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Falling for a Married Man

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Paradigm

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I'm 50 years old, I am not supposed to be doing this.

So on vacation a while back I hooked up with this guy. He's handicapped and in a wheelchair (which has only barely slowed the guy down sexually). We hooked up twice. Second time I found out he was married to another guy, but they had an open relationship. So this last time I was out there, He contacted me and wanted to know if I wanted to go to dinner with him and his husband. Which I did, and had a grand old time. Supposedly There was something odd about when we left, though, like I didn't do something I was supposed to. Apparently it's a wide open relationship, both have (or had, the guy in question just broke up with his) boyfriends. They have a separate house just for sex parties.

Anyways, yesterday the guy in question contacted me again to hook up. I've totally fallen for the guy, sexy southern accent, just the right build, playful attitude. We had sex, and lied there talking for a good 1/2 hour or more. Suddenly, he went all cold, I took the hint it was time to leave, and he said nothing as he escorted me to the door. I don't know if he was just making small talk and I totally misread the situation, if I said something wrong, or if there was something going on with him and the husband. I texted him later, asked him if everything was OK, and just got back a terse everything's fine.

All the ride home and last night and today I have been thinking about this, and realize that maybe I fell for the guy, and he only sees it as sex. I don't know, I don't know whether I should send him another message or just drop it and forget about him, or what.

Sorry, no need to really answer. I am just venting. But this is not the sort of things I can share among my friends up here. So you guys get to hear about it.
 
If they have an open relationship then it will just be about sex with other guys.
If they felt that you were becoming emotionally involved then that will be a no no
 
Open relationship isn't just one thing, so emotional involvement isn't necessarily taboo. I have a friend who is polyamorous and he is married and I think still seeing everyone he did when he wasn't married, but I'm guessing that, as I don't live around him and would not ask about his private business.

What strikes me is that you lay in a bed with a man, more than twice, but did not feel comfortable talking to him. You mention him going cold, but never apparently considered just asking him "what is it? What's wrong?"

You talk about falling for him, but that implies being in a relationship. How can anyone be in a relationship and prefer to text words electronically rather than deal with a physical human being face to face? When did that become acceptable?

I recently let a friend go because he would not speak by phone and we live hundreds of miles apart. I have no interest in a texted friend. It is only a supplement, not a substitute for real communication.
 
The idea of an open relationship makes me uncomfortable. I can't picture myself in one and I can't imagine how I could make it work.
In your story I'm surprised that they invited you to have dinner with both of them. Obviously there was something expected there...
 
It sounds to me like there is definitely a piece to this puzzle that you're missing. Whether it's being kept from you or right in front of you and you just can't see it, either way there's something missing here. I would just call the guy up and ask him what's up.
 
Paradigm said:
I'm 50 years old, I am not supposed to be doing this.

So on vacation a while back I hooked up with this guy. He's handicapped and in a wheelchair (which has only barely slowed the guy down sexually). We hooked up twice. Second time I found out he was married to another guy, but they had an open relationship. So this last time I was out there, He contacted me and wanted to know if I wanted to go to dinner with him and his husband. Which I did, and had a grand old time. Supposedly There was something odd about when we left, though, like I didn't do something I was supposed to. Apparently it's a wide open relationship, both have (or had, the guy in question just broke up with his) boyfriends. They have a separate house just for sex parties.
Click to expand...

Do you think they were expecting a threesome, or for you to hook up with his partner?

Paradigm said:
Anyways, yesterday the guy in question contacted me again to hook up. I've totally fallen for the guy, sexy southern accent, just the right build, playful attitude. We had sex, and lied there talking for a good 1/2 hour or more. Suddenly, he went all cold, I took the hint it was time to leave, and he said nothing as he escorted me to the door. I don't know if he was just making small talk and I totally misread the situation, if I said something wrong, or if there was something going on with him and the husband. I texted him later, asked him if everything was OK, and just got back a terse everything's fine.

All the ride home and last night and today I have been thinking about this, and realize that maybe I fell for the guy, and he only sees it as sex. I don't know, I don't know whether I should send him another message or just drop it and forget about him, or what.

Sorry, no need to really answer. I am just venting. But this is not the sort of things I can share among my friends up here. So you guys get to hear about it.
Click to expand...

What were you talking about? Did you express your feelings to him or say something negative about his partner? It seems likely that something was said or done that scared him. IDK. I wouldn't be too quick to write him off as a friend, but that's only if you can control your feelings for him because I think you know there's no future with him.

Let him be the next to reach out to you, otherwise only text him again if you are planning a trip in the area again...see what his response is.
 
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