Fed up with stereotypes

[ladude2011]

Was in a room of people at a party who were discussing gays for whatever reason, and they seem to believe that gay men are something different than who I am anyway. I cant speak for others, just myself. For me, the only thing that makes me gay is that i am a man who is attracted to men. If i was a woman, then id be straight. I like dick, I like nuts, and I like man ass. Basically men in general is who im interested in, so thats what makes me gay, and that alone. But for this people to think that gay men all have high pitched vioces, love opera, are invested in musical theater, listen to madonna, are good at fasion, love to shop, follow what the kardashians are up to, and dont know anything about sports, is well, ridiculous. None of those things apply to me, and not to many others im sure. Theres nothing wrong with those things, I'm just saying people should realize that those things are born out of one's personality, not his sexual orientation. And to those people at the party who feel that being gay is something that is sorta chosen, well, how could someone possibly help the fact that they like dick. Not possible. Im not interested in pussy or boobs, and unless they invent some sort of a pill that makes one become attracted to women, then dont see how its possible. And if one more person calls it a "gay lifestyle" ugh, anyway i know im preaching to the choir here at jub, just wanted to vent i guess to those who understand, and why i feel like its hard to come out as gay for some.

 

[Smitho]

Thats why its a good idea to come out, none of my friends talk like that, as they know its not true. They know I am gay, but can bore the bollocks off them talking about cars and cricket! I don't know anything about Judy Garland, although I like to think I know about fashion, they may disagree.

Everyones different we all know that, its just the st8 acting guys can hide easily, can justify to themselves oh its no ones business blah, blah. The guys who don't have a choice, the guys who you may say are queenie, have no choice they have to man up and come out the closet. Coz they cant hide even if they wanted to. Hey presto, they have the guts the come out, so they set the agenda. And they deserve to, as they take the shit.

Next time you think people are sterotyping, why not say hey I am gay, the same as these others but I like sports??

The guys who have come out get to make the play, the guys in the closet have not earned the right.

 

[HunterM]

Here's a great opportunity to educate them by speaking up. Letting them know you are not like that. "Straighten" them up so to speak.

 

[Ganoderma]

Thats why its a good idea to come out, none of my friends talk like that, as they know its not true. They know I am gay, [but] I don't know anything about Judy Garland (....). The guys who don't have a choice, the guys who you may say are queenie, have no choice they have to man up and come out the closet. Coz they cant hide even if they wanted to. (....). Next time you think people are sterotyping, why not say hey I am gay, the same as these others but I like sports??

hi Ladude2011,

Thanks for your posting and I can imagine very well that you feel very sad that this all has happened to you.

Your profile indicated 'no one knows', meaning that you are a closeted gay. So how can you make the guys / people on this partly clear that they are talking about stereotypes? Well, follow the advice of HunterM: Here's a great opportunity to educate them by speaking up. Letting them know you are not like that.

Or listen to the advice above, given by Smitho. I fully agree with these suggestions.

Same over here with me. All know that I am gay, otherwise I will tell them. I have no idea about criteria of a 'gay lifestyle', but that does not bother me at all. I do have the experience, and already for many and many years, that quite alot of people had no idea that I am gay. Apparently (?), I don't fullfit such a stereotypical 'gay lifestyle'? Does not bother me all all. And when appropriate, I will tell them I am gay (I am 55 and single).

Would you mind to tell us abit more why you feel uncomfortable to tell these people (so the people at this party) that you are gay?

I tend to give you the advice (and please excuse me for it) that nothing will change when you stay in the closet and when you go on with pretending ('lying' (?)) that you are 'straight, single, and still looking around for a nice girlfriend'.

Take care, thanks for posting, and feel free to react.

 

[Seasoned]

Society would greatly benefit from two things, an universal acceptance of the " live and let live" principal, and the coming out of every closeted gay person.

 

[ladude2011]

hi Ladude2011,

Thanks for your posting and I can imagine very well that you feel very sad that this all has happened to you.

