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Excessive phyiscal contact from a staight guy?
- Thread starter p700granat
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p700granat
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We actually talked about this two days ago and he said my furry friend may be bi. But after all they have only met three times. And we both agree that he could not possibly be 100% gay. On the other hand, during the same conversation I found out about a good friend of his who came out to him after getting into grad school. I kind of know that person but I would never have guessed he was gay, just like I have never guessed my current gay friend is gay before this April.
We seniors are still staying here for the commmencement week. Everytime I go down stairs passing the furry friend's now-emptied room I still think of him. We also had an exchange of Email three days ago. I sent an Email to a mailing-list about some major progress of a (laser tag) DIY project, for which he had also done some work, and he replied almost immediately:
"HOT DAMN!
Congrats on finishing another gun!
Send pics if you can. Also upload them to the photo gallery!"
Haven't talked to him after that but still think about him sometimes. It's weired that there seem to be some feelings I had for him that are still missing for my gay friend, even though when I think about it my gay friends meets all my criteria for a good bf and he apprently likes me a lot as well, while there are actually many things I dislike about my furry friend. Human emotion is such a strange thing
](/images/smilies/bang.gif "Brick wall ](*,)")
Ok - I have been reading this thread for some time now and I feel that maybe I should say something.
I am the "gay friend" who initially contacted the OP in response to his CL ad and who later spent numerous afternoons and evenings watching movies, having meals, and cuddling with him. I found the OP to be both very physically attractive and intellectually stimulating - we had our fair share of engaging conversations about philosophy, video games, relationships, and the like.
Our last meeting was sometime in May, shortly before the post date of the post above me. We watched "Kill Bill Vol. 1" and then slept together in my bed, as we had done on numerous occasions before that - it was, as ever, a warm and comforting time, just the sort of thing that made me feel so content and happy as my senior year wound to a close. After discovering my sexuality throughout college and having several uncomfortable relationships/flings before that, I felt that finally I was with someone with whom I could carry on great conversation and be physically intimate on a regular basis.
The OP, however, abruptly stopped talking to me at a certain point during the final senior week of the semester - I did not get so much as a phone call during the last 4 or 5 days that we were both on campus, and would have likely have heard nothing at all had I not sent him a Facebook message and gone out of my way to converse with him via Yahoo! Messenger.
This has irked me to no end - surely he must have realized that we would likely never again be afforded the same set of opportunities that we had during that last stretch of college. And in all of his messages to me, he barely even acknowledges the fact that we were ever intimate or even close - he talks to me in this remote manner that I would expect from a friend I knew from a few meetings, but not from someone with whom I slept next to in the same bed, naked, quite a few times over a month.
I am sorry to drag all of my dirty laundry into this thread, but I felt an uncontrollable urge to set the record straight in some regard.
I am the "gay friend" who initially contacted the OP in response to his CL ad and who later spent numerous afternoons and evenings watching movies, having meals, and cuddling with him. I found the OP to be both very physically attractive and intellectually stimulating - we had our fair share of engaging conversations about philosophy, video games, relationships, and the like.
Our last meeting was sometime in May, shortly before the post date of the post above me. We watched "Kill Bill Vol. 1" and then slept together in my bed, as we had done on numerous occasions before that - it was, as ever, a warm and comforting time, just the sort of thing that made me feel so content and happy as my senior year wound to a close. After discovering my sexuality throughout college and having several uncomfortable relationships/flings before that, I felt that finally I was with someone with whom I could carry on great conversation and be physically intimate on a regular basis.
The OP, however, abruptly stopped talking to me at a certain point during the final senior week of the semester - I did not get so much as a phone call during the last 4 or 5 days that we were both on campus, and would have likely have heard nothing at all had I not sent him a Facebook message and gone out of my way to converse with him via Yahoo! Messenger.
This has irked me to no end - surely he must have realized that we would likely never again be afforded the same set of opportunities that we had during that last stretch of college. And in all of his messages to me, he barely even acknowledges the fact that we were ever intimate or even close - he talks to me in this remote manner that I would expect from a friend I knew from a few meetings, but not from someone with whom I slept next to in the same bed, naked, quite a few times over a month.
