Excessive phyiscal contact from a staight guy?

[Atomw7]

Hmm, well since he's furry, he's most definitely FINE with people who are gay. You should try to get time alone with him and flirt a little more than usual.

 

[p700granat]

Hmmm. I think you may be having an alternate reality thing happening. It seemed your friend was checking out your human textural qualities...sweaty, stretchy. Start checking for alien signs in your group of friends. You may be the only human...

How come I never thought of that? Now everything starts to make sense. Good catch, Diodorus! And don't worry I'll stay vigilant

Hmm, well since he's furry, he's most definitely FINE with people who are gay. You should try to get time alone with him and flirt a little more than usual.

He is certainly fine with gay people. There are two friends of us who are openly gay. And we are in one of the most liberal universities in the country, where you rarely meet anyone who is openly against gay people. The problem is he may not like to be this close to me anymore, and dispise me for not telling him earlier thus taking advantage of him.

By the way, I just happened to meet him again about half an ago when I went to grab a sandwich in one of our late-night eateries. It's one of the rare occasions that it's just the two of us sitting at the table. But I again wasted the opportunity and spent the whole time talking with him about that stupid project, which he still haven't handed in. I thought about offering to help him on it but decided not to as it's already pretty late. Now I am back in my room and tried to get some work done but my mind is full of him again.

 

[p700granat]

So apparently I'm not the first one to have a crush on him. Some random guy joined our usual group of friends during dinner, and asked him about the stitches on his palm. Most of us already knew he cut his hand by a falling toilet water-tank cover while trying to fix it one day during winter break. But this time he told us something new : a few hours before he got his hand cut, his "best friend in high school" came over and came out to him. His friend confessed having a huge crush on him, which really shocked him and according to him may have been the reason he accidentally dropped the water-tank cover. He said they are still friends, but he told his friend that he doesn't like "a crush factor" in a friendship. My heart sank when I heard the story and didn't say a word. Now it seems very clear to me that he's straight, even though he's okay with gay people. I mean if you are gay/bi/curious and some guy is compatible with you enough to be called your best friend, there's just no reason to say anything negative when he says he likes you. I even feel kind of angry at this point, because I'm not the first one to misinterpret and fooled by his excessive tochie-ness, and probably won't be the last one.

Things were actually pretty good in the first few days of the week, as I wasn't that busy and we happened to spent quite some time alone together, which is rather unusual. But with his lastest story I think I'll stop probing him and instead try to stay away from him from now on. Sure we could still be friends, but it's probably better to get him out of my life and get my minds back to one piece.

He just asked me to go to the mall with him for a video game to be released midnight tonight, and I flatly rejected him. Now I'm alone in my room, on a Saturday night, with a huge headache (literally). I generally don't like to rant or complain, but it's quite sad to finish four years of college without finding anyone to share my deep, true feelings.

Any thoughts?

 

[Kyanimal]

Do NOT reject the Boy! Especially if that is not what You want!

Snuggle UP! Let HIM get Close to You! And take it from there!!

So what if He isn't "centered" on Your dick? Merely relieve Him of His clothes, in a "Tender" way, massage Him in "normal" ways, and let Him "curl" into You, as He likely will!

It is entirely likely to lead the "unkowing", gently, down "certain" paths, if He is willing. And, He seems as though He is!

Do NOT hold back! Just RELAX and let Him know what You want!

Chances are ... given what You have said so far ... He will respond in just the "right" ways!


Of course, no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Just_Believe18]

Just because he's straight, it doesn't mean you have to stop hanging out with him. Super Smash Bros is a big deal! You should have went with him.

You just need to focus your intimate energies onto another guy. You don't have to let your feelings affect your friendship. Just channel the ones he can't reciprocate onto someone else. It's hard, I know. But it's better than "crushing" on him and it's better than ignoring him.

 

[KaraBulut]

Re: Excessive physical contact from a str8 guy?

but it's quite sad to finish four years of college without finding anyone to share my deep, true feelings

This is what is confusing. Are you saying that you don't have anyone to talk to or that you don't have a boyfriend?



Sure we could still be friends, but it's probably better to get him out of my life and get my minds back to one piece.

Well, the issue here is not this guy is not gay (which a lot of the people in the thread suspected), the issue is that you are gay and you're interested in him as more than a friend- isn't it?

