Everything hurts...

[JustAGuy08]

Okay, not really sure where to start here. I was dating a guy for six months up until last Saturday. I was the happiest I had ever been with this guy. Everything about him made me happy, and he constantly reminded me that I made him feel the same. Everything had been going well up until about the last month. We had been fighting/arguing a bit more, but never over anything TOO big. Every couple has a few fights, I know, and I also know couples shouldn't fight EVERY day, but we had been working it out, and it was very surely getting better.

The last night I was at his apartment, he and I were watching a movie on his bed when his friend (hag) knocked on the door and started talking to him about a trip she had just gotten back from for about TWENTY minutes. Meanwhile, I'm laying on his bed in my underwear with my clothes on the other side of the room, and he (nor she) says nothing to me the entire twenty minutes. Needless to say this kind of upset me, NOT because he was talking to his friend, but because instead of asking her to talk to him about it tomorrow (so he could continue watching a movie with his boyfriend), he left me there for almost half an hour.

Now, I get that he shouldn't have to pay attention to me 24/7, that's not what I ask for at all. But the least he could have done was 1.) Ask her to talk to him about it tomorrow, or 2.) At least let me get up and put clothes on so I could try and pretend to get in on the conversation.

I ended up snapping at him when he finally got back to me, asking "what do you want" after I shut down the movie and was laying down ready for bed. He got upset, and started crying, saying I was a jerk for making him cry all the time. During all of this, his friend (hag) comes out of her room, asks me to leave, calls me an asshole, and ends it all with a nice "fuck you dude"

I was so upset he didn't come in and defend me, or at least ask her to leave me alone. To wrap it all up, he broke up with me via text message the next morning.

I'm really hurt and torn up that he could end a six month relationship via text message and let his friend talk to me with zero respect. I really don't know what to do. I kind of just needed to vent, and I honestly don't know where else to. After writing all of this out, I can see where it can come off a little immature and frankly stupid. This doesn't, however, change how I'm feeling. I feel like I've lost my best friend over a stupid fight. I feel like half of me is gone.

 

[JustAGuy08]

I know my post was a little long. Sorry if it's too long of a read. Just in case anyone was wondering, I'm 19, and he's about to be 19 later this month.

 

[fremont89]

ah dude that really sucks hopefully everything gets better =)

 

[Nomenclature]

I'm sorry he hurt you this way, but he - and his friend - sound like they're incredibly immature, inconsiderate and severely lacking in social skills.

Maybe once you get into your 20s, you'll find someone who knows how to treat their boyfriend, when they have company over and otherwise.

 

[hotb0d]

give it a week, maybe you can start talking to him and reconcile everything?

by the sound of things, he and his fag hag are too close for his or your own good. Sound like she convinced him of breaking up with you or maybe he's been waiting for the right moment to break up. IDK. you just have to ask him. But in my honest opinion, you're young...there will plenty of other guys. You will meet better and more mature guys so take this as an experience and watch out for the fag hag power

 

[Seasoned]

Hey buddy. I'm writing as someone who had those arguments and sometimes still does with my beloved partner. It's really not over until it's over. Trust me. The two of you will hopefully sit quietly away from his place or yours and talk. You relationship may be over, but I hope you will have the opportunity for closure. As you both express regret for your part in the problems you may actually come together.

I remember crying a lot at the beginning of my relationship. I was expecting a lot, being in love and thinking all was right with the world. There were a lot of arguments. a lot of thinking it was over.

Some relationships are more difficult than others, but all relationships require work. There are bound to be differences. For example, my partner requires a lot less alone time with me than I require. That can be a huge difference to overcome. We work on stuff, however. There is nothing either of us won't bring up if it is important to us. We both feel our heart connection and realize that life is messy. We are in love and are affectionate and still hot for each other.

I don't mean to make this about me, but I hope you take the time to read this. I wish we were friends, so you'd have my number and be able to call me to chat anytime. I will also advise you not to do any revenge fucking.

I know you are hurting and I feel bad for you. Please take good, healthy care of yourself. Feel free to pm me.

No matter what happens, it will get better. The more you allow yourself to feel and not run from the hurt the stronger you will become. Try to take the judgement of good and bad from feelings because, either way, they and the way we handle them make us who we are.

Good luck to you. I'm thinking of you because I know that night time is the worse. Hugs.

 

[slnattak]

Hmm. I don't really understand. It sounds like you guys just had a fight, and there's no reason to end a relationship over that. Like idk to me this will blow over soon, or has already blown over.

I wish you the best.

 

[rareboy]

The reason that your relationship ended was that you are always arguing. I suspect it has been failing for weeks; the two of you were just not seeing it.

Yes, they were rude. But nothing stopped you from getting dressed and participating.

I suspect you were both controlling and immature in this relationship.