I am sorry to drag all of my dirty laundry into this thread, but I felt an uncontrollable urge to set the record straight in some regard.
Anyway, regarding the "furry friend," the original subject of this post - I thought at times that he was bi, but thinking about it now, I feel confident that he is straight. I conversed with him several times - we talked for a good stretch about Yu-Gi-Oh! the Abridged Series, which was a pleasant surprise. I was never particularly attracted to him, but he seemed friendly enough.
This dude may not be gay at all, he may just be a weirdo, as most furries are. I have a storm of furry jokes I'm holding back.
But really, this behavior is normal for furries. Furries are some of the most open-minded people around.
But really, this behavior is normal for furries. Furries are some of the most open-minded people around.
p700granat
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"T-Drag",
I can't believe this. I have not been on JUB for a month and a half, and today when I finally decided to come to give an update and ask for suggestions on how I should proceed with our relationship, I see your post, just a few hours old.
But I am really, really glad you posted. I'm really sorry about the past about month and a half when I did not contact you. I had no Internet access for most of that time until a week ago. I lived in a friend's apartment for nearly two weeks right after graduation, and then went for this 3-week roadtrip across the country. And early on in the roadtrip my cell-phone got into water during a caving trip, and when it came back to life two days later the battery performance was severely degraded (each recharge lasts no more than a day), so I had to turn it off most of the time to save the battery for emergency. So from the day I moved out of the dorm room to about a week ago when I finally arrive in SF Bay Area, I had very little contact with pretty much everyone I know, not just you. For that quite a few people had already complained to me, including my other friends from school, my future boss in the company I'll be working for, and my parents. And for the last three days in the commencement week, as I already explained to you, I didn't contact you because I thought your parents were in town (which they were) and I thought it was probably inconvenient to see you while they are around.
You see, I came here today worried that I'll probably lose you. The impression I got from our Yahoo! Messenger chat a few days ago is you've moved on, and I really don't know if or how I could meet someone like you again. Not sure if you remember that at one point during that chat I said I'm not looking right now. That's because I thought there's still something between us. On the other hand, I thought I can't really blame you if you decided to move on, since we are so far away now, so I didn't say or ask explicity about the status of the relationship. Both of us, not just me, talked in that "remote manner" that day, about other things and other people, not a bit about us. If it was not your posting today, we'll probably end up believing that's how the other person really think.
This should probably be a private message. But since you posted your thoughts, let me first reply you here just for the record. Let's have a good chat tomorrow evening, if you're available.
-p700granat
I can't believe this. I have not been on JUB for a month and a half, and today when I finally decided to come to give an update and ask for suggestions on how I should proceed with our relationship, I see your post, just a few hours old.
But I am really, really glad you posted. I'm really sorry about the past about month and a half when I did not contact you. I had no Internet access for most of that time until a week ago. I lived in a friend's apartment for nearly two weeks right after graduation, and then went for this 3-week roadtrip across the country. And early on in the roadtrip my cell-phone got into water during a caving trip, and when it came back to life two days later the battery performance was severely degraded (each recharge lasts no more than a day), so I had to turn it off most of the time to save the battery for emergency. So from the day I moved out of the dorm room to about a week ago when I finally arrive in SF Bay Area, I had very little contact with pretty much everyone I know, not just you. For that quite a few people had already complained to me, including my other friends from school, my future boss in the company I'll be working for, and my parents. And for the last three days in the commencement week, as I already explained to you, I didn't contact you because I thought your parents were in town (which they were) and I thought it was probably inconvenient to see you while they are around.
You see, I came here today worried that I'll probably lose you. The impression I got from our Yahoo! Messenger chat a few days ago is you've moved on, and I really don't know if or how I could meet someone like you again. Not sure if you remember that at one point during that chat I said I'm not looking right now. That's because I thought there's still something between us. On the other hand, I thought I can't really blame you if you decided to move on, since we are so far away now, so I didn't say or ask explicity about the status of the relationship. Both of us, not just me, talked in that "remote manner" that day, about other things and other people, not a bit about us. If it was not your posting today, we'll probably end up believing that's how the other person really think.
