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Falling in love with my FWB

D

dormguy

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Let me start by saying I now know why having a FWB is a stupid and terrible idea. The rule to follow when having one is not to fall in love, right? And that's hard to follow.

Here's what's going on:

He was my first. I mean, I've been with guy's before, but never went all the way. So the sex is great. But it's so much more than that. We have a lot in common. He's cute and smart and we can carry on good conversations and get along so well. We're friends and everything, but now I am starting to fall in love with him.

Maybe it's just because I have never been this close to another guy before and I've just never had these feelings before. I am only out to him, but I care so much for him I would have no qualms about coming out to everyone if he and I could be a couple. That would honestly make me the happiest.

But I have no idea what to say to him and how to say it. If I tell him I like him, I'm afraid I will come off as being too clingy and freak him out. I don't know if he feels the same way, but I am so scared of risking telling him and then losing him. If I lost him, it would be devastating. Honestly, he means that much to me, and I have never felt this way about anyone yet. I don't know how I would cope with it.

I'm already afraid that I'm freaking him out and being too clingy, but I just don't know what to do. I text him, and he won't text back for days. I only see him on the weekends now, because he's in grad school and I'm still an undergrad, so we go to two different schools. Sometimes I get the feeling he's bored with me or something when we're together, but maybe I'm just being paranoid. How can you stop yourself from seeming clingy when you feel this way about someone? I am just so stressed about it.

So...any advice? Anyone been in a similar position?
 
Not everyone is equipped to handle no strings sex. You've gotten signs that you're one outlet for him, but each time brings you closer to him. This set up is not working for you as you would rather have the angst and uncertainty than nothing at all. This won't change for you until the pain of not having enough is greater than the fear of losing him.

It's time to be getting what you're willing to give. Why not start to look for that?
 
its a misconception that one is NEVER EVER supposed to fall in love with FWBs. my most beautiful and successful relationship to date started as a one night stand, that became a FWB arrangement, that became a romantic relationship (and in case youre wondering, no, were not together anymore, but thats because we now live in different countries for professional reasons, and we decided to not do the long distance thing.)

if you start having feelings for your fuckbuddy, and you want the relationship to become romantic, you risk being rejected. just like with everybody else.

i think your situation is a little more difficult because youre only out to him. thats not a healthy spot to be in. the stakes are ridiculously high for you. i dont want to scare you, but that kind of pressure almost certainly leads to disaster. no matter where this goes, you will keep putting yourself in impossible situations until you make a change.

in case i wasnt clear enough: you should come out.
good luck!
 
Start coming out to others. Then you will be free to date other guys. Your attention will be focused on other fish in the sea...who will treat you better.

He does not text you back for days. It is obvious you are not his priority in this relationship. Even my regular friends text me back in 24 hrs.

Find yourself and start dating other guys. Don't be a doormat.
 
Any healthy romantic relationship must have mutual reciprocation of affection. When you don't have that, you need to move on.
 
It is normal to be able to like people. It is not normal to deny feelings for someone you like. This is a major flaw, not with you, but with the whole idea of "no strings attached." People have strings attached.
 
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