Ever feel guilty about liking a straight friend?

[Rex]

I have a friend at work that I find really attractive. We have talked about hanging out and we get along really well but I know it's just friends. I know it probably won't esculate to anything else and shouldn't but I think part of the reason why I like him so much and want to be good friends with him is because I'm attracted to him. I also like him as a person though and think he's a really cool guy but something about that makes me feel like it's wrong because I am not out to him. I am out to other people at work but not him yet.

I think the reason why I don't want to come out to him now is because I'm afraid it will hurt the chances of us being good friends because I don't know what his stance is on gay or bi guys. I'm positive he's probably never had a gay friend or anything so for the time being I don't think it's necassary to have to tell him.


But I feel like it's unfair that I'm attracted to him and he doesn't know it or something... not sure how to explain it but feels like I'm decieving him or something... I don't know but I want to know how many people's friendships with straight guys changed after u came out to them? Did it change for the better? Worse? How'd u take it, etc?

I'm sure people have good and bad experiences but would be interesting to hear from everyone.

I find it much harder to come out to my straight guy friends than to female friends, because I feel like girls are always more accepting or easier to tell. I just feel like with my guy friends it could make things awkward because they might think I want them sexually but to one friend I've came out to he was totally cool with it.

 

[braex27]

I never feel guilty about being attracted to someone.

Whether you tell him or not is up to you. I've no advices in that area. I pined over a straight guy for a while... it went nowhere.

Hope it works out better for you.

 

[Entity]

Most of my crushes growing up had been mainly over straight guys. It goes nowhere, I don't feel very guilty, other than if I happen to have some... thoughts, then I'm like "ughhhh.. wtf... FRIEND!! Not sex buddy. ._. don't think that way "

 

[itsmeagain]

I have a lot of guilt about the thoughts I have.
It is like this horrible secret I have.
I am married with kids, so that makes it more complex. I have just always had the fantasy about guys....so, this is a tough one for me. I put the friendship first. I want to experiment so bad. I wish I knew what to do.

 

[terps420]

Do you not have many guy friends? I'm assuming you don't. No offense, of course. I just couldn't personally fathom believing my guy friends thinking I was attracted to them when I came out to them. Most guys, if they're your real friend will "be cool with it", or at least act like it even if they're a little bit uncomfortable or apprehensive about it. You want to be friends with him right? Physical attraction doesn't have anything to do with friendship. Don't feel guilty, it's like having a crush on a professor or a T.A. Besides, having hot friends is surprisingly beneficial in so many ways, just don't fall in love with him and you'll be fine.

 

[Rex]

Do you not have many guy friends? I'm assuming you don't. No offense, of course. I just couldn't personally fathom believing my guy friends thinking I was attracted to them when I came out to them. Most guys, if they're your real friend will "be cool with it", or at least act like it even if they're a little bit uncomfortable or apprehensive about it. You want to be friends with him right? Physical attraction doesn't have anything to do with friendship. Don't feel guilty, it's like having a crush on a professor or a T.A. Besides, having hot friends is surprisingly beneficial in so many ways, just don't fall in love with him and you'll be fine.

I have lots of guys friends but this one in particular I am very attracted to and I think part of the reason why I want to be closer to him as a friend is because I'm so attracted to him, but I don't really feel that guilty. Just a little weird about it. Not sure..... it's confusing.

 

[whydatkine]

It's best to just be friends. A straight guy will most likely get sucked or POSSIBLY "fuck" an openly gay man with a little beer and trust. That's how "straight" guys or guys in general are I guess, they have to bond first... which is the hardest or easiest part depending on your personality. Be friends with him, see where that goes... if I were in your shoes I'd choose being close friends and not doing anything at all as opposed to asking him and ruining our friendship or creating awkwardness if he really meant that much to you.

 

[dancingboy2003]

I've worked with a straight friend for 15 years, he knows I'd blow him given half a chance and we often joke about it. What makes it more unusual is that he's quite prepared to watch gay or bi video clips that I recommend and will admit that some of them have turned him on. I've come to accept that this is the buzz that I will get from him and that pushing him for any more to happen will just cause a 'shut down' so we both lose out. Another co-worker is bisexual and we often watch porn together but again nothing has ever happened between us but we both love the buzz of watching porn together.

 

[Rex]

It's best to just be friends. A straight guy will most likely get sucked or POSSIBLY "fuck" an openly gay man with a little beer and trust. That's how "straight" guys or guys in general are I guess, they have to bond first... which is the hardest or easiest part depending on your personality. Be friends with him, see where that goes... if I were in your shoes I'd choose being close friends and not doing anything at all as opposed to asking him and ruining our friendship or creating awkwardness if he really meant that much to you.

That's a good point. I think even if I had a the chance to do anything sexual with him it would create a huge awkwardness in the future and I wouldn't wanna lose him as a friend.

 

[willsboy84]

as long as you're not crossing any lines, and they're just thoughts...why would anyone feel guilty about a harmless crush? unfortunately all of my guy friends are str8(far as i know) so it's happened.

i don't broadcast my sexuality, but i think it's pretty much common knowledge by now. i'm sure it's crossed a couple of my friends' minds that i might be attracted to them, but aside from a few mishaps, it hasn't really been a problem for me, or them.

 

[itsmeagain]

But when you have a crush and they are in it for friendship, the reasons are different. Sex and Friendship are two distinctly different emotions which both happen to feel really good. I think that is where the guilt comes from...

 

[That70sJoe]

Yep, it's difficult with straight guys. I always feel them out and sometimes it takes months for me to tell them I'm gay, if they haven't figured it out already. I don't want the judgment but I also don't want to make them uncomfortable either.

 

[That70sJoe]

Would never feel guilty about liking a straight friend. Just need to be careful if you want more than a friendship. Straight guys who are REALLY straight will have to be upfront with you that what you have can never be more than a friendship at best. Lots of gay guys seem to think straight men can be won over to trying something with them - which sets you up for likely disappointment. Be realistic.

A friend who is truly a friend (gay or straight) will accept you for who you are, and chances are will merely be flattered you are attracted to him.

True. I carried a torch for a straight friend for a long time but I was always realistic: we could NEVER be together. Once I got past that as well as told him how I felt, we moved on and have been good friends for 17 years. I was even in his wedding.

 

[mike_n_herrin]

as long as you're not crossing any lines, and they're just thoughts...why would anyone feel guilty about a harmless crush? ...

yep i agree. it's happened to me, always with straight guys.

 

[texan_slant]

I love my straight friends, and never feel guilty about it!

Feelings are, "what they are," and I just think about it as really loving and appreciating them as men - and great people.

 

[Rex]

I love my straight friends, and never feel guilty about it!

Feelings are, "what they are," and I just think about it as really loving and appreciating them as men - and great people.

That's a nice way of putting it.

 

[texan_slant]

^^^
Thanks, Sultan!!!

...let me clarify. I am really close to all of my guy friends - all of whom are straight - all of whom I've either had deep feelings for, or crushes on. I am best friends with them all (individually); I *adore* and respect every single one; never get too clingy; nor do I ever cross boundaries.

...and I feel blessed.