Ever Feel Like A Psycho Stalker Girl?

[Fishstix]

Lately I've been feeling really depressed when I send an email and don't get a response within a few hours. I wait around nervously and check my email again and again waiting for a response when I should know that people have lives unlike me and probably aren't even around a computer to check and respond immediately like I do. My brain starts to wander around thinking all sorts of things like feeling they're annoyed with me or they're ignoring me. I always thought those girls who wait by the phone and go "Why didn't he call me" were weird but now I'm doing the same thing suddenly out of nowhere and I don't know why. These aren't even people I'm dating too, just people I just met and don't know very well. I have a whole lot of work I need to get done but I keep checking my email and getting more and more depressed when I refresh and see I got no responses. I need the computer to do my work but I can't stay off the email.

Anyone else been in the same situation? Am I insecure or what? Any solutions? The obvious thing is to just stay off the email and do work but I can't stop thinking about it.

 

[trinket]

Sounds like you could use a Blackberry. Then the Email is "pushed" to you and you can keep the PC focused on work. And hey, you won't need to keep checking since the Blackberry will. Put one on your Christmas list.

Just kidding. Well, I'm sure it's easy to get hooked on the instant-gratification feeling of Email coming in and you're probably just craving the sensation a bit, maybe the checking Email is more of a habit/twitch kind of thing. Try this page out as a first step. I'm sure there's books dealing with it that might be more thorough if some of those things don't help, or if it gets really serious you could always talk to a professional. A therapist, that is - not an IT Email sysadmin.

 

[Seasoned]

If once a day sounds like too big a change figure out what would be ok for you. Set a timer and check. Every day or every week lengthen the time until it is once a day. Do something else with the time you are saving. Good luck.

 

[Fishstix]

Thanks Trinket, that link was a lot of help. I thought I was some freak but had no idea there were so many people with the same problem and some of these people are way worse than me. Every 7 minutes, every 3-5 minutes, I had no idea. I need to stop before I become like them. I realized that it's not just email I check too much but my daily routine of 20 or so sites that I can't go a day without checking including JUB and every thread I post in and all 4 sections of the site I check. They're all problems and distractions to keep my mind away from things but the email is the only one that's depressing. I guess since I don't have much friends and work at home, I sometimes go the entire day or days glued to the computer with no human interaction so it gets lonely and I just want to talk to someone.

Yippyyuk, you were also a lot of help. I really should only check my email once or twice a day and that will keep me from sending people too many emails in one day and get depressed when they don't respond thinking they think I'm crazy or weird. I also need to set my account so that it doesn't remember my email and password which would make me feel less likely to want to check my email. I cared so much about what those people thought of me because I wanted to be their friends but I probably ruined any chances of that.

So I found my answer with you guy's posts. Delete all the shortcuts and saved links on my computer so I don't check them too much and waste all my time checking about 20 websites each 5 times a day and email multiple times a day and only allow myself to check email twice a day. I'll create a folder of sites I can only check once a day and sites that I hope to stop checking regularly, I'll delete from my favorites. I also might have to self ban myself from this site for a few months just because this site is one of my biggest distractions. Hopefully I get work done early and am able to make time for other activities and get myself a life. It's easier said than done but I need to do it.

 

[trinket]

I guess since I don't have much friends and work at home, I sometimes go the entire day or days glued to the computer with no human interaction so it gets lonely and I just want to talk to someone.

Well, that's a good self-assessment as to reasons. Once in a while I'll have a day working from home so I know what it's like, and definitely appreciate it's a different vibe from working in a busy office with lots of people coming and going. Try and get out - even take a walk around the block or in a nearby park, you'll see other people and dogs, etc.

As has been said in this thread, whittle down the frequency. You can even get freeware timer programs for your PC that will pop up messages at certain intervals - you could set a giant, overlayed, "Check E-mail now!" once or twice a day and only do it when you get those messages. Since you have the discipline to work at home (not everyone can, and some people just aren't successful at it), I don't doubt you'd have the discipline to stick with your timer if that's what you want. Also, you could even configure little programs to launch your E-mail for you once or twice a day so that you go cold turkey on launching it yourself, and just let your PC "present" it to you once or twice a day.

Good luck!

 

[hanzosword]

Hey fishstix. I've been feeling the same way lately with a guy I met on a dating site. They gave good advice on this thread.