This should probably be a private message. But since you posted your thoughts, let me first reply you here just for the record. Let's have a good chat tomorrow evening, if you're available.
-p700granat
p700granat
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Just an update. The night after my previous post I talked to "T-drag" aka "the gay friend" who I shall now call my bf, and resolved the issue quite easily. We talked many times after that, about once every day or two, both online and on the phone. So things are going pretty well between us even though it will be a lot nicer if we can see each other. He might visit me here in SF Bay Area sometime in August, and I might also visit him in Chicago at some point. But I can't imagine how things might go if it wasn't his post earlier in the thread, because otherwise I would really thought he probably moved on and I would talk to him based on that assumption. I would still appreciate on some advice on long-distance relationships from you guy.
And for those interested, I've also met with my "furry friend" again, in fact twice, after I moved to the SF Bay Area about three weeks ago. As I mentioned before, he's doing a internship in a software company here (as a large number of my friends). I arrived in San Jose so late that day that the last Caltrain to my where I would live has already left, and he's the only one closeby whom I have the number in my phone. So I called him and crashed at his place for the night. I also went to see WALL-E with him and his female roommate the next day before I moved to my own place. The following Sunday he asked if I can show them around SF as I know the city fairly well and they haven't been there since they arrived. So I showed them around the touristy places and it was a generally pleasant day. The funny thing is, her female roommate, who is the same year as him, working in the same company as him, and living in same floor as him (one floor below me) during the academic year, was almost completely ignored by him during our day in the city. I always had the impression while in school that he secretly liked her, but during that day, he was talking with me for the whole time, leaving her alone right behind us that made me feel pretty bad and had to try to bring her into the conversation from time to time. And he's not a bit changed on his touchy-feely-ness, doing everything he used to do with me in school, even on the busiest streets in SF. When we were having lunch in a restaurant on fishermen's wharf, he was sitting facing the bay with alactraz in the background, and I was facing him. I found him keeping looking at me so I asked "am I blocking the view?", and he replied, "no I'm just looking at you. You're the view". Later while we were waiting for the bus he was playing my feet with his, attracting smiles from other people waiting for the bus, and his roommate laughed "you two stop playing footsie".
To be honest, I still enjoyed his phyiscal attention, and it's generally fun hanging out with him. And why he's doing all these is still a mystery, which can be 1)he's just straight, very secure with his sexuality and had no clue about mine, and simply likes being feely-touch 2)he guessed I was interested in him and maliciously leads me on 3)somehow he's actually interested in me. While 1) is still the most likely case, I increasingly suspect it's 2). But it doesn't really matter anymore, because I found I'm no longer very attracted to him like I was in school, and for all intents and purposes the crush is over. I may still hang out with him on weekends before he went back to school but that's about it.
And for those interested, I've also met with my "furry friend" again, in fact twice, after I moved to the SF Bay Area about three weeks ago. As I mentioned before, he's doing a internship in a software company here (as a large number of my friends). I arrived in San Jose so late that day that the last Caltrain to my where I would live has already left, and he's the only one closeby whom I have the number in my phone. So I called him and crashed at his place for the night. I also went to see WALL-E with him and his female roommate the next day before I moved to my own place. The following Sunday he asked if I can show them around SF as I know the city fairly well and they haven't been there since they arrived. So I showed them around the touristy places and it was a generally pleasant day. The funny thing is, her female roommate, who is the same year as him, working in the same company as him, and living in same floor as him (one floor below me) during the academic year, was almost completely ignored by him during our day in the city. I always had the impression while in school that he secretly liked her, but during that day, he was talking with me for the whole time, leaving her alone right behind us that made me feel pretty bad and had to try to bring her into the conversation from time to time. And he's not a bit changed on his touchy-feely-ness, doing everything he used to do with me in school, even on the busiest streets in SF. When we were having lunch in a restaurant on fishermen's wharf, he was sitting facing the bay with alactraz in the background, and I was facing him. I found him keeping looking at me so I asked "am I blocking the view?", and he replied, "no I'm just looking at you. You're the view". Later while we were waiting for the bus he was playing my feet with his, attracting smiles from other people waiting for the bus, and his roommate laughed "you two stop playing footsie".
