Ever had an impossible crush? what did you do?

[Illmatic]

So I have a deep crush on my boss, Im very happy when Im working with him but really depressed when Im not with him, my weekends are hard everytime. He has a wife though. My fantasy keep telling me I have a chance to just chill sometimes with him but my mind knows I dont have a chance. And like now I gotta learn hard for school but I just cant concentrate cause I cant stop thinking about him. Its really making me depressive and thinking about therapy to have someone to talk to. Im 20years old and not really out of the closet yet.

So, have you ever had a crush which was impossible? cause he was straight/married/not interested? What did you do?
Is getting another job really the only way to get away from that feeling for me? Cause I really dont want that at the moment. I wanna get away from that depressive feeling though.

 

[Seasoned]

Things can now get better for you because being depressed has made you want to make things different. Crushes can happen to anyone, but serious ones are more common when people are bringing secretive, which is what being in the closet causes.

Only you can determine when it's ok to break the closet door, but you do need some same sex contacts whether they be sexual or emotional. Without that you are left with the frustration of sexual longing. In a sense you are constantly looking for sex or masturbation fantasies. Coming out doesn't necessarily end crushing but it does allow you to look for outlets without fear of being found out.

Good luck to you.

 

[Eagle653]

I think one of the most frustrating times of my life was when I developed a crush on someone I couldn't have. It was so intense it was physically painful when we were apart. The obstacles were not quite the same as yours--we were each attached to someone else at the time. Nevertheless, I know what you're going through.

There is no easy answer. Most people will tell you, as was told me, that the only way to get over him is to not see him and move on. That's easier said than done because the attraction is very intense, AND this is your job. How easy (or realistic) is it for you to pick up and move to another job?

Another obstacle is that he's married, which implies (unless you know differently) that he's straight. Even if he swings both ways, he's still attached and cannot devote full attention to you. Lastly, he's your boss and even if the other two obstacles were overcome, the last one could get messy and complicated in a boss-subordinate relationship--even if he was agreeable to it.

I, too, thought that merely hanging out with him would be enough--just to interact and be physically present. But, it really wasn't. I wanted more and just hanging out was soon not good enough.

So...what to do? I would recommend finding a good therapist to work through your feelings on this, and what your options are. That's what I did. It helped to talk about it, but the advice (cut off all contact) wasn't realistic and seemed to be even more painful. I think you need to keep talking about it to a professional, and to explore what realistic options you have and how you can move on. You're certainly not alone in this.

In my particular case, over a period of 3-4 years, both of our circumstances changed, we became available, and hooked up. We've been partners for 18 years now and it all worked out. I never gave up on my dream with him and to be really honest with you, I'm not sure I could have. Had fate not been the way it was, I would have had to figure it out and get over it. I think time would have been my best friend in having that happen. But, it would not have been easy.

Good luck with this. I know it hurts and is frustrating as hell. It's really tough to figure this out on your own, and it really does help to find someone to talk it all out with. They aren't involved, and thus can help you put things in perspective and help you deal with your feelings and channel them in good directions. Let us know how you're doing and what happens.

 

[Illmatic]

Things can now get better for you because being depressed has made you want to make things different. Crushes can happen to anyone, but serious ones are more common when people are bringing secretive, which is what being in the closet causes.

Only you can determine when it's ok to break the closet door, but you do need some same sex contacts whether they be sexual or emotional. Without that you are left with the frustration of sexual longing. In a sense you are constantly looking for sex or masturbation fantasies. Coming out doesn't necessarily end crushing but it does allow you to look for outlets without fear of being found out.

Good luck to you.

Yeah is pretty bad now but Im sure that I can be very happy when I worked all the things out of the way.
Still working on the closet thing, already told my mother and Im sure like somewhere in the summer more and more people will know
Dont think Im ready for dating though and especially not into "sex relationships". Although sometimes Im looking forward to a normal relationship
Thanks though!

I think one of the most frustrating times of my life was when I developed a crush on someone I couldn't have. It was so intense it was physically painful when we were apart. The obstacles were not quite the same as yours--we were each attached to someone else at the time. Nevertheless, I know what you're going through.

There is no easy answer. Most people will tell you, as was told me, that the only way to get over him is to not see him and move on. That's easier said than done because the attraction is very intense, AND this is your job. How easy (or realistic) is it for you to pick up and move to another job?

Another obstacle is that he's married, which implies (unless you know differently) that he's straight. Even if he swings both ways, he's still attached and cannot devote full attention to you. Lastly, he's your boss and even if the other two obstacles were overcome, the last one could get messy and complicated in a boss-subordinate relationship--even if he was agreeable to it.

I, too, thought that merely hanging out with him would be enough--just to interact and be physically present. But, it really wasn't. I wanted more and just hanging out was soon not good enough.

So...what to do? I would recommend finding a good therapist to work through your feelings on this, and what your options are. That's what I did. It helped to talk about it, but the advice (cut off all contact) wasn't realistic and seemed to be even more painful. I think you need to keep talking about it to a professional, and to explore what realistic options you have and how you can move on. You're certainly not alone in this.

