F*ck! I can't come out to my roomate!

[Eternaldarkness]

I am pretty sure my roomate is a gay, or atleast, he's not ready to come out to me yet... but he is definately.

I've been meaning to come out to him or have him come out to me, so we can be more comfortable with each other..but I don't know how to start.

Today we both stayed home from work and I decided to take this opportunity to do so, but I don't dare to be direct with him. I went through the whole... "how come you don't have a girlfriend.." thing...and all he reply was "single is better."

When he's hiding his sexuality from me and I'm hiding from him, things get a bit complicated. Obviously we both likes guys and cocks but... I cannot just go on straight ahead and tell him.


Any advice on how to start if you are in my situation.

 

[leNate]

Hm, perhaps "how come you don't have a girlfriend?" was not the best way to go about things. Instead of trying to get him to come out through conversation, or waiting for him to come out to you, why don't you just come out to him?

How are you so sure that he is gay? I only ask because if he is gay, then just come out to him. What is the worse that could happen? It will most probably be a load off of both of your shoulders.

Just tell him.

 

[Jeimuzu]

You can't really build up to it, in my opinion. When I'm telling someone, I'll be talking, and I'll just lead up to it with "Y'know, I've got something to say, but it's tough... I'm gay."

If you tell him, maybe he'll get the courage to tell you back, and then all will be better, I'd think.

 

[Fiorino]

I think you should just tell him you maybe surprised that he had the same thoughts about you, whats to lose. Forget the remark about sex, we arent talking jumping each other here, we are talking about revealing who we are so we can get on with our lives and not have to hide, especially in tight quaters like sharing a room. Go for it.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Your sex life is none of his business. And his sex life is none of your business. So just move along. Nothing to see here.

It depends. I've had roommates that I hardly ever saw. And in that case, sure, nothing to see. But I've had others where we'd hang out a lot. In those cases, I think mentioning sexuality would be in order.

You can either tell him directly ("I'm gay - did you know that?"), or obliquely ("I was at this gay porn site today..."). Or not tell him at all. Your choice.

Lex

 

[tpeezy101]

Wow, the same thing kinda happened to me last year, my first year of College. My roommate, Iknew was gay from the getgo. But I was too afraid to ask in case he was str8 and became offended. We didn't talk much, but we didn't not like each other.

But one weekend he brought a guy over. A guy who was a significant other at the time. Of course I immediately assumed what it was but I said nothing. A few minutes later my roommate took me out the door and asked me if I was oke with his friend being there. I said "are you guys like....together?" He was like "something like that" I was like "yea I'm fine with it, I'm the same way." He smiled, and that was basically it. After that I started hanging out with him and his friends. It was a great first year of college.

So I say, just be bold, bring someone over and mention if he's comfortable with it or not. That way you won't be accusing him of anything, but letting him know about you at the same time.

 

[luminum]

The shortest path between two points is a straight line. Likewise, the quickest way between two closeted gay guys is a gay line. Just be direct. If he's gay, why would you care?

 

[WYSIWYG]

Just because both of you are (potentially) 'gay' does not mean your going to jump each others bones! Try being yourself, if your with him a lot work, just talk to him, and talk about what you like, things you do....if he is gay also, maybe something you say will click with him.

All suggestions on this post are good. Take your pick!

 

[rareboy]

Jeez. What would be the problem with telling him you're gay? At least it is off your chest.

 

[drhladnjak]

If you feel the need to tell him (which it sounds like you do), just do it. You honestly can't expect him to come out to you when you won't even do the same to him.

 

[Eternaldarkness]

hehehe, thank you for all your advice.

I have tried my best to give him hints, but he does not know it! this guy is either playing dumb or is infact really clueless.

I decided to be direct, but for some odd reasons I cannot. I have never done this before so words can be hard to put together.

I can sense that he thinks of me as "just another straight guy" who will not understand. His actions clearly tells me about that. He avoids talking to me for the fear of revealing himself or something. If he sits on the sofa and I go up to sit near him (we have 2) he will make up and excuse to go away from me (like go outside for a smoke.)