To be honest, I still enjoyed his phyiscal attention, and it's generally fun hanging out with him. And why he's doing all these is still a mystery, which can be 1)he's just straight, very secure with his sexuality and had no clue about mine, and simply likes being feely-touch 2)he guessed I was interested in him and maliciously leads me on 3)somehow he's actually interested in me. While 1) is still the most likely case, I increasingly suspect it's 2). But it doesn't really matter anymore, because I found I'm no longer very attracted to him like I was in school, and for all intents and purposes the crush is over. I may still hang out with him on weekends before he went back to school but that's about it.
jake
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lookin4sum1icantrust
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You should have success in your LDR (Long Distance Relationship (s)) some people can't deal with LDRs, because they can't be with each other either all the time or every other day. It seems like you really like your boyfriend. GOOD LUCK!!!!
BTW p700granat: what did you major in college?
BTW p700granat: what did you major in college?
Just_Believe18
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It was like reading a novella. Cute ending.
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p700granat said:
Register for a frequent flyer program, get a webcam and be prepared to move.
And start by inviting him to SF for a visit.
Next time your furry friend comes to the city, take him to Twin Peaks and then have lunch in the Castro.
Wow....... I wonder why I missed this post before. I spent a couple of hours reading from the very first post up to the last, haha.... your story somehow kept me stuck.
Since the part about your affection towards him is already over, I'm not gonna debate over whether he's gay/bi/straight. I also had a friend in my 'secondary school' (that's what we call it here), who's somewhat like that furry friend of yours. Though maybe he isn't all into furry thingies..... But my friend's also the touchy, clingy, prods you around kind of guy, so I get what you mean..... and your friend sounds adorable to me, haha, hate to say that but I might 'fall' for him too....
Anyway, its a good thing you got on with life I guess, and hope you're doing fine. Wish you keep updating. Quite an interesting journey you had. Though I feel that if you're gonna wanna go further with stuff in your life, you're gonna have to come out sooner or later, but that's just my opinion, you deserve to decide your own life.
Since the part about your affection towards him is already over, I'm not gonna debate over whether he's gay/bi/straight. I also had a friend in my 'secondary school' (that's what we call it here), who's somewhat like that furry friend of yours. Though maybe he isn't all into furry thingies..... But my friend's also the touchy, clingy, prods you around kind of guy, so I get what you mean..... and your friend sounds adorable to me, haha, hate to say that but I might 'fall' for him too....
Anyway, its a good thing you got on with life I guess, and hope you're doing fine. Wish you keep updating. Quite an interesting journey you had. Though I feel that if you're gonna wanna go further with stuff in your life, you're gonna have to come out sooner or later, but that's just my opinion, you deserve to decide your own life.
p700granat
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Sorry to revive my old thread again, but I've got a small problem. Not relationship related, but I would like some input.
I'm assuming you have read my previous posts about my furry friend. He and his roommate, a girl and our mutual friend, are at the last week of their internship here in the SF Bay Area. We hang out three times during the past two months, but mostly in the SF. Being really into outdoors myself I suggested at one point doing a backpacking trip in the Sierra mountains (Desolation Wilderness, if you are familiar with the area) at some point, and they both seemed to be very interested. So today I Emailed them about doing that this coming weekend, and they initially expressed great interest. However my furry friend, being a city boy, had never done anything like this before (which is also the main reason I invited him, so he could see some real wonders of nature), and once I told them the basic things needed to bring and the time needed to get there from the Bay Area, he said he probably can't do it. Well that wouldn't be problem until the girl replied that she still really want to do it. So I have a tough little decision to make: if I decided not to go because of my furry friend, then the girl would obviously be pissed off and I don't want her to think I invited because of just him. However if I go with the girl, I'll leave my furry friend alone for the weekend. I also had never done a backpacking trip with just a girl so it might be very awkward for me. To make things worse, I had the vague impression that my furry friend secretly likes the girl, so I don't know what he would think if I go with her for a overnight trip. The ball seemed to be in my court now, since they both replied and stated their position. What should I do? Thanks.
ps: I'll also spend sometime reading and replying to posts since I last updated.
