Exposed, raw, and seeking.

[Elworth]

This is unfortunate in that it is not uncommon, and that it even has to happen at all.

Cestmois, there is no easy way out of the dilemma you're in. I don't know what it feels like, and I'm sorry that others are putting you through this hell. The only thing I can recommend is that you get out of Alabama. I don't know that the deep South is a great place for any gay man to grow up in, let alone having the issue of skin color to consider.

There will always be trials and tribulations where ever you go, but if you can find an environment that you are better suited for, I would definitely jump at the opportunity.

I hope things get better!

Nate

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Judging by that picture for the wont of a more telling one, if I bumped into you at any of the real or virtual places, I'd be all over you and putting every move in the book... trust me on that one. You'd be in trouble and you might even like it.

And I have a reputation of being picky.

So, what is the problem here?

#1
You are attaching huge gravity, where there is no need for it. You said, you hooked up with men, who were not gay but straight or bi? Think this over, please.

You hooked up with them because you discovered a degree of reciprocal attraction. You are dudes and ever so often you want to bust your nut with some amicable assistance of a like-minded dude. Cool. So, if he says, he is a superstraight Martian but is nicely sucking on your dick, he is doing a good job, and he is also free to consider himself whoever he wants to be. Do not enter into that debate. That's his prerogative. Why would you want to dwell on his insecurities and worry about his issues?

#2
Religion is apparently very important to you. Consider it your private affair and nothing that should always be shared with other people. Many people, including yours truly here, have been hurt and burnt by religious fanaticism and even an early and innocent mentioning of any religion, when meeting up with another dude, would usually send many of us running away and never looking back. Do yourself a huge favor and lose the religious rhetoric ASAP. Practice it and pray as much as you will but do not mention it at all. If your friends want to share in, they will. If not... you are not imposing it upon them either.

#3
If you feel miserable and rejected, hopeless and suicidal, trust me, it shows and people will notice. Would you ever want to befriend someone with all that emotional baggage? Nope. Certainly, not. So, do yourself a huge favor and chuck all of that baggage overboard right away.

You are smart. You are very good-looking and attractive. You are young and have your whole future ahead of you. You want to communicate, date, meet up with other guys and have fun and fulfillment.

If you find that your environment does not really fit you, remember that you live in that little country which is 8 times bigger than the whole of western Europe and that you can move and look for a friendlier and nicer environment somewhere else. Nothing is written in stone. You just want to make a smart plan and see to it that it is also realized.

SC

 

[MainEntry]

You need to be somewhere that you are appreciated. You are a beautiful man and at least where I live, black guys are a prize!

On the other hand, you have to realize that many people have hangups about physical contact with persons of other races; it's not that they believe them to be inferior. There are many black guys who would not have sex with white guys also.

Good luck. Remember that God is with you and wants the best for you always.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey cestmois1983,

Mate... I have watched your posts for some time now in this forum... and I can honestly say that you have always impressed me with your honesty, your courage and your intelligence. And you know something... not one of these...

Sexual Orientation: Gay.
Race: Black.
Gender: Male.
Religion: Roman Rite Catholic Christian.

makes a single scrap of difference to that impression. You are way more than any of those things. They are simply descriptions of aspects of your life and your being. They are characteristics and nothing more.

None of those things make you a good person or a bad one. None make you a more or less valuable member of our community or the community at large. None rule you out of fulfilling your desires or ambitions to achieve anything you set your mind too. None rule you out of true happiness or a realtionship.

But most importantly none of them rule you out of being able to give and receive love, or the warmth and contentment that comes with it.

You need to understand that being black or gay are not determining factors that decide your happiness any more than the fact that your teeth are white. You need to understand that you are WORTHY of happiness.

Cestmois1983, when you post you show character and wisdom. You show respect and values. You show humor and decency. You show compassion and honesty. These are the things that make you who you are. These are the things that people see. These are the things that people notice and love. These are the things that matter. In the areas that count you tick every box.