Quite frankly, you're going to have to grow up a bit on this one. This is not a one-time thing- you will be attracted to straight guys for the rest of your life. And you can't spend the rest of your life dumping your friends because you're not able to cope with your attraction to them.

If you want to share your deep, true feelings then you need friends who you're out to that you can have open conversations with. If you want someone that you can have this type of physical contact with and a close friendship with, that's not a friend, that's a boyfriend... you're not going to get both out of this guy, so as you've said

So, why don't you have friends that you are out to (and can therefore talk to) and why don't you have a boyfriend?

 

[p700granat]

Re: Excessive physical contact from a str8 guy?

Quite frankly, you're going to have to grow up a bit on this one. This is not a one-time thing- you will be attracted to straight guys for the rest of your life. And you can't spend the rest of your life dumping your friends because you're not able to cope with your attraction to them.

So, why don't you have friends that you are out to (and can therefore talk to) and why don't you have a boyfriend?

Becaues I'm not out. My best friend in junior high school is the only other person on this planet who knows I'm gay, and we don't talk about my issues that often. I was a lot "braver" then, and when he asked me why I kept staring at cute boys in class I didn't even denin.

In the first three years of college, I had supressed my interest in guys a lot more than before. There are A LOT of hot guys around campus and I know a few of them, but I didn't stare at them as much or try to be close with them like I used to in junior high or high school. And I do have a bunch of friends here including a few very good ones and a few good looking ones, but for them I'm not very interested in anyting beyond friendship. As for a boyfriend, while it's nice to have I didn't try very hard looking for one, and I know it's going to be hard since I'm not out.

But this guy changed my formulas. As I mentioned in my first post, I got to know him in my junior year, but since he doesn't share many interests with me and isn't all that hot, I didn't pay much attention to him in the beginning. It's only after all the touchings began when I started to wonder "hmm, what's going on? Is he interested in me?". And gradually I became more and more attracted to him, for his wonderful, always joyous personality and his cuteness. I mean how can you resist someone with a fluffy fox tail? And it's even harder to resist when he does a spin and hits you with his tail, "you got pwnd".

Well, the issue here is not this guy is not gay (which a lot of the people in the thread suspected), the issue is that you are gay and you're interested in him as more than a friend- isn't it?

KaraBulut, I don't quite understand why you say that me being gay and my interest in him is "the issue". One of you earlier post tried very hard to prove that I'm gay and I like his touchings. I thought you are trying to prove P=NP until I read your last sentence. Yes, I am gay and I like his touchings and himself, and I thought it's very obvious to anyone who read my posts. The point is, I would not have become attracted to him or wonder about his interest without his phyiscal attentions in the first place, and I may not be able to get over with it until all the touchings, pokings, bitings and hugs stop.

So it has become quite a dilemma for me. On the one hand I totally enjoyed his company. On the other hand, I'm going to become more and more attracted to him if this continues, which can be quite tortuous knowing that his not really interested in me personally. And it's going to hurt when I graduate in a few months. When I wrote last night I'm inclined to just keep my distance from him from then on, but now I'm become unsure again.

 

[StlKj]

KaraBulut is right. This thread is about your friend, but in the end, it's more about you and coming to terms with your sexuality. You're getting ready to graduate from a college you admit is very liberal and open to accepting gay people, and yet you've allowed yourself to stay buried in the closet. You have gay people in your circle of acquaintances, and yet don't use this to let you come out. This guy is a friend and seems very accepting of gays, and yet you've not been open with him. You talk as though you might have been open with him if you thought he was gay, but why would that matter?

He told you about his sexual interests in furry activities early on. He was open about it. You've not been open about who you are, and subsequently, it's easier to find yourself fixating on one person who is giving you some kind of physical contact. If you were to start putting yourself out there to people, you might find your intense attraction to him would begin to lessen. You've got all your male physical needs in one basket, and you've put them in a basket you're unsure of. You're basically sitting back hoping that he's gay, wants you, and will do the hard work of bringing it up first since you seem incapable of doing so.

