Feel Like A Criminal

[aceinwonderland]

I have been dating/seeing this same guy for uite some time now. He is incredibly Hot and is everything I have ever wanted in a guy. I have been dating him on and off for some time. But when it comes to me, I am subpar to what he is. He will state every once in a while that he thinks I am hot, but I always have the feeling that he is tired of me. He is very sexually active and like to sleep with other people. Girls and guys, which is why we usually don't stay together for long. His friends are usually the ones that tell me and we usually end up fighting at a party about everything and he will run off with soem girl. It's moments like this that make me feel like I am inadequate for him. But he will always come back to me and aI will always accept him back into my arms. I feel like I will never be able to do better than him since he is the ultimate to me. I am in love with this guy, which plays alot into why I don't tell him goodbye for good. He is a great guy to hang around too. But damn, I always feel like crap whenever he sleeps with other people. I understand that he is bisexual and deserves to sleep with other folks. I just don't understand what he sees in me then? Nor do I understand why he would want to be in a serious relationship with me if he is always going to fuck someone else.
This guy is the world to me like I said. I guess I wish I could be the world to him.

Am I in the wrong for being with him? Or should I stay in this and work it out.


**All Bisexuals out there, help me out and let me know because he is Bi**

 

[rareboy]

He's an immature dick.

You're not a doormat.

You can do better and if you put up with his shit, then it can only be that you get some secret thrill out of being treated badly.

 

[Rand]

I can assure you that you deserve better than him. You are wanting a LTR and he is wanting constant ego stroking.

You are selling your self short; you really need to work on your self-esteem. And, no offense, your value system is screwed up. You seem to give more points for a person's shell rather than his content.

I know it will be hard, but drop him; abandon him; erase him from your mind and memory. Build a life with someone - have faith in yourself - love yourself as much as you love others.

A lot of platitudes, but you really do need to start at the beginning and rebuild your life keeping in mind that you deserve to be happy; that your life is worth celebrating.

best wishes - good luck

 

[JackFTwist]

I understand that he is bisexual and deserves to sleep with other folks. I just don't understand what he sees in me then?

there are all the answers right there

when you feel in your heart, and act on, the things that are wrong in those two sentences, your life will get way better

until then it won't and your pain will continue

 

[RicanDAB]

I understand that he is bisexual and deserves to sleep with other folks.

Umm, since fucking when? Just because one is bisexual does not mean one has a license to roam even when committed.

First of all, you need to let go of the mentality that because he is bi he needs to be with the other sex too. If he's single, yes. But if he's committed, no. He has to choose one. Obviously, he's not choosing you.

You need to have the upper hand in this and stop this back and forth nonsense ... before you know it you will be 50 years old and still in this situation, if not with this guy then with a similar one. Your self-esteem is at issue and if you don't address that first, you will never get out of this cycle.

Second of all, you're clearly commitment-oriented. This guy is not going to give it to you and get that into your head now. Your happiness is not with him. This is just sex and that is all it will be ... my advice [if you intend to start mending yourself to find someone who deserves YOU] is to cut him out of your life and start doing things to make you love yourself.

You will then start to attract the right kind of guys - the ones that deserve your love and devotion.

 

[Riverrick]

I agree with RicanDAB. If you're in a relationship, then he should be committed to you regardless of his sexuality.

I would suggest you take a hard line with him and if he betrays you again don't take him back. It won't be easy but deserve better. Good Luck!

 

[aceinwonderland]

Thanks for the advice everyone! The guy is older than I am, which is why I felt like I couldn't really say much.

He is coming over tonight to help me finish working on my bathroom. I am going to bring up my issues with him AFTER we finish this bathroom. I don't want to have a mess of a bathroom and no one to help me out with this painting.

I have had alot of these similar thoughts. It wasn't just physical with him, there were/are alot of memories and great convos. But you all are right, I don't want to be 50 and doing this same stuff. it is just going to suck having to start a new relationship since i suck at meeting people. There is no gay bar in Hampstead. lol

Thanks again.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Ace,

Mate... I've read and reread your post a few times and theres a few things that I need you to know, that I need you to believe and understand.

You are a guy of enormous worth - you have so much untapped potential and unlimited value. Your morals and your integrity stands you apart. Your ability to love, to show compassion and to forgive are amazing. Your dedication, your trust, your ability to see the best in people is
just incredible. You have traits and abilities that make you the special individual unique guy that you are.

And you need to know that you deserve better than whats going on here. You are worth more. More respect, more honesty, more love.

You ARE your mans equal. You ARE your mans partner. You are NEVER subpar and you are always good enough. Your opinions and emotions count. They matter. Never for a second doubt just how valuable a soul you are.

You're not wrong to stay with this guy - you love him... thats just one of the incredible things that makes you you. But its definitely time to bring your relationship back to one of equals... one of friends and lovers. One thats based on trust and respect.

Its not OK for your bf to cheat - and it makes zero difference as to who its with - if you are not comfortable with it. You aren't and thats perfectly acceptable normal valid and real. There no need for you to feel embarrassed or ashamed of the fact that it hurts you to see him do this - its just a sign of the depth of YOUR commitment to him.

But Ace, if hes not prepared to honor you, respect you and treat you the way you ought to be.... then you may have to make the hardest decision here.

Your happiness, your ability to feel safe and loved, to feel secure and comfortable in your relationship is crucial. Its your right. Its what you are worth and you deserve nothing less.

