Feel like shit the morning after

[beckett]

I've never been with anyone. I don't go out often. I'm shy and introverted, but I figured -what the fuck- home is nowhere the place I could hope to meet someone.

So, After much insistence from a friend, we went out clubbing last night. That's not usually my kind of thing, but I actually thought it couldn't be so bad.
Not worse than staying in my bedroom waiting for something to happen, waiting for the guy to knock on my door. I could as well wait for Godot.

So we're there. I got drunk, the way you would promise yourself not to get ever again (but eventually do). A guy came over me. He was older, taller, and actually not bad-looking. We talked and eventually made out. He asked me to come to his apartment, saying he wanted to get to know me better, and actually showing to be very attentive and gallant. So I just went for it. Driven by an stupid impulse, I went for it.

We took a taxi and got to his home.
He told me to undress and lie down on his bed. we made out more, and he then he took out his dick and told me to suck it. I did.
He said he wanted to fuck me, but I told him I wouldn't want to do that. He insisted, eventually trying to force it. He forced his dick in me before I could repel him, and he wasn't wearing a condom. Eventually he backed off, and fortunately contented himself to just jerking us off from there on.

He fell asleep. I couldn't. In the morning, I woke him up telling him I'd have to go. He got up, I got dressed and he opened the door. I left.
He, standing there, not saying a word. I even think I said goodbye. He didn't.

And that was my first time with a guy. I don't really know what to make out of it, but to say it FUCKING sucked.
I feel bad. Really bad, for real... Fuck!

I know I should have known better and whatnot.
I just figured I'd feel better if I could share how I feel. And how I feel.. Man, I feel repulsion, like the girl in the Polanski film.

 

[lunarus]

First thing...

Many a first time, be it with another male or a female is never the dreamy eyed, rose tinted glorious time as portrayed in the films. It is usually filled with awkwardness and flubs, as well as pain and embarrassment if you are the bottom.

Second you went out and got drunk, something it sounds like you don't do often. So chalk that up to a learning experence. That and this guy showed interest in you that you are craving. But let's face it he only wanted you for a fuck. Sorry harsh words I know, but there are those in the club clique that are out for one thing and one thing only.

Third you may want to go have yourself tested for STD if Mr. Nice guy wasn't wearing a condom. I am glad you railed against the bb scenario. He was a bully and a n ass for forcing it on you.

Fourth don't get drunk and look to hook up with anyone anymore. I know it happens to the best of us, just let it be a leason for you on what not to do in the future. Go it sober. Find someone that will treat you like a human being and not just a fuck bag looking for release. Sex between to consenting sober adults is a wonderful thing. Be it male/female, male/male, female/female...It will take a bit of practice to get it it right. No one is perfect the first time, especially when it comes to something so intimate. As you get older and wiser I hope, you will see that there are people that just plane suck, no pun inteneded, at the sex act. They either need better training at it or just don't give two whits about their partner. Then there are those that will make your toes curl and make you howl with delight when they touch you. Those are keepers.

Personally when I met my partner nearly 20 years ago he was a virgin. He had never been with a man nor a woman. He was raised JW. That is another story. Me on the other hand. Well I was a bit more versed in the male anatomy and knew what I liked. To say the least our first fore-ray into the sexual world together was nice but not earth shattering. But he learned fast, and oh did he learn how to play my body! So to this very day, nearly 20 years later I still ask him for it twice a week and he happily complies.

So in closing you had a bad experience. Don' t allow it to jade you. Sex is one of the best things in life. And remember it took you a bit to learn to ride a two wheeler didn't it? You'll get it, and you need to remember to tell your partner what you like. Because I can guarantee you are not dating a psychic.

Keep your chin up
Lunar

 

[KaraBulut]

There's little but lessons to be learned. Probably not the ones that you were intending to learn, though.

1. Never get so drunk that you can't take care of yourself.
2. Never go out alone and only go out with friends who will look after you. A good friend would have never let you get to that state and would have talked to you before you did something stupid... like go home with a stranger "just to talk".
3. Maybe if you have to get drunk and have a stranger tell you to take your clothes off to have sex, just maybe you aren't ready. There are those in the "get it over with camp" who may disagree but really- wouldn't you want your first time to be with some whose name you could remember?
4. And you're about to learn how the STD testing thing works... something ever sexually active person should know.

Other than that... let it go. Learn from it. Move on. Don't repeat the same mistakes again.

 

[hotatlboi]

my first time sucked too. It wasn't that bad, but it still sucked. You have to realize that there are better times ahead and not get discouraged. Also yes don't get so drunk while you're out that you lose the ability to make rational decisions.

 

[Halifaxboy8]

The above two poster gave really good advice. The only things I'd like to add are:

Don't forget that its your body and you have the power to say no. That sounds like a cheesy line from Opra, but its true and a powerful thing to know.

There is nothing wrong with going out by yourself, but perhaps right now you might benefit with having some friends with you. You have friends that are experienced with the community who can be guides, per se? Best thing that I did when I first entered the gay scene when I was coming out was meeting people..not for sex, but for conversation and friendship. One of those friendships has lasted over 20 years, and he's steered me clear of a few sketchy situations.

Last thing I have to say is that..it gets easier. There is a learning curve, and its not going to happen overnight. Just be honest with yourself, and the person you are with. If you aren't comfortable with something (conversation, a sexual position, etc) then take a pause, and stop it. Other people may try to put their needs on you, but its your body, your health, your space. Remember that.

 

[seven_sins]

Almost everyone who has been under the influence of alcohol has done or said things that they have later regretted immensely. It is easy for one to decide to control his consumption of alcohol, but the problem is that one drink can destroy the self control that you thought you had before that first drink. I hope that you find the will power to better control yourself the next time you are tempted.

 

[beckett]

I gotta thank you all for the great advice. I'll keep them in mind.

Maybe getting so shitfaced that you'll do things your sober mind wouldn't think of isn't the best way to go about trying to get laid. And, really, sex with someone whose name I can't remember might not be exactly what I'm looking for.

- It's just nice to know I could resort to you guys.

 

[killa10288]

Hey, man i really feel for you. The guys an ass, definitely a lesson learned.

However, You never know who will impact your life and who is just a waste of time.

Grow and learn

 

[givemeaname]

I gotta thank you all for the great advice. I'll keep them in mind.

Maybe getting so shitfaced that you'll do things your sober mind wouldn't think of isn't the best way to go about trying to get laid. And, really, sex with someone whose name I can't remember might not be exactly what I'm looking for.

- It's just nice to know I could resort to you guys.

and its nice to see someone seemingly learning a lesson first time round .... instead of repeating the same mistakes over and over and wondering why ....

 

[Lube]

^ So true!

Congrats on learning from advice.