Ever feel like you're too much to handle?

[crubbed]

Do you ever feel like you're larger than life? That nobody wants you or could ever want you?

Lately I am very depressed. I've been going out meeting new people for three years now. My friends have found a boyfriend. Broke up. Then found another boyfriend.

Me on the other hand, nothing. I had a 'boyfriend' who lived in Spain, it lasted 4 months, but it's not like he really loved me. I'm not fluent in Spanish so he didn't know *me*. He knew a side of me which was the only one I could express.

In the meantime, I wonder why people are not interested in me. I signed up on a dating site and hooked up with around 10 guys. While the sex was great with almost all of them, none of them contacted me for a second date.

I don't get it. I'm very very cute (some even dare to say I'm handsome). I'm thin. I'm tall. I'm manly enough, which I know is the big thing more often than not. I've got a lot of hobbies - you can talk about a lot of stuff with me. I can listen. I make up jokes which have people laughing.

So why can't I find anyone, not even one guy, who might want to see me again. Who would be willing to take an extra bus to come over and pay me a visit, for istance. Who'd like to come over and spend the night, just to cuddle, not necessarily for sex.

I like to think that I'd settle for a fuckbuddy, but that's probably untrue. I feel a hole inside of me, from never having someone holding my hand, or wanting to stay close to me you know. Maybe I come off as clingy, or needy, even if I try hard not to. Maybe people sense I'm that desperate and they run away. This has become such a huge issue for me that I can't concentrate properly anymore. I'm always tired and beaten down.

I get the impression people think I'm just friendship material. And it's beginning to hurt. Like, there's this friend of mine who's a great guy and it's no big deal for him to find some guy to hang out with, to date, to have a relationship with. In fact he's just dating another guy, after a 5-month-relationship, and things are going great between them. And what worries me the most is: I'm not happy for him. I'm terribly jealous because I feel I've got so much more to offer and yet no one has cared since I came out of the closet.

 

[Seasoned]

I'm sorry you are stuck in sadness. You are probably giving off a vibe that you are sad and looking for someone to fix that by liking or loving you. In fact you have it backwards. Happy, positive people attract other people. So you need, in my opinion, to discover ways to be happy with who you are and what you have. If you need treatment for your depression by all means seek it.

We are not necessarily shown or taught that we are whole and complete as single individuals and that relationships could have as many negatives as positives. Instead we are handed a fairy tale version of life that the prince will come and we'll live happily ever after.

Dive into your interests and hobbies. Have fun with them and meet people through them. Eventually, directly or through networking you meet guys who will share a common interest besides sex.

Your life will turn around once you are happier more often than you are sad. Your smile is the door to your heart and your eyes are the window to your soul.

Good luck to you.

PS. I'd dump the teary-eyed avatar for starters. It's artistic and interesting but I don't think it's helping.

 

[Rolyo85]

Well, I could say a lot, but the short version is this:

Confidence is attractive. Liking yourself is attractive. Being happy with your life is attractive.

Being needy is unattractive. Transmitting misery and sadness is unattractive.

Nuff said.

 

[cliffdweller]

I have the opposite problem. I feel like other people are too much to handle.

 

[guyfromNY]

<<In the meantime, I wonder why people are not interested in me. I signed up on a dating site and hooked up with around 10 guys. While the sex was great with almost all of them, none of them contacted me for a second date.>>

Maybe there is something wrong with me, but I just can't imagine sleeping with all of those guys on our first date. I really don't think that having sex with someone the first time you meet is likely to begin a loving relationship.

 

[chrisw87]

@CRUBBED;

You sound adorable but troubled, honestly I think it is just in how you have approached men. There is alot of men out there just looking for a quicky, but don't fret theres also alot out there for the real deal of a realtionship.

It takes time to find someone special, myself, I can be thrilled to say I have loved and lost twice, with two fantastic relationships that didn't make it but it was an experience.

I am now 2 years + being single with a few hook ups inbetween, don't worry about people not being there for a relationship, eventually you will find the right person

 

[crubbed]

^ thanks... and yes, I'm very troubled.

@guyfromNY
I usually meet up for coffee, then we text each other a bit, then we set up a real date which usually ends up in sex. And then nothing more. I can't resist 'cause I really want sex but I don't want it to mark the end of all of my potential relationships.