Be strong here - stand your ground. You are worth love and respect and nothing less. You know deep down things need to change - beleive in yourself. Have faith in your heart and conviction in your strength.

You don't deserve another day of worry or unhappiness in your life. And if this guy isn't the one to treat you the way you deserve then its time to move on with your life. Its time to feel good, to feel completely unconditionally loved.

Its time for you to receive what you have always given.

 

[3nipples]

You don't write very much about his perspective in any of this. What are his expectations of you? Does he think that you are his boyfriend? Does he tell you that he loves you? Would he get angry with you if you hooked up with someone else.

The way he is acting and you are acting, it seems to me that he thinks of you as a friend with benefits, while you are trying to pretend a boyfriend relationship.

 

[j0rdan]

He's an immature dick.

You're not a doormat.

You can do better and if you put up with his shit, then it can only be that you get some secret thrill out of being treated badly.

I'm with Rareboy.

You Are NOT a doormat.

So Stop putting yourself in the position, to be treated like one.

 

[mexamor]

^^^^^^^
I totaly agree

 

[Eagle653]

After you have the conversation after the bathroom job, let us know how it went and what happened.

 

[aceinwonderland]

Well guys I had a convo with him last night. He fixed my sink and helped me finish painting the walls. But while he was reaching up the wall painting I noticed that he had a new pair of underwear on. They were 2xist. This guy has never bought underwear from anywhere but WalMart. So I asked him where he got them from. it was at this point that he blew up at me for asking too many questions, threw down the paint brush, and sad that HE couldn't do it anymore. He got into his car and left.
SO I really didn't have to do any work.
So i guess I am single now.
Thanks for all the words guys. I think I am going to take a break before I start dating again.

 

[Eagle653]

^^^Wow.

I'm curious as to how you're thinking about this? In your first post (#1 above) you said you were in love with him. Thus, him blowing up and walking out in a snit obviously hurt. On the other hand, though, your first post also tipped your hand that you were confused and fed up by him. So, perhaps this was the other shoe dropping and he sort of solved your problem for you.

You sound like a nice, intelligent guy. I suspect you can do better than him, and hope someone of that caliber comes along. I can certainly understand taking a break from dating after that wind-storm, though!

 

[Soilwork]

He is incredibly Hot and is everything I have ever wanted in a guy.

if you want a guy who treats you like shit, anyway...

I understand that he is bisexual and deserves to sleep with other folks.

OH dude.... no, he doesn't.

I'll tell you what YOU deserve, though.. a guy who's not an asshole. You deserve someone who doesn't treat you like a sex toy when he needs one, a guy who doesn't play mind games with you and doesn't treat you like his dirty little secret.

He IS a dick, you ARE a dormat and since he won't stop.. you need to.

Good god, man, strap on a pair.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Ace,

Like averageguy said....wow.

Well sometimes things happen for the better... and mate you can do better thats for sure.

Take the time you spoke of... use it to understand your value, your worth, what you need and want out of a relationship. It is your right to be happy and content and safe. Its what you deserve.

Dont underestimate your value to others and the way they see you ace. You are a special guy... its time you treated yourself that way.

Go into your next relationship with your head high and your heart true. Go in as an equal, let your thoughts and opinions be heard. Be an equal. But most of all be happy. You're worth that.

 

[Eagle653]

if you want a guy who treats you like shit, anyway...



OH dude.... no, he doesn't.

I'll tell you what YOU deserve, though.. a guy who's not an asshole. You deserve someone who doesn't treat you like a sex toy when he needs one, a guy who doesn't play mind games with you and doesn't treat you like his dirty little secret.

He IS a dick, you ARE a dormat and since he won't stop.. you need to.

Good god, man, strap on a pair.

LOL, do you even read threads before you pipe in?

Go back and read post #14. They broke up. Case closed. And, gee, all without "strapping on a pair." Who'd thought? LOL

 

[Soilwork]

Of course I read the post, dear.

But anyone who sees the pattern of the doormat knows that he's probably sitting at home by the phone trying to will it to ring.

I know that you just can't wait to delete my posts for having too much common sense and not enough coddling, but before you start the divorce party let's not forgert how many times abused spouses go back to their abusers.

If you really think "case closed" and all is welll... bully for you.

I don't.

We'll see.

 

[M4P]

I know that you just can't wait to delete my posts for having too much common sense and not enough coddling, but before you start the divorce party let's not forgert how many times abused spouses go back to their abusers.

If you really think "case closed" and all is welll... bully for you.

I don't.

We'll see.

Until such time as you're approached by the powers that be to moderate this forum, we respectfully ask you to show a little more sensitivity and a little less in your face tough love. If this is not acceptable to you perhaps you might take your show elsewhere

 

[spreadeagle]

Ace - it seems that things have moved on since you first posted, but I need to take you up on something you said, if only to reduce the risk of you finding yourself in a similar situation again.

You said this man was 'everything you ever wanted in a guy' and then you went on to describe behaviour that demeaned and belittled you. Do you seriously mean that you wanted him to treat you badly?

You made the assumption that because he looked gorgeous his behaviour would be gorgeous too. There are self-esteem issues here. He treated you badly because you allowed him too, believing that his physical appearance entitled him to abuse you in ways that you would never have tolerated from an ugly person. Relationships have a better chance of progressing well if you assess your partner on the basis of his behaviour rather thanhis appearance.

Thank God you got the bathroom done before he dumped you - Bastard!