I'm assuming you have read my previous posts about my furry friend. He and his roommate, a girl and our mutual friend, are at the last week of their internship here in the SF Bay Area. We hang out three times during the past two months, but mostly in the SF. Being really into outdoors myself I suggested at one point doing a backpacking trip in the Sierra mountains (Desolation Wilderness, if you are familiar with the area) at some point, and they both seemed to be very interested. So today I Emailed them about doing that this coming weekend, and they initially expressed great interest. However my furry friend, being a city boy, had never done anything like this before (which is also the main reason I invited him, so he could see some real wonders of nature), and once I told them the basic things needed to bring and the time needed to get there from the Bay Area, he said he probably can't do it. Well that wouldn't be problem until the girl replied that she still really want to do it. So I have a tough little decision to make: if I decided not to go because of my furry friend, then the girl would obviously be pissed off and I don't want her to think I invited because of just him. However if I go with the girl, I'll leave my furry friend alone for the weekend. I also had never done a backpacking trip with just a girl so it might be very awkward for me. To make things worse, I had the vague impression that my furry friend secretly likes the girl, so I don't know what he would think if I go with her for a overnight trip. The ball seemed to be in my court now, since they both replied and stated their position. What should I do? Thanks.
ps: I'll also spend sometime reading and replying to posts since I last updated.
p700granat
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Nevermind my last post. The issue was resolved. We decided to do a day trip so everyone can go. Looks like Muir Woods will be the destination.
Anyway, I'll take the chance to reply some post and update a bit.
Thanks. And yes, I really like my BF. It's not that easy to find a person like him, but luckily I found him (or he found me) without very much effort. Does that sentence make any sense?
Also he's planning to come to visit me in about ten days and I'm really looking forward to it.
I majored in Computer Science. I think I mentioned it some point in my post. I think I revealed the major of almost every character that appeared in my post.
The funny thing is, the last time we were in the city about two weeks ago, we actually had dinner in the Castro, although it's not me who took him there. He invited me and two other friends to see the Tall Ships in SF that weekend (an event that happens every four years I think), and one of the two people (let's call him M) was gay who just moved to Castro to work for a software company in the city. After we saw the tall ships, we were thinking where to go and M repeated suggested visiting his area and eventually succeeded in persuading us to have dinner there. It was pretty good.
After dinner, we left M and were heading back for Caltrain. On the way back, we started talking about M. The girl among us said she never knew M was gay until he came out, and the furry friend agreed and said it's really hard to tell, not knowing there's another gay guy sitting right next to him and giggling. Then without anyone asking, my furry friend said during a dance party last semester, M and the other openly gay guy among our common group of friends, asked him whether he's gay. Of course he said he's not. The girl said he's probably sending the wrong signals, since it's not first time someone had asked him that question, so we started joking a bit about that. Eventually he said, rather embarassingly, "is it probably because I'm furry?". Just find it pretty funny and wanted to share with you.
Anyway, I'll take the chance to reply some post and update a bit.
Thanks. And yes, I really like my BF. It's not that easy to find a person like him, but luckily I found him (or he found me) without very much effort. Does that sentence make any sense?
Also he's planning to come to visit me in about ten days and I'm really looking forward to it.I majored in Computer Science. I think I mentioned it some point in my post. I think I revealed the major of almost every character that appeared in my post.
The funny thing is, the last time we were in the city about two weeks ago, we actually had dinner in the Castro, although it's not me who took him there. He invited me and two other friends to see the Tall Ships in SF that weekend (an event that happens every four years I think), and one of the two people (let's call him M) was gay who just moved to Castro to work for a software company in the city. After we saw the tall ships, we were thinking where to go and M repeated suggested visiting his area and eventually succeeded in persuading us to have dinner there. It was pretty good.
