Feel Like I'm Missing Out on Gay Life

[erobert]

I went to my first pride parade here in NYC today which was fun, although a bit long. And while I'm glad I'm building up more experiences I couldn't help thinking of what I've been missing out on when I was stuck in the closet last year and all these years. I'm only recently out so this might be some initial anxiety but I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do.

I also feel I'm not progressing as I should be...for instance, moving into the city and out of my elderly uncles house up in the burb's (where I've been living now for almost 7 months-way too long. Thankfully I have a job now and can save up for getting roommates or my own place), going to my first gay bar, making gay friends, getting more sexual experience, etc... I'm 25 and feel like I should be experiencing more of the gay lifestyle. NYC is probably one of the best places in the world to be gay and I'm blowing it. Maybe there's something holding me back

I really am regretting being closeted for so long and wish I came out sooner as I feel I'm behind for a gay guy living in NYC (well, not "in" the city- yet)

ChickenGuy went through something similar last year and I'm sure someone can relate to that feeling of missing out.

 

[swerve]

That is AWESOME that you were able to make it to the parade!!!

I suspect that getting an apartment with gay room mates will be a HUGE step in the right direction...

NYC is such an INCREDIBLE town -- it just boggles my mind to read posts like this...

I was only there for 1 1/2 days -- I was staying in my truck in Queens -- but STILL made it into Manhattan where I had the TIME OF MY LIFE!!!

I would think it would be WAY EASIER for you to get into town (I had to hire a limo service to pick me up from an obscure parking lot near JFK, bring me to the subway station -- and then agree to pick me up at the subway station with an hour advance notice in the wee hours of the morning )...

 

[erobert]

it just boggles my mind to read posts like this...

I would think it would be WAY EASIER for you to get into town (I had to hire a limo service to pick me up from an obscure parking lot near JFK, bring me to the subway station -- and then agree to pick me up at the subway station with an hour advance notice in the wee hours of the morning )...

It boggles my mind to make posts like this.

I'm actually in the city everyday for work and almost every weekend... which is even worse. I am meeting people slowly though (maybe a little too slowly though)

I think they're might be a few things holding me back and living up to my "gay potential" It would be nice though to have someone to go to gay bars with as going alone would be a bit awkward.

 

[burn001down]

Twenty-five is still young in gay years. You've got plenty of time to get "caught up". Maybe look for a gay activity group to get involved in, meet more gay people. Live your life without regrets and you'll be a happier person.

 

[GamerBear]

Yeah 25 is still young, can now have all the experiences in the gay world. I've been experiencing it since I was 19 years old and I stopped going to gay bars and gay parties.

I even stopped going to Gay Pride cause it just seems kind of boring and though it is nice to see couples and other people walking around with their families it tends to have too much drama and young people thinking they are the shit.

 

[maxpowr9]

I am somewhat with gamerbear. Even at 25 (despite being labeled as 'single') I basically stopped going to gay bars/clubs. "The scene", especially in Boston gets old quick. I would much rather go to a straight bar mostly because I can hit up my friend who works at one for free drinks . I am with him about gay pride also. I am all for supporting gay causes but generally it is fairly boring and after doing it once or twice, it is the same thing.

 

[sixthson]

There is more to life than being gay. You should worry about missing out on the rest of it, too.

 

[Seasoned]

There's a bag of mixed feelings in the messages to the OP. The answer really is to do the things you want to do and not do the things you don't want to do. There is no gay monolith. I think the healthiest living is integrated and neither gay, nor non-gay, but just how you chose to live.

Because of the passage of gay marriage, my partner and I almost flew to NY for today's march, but we couldn't find a reasonable fare. Celebrations are fun even to watch.

You are progressing at your own pace and that will keep you happy and sane.

 

[fetaby]

Erobert, you're a sexy guy from what I can remember so as far as gaining the gay life experience you'll do that soon enough if you want to.

What I'd like to say though is that instead of saying you want to experience the gay lifestyle. It really sounds as if you just want to experience life in general. You bring the gayness to your life. Life doesn't have to bring the gayness to you.

Go have fun, enjoy the things the city can provide for you!

 

[Lube]

Erobert, I totally get where you're coming from--I didn't come out until my 40's, so you're still a spring chicken.

There are a bazillion things to do in NYC. Weren't there special interest groups (sports, hobbies, religion, etc.) at gay pride that were recruiting new members? Dive in! Do what you love, and try to find a gay group that does it. That will get you an 'in' to having a gay friend, and then you'll get new friends through that friend, etc.

I overdosed on my gay activities the first couple years after coming out; I imagine that's pretty normal.so go out, have fun, and play safe! And report back all the sordid details.

 

[rareboy]

I think that my peak was between 25 and 30 when it came to a highly social gay lifestyle as a single guy.

You've got some time yet.

 

[BlackMamba47]

Hey Erobert. Congrats on coming out, and moving out. Both are very difficult and intense things to do, and you've successful done it in perhaps the most cosmopolitan city in the world. That's a big then, and many guys couldn't do it.

I'm a few years younger than you (20) and I live in a smaller city (Tampa, Fl), but I've been out and about for almost two years now, and I've seen a lot of what my city has to offer in a short time.

My advice: don't try to jump headfirst into things. The gay scene in almost any city has a way of swallowing up people if they try to entrench themselves too hastily. Take things slow, meet a good group of friends, and go from there. You'll be surprised how many people you meet and the things you'll do because you're consistently seen out and about with the same people.

 

[Fireballs]

Can't imagine missing out on the "gay life" is that big of a loss. Besides, New York is fun whether you're gay or straight anyways.

 

[Aratron]

NYC-area JUB meet-up, let's go.

I wouldn't mind that either, I don't know many gay people myself

 

[tipmyscales86]

I'd do a meetup if there is one in NYC, I live right over in New Jersey.

 

[mpdan]

Speaking of meetups try:
http://gay.meetup.com/cities/us/ny/new_york/

 

[hotatlboi]

It boggles my mind to make posts like this.

I'm actually in the city everyday for work and almost every weekend... which is even worse. I am meeting people slowly though (maybe a little too slowly though)

I think they're might be a few things holding me back and living up to my "gay potential" It would be nice though to have someone to go to gay bars with as going alone would be a bit awkward.

No offense intended here, I'm just trying to understand, but are you seriously telling me that you can't find any gay dudes in NYC that are interested in going to a gay bar?

 

[erobert]

it can be a little hard.

I can't speak for the OP, but personally, I work kind of a shitty schedule that doesn't leave me enough time for social groups/meetups/etc (seems like some weeks, I barely have time for my friends/family as it is) and any time I talk to a gay guy, as soon as I say "hello" they think I want to fuck them (leading to either them rejecting me because I'm not their type or me rejecting them because they want more from me than I'm willing to give them)

Thanks for clarifying that for me, that's basically how it is for me. I did go out Friday with a new gay friend I made and went on an outing with someone yesterday so I am meeting people.

Speaking of which a JUB NYC meetup is a great idea loki81. I'm always looking to meet new people even though I'm a bit shy. Lurkers and non-posters are welcome.

Should we organize this in another thread?