Falling in love with straight guy

[Lalada]

Looks like you're going to have to bait him into seducing you. Something that will have to be talked about, forcing the conversation with a one-up on your part.

 

[jude swings]

dude it's called a bromance. best buds always hug up on each other and text and tweet and stuff.

 

[UWSMike]

Since I seem to be the resident sage here

Here's what you need to ask yourself Matthew and really be as honest as possible.

Imagine this situation in your mind: You and your friend are out one night. He tells you that he's broken up with his girlfriend because he's realized he's in love with someone else.

Who? you ask

You.

He leans over and kisses you, you confess you're madly in love with him too and you guys have a night of wild passionate sex, making up for lost time.

But the thing is the next morning you can't just go back to being buddies. He's your boyfriend now and you've got a very intense, very close love relationship with another man on your hands - you guys have been inseparable for years and now you've added sex to the repertoire. But you're in love. Deeply and truly in love.

Because that is what is going to happen if you guys sleep together. He's clearly got as much of a thing for you as you have for him, even if neither of you ever admits to it.

So the question you need to answer Matthew is "can you handle that?"

Can you handle waking up the next morning and being a gay man with a serious boyfriend, quite likely a lifelong partner. Can you handle telling your family and your other friends that you and X are now boyfriends and that he's moving in with you.

If you can, then you've got to go for it. If you can't, then you've got to let him go, move to Australia or London and get on with your life and let him get on with his.

PS: THe homophobia is because he's 100% afraid that you and him come off like that and he's trying to convince himself otherwise.

Reading through the thread, I think, UWSMike nailed it!!! That's precisely the situation I'm going through. I really felt jealous of his girlfriend and I'm just controlling myself...she's a very nice girl, not bitchy, very pleasing personality, I can't complain. But I can't stand whenever my friend talks about her! Before I even wrote to this forum, I already spoke to my friend...told him that I'm leaving, that I'm going somewhere else, looking for new job somewhere maybe in back in England, or Australia, or maybe the USA. He asked me why...I simply told him "My job here is done"...(since he got a gf already, I felt like I'm not needed anymore)....guess what, he asked "Are you leaving because I've a girl friend?"...I spoke as a matter of fact, and said, "Yes." and still I mentioned all sorts of crap to him. He said that he feels disappointed that I feel that way and that "It's all in your head." Well..several months later, I'm still around, haven't really moved on to a different place. Although I seriously think moving to a different geographical location would be helpful.

OK, I really think my best friend is straight, not BI--as he's really a bit homophobic, you know. He doesn't like gay people too much, he makes some jokes about them. One time we went to a party...and we arrived earlier than most guests, then, came in two guys. He whispered to me that he thinks they're gay. I asked him..."What made you think that?"...he said that they look like a couple. I'm like..."Well, the two of us arrive together in parties all the time...I hope people don't think that we're a couple"...and he says..."Well, we don't act that way".

 

[PeopleYouKnow]

Phillyurban definitely has the right idea

 

[moviefan]

Any news on this? I would like to know whats happening between you two.

 

[matthew33]

This forum is really helping me a lot...I have never revealed this to any of my friends that I have such feelings for my buddy and somehow releasing my thoughts in here is really worthwhile. Appears that I happen to hear from people who have come across similar scenarios and all of a sudden I got virtual friends...I really appreciate it much.

Well, thanks again for the posts, sorry I just had the chance to check now, I went on business trip and came back, very busy with work, but now it's long weekend.

@jude swings: I liked the term that you mentioned "bromance", googled it a bit and quite an interesting concept...and I think that is precisely what is happening between me and my best mate. Only that, I expected it to go further...or, yeah, maybe I did fall for him.

We attended a party, just held in a house of our friend, and his girlfriend was there. At one point that night, I found myself and his girlfriend in the balcony alone while the others get more drunk inside the house...we got to talk. She is really very nice person and our conversation progressed to my relationship with her boyfriend, and she said..."I feel jealous of your friendship with him, you two really have special kind of bond, he's very lucky to have a friend like you in this place. I don't know anyone else he treats that way he does with you..."...can't remember her exact words, but it worked something like that. Of course, I just smiled back at her and I kind of downplayed it and told her that there's no need to be jealous and told her that he really loves her and all that crap...

