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EXTREMELY confused!!!!!

C

chapindylan

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hey everybody! thanks ahead of time for reading this and commenting, i greatly appreciate it! im 27, have been messing around with guys very sparingly off and on for 8 years. ive always dated women and have never dated a guy, had a bf, etc...but within the past 6 months or so, i find myself wishing i had a bf, wishing i was out with a guy instead of a chick. i think about it all the time! im just to nervous to make the initial step toward it. im not scared or worried about coming out, but i think i just havent accepted it yet, im not sure. whenever i take care of business, i ALWAYS ALWAYS think of guys. guys get me SO much harder than women!! im still attracted to women, but guys get do it for me more and get me so much more turned on! but for some reason after i always cum when im with a guy or masturbating, i feel really guilty about it and start completely ignoring that side of things as if i shouldnt be thinking that. then once that wears off, im back to thinking about guys and dick constantly. im not homophobic in the slightest, just to clarify. i dont know if im just bi or gay but havent realized it yet as weird as that sounds. i know some people say dont put a label on it, but i just am confused and would like some advice if anyone has some. again, i really appreciate reading this and helping me out!
 
Welcome to JUB! :wave:

The good news is yeah, there's a word for you.
The bad news (for you, temporarily) is that that word is "gay". :)

I think women can be attractive. I know some women who I'd say are downright stunning. But it's guys that get me horny. Me likey the dicky, so I'm gay. You can shade it any way you'd like. "I'm gay but I still think women can be hot" or what have you. But since guys get you off, I'd say let's go with "gay".

So what's the next step? Acceptance. Just accept the fact that you're gay. Don't be scared of the label, or push it away, or look for a loophole. Just accept that you're gay, and once you do that, you can get on with the rest of your life. :)

Let us know if we can help you with that step. It's why we're here. Questions, comments, concerns, whatever.

Lex
 
thanks lex! i really appreciate you writing! now as far as accepting it, how do i get past my nerves/talking myself out of it although thats what im always thinking about? that part is driving me insaaaaaaaaane! lol
 
You're fortunate to be coming out at a time when dating a guy is an option.

There's no magic or mystery to it. Dating a guy is just like dating a girl- only in some ways it's a lot easier and a helluva lot less work.

The challenge is finding a guy who wants the same things that you want. Unfortunately, the dating pool for gay/bi guys is a little smaller than the pool of available women.

But don't make it more complicated than it is. Just get out there and do it.
 
If you want a boyfriend, get out there and land one.

There are so many guys who'd love to have the comfort and joy of sharing more than a quick fuck with another guy.
 
thanks guys! youre right, i just need to get out there and get over whatever it is holding me back...i think alot of times once you force yourself to do something that you want to do but are hesitant on, you usually always are glad that you did it...now besides when ill hit up gay bars, where can i meet guys?
 
chapindylan said:
thanks guys! youre right, i just need to get out there and get over whatever it is holding me back...i think alot of times once you force yourself to do something that you want to do but are hesitant on, you usually always are glad that you did it...now besides when ill hit up gay bars, where can i meet guys?
Click to expand...

Online personals and hookup sites are slowly replacing bars.

If you more interested in an LTR, then join a social organization that you have an interest in- there's gay running clubs (often called Front Runners), biking clubs, softball leagues, political organizations, gay churches...

And of course, the old standby- meeting people through your gay friends.
 
It seems like guys in the closet always say, "for some reason" they feel guilty afterwords. Really? You don't think maybe you just feel guilty because you live in a generally homophobic society/world and it's been ingrained in you since day one that gay=wrong? Stop feeling guilty and start embracing yourself.
 
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