Falling for straight guys

[xboxfan34]

Also it's a sign I need to stop being a fucking pussy and set up my Growlr profile.

 

[Spensed]

I don't agree in the slightest - people are attracted to different people for different reasons. I find myself totally in the same boat as the OP and it is frustrating. I am in no way homophobic or suffering from closet syndrome.

It just so happens that there are a lot of straight guys I come across in my daily life that are pretty godamned perfect. Maybe it is to do with them not having as many hang-ups or baggage like someone here mentioned or simply that straight guys are more attractive because they tend (in general) to exude a more masculine persona.

I also don't think it's to do with not spending enough time with other gay guys - I've done that a lot recently and, in this city, it's crap.

I don't think anyone's suggesting that you should change what you're doing, if it works for you.

For some people, spending time on one sided gay-straight "friendships" is a way of avoiding same sex intimacy and that can be rooted in homophobia or ignorance about sexual attraction between men. I'm not saying gay-straight friendships aren't valuable. They are as good as any other friendship, if the friends get as much from the relationship as each other. But I think we're talking about the situation where the gay guy is sexually attracted to the straight and that can be painful and use up a lot of time and energy that could be better spent. As other people have indicated, the analogy is with straight women falling in love with gay men.

Chances are you'd be much happier with a masculine gay guy. And yes, there are one or two around.

 

[kallipolis]

I don't agree in the slightest - people are attracted to different people for different reasons. I find myself totally in the same boat as the OP and it is frustrating. I am in no way homophobic or suffering from closet syndrome.

It just so happens that there are a lot of straight guys I come across in my daily life that are pretty godamned perfect. Maybe it is to do with them not having as many hang-ups or baggage like someone here mentioned or simply that straight guys are more attractive because they tend (in general) to exude a more masculine persona.

I also don't think it's to do with not spending enough time with other gay guys - I've done that a lot recently and, in this city, it's crap.

This has been my experience over many years...further, I don't bother to psycho analyse my partners merely, enjoy the relationship...

Like you I do not harbour any internalised homophobia, or dislike of gay men for most of my close acquaintances are gay...including those who can easily be described as stereotypical......

 

[JustMe5]

I had an ex who was all about the straight boys... you had me, in his bed ready and willing to do whatever he wanted, and he'd express almost no interest. even when we'd go to the local gay bar together and other guys would try to flirt with him, no interest.

but you throw a tipsy straight boy in front of him and he'd be falling all over himself trying to flirt with them.

Maybe he's attracted to the natural masculinity of a straight man. I know it's taboo and politically incorrect to say this, but if we're being objective, some gay men just look masculine but have certain traits that aren't exactly masculine.

 

[JustMe5]

I don't agree in the slightest - people are attracted to different people for different reasons. I find myself totally in the same boat as the OP and it is frustrating. I am in no way homophobic or suffering from closet syndrome.

It just so happens that there are a lot of straight guys I come across in my daily life that are pretty godamned perfect. Maybe it is to do with them not having as many hang-ups or baggage like someone here mentioned or simply that straight guys are more attractive because they tend (in general) to exude a more masculine persona.

I also don't think it's to do with not spending enough time with other gay guys - I've done that a lot recently and, in this city, it's crap.

It's perfectly natural to be attracted to straight guys. By its very definition, being gay means being attracted to men. Now if a gay man thinks that an attraction to a specific straight guy is going to lead to a relationship, then of course that's a problem. But otherwise, nothing wrong with lusting after hot straight men.

 

[Spensed]

^ Nothing wrong with it and, obviously, a number of porn sites play into it. But there's nothing wrong in circling around in a dead end either.

If one has a happy life as a gay man and a happy sex life, whether in a monogamous relationship or whatever, then enjoying porn focused on straight men is enjoyable and I don't think matters one way or the other.

If one reverses that and just goes with one's attraction to straight men, because even masculine gay men aren't masculine enough (whatever that means), then I think one's just limiting oneself in these sense of how one may fulfil that attraction outside the porn area.