Your profile indicated 'no one knows', meaning that you are a closeted gay. So how can you make the guys / people on this partly clear that they are talking about stereotypes? Well, follow the advice of HunterM: Here's a great opportunity to educate them by speaking up. Letting them know you are not like that.

Or listen to the advice above, given by Smitho. I fully agree with these suggestions.

Same over here with me. All know that I am gay, otherwise I will tell them. I have no idea about criteria of a 'gay lifestyle', but that does not bother me at all. I do have the experience, and already for many and many years, that quite alot of people had no idea that I am gay. Apparently (?), I don't fullfit such a stereotypical 'gay lifestyle'? Does not bother me all all. And when appropriate, I will tell them I am gay (I am 55 and single).

Would you mind to tell us abit more why you feel uncomfortable to tell these people (so the people at this party) that you are gay?

I tend to give you the advice (and please excuse me for it) that nothing will change when you stay in the closet and when you go on with pretending ('lying' (?)) that you are 'straight, single, and still looking around for a nice girlfriend'.

Take care, thanks for posting, and feel free to react.

I agree with what you and the other poster said about education. I think there are certain situations where it might be ok to do that, but this being a workplace party, not the best time. I know the whole coming out in the workplace thing is a whole other thread, but just stating it comes into play here. As far as what I was saying about people talking about gay being a lifestyle, well, gay isnt a lifestyle.
Being vegan is a lifestyle. Being goth is a lifestyle. Becoming a monk is a lifestyle. Thats because these are all things one has control over. Being gay is just a part of who someone is, and therefore not a lifestyle.

 

[AlmondMilk]

All of the gay people I know (whether just acquainted with or good friends) hate opera and the classics...and the Kardashians. Well, one thing is to prove them wrong.

 

[Spiff]

I was at a get-together recently where we played a game called Apples to Apples. It's a game all about stereotyping. It certainly starts off as fun and makes a good conversation piece. But it also easily evolves into a train-wreck. It doesn't take long before someone's stereotype on politics, gays, religion, . . . anything, offends someone else playing.

After awhile, I started feeling uncomfortable, because I was apparently the only liberal, and gay, and Democrat person at the table. You can imagine what I had to endure hearing people's (including family) ignorant stereotypes. Often their explanations were with hatred.

 

[Jeffs0418]

I find it amusing. Sometimes hilarious. The things that straight people think.

I like watching pro football and basketball and not to ogle the players. A typical straight person might jump to that conclusion.

And if you come out to a straight guy his first thought might be that you want his dick.

I am not into drag queens, Madonna, opera And most of that other stuff that gays are 'supposed to like'

And I keep hearing about 'The Kardashians'. Who are these people and why does it seem like everyone is supposed to be following them.
There is no escape.

 

[TX-Beau]

It's also a stereotype to say that butch gay guys must perforce not like Madonna, drag queens, and interior design.

One of the butchest guys I know has this completely inexplicable Lady Gaga thing - and he still likes his football - and he's straight.

Playing into stereotypes like that, assumes stereotypical definitions of masculinity and the guys who pursue that.

No one is that, not straight guys, not gay guys, it's just that some straight guys and some gay guys buy into that for whatever reason, and then go on to insist that everyone be measured by that standard, and that's where homophobia in gay men and straight men comes from.

If you want to stop it, you have to demonstrate that the paradigm is bullshit, and it's perfectly fine for a manly man, gay or straight, to like nice restaurants, and that has nothing to do with masculinity.

 

[csb999]

Stereotypes . I have come to think that "liberation" of some minorities is that whatever the distinguishing mark is becomes meaningless , entirely useless for any prediction about behaviour . Example might be a local black guy . His family has been here as long as anyone elses , they lived in the same houses and went to the same schools , like anyone else after a few generations there is no accent. His "blackness" is about as much of a descriptive factor as having blond or brown hair . Meaningless .