasn't the case, I would definitely tell her. You may have kept it a secret for a long time but every day you don't tell her is that much longer that you have to hold on to a secret.
 
from a girls perspective... well, mine anyway.. it's pretty devastating finding out your husband/partner is or has been idulging with other guys... cheating is cheating .. and when you think you know him inside out and then find out you don't.. well.. for me it felt like the person i knew (or thought i did) died, and i had to get to know this other person.. or leave.
In the past i had asked him if he'd ever had sex with a guy and he said no.
Later when i asked him why he lied he said he was too embarrassed/ashamed to tell me.
I think if he'd been honest with me when we'd had those earlier discussions i would have handled it better. It's the lying and deception that hurt the most. And cheating is just a low act which shows a lack of respect or caring.

ok.. i'll shut up now!
 
stormy1 said:
from a girls perspective... well, mine anyway.. it's pretty devastating finding out your husband/partner is or has been idulging with other guys... cheating is cheating .. and when you think you know him inside out and then find out you don't.. well.. for me it felt like the person i knew (or thought i did) died, and i had to get to know this other person.. or leave.
In the past i had asked him if he'd ever had sex with a guy and he said no.
Later when i asked him why he lied he said he was too embarrassed/ashamed to tell me.
I think if he'd been honest with me when we'd had those earlier discussions i would have handled it better. It's the lying and deception that hurt the most. And cheating is just a low act which shows a lack of respect or caring.

ok.. i'll shut up now!
Click to expand...

:(Sorry,To hear about your Husband's Affair and How it effected you.
(*8*)Yes,He should have been more honest and upfront with you. But,he did say he was embarrassed and ashame to admit being with a another Man.
That is a common feeling,and Society as a Whole does not make it any easier for Guys like your Husband.
I'm sure that he didn't mean to hurt you,and I'm sure he is hurting too. Why he cheated is a very complex issue,and one,I'm sure he himself does not fully understand.
Hang in There Kiddo. It will get better...|
 
Thanks ejb :)
I know what you say is true... at least i have to believe it is or i might as well have walked away..
i do struggle to understand some elements of it all but here i am 'hanging in there' tho sometimes just barely!
 
Hi Stormy,
I'm not trying to excuse your hubby's behaviour in any way.....I just think that the majority of relationships have some sort of secrets/ things we are ashamed of/ things we would rather not own up to. Is that dishonesty or cowardice?
Did he cheat on you or just not own up to his murky past?

There must be zillions of couples who have been to a similar place and sorted it out eventually. You're not alone. All the best to you both(*8*)

p.s. my wife said in one of our 'discussions' that she'd be more upset if I had an affair with another guy than a woman. Do you agree with her? It's kind of counter-intuitive from my perspective. She's not homophobic in any way, but maybe it's 'too close to home'
 
I was out to her on our first date (pre-swingers party bar meet). Took a big risk though as most of those venues are pretty hetrosexual / bi-female only...

1st marriage went bad in major part due to bisexual hookup affairs but it wouldn't have mattered men or women. Men just gave 1st wife reason to say "He's gay and I am ok." Took some legal manuvers to keep that part out of the divorce. Of course I am sure 1st wife can not sing that tune anymore now that I am remarried to a woman!!!

I was closeted to 1st wife and on some anti-depressent medicine (incorrectly I would later find out). Once off the meds I was torn up with guilt and couldn't lie when directly asked- worse 2 years of my life but the pain of honesty got me to where I am today.

Complete honesty in necessary to succeed in an "open" marriage. And yes, a partner can cheat in an open marriage. It is about boundries...BTW- 2nd wife is bi-sexual also from a young age as I am too.

With her, I have already won the lottery and used up my luck. I love her alot!!!
 
I am wondering if there seems to be a small % of women out there open enough to be with and settle down with a bi guy... I've been married once but was never comfortable enough to tell her I found men attractive as well. I have never been with any guys but I feel comfortable calling myslf bi. I don't know if I ever plan on being with a guy. My intent is to settle down and have kids... but I want to be upfront and honest this time about being bi

so my question is for guys who deal with this more often, does it seem there's a small % of those open-minded type women out there??
 
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