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Extremely Furious And Angry HELP

Silvirain said:
I just found out that I'm going to Vegas with my mom on sunday. I asked her what all we were doing she said just walking around. I'm like can I go out at night and walk around by myself and she's like no. I'm like why and she said because it isn't safe. At this point I feel like I'm about to cry. So I said so I'm going to basically be like an accessory for you. And she's like yes. You'll be with me at all times. FYI I'm 20 and I have a curfew and I have to tell my parents where I'm going all the time. This is so unfair I don't feel like I'm living. How the hell do I get her to quit treating me like a 14 year old child.
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Its time to grow up and become a man.

One assumes you are still living at home. Do you have a job with income so you can support yourself? I would guess no. So what you have to do is get out there and find a job, even if its flipping burgers at your local fast food joint. Start earning money and find yourself a little apartment, a little studio or something. If you can't afford (or find) a place of your own, find a roommate and get into a place together. Your mom is never going to start treating you as an adult if you don't start behaving like one. #-o:rolleyes:
 
Get a job, move out. Or go to school and take out student loans even though "you don't want to". Sorry hon, life just works that way. He with the money gets to make the rules.
 
Grow some balls and be a man. If what you are saying is true, you need to get something straighten out with your mom. You are an adult. She shouldn't have that much control over what you can or can't do.
 
SL1986 said:
Grow some balls and be a man. If what you are saying is true, you need to get something straighten out with your mom. You are an adult. She shouldn't have that much control over what you can or can't do.
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She only has that control because he gives it to her. Somebody has to be in control of the kid's life, and if he wont do it he shouldn't complain that Mom has stepped in to keep things in order.
 
Wow and you're 20? Grow up man, say no, do what you want because you're an adult now. Get some independence.
 
Silvirain said:
How the hell do I get her to quit treating me like a 14 year old child.
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You stop behaving like one.

I don't know if you just didn't go through this phase, but there's usually a stage in a persons adolescence in which they hear what a parent says, thinks "fuck that", and does as they please. Usually parents see you fighting for your independence and ease off.

Do as you please. Go to Vegas and ditch the family, do what you want. You aren't a child.

Your mum will either see you're your own person and back off a bit, or if she's a control freak she might threaten to kick you out. If it's the latter, I think you'd be better off leaving anyway.
 
The bottom line, my friend, is that you already know all your options and the people that have weighed in are only speaking from their experience. No one knows your family dynamic better than you and none of us knows your family circumstance, ethnic background, cultural background, etc.

Some people are trapped until they are able to move. Some people are psychologically trapped. We don't know your emotional profile or what your ties are to your parents' home. We don't know if your mom is more afraid of being alone than you being alone but just isn't admitting it.

The only thing that is certain is that you are old enough to have a quiet one on one with your mom about growing up and the fact that one day you'll move away. "Hey, mom, let's practice that separation. I'll be back in ______ hours."

Nothing wrong with baby steps even if you are your age. It'd be nice to have a comfortable relationship with your parents for the rest of your life. It's ok to switch roles and parent a parent.

Good luck to you.
 
I have a hard time taking the original post seriously. I say he probably is lying about his age and really is only 14. Or he was just really bored when he posted that.
 
^I take each thread on this forum seriously and respond, if I have something to say, honestly and from the heart. If a response helps someone, great, but every response I write helps me make sense of my past and therefore is an exercise in venerability.
 
Seasoned said:
^I take each thread on this forum seriously and respond, if I have something to say, honestly and from the heart. If a response helps someone, great, but every response I write helps me make sense of my past and therefore is an exercise in venerability.
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I agree wholeheartedly. I think everyone has the right to be taken seriously, and I think it should generally be a first reaction to anyone. Assume that people are earnest; if you tell them they aren't, they tend to shut themselves off, to greater or lesser extent, because you, perhaps unintentionally, invalidate their thoughts, feelings, &c.. That's pretty powerful stuff. That's a matter of being, the very bottom, the very base element of what and who we are--our thoughts, emotions, &c. are extensions of that. Don't cut them off. Everyone has the right to his / her own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and so on. Everyone has the right to be.

And Seasoned is absolutely right: it not only bolsters others, but also refines oneself.