Try to find someone that you won't argue with all the time.

Time to grow up.

 

[TX-Beau]

Yeah, what rareboy said, plus I'll add that the hag was way out of line.

It's not her place to stick her nose into your relationship and tell you to leave.

You're all young, and drama happens when you're young and just figuring things out.

Learn from it, move on.

 

[G-Lexington]

I've had something similar like this happen to me.

My partner and I were in bed watching TV.
His friend came in, and started chatting about something.

You know what I did?
I joined the conversation.
And enjoyed it.
And at the end of the conversation, she said "Well, I'll talk to you some more later. You guys get back to what you were doing."
And everyone went to bed happy.

This is of course is a drastic course of action, and I'm not saying everybody should try it.

Lex

 

[JustAGuy08]

I've had something similar like this happen to me.

My partner and I were in bed watching TV.
His friend came in, and started chatting about something.

You know what I did?
I joined the conversation.
And enjoyed it.
And at the end of the conversation, she said "Well, I'll talk to you some more later. You guys get back to what you were doing."
And everyone went to bed happy.

This is of course is a drastic course of action, and I'm not saying everybody should try it.

Lex

I completely understand that I handled that situation very wrong, insted of getting upset that he was ignoring me for 20 minutes I realized I should have asked if I could put on some clothes and try to join in, or at least not have to lay there and do nothing. The thing is, I immediately said I was sorry, and I really did mean it. He wasn't hearing it, said it was too late, and asked me to leave as well.

 

[JustAGuy08]

Hey buddy. I'm writing as someone who had those arguments and sometimes still does with my beloved partner. It's really not over until it's over. Trust me. The two of you will hopefully sit quietly away from his place or yours and talk. You relationship may be over, but I hope you will have the opportunity for closure. As you both express regret for your part in the problems you may actually come together.

I remember crying a lot at the beginning of my relationship. I was expecting a lot, being in love and thinking all was right with the world. There were a lot of arguments. a lot of thinking it was over.

Some relationships are more difficult than others, but all relationships require work. There are bound to be differences. For example, my partner requires a lot less alone time with me than I require. That can be a huge difference to overcome. We work on stuff, however. There is nothing either of us won't bring up if it is important to us. We both feel our heart connection and realize that life is messy. We are in love and are affectionate and still hot for each other.

I don't mean to make this about me, but I hope you take the time to read this. I wish we were friends, so you'd have my number and be able to call me to chat anytime. I will also advise you not to do any revenge fucking.

I know you are hurting and I feel bad for you. Please take good, healthy care of yourself. Feel free to pm me.

No matter what happens, it will get better. The more you allow yourself to feel and not run from the hurt the stronger you will become. Try to take the judgement of good and bad from feelings because, either way, they and the way we handle them make us who we are.

Good luck to you. I'm thinking of you because I know that night time is the worse. Hugs.

Thank you so very much. Your post made me tear up in a bit, but it really did help. I don't have to be awake for work until about 1p, so sometimes I'm up pretty late at night. And it really is the worst.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>The thing is, I immediately said I was sorry, and I really did mean it. He wasn't hearing it, said it was too late, and asked me to leave as well.

My first boyfriend said "There comes a time when saying you're sorry - even if you ARE sorry - stops being sufficient." Maybe this was that time.

Lex

 

[TX-Beau]

My first boyfriend said "There comes a time when saying you're sorry - even if you ARE sorry - stops being sufficient." Maybe this was that time.

Lex

Second that.

 

[JustAGuy08]

Second that.

I've come to the realization that you are both probably correct. Still, it hurts. I don't know whether I should try and reach out to him, or just save myself the embarrassment. If reaching out does go wrong, it will make it very final, and that scares me to death.

 

[G-Lexington]

I'd say reach out. Apologize. Not in a "now will you forgive me and we can pick up where we left off" sort of way. But in a "I realize I fucked up, and that makes me sad" sort of way. Then leave it up to him.

Lex

 

[JustAGuy08]

I'd say reach out. Apologize. Not in a "now will you forgive me and we can pick up where we left off" sort of way. But in a "I realize I fucked up, and that makes me sad" sort of way. Then leave it up to him.

Lex

I've decided that's the only course of action I can really take. I'm not very sure how to approach him though. Should I ask him to meet me? What if he won't. Should I send him an email? Write him a letter? I have no clue.

 

[rareboy]

Send him an email.

 

[G-Lexington]

Yes, e-mail. And again, leave out the part about how important he is to you, and how you desperately need him back, etc etc. That simply makes this all about you again. Your complete and utter point of this e-mail should be "I did something wrong to you, and I shouldn't have, and I'm sorry." Finis.

Lex

 

[JustAGuy08]

Sent the email this morning. Wish me luck.