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Ever suppress your femininity?

M

markffd

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I'm wondering if anyone does the same thing I do. I found out I was attracted to men at age 15, and shortly afterwards I felt the strong urge to speak/act in a feminine manner. It's your average gay accent (sorry if i'm generalizing).

Anyway, I suppressed it - never allowed it to come to the surface. Although I ended up with a unusual - quasi-british - sounding accent. With the help of anti depressants I pretty much forgot I ever spoke like that (for 6 to 7 years anyway). The anti depressents allowed me to repress the aspects of myself I didnt want to world to see, without the nasty side effects. A couple of years ago, I could maintain the facade anymore and I had a mental breakdown. I survived the suicidal stage, but I still dont have the courage to reveal my real voice. I hate the way it sounds. When I speak in my straight voice for too long I'll feel the pressure to release my inner self increase... it's like a balloon growing inside.

I wish I could be gay without being obvious.
 
Not really. I mean, I had some modest "gay traits", but I had them before I came out, and I had them afterwards. I've also found that as I hang out with more gay guys, and more femmy gay guys, that I get a bit femmier. This isn't intentional - I drop more sports terms when I'm with sports fans, too. But I've never tried to hide them. My "wrist flourish" when I point at something is as much part of me as my low voice or my Mammoth jerseys. There's no reason to hide them.

>>>I wish I could be gay without being obvious.

Why?

I mean, I understand not wanting to "act gay" if you're straight, especially if that's because you think it'll diminish your chances of getting a date. But you ARE gay. Why not just be you? Love that inner queen. :)

Lex
 
when i'm around my female friends i tend to get more prissy and my tone changes slightly. when i'm with guys my voice tends to deepens and i say a whole lot less. sometimes its on purpose but a lot of times its subconscious. i notice other guys do that to me as well. i always thought it was somewhat of a dominance thing to show manly-ness. but i do suppress it sometimes for various reasons, but mainly because i feel like i'd be loosing a part of myself by letting one singular part become too dominant. (mental thing)
 
G-Lexington said:
Not really. I mean, I had some modest "gay traits", but I had them before I came out, and I had them afterwards. I've also found that as I hang out with more gay guys, and more femmy gay guys, that I get a bit femmier. This isn't intentional - I drop more sports terms when I'm with sports fans, too. But I've never tried to hide them. My "wrist flourish" when I point at something is as much part of me as my low voice or my Mammoth jerseys. There's no reason to hide them.

>>>I wish I could be gay without being obvious.

Why?

I mean, I understand not wanting to "act gay" if you're straight, especially if that's because you think it'll diminish your chances of getting a date. But you ARE gay. Why not just be you? Love that inner queen. :)

Lex
Click to expand...


Why? For fear of being ridiculed, made fun of, kept from getting employment, etc. I just cant see myself being taken seriously. I know straight men (I hang around with them exclusively). It's 2010, but being homosexual is still very much an insult thrown around. Especially the 'flaming' way some of us talk.
 
Nope

Before I discovered I liked guys, I had some feminine characteristics that show all the time. My voice is somewhat higher than average and I tend to talk with my hands and they usually find their way to my hips. Never did like sports or rough housing. After I discovered I liked men, the only thing that changed I was that I discovered I loved sucking dick and men in general in a sexual and romantic way.

When I'm talking with guys, I just act how I naturally act.
When I'm talking with girls just I act how I naturally act.

I have many feminine characteristics that show and I don't hide them. I have some masculine characteristics that I don't hide. Never did like shopping and have no fashion sense and a limited interests in cars.

Its 2010. Being gay does not mean you magically transform into a flamboyant drama queen. If you were one from the beginning, your gonna be one unless you deny it. Will people not like you because of it? Yes. Will there be some who do like you? Yes.

It seems silly to hide your voice because you think its gay. You say you like men. That already gay. Your different. Its good. People are unique individuals. Its not worth hiding any reminders that your different. Embrace your uniqueness.

Unless your saving yourself from being harmed physically or mentally like a homophobic room mate or fatehr with a history of violence, that's a little different.
 
>>>Why? For fear of being ridiculed, made fun of, kept from getting employment, etc. I just cant see myself being taken seriously. I know straight men (I hang around with them exclusively). It's 2010, but being homosexual is still very much an insult thrown around. Especially the 'flaming' way some of us talk.

There are people out there who in fact ridicule people for having effeminate voices or mannerisms, although the likelihood of getting ridiculed is usually proportional to the distance from the guy, if you catch my meaning. And no guy I know enjoys being ridiculed for their voice.

That said, most femmy guys I know have plenty of straight friends, and don't seem to have any more trouble finding work than their straight-acting brethren. And yeah, some work in bars, but some work in boardrooms. And they're taken seriously because they take their job seriously.

You may have avoided some ridicule by keeping things hidden, but at what cost? Your sanity? Do you think that's an even trade?

Lex
 
Mark

have you found self acceptance of your sexuality yet? It sounds like this is related to that. I know that I always watched my mannerisms so as not to give myself away, although I'm don't have much of a fem side. After my first come out, I gave up on it because I felt the liberation it brought and didn't care any more. The changes in me were probably quite subtle but still I don't think about it anymore.
 