These are things that take time to flourish mate. They are aspects of you that people need time to see, time to trust. They are parts of you that are evidenced in action and are noticed by people worthy of understanding what they mean and how important they are.

You're right. Guys are everywhere. Good guys are harder to find. But someone who recognizes who you, values and understands the value of those things exists and longs for what you long for. Theres proof enough right here on these boards.

Mate, these feelings would exist whether you were gay or not... and remember this is coming from another gay guy... str8 men and women lament the same thing over and over... take a look at the dating sites out there for all sexualities. Being gay doesn't influence your value or your worth. Being gay doesn't change what you beleive in.

You are wanted, you are incredibly important and incredibly valuable. You make a difference. Cestmois1983 you are a piece of our community that contributes, builds and improves. Your presence makes a world of difference to those that know you, care about you and love you.

Well all have moments of feeling overwhelmed and beaten by the world. But I can tell you that I dont beleive that you are the sort of guy to lay down... I just cant see that in your posts. What I do see is a guy smart enough to ask for help and support. And I admire you enormously for that.

Please take a moment to breathe, read these posts... and realize how important you are and how you are worthy of the love and happiness that WILL find its way into your life.

And if you still feel bad after doing that, promise me you will seek help. Promise me that you will either come here or talk to someone who can offer you professional help and support. Promise me that you will take care. Theres no weakness in any of those things... just incredible bravery and strength.

Cestmois1983, I'll be looking out for you... we'll be looking out for you. You are never alone.

 

[Telstra]

Hey cestmois1983,

You are not ugly at all. You look quite good actually.
In your posts you are really intelligent compare to other people.

Compare to Nelson Mandela when he was young, you are much better looking than him.

All i have to say is think positive. Move away to bigger cities if you have to ..... San Francisco, there's alot of opportunities there.

I think it's all in the mind. If you compare with other people who are homeless, in prisons, terminal illness, in metal institutions .... and etc. you are in a much better position.

Best wishis and merry Christmas.
Hope to read more posts from you.

 

[Gooey45]

Dam i Feel you bro..

But you are nice to the eyes and dont worry one day we'll meet lol

Just remember love is a hard thing to find.It can be imitated by infatuation, unrequited love, lust. Is very hard to find complete unconditioned love.Is not our fault is just part of this bad bad life we all live.But imagine if you were crippled had no arms no legs sitting in a wheelchair so horny that you would fuck anything but never getting any. You have the freedom to do whatever and if people dont accept you because of your skin color believe me their missing out not you. Everyone has their place is just hard to find. Eventualy these bad times will turn into good times.

 

[Eagle653]

I feel for you and what's also sad is that you're not alone in your self-loathing feelings. How all of that is wrapped up in your past, your religion, and your image of yourself will take some time to untangle. But, I urge you to begin that process so that you can regain your self-esteem and, thus, hope.

If that is you in your avatar, I do not share the same view of you that you do. Feeling rejected, isolated, and "different" is a mind-game on many levels. Part of that might be the small-town isolation you mention. Part may be other things.

It sounds rather simplistic, but I think one thing you need are friends--friends who will validate you as who you are. Not people who necessarily want to sleep with you, but people who respect you and want your company and value your opinion.

I hope you can break out of this rut. Have you considered talking with a counselor about all this? I can guarantee you it'd be inciteful. If you haven't considered it, please do.

Keep in touch with us and let us know how you're doing. Many of us know, and have personally felt, what you're feeling. You're never alone--especially here.

 

[rareboy]

You need to break out and move to an urban centre where you will be appreciated and have more chances to build a network of friends...and get laid.

Remember that it isn't religion that traps you. You are arational adult and should be able to derive what you personally want out of your relationship with God, while recognizing that dogma and papal bull often have nothing whatsoever to do with the teachings of Christ.