---

A couple more things I'd like to add in response to the previous posts:

I'm frustrated because I've done everything by the book. I've been posting here since 2006, and JUBbers have helped me out so much (my issues back then were waaay more serious). I've always followed your advice, hence:
@Seasoned
- I've been positive. I'm constantly smiling, because that's the way I am. But guess what - I've seen extremely dark and depressing and sad/unpleasant guys having loads of guys falling all over their feet because they looked 'intriguing' and 'mysterious'. And I was like: 'What? The dude has so many issues'.
@Rolyo85
- People always think I'm confident. I never come off as miserable or sad. But I have my weaknesses. Why should I hide them? I fall in love with the flaws, you know, when I see people struggling and trying hard.

- I've tried hard to dive into my interests. I've created a webseries that I'm producing now and I've met tons of people, especially gay guys. They all love me - as their manager, that's it. No one ever took me into consideration as relationship material.

And you know what the thing I hate the most is? It's that I've met several guys through the dating site, and every single one of them has happened to talk to me about their ex boyfriend, their multi-year love story with a guy which ended "recently", but they're friends with their ex boyfriend and stuff, and I'm there thinking: I'm 24 and I still don't have any experience in that.

Sure, I'm not emotionally ready for a relationship. But 90% of the guys I know aren't. That's why they end up in unhealthy relationships and things like that. But at least they have the chance to grow, you know. They're putting some new pieces into the puzzle. Me, on the other hand, at least I try to work on my issues. Why isn't that enough?

My friend yesterday told me about how he went out with this guy we both know. He's 22 and the guy is 24. We went out together the first time and you should have seen how bottomish and co-dependent my friend looked, trying hard to impress the guy and doing door-mat things like asking him how much sugar he wanted in coffee and pouring it for him. And I was like: "Yeah, right. That's the right way to impress him". Still, the guy liked it apparently. And he's not just a one-night-stand type of guy. They hung out together. He was always available, always willing to go out together. They kissed and they fucking held hands. How I wish there were someone who wanted to hold hands with me out of his own will. They didn't sleep together even though my friends went over to this guy's place. The guy even walked him up to the bus stop. And the worst part is: I'm not happy for my friend. I'm green with envy!

The problem now is that I've run out of advice, I don't know what else to do :-O Next week I'm seeking counseling, hope it helps. Thanks for listening, guys.

 

[MoltenRock III]

Dude, you're 24, relax. Get your own shit figured out first. I have often said, and truly do believe, that men are virtually undatable as serious life partners until around age 30. Why? Because men in the 20s (myself included) are so fucked up, trying to find our way in the world, trying to feel comfortable in our skin, etc... that it just takes time.

You will find the right guy, I promise. However, you need to become content and fulfilled for who you are right now, and as a single individual. A relationship is not a "hole" that needs filling. A healthy relationship is you feeling whole, and wanting to share that wholeness with others. That's the biggest mistake young men make.

Cheers!

 

[refujiunderground]

no, in fact, i'm more worried about being misunderstood.

 

[syoBsUtsuJ]

I graduated high school when I was 14, and I have a trust fund on top of that ... yeah, I feel insecure about everything!

 

[MorrisseyX]

The OP's comment is very honest and interesting. I feel the way the OP does sometimes. Sometimes I also wonder how some people just meet someone and date while others don't and seem to be single all the time? I go back and forth though. Sometimes I want to meet someone and sometimes I don't. I don't go to gay bars and those other gay places.

I have zero expectations that I will meet someone. I'm 35 and I have had a couple of dates over the past few years which went nowhere fast. One guy was in love with his ex, another guy we just did not click, and the third guy I just wasn't interested in him.

Right now, I think a part of me wants to meet someone but another part of me says why bother? The hook ups for me fulfill my sex drive.

 

[maxpowr9]

I am well aware I come off as a complete asshole to people. If they get offended or hurt by my candor, that is their problem, not mine. Those who can see past that realize that there is a loyal, gentle and caring person below who just wants the best for people. I've had a friend tell me, "you are the biggest asshole I have ever met but I still love you." IMO, since my BF is a basket case, he doesn't see the asshole on the surface but the sweeter side of me inside.

 

[crubbed]

The Unthinkable Happened

Hello everyone, a little update here.

The unthinkable happened.