I'm not pointing out any of this to be harsh. There's no judgment here. You just need to realize that in how you describe this to us, it's obvious as much as you want his attention, it's torturous for you. But it's not torturous because of what he's doing to you; it's torturous because of what you're not doing for yourself. How much longer do you have to live with this secret? How much longer will you deny yourself what you really want and need? Because the longer you do, the more likely it will be that you'll find yourself fixating on someone who can't fulfill your needs, especially since you won't admit to them.

Hang in there.

 

[KaraBulut]

Re: Excessive physical contact from a str8 guy?

KaraBulut, I don't quite understand why you say that me being gay and my interest in him is "the issue". One of you earlier post tried very hard to prove that I'm gay and I like his touchings. I thought you are trying to prove P=NP until I read your last sentence. Yes, I am gay and I like his touchings and himself, and I thought it's very obvious to anyone who read my posts. The point is, I would not have become attracted to him or wonder about his interest without his phyiscal attentions in the first place, and I may not be able to get over with it until all the touchings, pokings, bitings and hugs stop.

Now that we're past the "get him drunk and seduce him" portion of the thread, it is getting more into the heart of the matter.

There are times when a situation seems like that part of iceberg that is above water- you suspect there's a whole lot more below the surface but you don't know exactly how much.

I read your original posts and suspected that your friend was a straight Furry and that the issue was that you, as a closeted gay man, missed being touched, cuddles and teased by another man- but maybe this particular straight man wouldn't be your first choice.

It seems that subconsciously, your furry friend's instincts have led him to give you something that you've been missing out on. He may or may not know why.

So, yes- while this thread is about him, it is also about you.

One of the problems with the closet is that once you go in, it's really hard to get back out. It just seems like the cost is getting higher with time. Now, you're rejecting a friend because of it?

College should be a time where you can let your hair down and be yourself. So, when it is your turn? When do you get to have a boyfriend? When do you get to just be yourself?

P.S. Before I get accused of trying to push another person out of the closet... let me make the message clear- I think from your posts you sound like a level-headed, open person and a wonderful friend. I just think it's a shame that you don't get to share more of who you are with your friends and that you don't get to share it with a boyfriend.

 

[Blueboy369]

Look,
It seems like you're ready to let him go. Why not confide in him and tell him that your curious about guys. Don't tell him you have a crush, just say that all that touchy feely stuff has made you curious. You have nothing to lose. Be brave in a playful, confident way. Get him to open up about his furry fetish and his best friend.

 

[p700granat]

Killjoke and KaraBulut, you made some very goods points and I totally agree. I know I'm in a much better environment to come out than many other people here. And I have been rather passive when I am with my furry friend and expected him to be explicit while keeping myself a secret. I've even sent negative signals to him, which could have scared him off even if he's curious. I have wanted physical intimacy with a guy I like, not neccesarily sexual, but hugging and cuddling and such for much of the 21 years of my life. And he gave me exactly that. So I am really being ridiculous to blame him for being phyiscal to me.

He came by my room earlier today and asked me to dinner. I stood there for a second and thought it was weird for me to decline, even though on Saturday I "decided" to stay away from him. So I went, and during dinner I started to realize how unreasonable my decision was: he lived a floor below me, we both study computer science and we are taking one class together, our dinner/lunch time often overlaps and we always eat in the same area of the dinning hall, and we share quite a few friends - it's just impossible for me to "stay away" from him without signficantly changing my own lifestyle.

On the other hand, it's now very clear to me that he's 100% straight, and I think the majority of people here agree (right?). He has physical contacts with me because he just like being physical with people and I'm the easist target. If I keep reminding myself of that whenever I'm with him, and not looking for clues to doubt, the problem is actually solved: I'll just treat him like a friend and nothing more. Obviously in the past I wasn't able to keep my mind straight when I'm with him, but I'll try to do that from now on.

So that would hopefully solves the "problem" about him. As you two mentioned the bigger problem is about myself. I know I am gay, and I don't feel anything wrong about that. Yet I'm not sure that I am ready to or even need to come out. To people around me I am showing 99% of who I am, the 1% being my sexuality. But few people except those I consider "boyfriend material" would ever need know that 1%, right? And for some of these people, they would dislike me for whatever stupid reason they have when they found out my sexuality. So why bother telling them? Before hearing you guys here I'm just kind of mindlessly delaying coming out, but now I think I have a criteria for coming out: when there exists someone who is or most likely gay, who I consider as "boyfriend material", and who showed some interest in me. Now I think about it, my furry friend failed all three conditions: he's straight (good I still remember that!), he's very cute and nice but doesn't really match my personality to become my boyfriend, and his interest in me seem to be limited to physical contact. I just hope my criteria would be met before I got too old. Do you think it's realistic?