Anyway, that really kind of put all the pieces together. During my trip, I had time to be alone and think about what I have to do. I don't think I can tell him what I truly feel about him...I would rather keep the good memory, as it is, us being best friends, and not risk ruining it.

I will try my best to stay away...and limit our interactions...and hope that this feelings would go away too. My dilemma there is that, I am also risking that we drift apart in the process. I guess it is a double-edged sword, just thinking about it breaks me inside.

Tonight is a big football match...I might see him to watch it...we'll see. It's never ending...it is a bittersweet feeling being with him, knowing that I care too much....and knowing that he won't reciprocate the way I want him to.

 

[prwriter24]

Matthew,

What's really scary is that after reading this thread, I feel like we share the same story. My best friend...he's incredible. That is also incredibly straight. It's hard sometimes, especially in the far past. I dated a girl once, and my best friend dated her sister. Just imagine the pickle of that? Imagine having sex with your girlfriend and knowing that the man you fell for is on the opposite side of the wall hooking up himself. It would kill me to hold this inside, to the point where I couldn't even handle my own relationship. And here I am, single as hell while my best friend tells me "you don't know how good it feels to be truly in love with this girl," when deep down, I'm truly in love with him.

We do the same things like you and your friend. He even spoons with me sometimes, it's ridiculous! What astounds me is his firm ground and "claim" that he is 100% straight. Some of my friends (who are girls, because I'm secretly in the closet myself and can't admit it to a guy) say he's insecure, and if at least not, gay himself.

I can't tell you how many times I think to myself, "I wish he was here." Even now I'm thinking about him.

I feel your pain, Matthew. Please keep me posted. I want to know if your fairy tale ending ever comes true.

 

[texan_slant]

your story reads like 2 guys who have the hots for each other. i don't think either of you can handle the reality of being GAY. you have shocked yourselves by realising you are in love.

Some of the advice here assumes that your best friend is probably gay, but tread lightly. I never assume that someone is gay unless they're out.

Most of my best friends are indeed straight, yet I am "affectionate" or "huggy" with most of them, and could probably be construed as 'bromances' which I'd classify as your situation.

Either accept things as they are, take it for what it is, and enjoy your bromance, or come out to him, cuz if he truly is the great guy that you describe, he'll be good wiht it.

...though I wouldn't profess your love for him, cuz that can change the whole dynamics of your friendship. Coming out kind if opens a door for him to do so as well (if he is gay or bi), but professing your love puts you in an awkward situation if he doesn't love you back - esp if he's straight.

 

[mydrew1]

You have to tell him how you feel, insist that you want to kiss as a couple, etc, that it's either you or his so called girlfriend.

 

[aneal_lingus]

You're carrying a burden and when you are best friends with a person, you don't have to do that. If one of my friends just started to distance themselves from me, I would be hurt and forever question why. I would muuuuuch rather they told me what was bothering them and not lie about. It's called "best" friend for a reason, they know everything about you whether you know they know or not (even when you're lying).

If you plan to slow back away from the friendship, tell him why first. He sounds like too great of a friend to just leave him in blissful ignorance. When one does that, their friend is the one left wondering for the rest of their life what went wrong while you are left wondering "what if". I truly suggest taking the less melodramatic approach and finding way to tell him.

My experience:
I had made friends with one of my best friend's brother. I didn't want to because I thought he was too cute and possibly homophobic, so I ignored him. Somehow he started to hang out with us and eventually hung out with us everyday. I started to realize I liked him a lot, so I began distancing myself from him and not wanting to hang out as often. I didn't tell him why.
After about a couple weeks of not talking he texts me when I came home from school to visit. He asked me what was wrong with me and I played dumb for his benefit. He asked me if I liked him and I got tired of denying it so I said "yes". He reminded me that he was straight and I told him I know. I don't know how it happened but we were hanging out again the next day, and I was more comfortable around him now that he knew I was gay and had a crush on him. We never hooked up but we did end up spending everyday of the summer hanging out together. His friends even commented on him hanging out with a gay guy and he didn't care because he still stayed around me. He is a good friend and because of that, I thought he deserved a chance to live up to that, and he did.

I truly recommend telling him some how, don't just abandon him under some false pretenses if you can help it.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

Like they say... the best way to get over one guy is to get under another one. Find someone else to distract yourself with.