After dinner, we left M and were heading back for Caltrain. On the way back, we started talking about M. The girl among us said she never knew M was gay until he came out, and the furry friend agreed and said it's really hard to tell, not knowing there's another gay guy sitting right next to him and giggling. Then without anyone asking, my furry friend said during a dance party last semester, M and the other openly gay guy among our common group of friends, asked him whether he's gay. Of course he said he's not. The girl said he's probably sending the wrong signals, since it's not first time someone had asked him that question, so we started joking a bit about that. Eventually he said, rather embarassingly, "is it probably because I'm furry?". Just find it pretty funny and wanted to share with you.
p700granat
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It's ironic that I tried to give advice to another poster two days ago on "how to get over him", even though I'm having the same problem myself. I thought I would get over my furry friend in March when he said explictly that he's not gay - something I still believe; I thought I would forget him when I met my bf in April; I thought and in fact hoped I won't see him again after graduating in May. And for almost the whole month of June, especially during my three week roadtrip across the country, I didn't thought about him at all. When I had practically no choice but to crash at his place the night I arrived in SF Bay Area (for reasons I mentioned in an earlier post), I could tell that some feelings I used to have about him were gone, so I was relieved. Unfortuntely, that process stopped and reversed in the two months that followed, during which we hung out three times on weekends. I enjoyed every moment of them. Finally this past Saturday I invited him and two other friends to a hiking trip - the first time I asked him out since we first met two years ago. We again had a great day, but it's also somewhat emotional, at least for the two of us: he is finishing his internship here, and we'll not see each other in forseeable future, possibly never again. Besides his usual feely-touchieness, he said certain things to me that might be considered affectionate, which is very unusual for him. I might mention some of them in the end of the post just for the record, since it's not very relevant for my issue today. My issue is, I think about him very often the past few days, even though MY BF IS FLYING HERE TO VISIT ME TOMORROW!
I had crushes before, and each time about half a year after I stopped seeing the person I would completely get over him. Even when I meet my former crushes again the feelings are gone. I have no reason to believe that my furry friend will be an exception. But this time I don't have that half a year: I now have a BF whom I connect with in every level and care a lot about, and I feel so bad not able to get my furry friend out of my mind. In one sense my feelings about him should not interfere: I know he is straight, and we have been nothing more than just friends. Yet I know I won't have these feelings if I were straight, so there must be a sexual component in my feelings even though I don't consciously think about him in a sexual context.
On my way to work this morning I was trying hard to think why the heck do I still have feelings about him. He is somewhat cute, but not exactly hot or sexy - there're plenty of more attractive people around when I was at school. Our common interest is limited to our field of study (compute science) and technology in general - other than that, he knows everything there is about the TV shows, Japanese anime and console games, while I couldn't care less about them and would rather spend the time traveling, backpacking or reading a Tom Clancy novel. He thought Denver is located in Washington and I consider it unacceptable. Also because of that we rarely have deep and intellectually stimulating conversations, unlike lots of conversations I had with my BF. There are many aspects of his personality I dislike, such as how he's overly confident and always full of himself - I know that well enough to make fun of him in front of other people. I even have some serious doubts on whether he's actually a very mean person deep down, that he might knew I had feelings about him and purposely did and said all those things to lead me on, for some sick and selfish pleasure. Despite all these, I enjoyed most of the time we had together. He can somehow radiate joy and cheerfulness. He makes me relaxed and removes my baggage, almost putting me into a "lightly buzzed" state without any alcohol: with him I often voluntarily regress into childhood and "talk silly". Somehow I deeply enjoyed all the silly and pointless conversations with him. And obviously I also enjoyed his hugs, bites on my arm, resting his head on my shoulder, footsies, "suprise buttsex", and to a lesser extend, pokes, which can be non-stop when I'm with him. He's comfortable doing all these in public, and so far I am comfortable receiving them in public, which sadly might not be the case if the other person is gay. All these give me a kind of comfortness that's very different from resting in my BF's arms while watching a movie on his bed - I liked both type of comfortness, but unfortunately they seemed to be mutually exclusive (mutex, anyone?), at least at this point. I would easily choose either over m2m sex (I would choose ANYTHING over sex with a woman), since I know an effective and easy way to relieve sexual pressure myself. Now think about it, my crush in my last two years of high school had many similar qualities. So it seems that I was consciously or unconsciously looking for someone like that, or that I reserved a spot in my life for somebody who do silly things and have silly conversations with me. Obviously I won't find anyone like that in a workplace (and I shouldn't be looking for one).