Real gay guys just don't meet one's expectations and, neither, of course, do real straight guys. Again, nothing wrong with that as such, but I just think that, with not that much effort, there are better and ultimately more fulfilling choices, unless one wants to make a fetish out of unavailability. Just my opinion, of course.

 

[Appleman34]

What I've noticed with the straight and gay men in my area is that straight guys are more "put together" and well-rounded than gay guys. Gay guys usually come from a childhood of depression (Not all the time, but again, I'm just going off of the gay guys that I know). By the time they're an adult, they're usually still in that funk, have no confidence, little ambition, and are soft-spoken introverts. That, or they retaliate by going over the top with embracing who they are and become egotistical assholes who need to be heard and seen. Kinda like "I let society push me down once, but they won't do it again!"

I'm sure older gay men eventually grow out of it, but I'm in college, and I see one or the other type of gays -- the not-so-sure-of-himself gay or the obsessed-with-himself gay. It's not their fault, they're figuring out who they are. Whereas straight men don't have to go through all of that drama and depression to figure out who they are. By the time they're, say, 21, they've got a pretty good idea. Gay men at 21, as I've said, are one or the other types.

I'm not even saying masculine men are better than feminine men -- I love feminine men! I just want to meet one with a bit more maturity and self-awareness. That's what I'm attracted to.

I don't want to seem like I'm speaking negatively about gay men, but a straight guy is bound to have more confidence than a gay guy in today's world. If you're a straight white man in America, you've hit the jockpot.

 

[bw92116]

Just remind yourself, "There's pussy juice on him."

 

[Spensed]

What I've noticed with the straight and gay men in my area is that straight guys are more "put together" and well-rounded than gay guys. Gay guys usually come from a childhood of depression (Not all the time, but again, I'm just going off of the gay guys that I know). By the time they're an adult, they're usually still in that funk, have no confidence, little ambition, and are soft-spoken introverts. That, or they retaliate by going over the top with embracing who they are and become egotistical assholes who need to be heard and seen. Kinda like "I let society push me down once, but they won't do it again!"

I'm sure older gay men eventually grow out of it, but I'm in college, and I see one or the other type of gays -- the not-so-sure-of-himself gay or the obsessed-with-himself gay. It's not their fault, they're figuring out who they are. Whereas straight men don't have to go through all of that drama and depression to figure out who they are. By the time they're, say, 21, they've got a pretty good idea. Gay men at 21, as I've said, are one or the other types.

I'm not even saying masculine men are better than feminine men -- I love feminine men! I just want to meet one with a bit more maturity and self-awareness. That's what I'm attracted to.

I don't want to seem like I'm speaking negatively about gay men, but a straight guy is bound to have more confidence than a gay guy in today's world. If you're a straight white man in America, you've hit the jockpot.

Well it sure sounds like you're "speaking negatively about gay men". It also sounds like you're projecting and then stereotyping. While I'm sure some gay guys fall into your classifications, a lot more don't. Many younger gay men and women over-compensate with ambition or with being too macho. Also there's no shortage of straight men and women who fall into your negative classifications.

The gay "characteristics" you outline don't seem to me to have much to do with sexual orientation. For every depressed gay, you'll find an equally depressed straight focused on some other issue.

Sure straight white men have one advantage in that they don't have to struggle with their sexual orientation in the same way as gay guys, but, to say the obvious, many struggle with intimacy and relationships with the opposite sex or whatever.

Hypothetically, even if straight men, as group, were more "put together" and "well-rounded" than gay men that doesn't justify spinning wheels in fulfilled gay-straight one-sided sexual attractions, unless one just can't get past that (and sooner or later I would guess that most gay men do).

 

[TX-Beau]

There are two different issues here, one - the simple one, is that gay guys like hot guys. It doesn't matter if they are gay or straight, hot guys are hot guys. Usually though, if this is simply the case, you sigh big and go chase a gay guy.

Then there is fetishistic "straight" chasing, where you ignore gay men, and obsess on straight ones. That is a mental issue.