Fallen For A Straight Guy

[ArmorFallingDown]

Hi you all, I'm a new member. This website has been a part of me for a while now,and I have noticed how cool you guys treat each other so I decided to FINALLY start talking about my own problem.

I'm 18 and I just graduated from a hell hole called high school (yay!). First off, let me say that I am sort of a and I'm a closeted bisexual. It's really complicated because for the longest time, I did not like people at all due to some verbal (rarely physical) harassment at school. I had decided that love wasn't in my future and that there was more to life than love/sex/blah blah. But now I am beginning to see the beauty in people as I am opening up more. This is helping me to love people in general and romantically.

Anywhoozer, I have known/ been friends with a certain guy since 7th grade. He's straight, athletic, VERY well liked, and really smart. But before his braces came off, before he dressed nicely, before he became "cool," I had always been really, REALLY attracted and attached to the guy. What started off as an innocent friendship, soon became an intense unrequited love type of ordeal. I don't know how to get over him.

He is straight and works really hard to prove his manliness to his other friends. He has embarrassed me in front of peers before, had parties without inviting me, and simply shown a lack of concern for me. I've helped him with school work since Freshmen year and even spent hours helping him and his other friends with their college entrance essays. I hate myself whenever I agree to do a deed for him, but I do it anyway, hoping that he'll love me, in some way, afterwards. As he is moving to a neighbouring state for college, he will not need me anymore and will have no reason to communicate with me.

Furthermore, whenever we're together, there's an unspoken discomfort in the air. I feel as if he feels really uneasy near me. I once thought it was my nagging or negativity (in high school I was president of a lot of clubs and I needed to release sometimes), so I began to only speak to him when I was cheery. No difference in the uneasiness felt.

Maybe the seemingly sudden lack of genuine fondness for eachother was because we were two very different people who met as kids and hit it off then. Now he's an well-liked, party-going, athlete and I'm an anti-social, coffee-house going, genius (lol ).

TO MY POINT! He's proven to me that our relationship is one that he values, just not very much. And while I love him as my friend, I LOVE him romantically even more, all the while, I kind of despise him for the way he's treated me. I don't know how to survive. He's the first person I ever loved and, because of that, I feel sort of attached to him. I love him for all that he was when we were kids, but I lack respect for him for who he is now.

I base how he treats me on how he treats other people (who he has known a lot less time than me) in person, via FaceBook,... And let me make it clear that I know I'm stupid for feeling this way. I know it's stupid to base relationships off of other relationships. But I can help it. I've struggled with this for YEARS. I've cried and even prayed for his love (which shows how emotionally unstable I once was.). My heart wants him so bad...

Thank you so much for reading if you've made it thus far, I'm long winded.

 

[bankside]

Welcome aboard.

Your heart wants him to be a kinder better person, and then it wants you to maybe date that person. But he tells you who he truly is by his actions. Believe what he tells you.

You can continue to be kind to him. Maybe one day your example will make him remember his better potential.

But let your heart listen for others than just him.

 

[looseliam]

He values your relationship/friendship because you don't say "no."

He sounds like an opportunistic user. He will continue to use you so long as you stay in his life.

For your health, I would recommend breaking-ties with him. It will be difficult for a bit, but it will get better.

Best of luck, and welcome to JUB!

 

[altlover85]

Take his moving to another state as a sign that you need to move on with your life.

If you're going to college this fall, get out there and meet people. College tends to be liberating and ideally you'll meet people from different backgrounds who might be able to help you grow as a person and vice versa.

Good luck and welcome to JUB!

 

[ArmorFallingDown]

Thank you guys for the warm welcoming!!!! I was actually scared to see the comments because I assumed everyone would deride me for my foolish adoration for this guy. Thanks for understanding. It's hard for me.

I think a major part of the whole fiasco is that I NEVER had a friend before him. I've always been very private. I'm the impersonal type. I've actually had a teacher tell me that I come off as "aloof." I don't want to be cold and distant, but loving this guy.. and seeing how he treats me makes me want to shut everyone else off. I am almost positive that the issues lie deeper than I know, but I truly feel that I love myself for the most part. But he's just got me in his hold...

FACEBOOK has become a big problem because I check his all of the time. What can I do about that? I don't want to delete my FB because I'm about to start college and FB in a major way of contacting ppl on campus.

 

[ArmorFallingDown]

Take his moving to another state as a sign that you need to move on with your life.

If you're going to college this fall, get out there and meet people. College tends to be liberating and ideally you'll meet people from different backgrounds who might be able to help you grow as a person and vice versa.

Good luck and welcome to JUB!

I was typing while you were. lol. I never thought about it that way though (I don't know why lol ). I am going to college and hopefully the old saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder" doesn't apply to one-sided love.

 

[altlover85]

I was typing while you were. lol. I never thought about it that way though (I don't know why lol ). I am going to college and hopefully the old saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder" doesn't apply to one-sided love.

I'm not an expert on one-sided love, but I'm pretty sure distance will lessen any feelings that you have for this guy for the simple fact that you aren't getting those same types of feelings back from him.

As far as Facebook, you could hide his posts.

 

[Seasoned]

Welcome. You are suffering from an addiction and it can be serious because your self esteem is at stake. On some level he knew this and took advantage of you. At the very least you need the self-help section at your local bookstore and look at books related to love addicts. As far as Facebook is concerned you need to think about him AFTER you were with him rather than the anticipation you had leading up to being with him.

If neither of these things work seek some professional therapy. You may be on your way towards being attracted only to unobtainable guys. I don't mean to scare you, but you've sadly been programmed to accept something that is unhealthy for you.

There may have been some kind of unhealthy payoff, like thinking that's all you deserved, or there may have been some magical thinking that one more meeting or favor would make him love you.

I'm old enough to be your grandpa and I want you mentally and emotionally healthy for all the great possibilities that are ahead of you. I don't mind if you PM me everytime you get the urge to spy on him on Facebook. I want you to stop hurting yourself, ok?

 

[ArmorFallingDown]

Welcome. You are suffering from an addiction and it can be serious because your self esteem is at stake. On some level he knew this and took advantage of you. At the very least you need the self-help section at your local bookstore and look at books related to love addicts. As far as Facebook is concerned you need to think about him AFTER you were with him rather than the anticipation you had leading up to being with him.

If neither of these things work seek some professional therapy. You may be on your way towards being attracted only to unobtainable guys. I don't mean to scare you, but you've sadly been programmed to accept something that is unhealthy for you.

There may have been some kind of unhealthy payoff, like thinking that's all you deserved, or there may have been some magical thinking that one more meeting or favor would make him love you.

I'm old enough to be your grandpa and I want you mentally and emotionally healthy for all the great possibilities that are ahead of you. I don't mind if you PM me everytime you get the urge to spy on him on Facebook. I want you to stop hurting yourself, ok?

Wow. You made me sound sick.... I really needed that wake up call. I think I may need to spend more time with myself. Get to know know and truly love me. I (just this second) realized that everything I have done since meeting him has been in accordance to my feeling for him. I thought my music and art has been mine, but it's been him. My songs have been about my love/contempt/ambivalence for him. My art has been moody and dark b/c of him. I chose my classes last year based on
his schedule. His going out of state is going to be the best thing that's ever happened to me! It truly was/is an obsession! I never articulated my issues the way that you have. Thank you so much. I can honestly say that joining this website was my first foot on the road to recovery.