I ask whether or not he would like to watch a movie and he said he doesn't watch movies. I ask if he would like to play a game and he said he deos not play games. I ask you want to do something (on his days off) and he said he have to go work or go to the bank.. When I try to joke and make him laugh, he won't... just stare at me with those two eyes like I am crazy.

I mean, I understand that he must have grew up being the only gay person in his town...so male to male bonding is hard for him, especially to truly bond with a straight male..but honestly, I try to hint to him that I am not really straight but he doesn't gets it.

I am clearly not acting being straight, but to all others I am very straight. I have very less to none gay tendencies, as someone had told me.

Whenever he talks on his cellphone, he goes outside and away from me as If i'll spy on him.

He is so discreet about his sexuality. He acts as if I'm going to kick him out or kill him if I know he's gay.

He is staying at my place for several months to half a year because of personal things but it is almost like he doesn't want to ever open up to me or even become my friend.

I really want to open up to him and just say "hey, you know what..you can stop pretending and hide about anything because I am truly fine with it." but It is so hard to even say that when he's avoiding me every single second.

I really want to say : "are you gay? you don't have to lie to me because I understand. It is fine, I am too" but I don't have the gut to do that.

 

[Jory]

You should not make him come out to you. It you that should come out to him look it very simple one day you just say;
"Hey Dave (Made up name) I need to tell you something. Now I don't know how you are going to take this but I have to be honest with you. I am gay" see so simple and it could open him open him up that or you can bay buy a bunch of gay magazines for him to find

 

[PickYrPoisn]

I am pretty sure my roomate is a gay, or atleast, he's not ready to come out to me yet... but he is definately.

I've been meaning to come out to him or have him come out to me, so we can be more comfortable with each other..but I don't know how to start.

Today we both stayed home from work and I decided to take this opportunity to do so, but I don't dare to be direct with him. I went through the whole... "how come you don't have a girlfriend.." thing...and all he reply was "single is better."

When he's hiding his sexuality from me and I'm hiding from him, things get a bit complicated. Obviously we both likes guys and cocks but... I cannot just go on straight ahead and tell him.


Any advice on how to start if you are in my situation.

Simply mention offhandedly that you are a really good Friend of Dorothy...

 

[RicanDAB]

You can't ask someone about their sexual orientation if you have not been up front with your own - plain and simple.

I have always hated the "I'm gay" speeches because it seems so melodramatic. I have found since coming out that causal no-big-deal inferences give a more subtle yet direct message -- such as "I dated a guy once that used to live there", or "My BF loves to go to the movies".

Read a gay magazine in his presence without saying anything (not porn, something like Out or The Advocate), he'll get the message! I may be wrong, but it sounds to me like once he finds out you're gay too, he'll perhaps confide in you more.

 

[ilikefastcars]

He's in the closet, you need to respect that. The way I see it is that he is your roommate, nothing more. Even though you both share the same sexual orientation, I think it is irrelevant.

 

[bimmrboy]

it is relevant though

it sounds like life would be a lot easier if you both were on the same page.

I agree with others though, you can't expect him to tell you if you hide it from him as well.

Just bite the bullet and tell him, I mean, what's the worst thing that can happen? You're embarrased for a second and then greatly relieved for a long time.....

 

[herenthere]

In my opinion, it is not a good idea to try and force him to come out to you.

Your gay, there is nothing wrong with that...be proud...

Just say since we are now roomates, I wanted to share with you that I'm gay..tell him you will respect his privacy and not flaunt it.
If he is gay, and interested it gives him an easy open opportunity to come out also, if not...move on...

When you say thing like "why don't you have a girlfriend" it makes him feel defensive...

Just my thoughts...

 

[luminum]

So in the end, you want him to be braver than you, huh?

Look, if he's so paranoid because he thinks you're just a straight guy and you're not ready to admit that you're gay to him, then why not just say something that assures him that you have no problem with gay people. Put up an LGBT group flyer on your fridge or stick a rainbow sticker on your door or something. That way, he'll know that even if you're straight, he has nothing to worry about from you.

 

[drhladnjak]

Just because he's avoiding you doesn't mean he's gay or that being gay has anything to do with his avoidance of you. Maybe he just doesn't like you or is generally anti-social. So go ahead and tell him about your sexuality, but don't expect anything to change and for him to instantly become a friend.