Last week I attendend an Art Therapy class held by a friend of mine. As soon as I arrived, I noticed a hot new guy there - Nick. I introduced myself and I kept thinking "Wow, this guy's hot". But I didn't think he was single or available.

The teacher left the room for a few minutes, he approached all of us, asking questions like: "What are you going to do afterwards?", and "Do you guys have a boyfriend?" and things like that. I was busy typing stuff into the computer so I didn't answer.

Then, Nick started talking about his first and only boyfriend (mind you, Nick's 19 years old, his boyfriend was 34), and how he hadn't heard from him in 3 weeks. And I was like "Well, maybe he's not your boyfriend any longer!". And he said: "Well, it's his loss. He never called me, he never wanted to have sex... plus, his dick paled compared to mine". And I was like: "What a jerk!". I specifically turned around and told him off. I asked him: "Didn't you check out his cock before becoming his boyfriend?". He said they became boyfriends first and then had sex. I was like: "Whatever".

So, the class ends, everyone picks up their coats to leave, and he stops me (in front of my classmates) and asks me out. I tell him I agreed to hang out but only in the area. He said: "That's okay. I just wanted to ask the cutest guy in the class out tonight". And I blushed big time. OMG how cheesy; he was so blunt about it. In front of everyone.

So we walked. He insisted on coming over to my place the whole time. I told him no. But he kept hitting on me; he was shocked that I wasn't interested in his fat cock. Hence, he was intrigued. I urged him to go and take the train back to his place. He was basically forced to agree. But I let him kiss me, and he was amazed by how good my kiss was.

We texted on Tuesday. He came back to town on Wednesday. We took a walk together and he couldn't take his hands off me. He kissed me in the streets. We sat at a bar and he had his hands all over me the whole time. It's not like we just kissed, he tongue-raped me! LOL He was so horny. And still, I played hard to get. The bartender scolded us: "Go take a room!". And a customer told him: "Leave them alone, they're boyfriends". I turned around and told him: "We are NOT boyfriends". That's when Nick looked at me in the eyes and asked me: "Aren't we boyfriends?". I didn't know what to say, so I kissed him LOL

He was supposed to come over to my place on Thursday, but there was a strike so he could not make it. He was so mad LOL Then we met on Friday. My friends were there so I told him to tone it down. He did. I told him that I was very skeptical about us - cause he's so young and he needs to meet people and then decide what he likes and what he's looking for in a man. He said I was right, that he needs to meet more gay people, but he also added that he likes me for who I am. Well, I sure hope so. I also told him that if he's looking for a well-endowed boyfriend, he should look elsewhere. It didn't seem a problem.

My friends and he got along very well. It was the first time they saw me being all lovey dovey with a guy. It was so embarrassing LOL So at the end of the night we went over to my place and...........

.............................................we had the most AMAZING SEX ever. He said that I'm like a sex God to him, that I know how to handle him and drive him crazy. His cock was constantly hard and so beautiful to play with. His body was HOT. We had sex twice, then we fell asleep in each other's arms, then sex again, then sleep, then sex and so on... There was a point I couldn't take it anymore, so we kept playing with each other.

The sex was hot and exciting, but the part I liked the most was the afterglow. He hugged me and he wouldn't let me go. And it was not the typical top/bottom position where the top lies down (taking up 3/4s of the bed) and spreads an arm out and the bottom tries to lie next to him until the top gets tired of it. Nope. He was all over me and he loved it and I loved it even more.

We woke up and we took a shower together. It was the first time I showered with someone. It was the most beautiful thing. Our naked bodies, the hot water, the steam in the air. OMG. It was the most amazing experience. that night also opened my eyes. At first I thought he just had a lot of love to give and that was about it. Then I realized that he must like me a little at least, and his lovey-dovey-horny ways are just the way he is. And I like it.

He's 19yo but he's also very mature. He prompted me to eat more fruit and less junk food. And he would have sex only with a condom (yay!). Knowing he's safe makes me all the more interested in him.

So everything seems to be great. I've got to say that this is exactly what I needed. I don't know how things will evolve. Maybe he will let me down, maybe he won't. But I'm grateful for this experience. Because not only did he warm my body that night, he also warmed my heart. I hope there will be more nights like this in store for me, and I hope everyone in the world will have the chance to experience them.

 

[Charmander]

Sounds fantastic, hope it lasts