I feel like I'm annoying this guy when I'm only trying to get to know him. He does answer back but it's like he's only being nice. So I'm just not gonna email him anymore. If he wants to talk to me he can. It might be that he doesn't like my face pic too.

Anyway I work from home just like you and I don't have many friends around. I live in a small town and there isn't much to do to meet people except go to a run-down hole in the wall club, which I hate.

It just seems so hard to get to know someone over the internet. I'm terrible at meeting people in person and apparently even worse online lol. I guess if we keep at it we can eventually meet up with someone from online who can help us get out more.

 

[Fishstix]

Well, that's a good self-assessment as to reasons. Once in a while I'll have a day working from home so I know what it's like, and definitely appreciate it's a different vibe from working in a busy office with lots of people coming and going. Try and get out - even take a walk around the block or in a nearby park, you'll see other people and dogs, etc.

As has been said in this thread, whittle down the frequency. You can even get freeware timer programs for your PC that will pop up messages at certain intervals - you could set a giant, overlayed, "Check E-mail now!" once or twice a day and only do it when you get those messages. Since you have the discipline to work at home (not everyone can, and some people just aren't successful at it), I don't doubt you'd have the discipline to stick with your timer if that's what you want. Also, you could even configure little programs to launch your E-mail for you once or twice a day so that you go cold turkey on launching it yourself, and just let your PC "present" it to you once or twice a day.

Good luck!

Thanks Trinket, you sound like a very wise guy. So far I've only checked my email 3 times today and 2 times it was because I needed to email someone and just checked everything else While I was at it. I deleted all of my distracting book marks so I have to type it in the search engine if I want to get to it and since I'm lazy, I haven't looked at those sites yet today. I unsubscribed to a whole lot of youtube channels because I watch almost everything that's uploaded and today only one video poped up on the front page from my subscribers. It hasn't even been a full day yet but I've already made progress. I told myself I would only check JUB at the end of the day if I had time but here I am right now so I still need to work on it but it seems I'm on the right track thanks to you guy's advices and the link you posted.

 

[Fishstix]

Hey fishstix. I've been feeling the same way lately with a guy I met on a dating site. They gave good advice on this thread.

I feel like I'm annoying this guy when I'm only trying to get to know him. He does answer back but it's like he's only being nice. So I'm just not gonna email him anymore. If he wants to talk to me he can. It might be that he doesn't like my face pic too.

Anyway I work from home just like you and I don't have many friends around. I live in a small town and there isn't much to do to meet people except go to a run-down hole in the wall club, which I hate.

It just seems so hard to get to know someone over the internet. I'm terrible at meeting people in person and apparently even worse online lol. I guess if we keep at it we can eventually meet up with someone from online who can help us get out more.

Hi Hanzo,

Thanks for the response. I know exactly how you feel about thinking someone is only responding back to be nice. I've never joined one of those dating sites but maybe just post pictures, tell about who you are and wait for people to send you messages. If they sent the message then you know they're interested and you can only respond to people you're interested in. Most of the really hot guys get 100's of messages from different people who also look like models so try not to get offended if they go after someone else. It might not be that he doesn't like your face pic, he may think you're hot but not have time to go out with every guy they think is hot and the new messages keep on flying in so they can only pick the guys who match with them most. Also some of the guys on those sites aren't interested in talking and just want sex.

I've read advice on meeting people again and again here and have given advice myself that I know is good but I'm unable to follow the advice myself. It's sort of like you know what you're supposed to do but you don't know how to do it.

 

[On The Edge]

I knw the feeling can relate...maybe it has to do with the whole..not being out..so the online guys I do speak..are the only ones..where I can relate well...& yeah sometimes..they will answer like a few minutes after each mail..then a long wait..or day or 2..but back to normal..so I wonder..did I say something wrong before?.. lol...

so I starting to wait....& not check all the time..rather expect no mail...& if they do respond..give it a bit of time...then respond...so I don't feel like a stalker..far from it ...

 

[Fishstix]

Funny that this thread was bumped because I just had one of those days again. I did absolutely nothing today but mope around, feeling depressed, checking sites hoping to find something interesting to keep me entertained. My eyes are burning from using the computer too long but I should stay on because I have work I need to do even though I'm not sure if I'll end up doing it. Time for me to reread all the advice that was given to me because apparently I forgot it all. I also need a break from Jub and will self ban myself after tonight. I love this place but it's too time consuming for a time like this.