Ex-boyfriend relationship advice?

[chilsont22]

Hey everybody, hope you're all having a great day. I know I could come off as whiny, maybe a bit immature, or maybe you will just think "oh God, another person who needs help with their pathetic life." Well if you've made it this far without stopping and plan to continue and even reply, thanks.

Here's the short version of what's going on. Was in a relationship for a little over half a year and it came to an end a few weeks ago. I won't go into details regarding why it ended, it was my fault mostly and he broke up with me. Since then, we've been trying to be friends but it's been pretty difficult. We both know we need/want each other in our lives, but for me, being the one who still harbors the feelings, it's tough not treating him like he's still my boyfriend and we haven't really done much as "friends" yet, but when we were dating we'd see each other a few times a week. I guess I'm having a really hard time adjusting to this.

We also have decided to kind of be "fuck buddies" for the time being, at first I was a little against the idea because I obviously was more interesting in trying to get over him and hooking up probably isnt the best way haha. Well we've had sex since the break up, was extremely good (as it always was) and although I felt a little down after doing it, I didn't really regret it. Honestly part of me thinks that if we can keep that up it'll help me stay happier with not being together entirely which will also help me stay in a better mood with him. He's open to trying a relationship out again, he's just not ready to let it happen because he needs me to prove to him I can be a friend.

Some more details, though I wanted to keep this short so I excluded a lot of the details from our relationship (feel free to ask though):

-I have had sex with someone else since breaking up. Rough night for me, my ex hurt me and I needed somebody to be there for me (shitty excuse, I know). At first my ex was hurt but he's over it now
-Ex has giving me his blessing as to being with other guys
-I don't want to date anybody else, I told my ex I was waiting for him
-Honestly I don't want my ex being with anybody else, romontically or sexually. He's not a hook up kind of guy and isn't ready for a relationship again so this doesn't really bother me

I guess all I'm looking for is any tips or advice as to how to go about this kind of thing. I don't want to get over him, but at the same time I do. I honestly don't want another boyfriend, I just want my ex back. I know I probably should meet some new guys and try to find another "fish" but honestly I don't want to. I'm just having a hard time being a "friend" right now. I'm still wondering what he's doing and feel like asking, I still hurt when he chooses not to do things with me, and I still think about him nonstop. Thanks for listening everybody

 

[looseliam]

You don't need his blessing for shit. Remind him of that if he ever decides to be so magnanimous again.

You need to stop seeing him. Right now he has a fuck ready at his beck and call: you, whilst you just sit around pining for him. It's not fair to you.

I know it's difficult to cut ties. But it really is the best thing for you, I think, in this case.

 

[G-Lexington]

You can either hang out with him, have sex with him, and wait for him to realize how amazing you were...which isn't going to happen...or you can go find yourself somebody who IS interested in being with you completely. Because you almost certainly won't find him while still waiting for your son of heaven to figure out what a catch you are. My suggestion is option 2. But it wouldn't surprise me to find out that you need several more weeks (or months) of option 1 before you figure that out.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

"It's complicated" is a terrible relationship status. It puts everyone in limbo. And you're kidding yourself if you think that you can continue fucking someone that you have feelings for and not get hurt even more.

You're trying desperately to keep a dying fire going. And as long as you do, you're missing the opportunity to move on.

You already know in your heart of hearts what needs to happen here. You just don't want to do it.

 

[TX-Beau]

Stop fucking him. It's done, You're done. Walk away.

I don't believe you can be friends with an Ex that quickly. You need distance to process.

 

[Seasoned]

I'm confused by two things and perhaps you are as well, the definition of "ex" and the reason for your break up, which, by the way, hasn't actually occurred. It seems to me the only thing that's changed is that you can no longer call him your boyfriend, which is an issue of semantics. If a mistake in a six month relationship was perceived as so egregious that an apology was not able to mend, there doesn't seem to be much hope. Assuming you haven't killed his parents or his pet, if he's this unforgiving, he's not worth any continued investment.

 

[Rolyo85]

He sounds like an immeasurable asshole. "I'm going to break up with you, but I wanna keep fucking you" is the lowest form of emotional abuse. He is currently raping you, just fyi. That's rape. It is degrading to you on every possible level, and it is fucking you up in more than just your ass.

You do NOT. EVER. FOR ANY REASON. stay as "fuck buddies" after a break up, if it was in any way painful (as most break ups are) or if any of the sides still has feelings.

That you even considered it, let alone let him do this to you is horrifying to me, and I strongly suggest you get out of this guilt-slash-lack-of-self-worth zone that you are obviously in, completely reevaluate your prerogatives, and never, ever, again see this horrible abusive person...

 

[Just_Believe18]

I have had a sexual relationship with an ex over a period of several months off and on for a long time. Currently he has a boyfriend now and that's fine. We can hang out platonically and be perfectly normal.

This situation with your "ex", however, is unusual, because it doesn't seem to quite be a breakup to me. My ex and I went through a rough patch in the middle where he wanted to be my boyfriend again (he broke up with me the first time) but I rejected him. Eventually, he got over it and we resumed things as they were. However, there was no monogamy factor and both of us were free to date. You can have ex sex, but drop the relationship factors. You need to move on from this situation with your ex-boyfriend.

 

[epod85]

Kay I'm going to join the confused majority over here and ask you what you mean by "break up"

First off what buisness is it of his who you do or do not sleep with? If you two aren't dating then I fail to see why he should care (or why you should feel guilty about it)

Secondly staying friends with an ex is hard enough without complicating it by sleeping with them...

You two need to decide if you want to keep dating or not I think. If the relationship is to broken to fix then you need to stop seeing him. This can only lead to an emotional mess which is completely avoidable. What happens when he starts seeing someone new? It'll be like breaking up ALL over again and no one wants to do that twice.

 

[subsonic]

He sounds like an immeasurable asshole. "I'm going to break up with you, but I wanna keep fucking you" is the lowest form of emotional abuse. He is currently raping you, just fyi. That's rape. It is degrading to you on every possible level, and it is fucking you up in more than just your ass.

^^^ This is SO true!

Wow! I wish I knew about jub when I was going through this exact situation 4 years ago. Let me tell you something. I went through a similar thing: 4 years ago, my then boyfriend broke up with me after being together for one and a half year. Still we continued hooking up during the summer. All of my friends told me that the best thing I could do was to just go through a clean, cut break-up. Did I listen? Of course not. I thought that if this was the only way I could have him then so be it.
It is the most unhealthy thing you can do, even though you might feel all right with it all at the moment, but trust me, it will all come and bite you in the ass. It'll make the healing process longer and harder and fuck you up. You should really do yourself a favour and just go on with your life. If he broke up with you because of this thing then it must be something that is a major deal breaker for him. Get on with you life. Maybe in another place at another time you'll be able to work something out, but don't fool yourself in this way. I'm talking from experience.