So what should I do? Is this even normal? What the heck is wrong with me? I feel so unfair to my BF when I think about my furry friend. I keep my BF updated everytime I hungout with the furry, and I have mentioned to my BF about those feelings, obviously not as detailed as I did today. He seemed to be understanding so far, since afterall he has also been spending lots of time in the last month seeing off his friends from college, a few of which contains to some degree a crush factor as well - I'm more than fine with all that. But still I feel my lingering feelings about the furry is bad for our relationship. Help.
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some conversations last Saturday when we went to Muir Woods N.M.:
First half of day, he's just playful and a bit flirty, as usual.
On the bus to the park, he tried to touch my nose with his nose.
His female roommate: "just a little bump and you guys will be kissing".
Him: "that'll be fun".
We're resting in the park, and he's doing all the usual physical things.
The girl (for the third time in recent weeks): "you two are such a couple".
Him, referencing (according to him) a quote from an old cartoon the Jonny Quest, "we are a couple ... a couple ... of guys".
Later that day, mood changed as their departure this Saturday became a recurring topic.
Him, on the returning bus: "I'm going to miss you so much, XX (my name)".
Me: "yeah I'm gonna miss you too."
I then looked away.
Shortly after that, he put his arm around my shoulder.
Him, with an unusually affectionate tone, "you know I love ya".
I was shocked and mumbled something completely irrelevant, and don't even remember what I said. I still savour that sentence sometimes, and feeling extremely guilty (for my BF) when I do that.
He mentioned three more times how he'll miss me or how he hope this will not be the last time we see each other. Finally, right after I left them rather abruptly and got off the Caltrain, I got a call from him.
Me: "I guess I'll keep in touch with you through the Internet".
Him, almost as if he's angry: "oh you'd better".
He then asked me to get a webcam so we could video chat, a proposal I dismissed since we don't rarely even text-chat, and I haven't got video chat even with my BF.
I had crushes before, and each time about half a year after I stopped seeing the person I would completely get over him. Even when I meet my former crushes again the feelings are gone. I have no reason to believe that my furry friend will be an exception. But this time I don't have that half a year: I now have a BF whom I connect with in every level and care a lot about, and I feel so bad not able to get my furry friend out of my mind. In one sense my feelings about him should not interfere: I know he is straight, and we have been nothing more than just friends. Yet I know I won't have these feelings if I were straight, so there must be a sexual component in my feelings even though I don't consciously think about him in a sexual context.
On my way to work this morning I was trying hard to think why the heck do I still have feelings about him. He is somewhat cute, but not exactly hot or sexy - there're plenty of more attractive people around when I was at school. Our common interest is limited to our field of study (compute science) and technology in general - other than that, he knows everything there is about the TV shows, Japanese anime and console games, while I couldn't care less about them and would rather spend the time traveling, backpacking or reading a Tom Clancy novel. He thought Denver is located in Washington and I consider it unacceptable. Also because of that we rarely have deep and intellectually stimulating conversations, unlike lots of conversations I had with my BF. There are many aspects of his personality I dislike, such as how he's overly confident and always full of himself - I know that well enough to make fun of him in front of other people. I even have some serious doubts on whether he's actually a very mean person deep down, that he might knew I had feelings about him and purposely did and said all those things to lead me on, for some sick and selfish pleasure. Despite all these, I enjoyed most of the time we had together. He can somehow radiate joy and cheerfulness. He makes me relaxed and removes my baggage, almost putting me into a "lightly buzzed" state without any alcohol: with him I often voluntarily regress into childhood and "talk silly". Somehow I deeply enjoyed all the silly and pointless conversations with him. And obviously I also enjoyed his hugs, bites on my arm, resting his head on my shoulder, footsies, "suprise buttsex", and to a lesser extend, pokes, which can be non-stop when I'm with him. He's comfortable doing all these in public, and so far I am comfortable receiving them in public, which sadly might not be the case if the other person is gay. All these give me a kind of comfortness that's very different from resting in my BF's arms while watching a movie on his bed - I liked both type of comfortness, but unfortunately they seemed to be mutually exclusive (mutex, anyone?), at least at this point. I would easily choose either over m2m sex (I would choose ANYTHING over sex with a woman), since I know an effective and easy way to relieve sexual pressure myself. Now think about it, my crush in my last two years of high school had many similar qualities. So it seems that I was consciously or unconsciously looking for someone like that, or that I reserved a spot in my life for somebody who do silly things and have silly conversations with me. Obviously I won't find anyone like that in a workplace (and I shouldn't be looking for one).