Obviously, if you're just hoping for our validation that you aren't ugly or limited in your command of English vocabulary and grammar, that is pretty easy for everyone to give. I think, however, that the problems run deeper and I absolutely would speak to your doctor about the type of depression and anxiety you seem to be experiencing.

Failing that, you really do need to reach out and find an LGBT organization that can help you find the help you need.

God knows, if I had stayed in Bumfuck, Idaho after I was 19, I would have likely gone stir crazy.

 

[heymikey]

You know what, you've just described what the vast majority of gay visible ethnic minorities go through especially Asians and Blacks. So in other words, you're not alone in your sentiments. Feeling unwanted and rejected by a community that values good looks from a Caucasian perspective above all else is really tough. I agree with others that suggest moving to the big city such as NYC or SF as a start. Also, try to avoid going through online dating sites simply because seeing profiles stating "Not interested in blacks or asians" can be a blow to one's self-esteem. Try volunteering. It allows you to meet other people and helping other people will make you feel better about yourself. Anyway, good luck.

 

[Oden_grey]

The only thing I can recommend is that you get out of Alabama. I don't know that the deep South is a great place for any gay man to grow up in, let alone having the issue of skin color to consider...

hahahahahahahaha! That's your solution to his problem? Just move to a Blue State and everything gets better? Why do people try to solve problems without the slightest hint of impending dread? I mean, I've lived in Blue States a majority of my life and it's done wonders for my love life (sarcastic). People are just as pathetically vain in Red States as in the Blue... except Blue States people uphold science, lambaste religion, and take social liberalism as a birthright. But this tiny, perfect worldview is only the other side of the same coin. Red Staters would most likely beat you to death if they don't like you while in our wonderfully utopian Blue States, you just don't exist if people don't like you... "out of sight, out of mind".

cestmois1983, you are probably worth 1000X what most of our vain, trite society would consider a "catch". You are intelligent, handsome, and seem to have a non-abrasive personality, etc. By all means, I probably would be a "catch" myself, but just like you, I'm invisible because I'm not what people here consider physically "beautiful". Make no mistake, you'll probably have to settle for someone you are not attracted to so that you don't wake up every morning to the deafening silence of an empty and serene life... while the rest of society, particularly the gay one, lives vicariously in each other's vain stupor and banal flatteries as they go from conquest to conquest. It causes me to laugh and to die a little at the same time to see drama after drama unfold here... all mirroring the same human coils that plague gay people who have everything romantically, but don't appreciate it enough to make it work. What I have to say isn't pleasant to read, but it's the god's honest truth coming from a person who knows what you are going through.

It truly takes the deprived to show the wealthy how to live.

 

[TygreBryte]

Cestmois, do not give up.

The moderators shine like stars in this thread. You rock, mods! Cestmois, I hope you can take something from the thoughtful things they've said.

Man, I was thinking this was the best thread in a long time until I found this!

I mean, I've lived in Blue States a majority of my life and it's done wonders for my love life (sarcastic). People are just as pathetically vain in Red States as in the Blue... except Blue States people uphold science, lambaste religion, and take social liberalism as a birthright.

And thank Goddess for upholding science and taking social liberalism as a birthright.

cestmois1983, you are probably worth 1000X what most of our vain, trite society would consider a "catch". You are intelligent, handsome, and seem to have a non-abrasive personality, etc. By all means, I probably would be a "catch" myself, but just like you, I'm invisible because I'm not what people here consider physically "beautiful". Make no mistake, you'll probably have to settle for someone you are not attracted to so that you don't wake up every morning to the deafening silence of an empty and serene life...

Man, that line about "make no mistake, you'll probably have to settle for someone you are not attracted to..." is just *ugly*. I personally know that I am not everyone's idea of a "great catch," but my boyfriend seems happy with me. I also notice that there are plenty of "packages" out there that don't do it for me who seem to have satisfying partners.

Your own experience doesn't really predict that of others. I think this applies to everyone....