In my particular case, over a period of 3-4 years, both of our circumstances changed, we became available, and hooked up. We've been partners for 18 years now and it all worked out. I never gave up on my dream with him and to be really honest with you, I'm not sure I could have. Had fate not been the way it was, I would have had to figure it out and get over it. I think time would have been my best friend in having that happen. But, it would not have been easy.

Good luck with this. I know it hurts and is frustrating as hell. It's really tough to figure this out on your own, and it really does help to find someone to talk it all out with. They aren't involved, and thus can help you put things in perspective and help you deal with your feelings and channel them in good directions. Let us know how you're doing and what happens.

Yeah it really is frustrating, especially when I have like weekend and I cant get my mind off of it
At the moment Im following school with this job and Ive built up a little status over here as I used to work 40hours a week which, to bad, decreased to 24 hours cause the whole business changed which is the reason I started school again, so I really dont feel like getting another job because of the "status". Hes btw not my real boss but the boss from the section/department (dunno how to call it)
My feeling says that hes not fully straight dunno why maybe its my fantasy talking lol but I have no idea. Just the way hes looking/talking to me which makes me give hope but its bullshit as Im pretty sure its impossible but its making it even more frustrating.
Even when Im near him I just feel good that just makes me wanna hang out with him, dunno what it is.
Been thinking about a therapist but dunno if it would really help. I mean it would be good to have someone to talk to but no idea if it helps. How does it really work, therapy? You just tell your story and he tries to help solving things by telling his experience or is it like something else?
Your story sounds pretty good,lol. partners for 18years sounds good.

Well thanks for your time and effort!

 

[Just_Believe18]

This is quite common for men still in the closet. You focus and infatuate your fantasies and sexual frustrations on an individual who is close to your daily life. In this case, it's your boss. What you need to do is build an open network of friends and dating that allows you to be who you are. The closet is a very destructive environment, and as you can see, it is making you fall into a depression over your employer who is already married and clueless to your infatuation. I wish you the best. The first step is to accept yourself and begin to meet others like you.

 

[Rolyo85]

As usual, I profess coming out. The only way to ever have a healthy real romance is on the outside of your closet.

And sadly, the answer to the question in the topic title is "yes, and I got over it".

 

[Taralen]

No such thing as a crush. Easy way to get over your feelings for him. Feel sorry that the motherfucker goes home to that ugly hag every single night. That alone should make you happy.

Seriously, stop thinking about his ass. He's your boss for Christ sake.

 

[lambdaboy]

Twice and I knew no matter what happened what I wanted would never be returned bu so turned on by two different str8 guys I worked on just being able to service them. After that they were a great jack off fantasy but no love trust me. You have to be realiztic!

 

[Illmatic]

This is quite common for men still in the closet. You focus and infatuate your fantasies and sexual frustrations on an individual who is close to your daily life. In this case, it's your boss. What you need to do is build an open network of friends and dating that allows you to be who you are. The closet is a very destructive environment, and as you can see, it is making you fall into a depression over your employer who is already married and clueless to your infatuation. I wish you the best. The first step is to accept yourself and begin to meet others like you.

Sound right. Working on coming out. No idea where I could meet gay people though as Im not someone who would go out on my own and just meet people, Ill have to try sometime but not really ready yet.

As usual, I profess coming out. The only way to ever have a healthy real romance is on the outside of your closet.

And sadly, the answer to the question in the topic title is "yes, and I got over it".

Sounds right

No such thing as a crush. Easy way to get over your feelings for him. Feel sorry that the motherfucker goes home to that ugly hag every single night. That alone should make you happy.

Seriously, stop thinking about his ass. He's your boss for Christ sake.

That would only make me jealous lol. Yes youre right though!

Twice and I knew no matter what happened what I wanted would never be returned bu so turned on by two different str8 guys I worked on just being able to service them. After that they were a great jack off fantasy but no love trust me. You have to be realiztic!

Im trying! lol

Thanks for replies! It helped.

 

[Seasoned]

The most important thing is knowing you're not alone. The next important thing is knowing that all advice is channeled through a person's experience and you'll need to take what you like and leave the rest. I wish you the best.

 

[Illmatic]

The most important thing is knowing you're not alone. The next important thing is knowing that all advice is channeled through a person's experience and you'll need to take what you like and leave the rest. I wish you the best.

Damn you sound like a really wise man, youre right thanks! Bet youre a great friend in real life lol

 

[Newmercedes]

The most important thing is knowing you're not alone. The next important thing is knowing that all advice is channeled through a person's experience and you'll need to take what you like and leave the rest. I wish you the best.

Yea I totally agree. Seasoned is very wise and smart. He gave me good advice and he did help me when I had a problem in my life- with my hot straight roommate. Thanks a lot Seasoned.

 

[inimegblue]

Yes I have. Honestly all I did was get to know the person more. With closeted crushes there's a tendency to magnify good qualities (ie. cute, friendly, understanding..or whatever attracts you) and ignore the fact that they could also have 'deal breaker' qualities lying beneath this seemingly perfect exterior. Sometimes the fantasy proves to be a lot more rewarding.