So what should I do? Is this even normal? What the heck is wrong with me? I feel so unfair to my BF when I think about my furry friend. I keep my BF updated everytime I hungout with the furry, and I have mentioned to my BF about those feelings, obviously not as detailed as I did today. He seemed to be understanding so far, since afterall he has also been spending lots of time in the last month seeing off his friends from college, a few of which contains to some degree a crush factor as well - I'm more than fine with all that. But still I feel my lingering feelings about the furry is bad for our relationship. Help.
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some conversations last Saturday when we went to Muir Woods N.M.:
First half of day, he's just playful and a bit flirty, as usual.
On the bus to the park, he tried to touch my nose with his nose.
His female roommate: "just a little bump and you guys will be kissing".
Him: "that'll be fun".
We're resting in the park, and he's doing all the usual physical things.
The girl (for the third time in recent weeks): "you two are such a couple".
Him, referencing (according to him) a quote from an old cartoon the Jonny Quest, "we are a couple ... a couple ... of guys".
Later that day, mood changed as their departure this Saturday became a recurring topic.
Him, on the returning bus: "I'm going to miss you so much, XX (my name)".
Me: "yeah I'm gonna miss you too."
I then looked away.
Shortly after that, he put his arm around my shoulder.
Him, with an unusually affectionate tone, "you know I love ya".
I was shocked and mumbled something completely irrelevant, and don't even remember what I said. I still savour that sentence sometimes, and feeling extremely guilty (for my BF) when I do that.
He mentioned three more times how he'll miss me or how he hope this will not be the last time we see each other. Finally, right after I left them rather abruptly and got off the Caltrain, I got a call from him.
Me: "I guess I'll keep in touch with you through the Internet".
Him, almost as if he's angry: "oh you'd better".
He then asked me to get a webcam so we could video chat, a proposal I dismissed since we don't rarely even text-chat, and I haven't got video chat even with my BF.
- Joined
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Relationships between male friends can be very emotional, very intense and very confusing.
So, you have a good friend whose company you enjoy and with whom you have a good time.
But you ultimately know that know matter how much you and your furry friend like each other, there's never going to be romance.
Is that a crush or is it just a close friendship?
Maybe boyfriends are just the close friends that we crawl into bed with?
So, you have a good friend whose company you enjoy and with whom you have a good time.
But you ultimately know that know matter how much you and your furry friend like each other, there's never going to be romance.
Is that a crush or is it just a close friendship?
Maybe boyfriends are just the close friends that we crawl into bed with?
Lube
Temeritous hirsuteness
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Well it's certainly not unnatural that you have a crush on (any particular) guy. Even people who have been married 50 years find other people attractive, and get crushes. There's nothing gay about that, nor is it a singles-only problem.
If you love your bf, you'll get over the crush.
Usually, crushes are built up with our imagination, because we know so little about the person we're crushing on. (Think of the guys who have "relationships" with online guys, or who crush on movie stars.)
The more you get to know a person, the more you will either destroy the crush or turn it into budding love. It takes time. It sounds like you are out of time, unless one of you wants to move. Chatting online won't resolve the crush.
How important is the relationship with your bf? Is it worth losing? (And isn't he on JUB, or am I thinking of someone else?!)
If you love your bf, you'll get over the crush.
Usually, crushes are built up with our imagination, because we know so little about the person we're crushing on. (Think of the guys who have "relationships" with online guys, or who crush on movie stars.)
The more you get to know a person, the more you will either destroy the crush or turn it into budding love. It takes time. It sounds like you are out of time, unless one of you wants to move. Chatting online won't resolve the crush.
How important is the relationship with your bf? Is it worth losing? (And isn't he on JUB, or am I thinking of someone else?!)
