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Eye on turkish guy, unsure how to act.

A

Ally1980

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Hey there guys.

I currently have an eye on a turkish who works at a take away restaurant. But not sure about his feelings.

It started with me asking him how he was doing while he cooking my order. Then after a silence he started to ask me what i do, hobbies etc in a curious manner. This culminated in a good conversation.

I also told him that he cooks the order tastier than his colleagues, which I really meant. His reply was like: 'if it is not tasty, just tell me and I will make it tastier for you'.

He repeated this line when I complimented his skills the next visit. He also interrupted his colleague in order to take my order.
Till where i know, he does not behave like this with other customers.

Both times I went there quite dressed up, tight pants, button shirt and 3 of them open.

The thing is, is hinting at the fact that he likes me or does he perceive me like a nice guy to whom he can vent his heart out?

I really like him (he is very hot and sexy and friendly), but not sure how to act.
 
Do some fishing. For instance, pick a new restaurant nearby. Ask "Have you tried (place)?" If he says "Yes", ask how it was. If he liked it, say "Wow, that sounds good - maybe we can go there together sometime."

If he's never tried it, say "I've tried it, and it was really good. Maybe we can go there together sometime."

Either way, gauge his reaction. If he sort of demurs, then I wouldn't bother pursuing it. If he sounds interested, pick a day and time.

Lex
 
"When do you finish your shift?" "Care to grab a pint afterwards?"
 
Thanks for the reply guys.

Its a start, but the thing is I still live with my parents and I dont want them to know all this (I am not out). My parents are quite controlling about where i go, with whom etc. So this isnt gonna work. Plus the guy told me that he works fulltime (the whole week!) and lives on quite a distance. So the going out way is hard to realize.

What i forgot to mention is that i do know his name and googled him and added him as a friend on a profile network website. Lets see how he reacts on that!
 
You're already making excuses for why it won't work.

You haven't anything to lose.

Your parents will have to acclimate to your freedom - and you have to start slowly. If you don't go out often, start. Even if it for just a couple hours, get out of the house.

Then, start by staying out later, and more often. Soon, it won't be a worry to them.
 
The answer will depend on a few things- whether he's a native-born Turk, where in Turkey he is from or whether he's a Turk born in a western country.

Turks, in general, are homophobic. There are some of the younger, better educated Turks who are more open-minded. But even though the younger Turks are more tolerant, it's still much like the US and UK in the 1950s- lots of misinformation and stereotypes.

Be careful. Don't be too forward. You can learn a few greetings in Turkish but don't get your hopes up- even if he is gay, he probably is not out at the restaurant and he will probably not be comfortable having too personal of a conversation in the workplace.
 
@looseliam: They may be excuses, but still they have an impact. Consequences of spilling the beans to my parents are big.

@Karabulut: You are so right. I didnt even think about that part! I will have to build it up slowly. Lets see what he thinks of me on adding him as a friend on that website. From there on I can see what to do.
 
Do you guys think it is wise to ask him his phone number and/or email or give him my card?
 
Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying come out to them. Just start stretching the boundaries so you can spread your wings.
 
@looseliam: ow ok, that way!

@: I am 20 and the guy is 22.
 
Big development!

The turkish guy accepted my friend invitation on the social network website!!!
 
Today I went there again, and he mentioned me adding him on the network website.

He said he remembered me and that he added me. He also said that he has a lot girls in his friends list which I can add if I want to.

He also said something which is significant, that he normally does not add guys to his friends list but that he did make an exception, by adding me.

He also confirmed my name. He also asked how my weekend was, mentioning that he himself was very busy with work (he rather had fun in the sun). I mentioned that I studied the whole weekend. On which he said, keep strong, when you will get a good job in the next 5 years you will be happy you studied hard.

Still he is very friendly to me. It didnt notice me (yet) if he called me brother or something sort like it.
 
The fact that he mentioned all the girls is a clue. And the fact that he mentioned that he doesn't usually add guys is a clue.

Unfortunately, it's not the clue you're looking for. :(

He did probably call you brother. The word "abi" is turkish for "brother" and it's used familiarly in the same way that "bro" or "dude" would be used in english. It's also used by younger men toward older men similar to the way we say "sir" (the proper, more formal word is "efendim").
 
KaraBulut said:
The fact that he mentioned all the girls is a clue. And the fact that he mentioned that he doesn't usually add guys is a clue.

Unfortunately, it's not the clue you're looking for. :(
Click to expand...

Agreed. Seems pretty clear that if he is interested in anything, it is *gasp* friendship. I know it is a novel concept for many gay men, but a man can be interested in spending time with another man in a strictly platonic way.
 
KaraBulut said:
The fact that he mentioned all the girls is a clue. And the fact that he mentioned that he doesn't usually add guys is a clue.

Unfortunately, it's not the clue you're looking for. :(

He did probably call you brother. The word "abi" is turkish for "brother" and it's used familiarly in the same way that "bro" or "dude" would be used in english. It's also used by younger men toward older men similar to the way we say "sir" (the proper, more formal word is "efendim").
Click to expand...

Fire said:
Agreed. Seems pretty clear that if he is interested in anything, it is *gasp* friendship. I know it is a novel concept for many gay men, but a man can be interested in spending time with another man in a strictly platonic way.
Click to expand...

I take this to mean the complete opposite--that he's more comfortable around women, and not so much around straight men.

I mean, if he was hot for all these ladies, why would he want to share them?

No, the ladies are the friends, and he has the hots for the OP.
 
Both scenarios are possible...

Or he feels uncomfortable with men and therefore has a lot of women as friends on the website. And thus...might be interested in the OP as more as a friend.

Or...he has a lot of female friends on the site as he likes to flirt with them. That means he wants the OP as just a friend. That's perfectly alright of course. You can't have too many friends, Ally. As your parents seem quite controlling, it might be good to have a good friend at a place where you eat. Parents not knowing anything about it and still sort of going somewhere with a friend...sort of.

It would help to know what kind of profile network site. Ally, could you share what kind of website it is?


There's of course always the possibility that he's bi.

But we'll leave that to the OP to find out. Just don't push it, Ally. Take it slowly and just enjoy your talks with him.
 
Hey, you made a new friend. Take it from there.
 
Glenn2507 said:
Both scenarios are possible...



It would help to know what kind of profile network site. Ally, could you share what kind of website it is?
Click to expand...
Anything's possible. I shoot for probable. So I think he's probably gay.



I'm guessing the site is Bebo.
 
Ally, enjoy his friendship. Get to know him better by planning activities for you guys to do outside of work (activities other than sex). Be his activity buddy. If he accepts your invitation to a movie, cycling, tennis, bowling, frisbee, a game of pool, etc., then ask for his phone number so you two can call each other (in case you're running late). It's like dating before sex.
 
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