Before I came out of denial, I was terrified of seeming at all gay.

Now I wear pink shirts without any problem. :)

Really, be who you are. Live life for you, not for anyone else. Find friends who like you for being you, and get a job in a welcoming environment.

And act like you're damn proud to be gay, brother!
 
Don't want to hijack this thread (will create a new one, but it's only a quick question), but is it all in our heads that we have this feminine tendency? Is it just that we're gay, etc., that most gays have at least some feminine side. Like I have no intention of being interested in fashion, pink shirts, high-pitched voice, but I do find myself talking with my hands a lot and flicking my wrists... some people around me have told me to watch my actions for my own sake.

I don't want to act feminine and conform to a stereotype... but is it more than a stereotype? I know gays can just as well be macho, whatever, but is there still something built in that makes us slightly feminine unless we suppress it, or is it figuratively 'all in our heads'?

I'm asking this because I feel bisexual. Yeah, I'm into girls as well, but not as much as I would like to be. I still have these 'gay stereotype' tendencies though.

Thanks,
DP.
 
^ I don't know, I'm not into fashion, I hate pink and my voice is not high-pitched - those are traits I didn't decide to have, that's just how I am.
 
SilverWolf said:
Nope

Before I discovered I liked guys, I had some feminine characteristics that show all the time. My voice is somewhat higher than average and I tend to talk with my hands and they usually find their way to my hips. Never did like sports or rough housing. After I discovered I liked men, the only thing that changed I was that I discovered I loved sucking dick and men in general in a sexual and romantic way.

When I'm talking with guys, I just act how I naturally act.
When I'm talking with girls just I act how I naturally act.

I have many feminine characteristics that show and I don't hide them. I have some masculine characteristics that I don't hide. Never did like shopping and have no fashion sense and a limited interests in cars.

Its 2010. Being gay does not mean you magically transform into a flamboyant drama queen. If you were one from the beginning, your gonna be one unless you deny it. Will people not like you because of it? Yes. Will there be some who do like you? Yes.

It seems silly to hide your voice because you think its gay. You say you like men. That already gay. Your different. Its good. People are unique individuals. Its not worth hiding any reminders that your different. Embrace your uniqueness.

Unless your saving yourself from being harmed physically or mentally like a homophobic room mate or fatehr with a history of violence, that's a little different.
Click to expand...

See my post above
In my opinion, do most men have some masculine characteristics?
Yes
In my opinion Do alot of us have feminine characteristics?
Yes
Does having having feminine characteristics have anything to do with our orientation?
No


DualPurpose said:
Don't want to hijack this thread (will create a new one, but it's only a quick question), but is it all in our heads that we have this feminine tendency? Is it just that we're gay, etc., that most gays have at least some feminine side. Like I have no intention of being interested in fashion, pink shirts, high-pitched voice, but I do find myself talking with my hands a lot and flicking my wrists... some people around me have told me to watch my actions for my own sake.

I don't want to act feminine and conform to a stereotype... but is it more than a stereotype? I know gays can just as well be macho, whatever, but is there still something built in that makes us slightly feminine unless we suppress it, or is it figuratively 'all in our heads'?

I'm asking this because I feel bisexual. Yeah, I'm into girls as well, but not as much as I would like to be. I still have these 'gay stereotype' tendencies though.

Thanks,
DP.
Click to expand...
 
Well, I think it's pretty clear that, on average, gay men are somewhat more feminine than straight men.

So fucking what?

That's who we are. Maybe we don't like fashion, but we like a neat apartment. Maybe we like sports, but we like to have our gym shorts match our t-shirt? :)

I mean, who cares?

It's who we are. Live it up!
 
Oh Yeah All the time! It was really bad when I was too young to really defend myself. Not just talking about fighting but standing up for myself. I had to just GET that it was what it was and it's never gonna change. BTW my voice has always been high pitched.
 
What femininity?

I'm just me, I don't think of acting too feminine or too masculine. Or even acting at all. I act how I act and I'm not even aware of how I act. Which makes people think your confident which makes more attractive and appealing. That's really all that matters- being comfortable with yourself.

Don't be insecure about acting too feminine or acting too masculine. I will say if you try to repress something it's going to come back twice as strong years from now.

Just be you.
 
One time, I was masturbating and I moaned a little more high-pitched than usual. I quickly uttered a moan that was in my regular register to cover for that one.

I was glad no one heard what had happened.
 
Theres so much to say about this topic but I hate beating things to death so I'll just say NO. I behave the way I natually am and I'm comfortable with that.

I do not hide myself for other peoples satisfaction. I am not a coward. I am not sensitive to other peoples opinion. I deal with it because I'm happy with myself and I'm a strong individual.
 
I don't think I have a feminine side. If I do, no one has ever said anything to me about it. If given the choice, I would prefer not to have a feminine side.
 
seven_sins said:
I don't think I have a feminine side. If I do, no one has ever said anything to me about it. If given the choice, I would prefer not to have a feminine side.
Click to expand...
Your profile picture suggests otherwise. ;)
 
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