It helps a lot writing these down. Hopefully I'll stop updating about him, because if I do I must be again having doubts about him. So sorry about that, and thanks a lot for all the great advice.

By the way, I noticed Killjoke mentioning "sexual interests in furry activities" and Blueboy using the term "furry fetish". Whenever my furry friend tries to explain furry fandom to people, which I heard quite a few times, he spend a lot of time telling them the fandom is nothing sexual. He likes to describe it as a hobby, "just like Trekkies". And he says although many furries likes art, games, internet culture and are more likely to be gay/bi, there's no one-size-fit-all stereotype. I think it's wrong for us to build some stupid, negative stereotype for them furries while we want the society to know who we really are.

 

[Atomw7]

By the way, I noticed Killjoke mentioning "sexual interests in furry activities" and Blueboy using the term "furry fetish". Whenever my furry friend tries to explain furry fandom to people, which I heard quite a few times, he spend a lot of time telling them the fandom is nothing sexual. He likes to describe it as a hobby, "just like Trekkies". And he says although many furries likes art, games, internet culture and are more likely to be gay/bi, there's no one-size-fit-all stereotype. I think it's wrong for us to build some stupid, negative stereotype for them furries while we want the society to know who we really are.

Lyrics.

These should help.
My favorite verse:

Pity some people can't stand tall on their feet, without attacking folks who're marching to a different beat. Me, I'm only here to have fun. Say what you will the lies and propaganda make the decent furs ill. The very small percentage of furverts aside, most of us furries have nothing to hide. At least we wouldn't if you didn't keep the lies up. So many furries have to keep a disguise up. There's nothing going on, but we're still living in fe-ar, because they put the naughty possum furry on ER.

Whoa derail, sorry!

 

[p700granat]

So I'm not sure if I would call my plan "a success". I did manage to spend a lot less time with him, down to 3 or 4 times in the past week from 2 or 3 times a day in the past. And when we did meet I tried not to pay him any extra attention. I might also have somehow scared him off, because it seems he no longer do any of those feely-touchy things to me when we were together. I'm not exactly sure what caused that. I asked him last week why he's so feely-touchy and whether it had anything to do with his furrydom, so maybe he interpreted my question as I was bothered by his feely-touchieness (as predicted by G-Lex). And now I'm really not sure whether it's a good thing: on the one hand the lack of physical contacts makes it easier for me to just be his friend and not think too much, but on the other hand I found that I kind of miss him and his hugs, touches and other cute things he does. At least it's clearer than ever that the core issue has never been who he is but rather what I want. Oh well...

 

[Kyanimal]

There have been many instances, in my past, when I "out thought" myself, and did what I considered to be the "best" for me, and those around me. And, they all, basically, included the actions that You've just described ... spending less time ... actively avoiding ... etc., etc. ALL of which turned out to be Regrettable, because none of it was what I truly wanted! "Most of our Regrets are the result of what we DIDN'T Do!" And, I've learned that lesson many times over!

If You miss Him, and want to be around Him more, then "Just DO It"! It doesn't sound as though You've irrevocably closed any doors, yet! Things may be "cooling off", but that doesn't mean they can't be "renewed" again.

Next time You see Him ... Smile! ... snuggle into Him ... and simply act as though Nothing ever "changed"! It really is That simple! Return to Enjoying His company, again! I seriously doubt if He would mind!

He may have some questions (unasked), and it may not be as "comfortable" as it was before ... but, if You keep at it ... He's likely to relax into being His "old self", again, too ... and will likely welcome it ... just like You!!

Of course, no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[KaraBulut]

At least it's clearer than ever that the core issue has never been who he is but rather what I want.