So, to the OP I say you're probably old enough to analyze the situation and come up with your options. Some of them have been mentioned above. Some options or outcomes aren't or won't be what you would prefer. Sometimes you have to bide your time and eat some figurative poopoo to be able to head in the direction you want. Is it worth it to you? It might be, or it might not. Sometimes it's not, and you can't wait, so you just have to bite the bullet. Either way, independence is very empowering. AND, you don't have to turn your world upside down to find it. You can find it in small ways like starting conversations, asking questions and getting answers, deciding what you want and what you will and won't give up to get it, or socking away money. The list goes on of course, and I'm sure you'll come up with some pretty cool ways yourself.

Also, a word of advice--and I could totally be skewed--but if you ever find yourself befallen an outcome or circumstance that wasn't your first choice, work hard, believe in yourself, your value, and your ability, and believe in tomorrow. "Tomorrow" isn't always the day after today--it's a concept: sometimes it's next week, or next month, &c.. And that can be a pill. Just don't despair.
 
Silvirain. Personally, I'd appreciate the free trip that's being provided for you.

I remember you posting about having just come out to your parents within the past couple of weeks. Take this opportunity to get away from the stress and the tension that's in your home and just enjoy the few days to get away and relax.

You've gotten good advice on here. I really like Seasoned's advice about talking about this independence, and something like he suggested, "Hey, mom, let's practice that separation. I'll be back in ______ hours." would be great! That being said, you've discussed your mom's thoughts/opinions/attitudes before.... respect the fact that she's taking you to Vegas.... Sin City isn't somewhere I'd expect her to take her son who's under the legal gambling age. Really, your options for "things to do" will be somewhat limited anyway. Have the "I'll be back in a few hours" conversation. But I would recommend doing this during the day the first time - there's far much less "Trouble" for you to get yourself into.

Also, assuming she'll be OK with this, don't disrespect the few extra inches she's giving you on the leash. If you say you're going to be back in 3 hours, be back in three hours. If you say you'll call when you get somewhere, do it. Don't give her reasons to not trust you. Yes, you're 20. Yes, you're an adult. Yes, she's your mother. Yes, she's funding the trip. If you can go to Vegas with them and respect the freedom they give you, it will be easier to get more later. Don't be an ass and run around Vegas without staying in touch with them the minute they let you go around the corner before they catch up with you.
 
Well, I'm with the 'stop whining' crowd. And not the negotiating crowd. Frankly, I'm sick to death of infantile passive aggressive negotiations that seem to define just about every spoiled kid I meet between the ages of 14 and 25 these days.

If you enjoy all the perqs of being a manchild or a pet around your parents' house then suck it up and do exactly what is being asked of you.

God knows, if you were my child, you'd be the last person I'd want to drag around with me while I was trying to enoy myself, but apparently your mother would like your company.

So give it to her. Unstintingly. And gladly.

And stop throwing a hissy tantrum every time it isn't just about you.

You want to go to Vegas and fuck around?

Fine.

Move out and use your own money to do it. Until then, just accept that you are owned by your parents.

And you will be until you can demonstrate that you are a mature and responsible adult.
 
It will all stop when you finally put on your big boy pants and stand up for your self. You need to grow up..sorry but you do.


Your are a adult of legal age and you can do/not do anything you want...
 
Honestly this is what happens to most people when they are still in their parents house at 20.

Sounds like it's time to move out.

If you can't afford your own place yet, find some other people to be roommates with.
 
rareboy said:
Well, I'm with the 'stop whining' crowd. And not the negotiating crowd. Frankly, I'm sick to death of infantile passive aggressive negotiations that seem to define just about every spoiled kid I meet between the ages of 14 and 25 these days.
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This is my point. Unfortunately we live in a passive/aggressive world. Lessons in assertiveness are difficult and take time and practice. The alternatives of acquiesce or defiance are examples of passive/aggressive behavior. Anyone coming here for help ought to be taken at their word and not held up as some example. People are at where they are at and if we weigh in here we ought to be thinking in terms of getting someone through the gate and across the street rather than to another country.

We crawl, then walk.

And this is my two cents for anyone reading this forum and for anyone coming here for help.
 
loki81 said:
I free trip to Vegas, even if you're stuck at your mom's side the entire time, sounds better to me than a week of sitting at home alone and jerking off.
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Not really. With mom at his side the entire time, he won't be able to jerk off in Las Vegas.
 
Sounds like you will not change her ways and it def sounds like you are not out to her. your best bet is too sneak out at night.
 
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