*nods in agreement*

 

[p700granat]

On a completely unrelated note, my friend went to Anime Boston today with a bunch of other people from my school. And since he didn't pre-register, he had to wait in line for 11 hours to register. ELEVEN HOURS! So when he came back just a while ago, he talked to me about his painful experience, and I have never see him that pissed. As I said in earlier posts, he's always very cheerful and makes everyone around him cheerful, but tonight he's totally exhausted and looked as if he cried at some point (very red eyes). I was initially chatting with him online but when I realized he's in such a bad mood I went down-stairs to his room, so he've at least have someone to share/vent face to face. I think I was able to cheer him up a bit, even though I had to try keeping myself from laughing the entire half-an-hour. I had a bad day today myself, but somehow I felt a lot better after hearing his experience. (Does that make me a bad person? ) It's also funny to see the other side of him, which I still find pretty distinctively cute.

At one point he complained how much his legs and feet hurt after 11 hours of standing, and I almost asked "would a little message help?" (as they always say in erotic stories). But that of course didn't come out of my mouth, being a coward as I am, and instead suggested him to take a shower and go to bed early. As I got up and about to leave, he asked if I'll be around to hang out with after he came back tomorrow night. Since most of our group of friends are doing the full-weekend thing and he got only a day pass, it's quite likely that it's just the two of us here hanging out tomorrow night, so I am kind of looking forward to that.

Anyway, don't know why I wrote this here as it feels like what a teenage girl would write. But if any of you go to Anime Boston next year, make sure you PRE-REGISTER, or I'll definitely offer you a little message after you got you badge

 

[Kyanimal]

Hey, granat ...

It really was quite nice of You to offer some face-to-face support. Just what a Friend is "supposed" to do. And, see, it also helped make You feel a little better, too!

Next time, though ... disengage Your brain, and offer the massage, too. He probably needed one ... seriously ... to help relieve some of his physical pain. Even if You don't "fully" know what You're doing ... just rubbing his feet would have helped.

Don't worry about what either of You might have "thought" about it. That didn't have to be an issue. And, the least he might have done was decline your offer. No harm, no foul. But ... now You'll never know, unless the opportunity arises again.

Enjoy His company, and don't be so stingy about sharing yourself. That's what Fiends do, too. Unconditionally share each other ... and, it doesn't have to be any more than that.

Of course, no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[p700granat]

Chaz, thanks a lot for all your responses. I really appreciate them. I hope I could just enjoy whatever I have with him without thinking too much into it. Unfortunately for me, my personality made it rather difficult. I drew too many red lines all around myself, and spent too much time calculating the consequences of whatever I do. I hope I could just "dis-engage" my brain as you said, and just relax. But while my "brain" cannot control my urges or "feelings", when it comes to making decisions, my "brain" always win. It's probably not going to relieve itself from comand unless I . But I'll remember your words, and try to change myself in that direction. And I'll keep smiling.

I actually almost came out to him tonight. And now I'm glad I didn't. He came back from Boston earlier tonight and we hung out for a little while, mostly him talking about his day in the anime convention. We were again chatting online shortly after midnight, and I suddenly had the urge to came out to him. He's going home tomorrow morning for the spring break, and for some reason that made me feel like it's the last chance to came out to him. I typed "I have something to tell you". Then I felt its better to tell him in person, so I went down stairs, and saw him in the process of packing. Instead of finishing my sentence, I offered to help him packing! He gladly accepted and we went on talking about other stuff. Long story short, after about half an hour, the topic changed to the cut on his hand. I decided to catch the opportunity and eventually guided the conversation to his highschool best-friend's coming-out to him (see my post #45). Then he said what I really need to hear: "... that like really messed up my day ... because he's my best friend ... but I'm not ... like .......... gay". The last word came out after a long pause, but it's clear enough for me, and I take it for its full, literal meaning (I set this criteria for me long time ago) . He won't notice what that did to me, as I steered conversation away "totally uninterested", finished helping him packing shortly after, wished him a safe trip home and came back to my room. If there were still any hope of any thing deeper between us after my post #45, they are gone now. I am honestly relieved by what he said. I can now look past him (he'll still be a friend for sure) and look forward to the future in terms of love/relationship.

 

[rareboy]

I still can't believe that there's any such thing as a straight furry. It is just soooooo gay.

 

[Atomw7]

I still can't believe that there's any such thing as a straight furry. It is just soooooo gay.

Haha, I know! Not even bi in the least?